My dear Holmes,
It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. As you know it has been many years since I have last requested your assistance in the troubling matter of the disappearance of Lord Douchebag and several years since we examined the obscene affairs of the odious Lady Chatterley and her grass-stained lover. Today I must ask for assistance in an entirely different matter.
It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. As you know it has been many years since I have last requested your assistance in the troubling matter of the disappearance of Lord Douchebag and several years since we examined the obscene affairs of the odious Lady Chatterley and her grass-stained lover. Today I must ask for assistance in an entirely different matter.
It has come to the attention of the Yard that certain top secret and confidential papers have been removed from the National Archives and have been found among the personal papers of a former prime minister. In a clandestine search of the abode of the recently deceased Prime Minister Lord Salisbury several very important confidential records regarding the Boer War were to be found among the personal papers in his study. These papers were marked Top Secret and are prohibited by both law and common practice from being removed from the archives of the government. These including many incriminating documents from prior administrations including several salacious letters from Lord Gladstone to underage soiled doves and quite a few indecipherable musings in Hebrew from that most disreputable Disraeli. When this discovery was brought to the attention of Prime Minister Balfour, he demanded that it be covered up. This is understandable since he is Lord Salisbury's nephew but still it rankles many of those at the Yard.
I write to you in hopes that you might reach out to your brother Mycroft who still has contacts with Security Services even in retirement. The Yard would like to avail itself of the opportunity that this presents to cobble together a united front to investigate this odious breach in security and find some way to prevent it in the future.
I will note that the only item that was released to the Yard and the public was what can only be described as a recipe from the time of King George the Third who had outlined in his own hand the necessaires for a beef dish that he had learned to prepare in Hamburg before he took up the reign as King of England. It appears that Lord Salisbury has adapted this recipe and demanded that it be served to him every night as his only form of sustenance. It is passing strange that this is the only legacy that has been passed down from a figure who has been some important to history of the realm.
Something is just not quite right about this whole affair.
Please give my best to your brother Mycroft who I recall has moved to countryside of Yorkshire to work on his art. I know that in addition to his deeply felt devotion to the collection of artistic pieces, he has become a gourmet who revels in epicurean ecstasy provide by his personal chef. I know he eschews traditional English fare such as the meat pie and the Toad in the Hole, but I am quite sure he is enamored of a good Spotted Dick. If he can at all be helpful, I would be greatly appreciative.
I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
November 12, 1903
