Speaking of the Real Housewives

Speaking of the Real Housewives, Alex McCord gave us a call and hooked us up with Sulia.com which is a new social media platform. Lisa will be posting about plus fashion, regular fashion, reality shows and anything else I can dream up to get our name out there. We get paid on a per click basis so when it starts I hope you guys will check it out. I will announce details later as they come up.

We are supposed to do drinks with Alex and Simon later in the week. They actually live just a few blocks away from us so it is no big deal to get together with them.

I just told Lisa to let them know that Simon can not wear his red leather pants.

That's gonna be my outfit.

Bethanny shows her ass!

So Bethenny Frankel is really showing her ass over her divorce.

You see she roped this dude Jason into marrying her so she could have her own reality show after she left the Real Housewives of New York. She actually got two new series out of him "Bethenny Get's Married" and "Bethenny Ever After." In one they traced everything to do with her wedding and during the process she got knocked up so she was a preggers bride. Then they did a series about them living together with the birth of the new baby and the adjustments that requires.

In the meantime, her cocktail company "Skinny Girl" really went wild and she sold it to Jim Beam Inc for what is rumored to be seventy million dollars. Now there was a pre-nup but that generally relates to what you had before you are married. So I wonder if that money is up for grabs!

In any event Bethenny has a new talk show that is going into production soon and she is all over the place doing damage control. The problem is she is only damaging herself in the process. You see her husband and his family came off as normal people on the show and she comes off as a neurotic mess who couldn't keep a nanny or an assistant without them running for the hills. Plus it seems that she was always flirting and making the googly eyes at other dudes during the show so she is not in a good place to demand full custody. If Jason just keeps his mouth shut as he has been doing he has a shot to win all across the board. He comes out looking like a normal guy and she comes off as a sex crazed drunken witch.

Not a good plan Bethenny.

You need to rethink it and zip it.

ee cummings on Abe Vigoda

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she


(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she


(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)


may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she


may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she


but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she


(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she


(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

Now that our teams are out....

It's time to leave football behind......and time to concerntrate on other things.

So to speak.

Sorry to see that Packer's Fan's

But you can put on your rose colored glasses and wait for next year.

When the vastly overrated Aaron Rodgers will lose another big game.

See ya next year!

I am even more a cliche than ever.....

Well we continuing on the 50year birthday celebrations of Lisa and her girlfriends. One of them is turning 50 in February and she is insisting that her party be in Atlantic City. so when she asked Lisa she said "Well I have to bring Reid."

If you watch the "Real Housewives of New York" you will know what we are talking about.

All the Best Batman's

Have Chinese eyes!

We are going over to a friends house tonight...

For dinner but we are not getting all dressed up.

We save that for the trip.

But I am sure it will be a great night!

Just a couple of weeks ago.....

I was still on vacation.

It was a cold and rainy day today.

Sucks big time.

When's our next vacation?

Whose that Dick?

Why he was also a birthday boy yesterday!

Happy Birthday Mr. President!

Belated Happy Birthday to Darcy!

As usual I am a day late and a dollar short wishing Darcy a Happy Birthday!

Keep playing tennis and keep your eye on the ball...or on those round things.... err....or whatever.

Anyhoo....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It's just not for breakfast anymore!

After the big controversy today over Kevin Garnett telling Carmelo Anthony that his wife tasted like a "Honey Nut Cheerio"........I decided to take a poll over what some of your favorite celebrities tasted like!

So vote for the breakfast food that most taste likes the celebrity (Except for Titus who has actually tasted four out of the five choices)

Franken berry........Michelle Obama
Grits and gravy......Jessica Simpson
Krispy Cream.......Rosie O'Donnell
Pickled Herring.....Mariah Carey
Cap'n Crunch........Aaron Rodgers.

You make the call.

It looks like the Rocket didn't make it!

Thank the Sweet Baby Jebus that Rodger Clemens and Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa didn't make it into the Hall of Fame today.

The only thing worse then Rodger Clemens making the Hall is if he wanted to wear a Yankee hat on his monument.

Other Steroid freaks Bonds and Sosa missed out as did mediocre pitcher Jack Morris and noted homosexual Mike Piazza. It seems nobody is going in this year except old-timers from the veterans committee.

Strangely enough they elected Colonel Jake Ruppert who was the great owner of the Yankees when they got Babe Ruth. Look how long they took to put him in the Hall. At this rate it will take another 100 years before George Steinbrenner gets his rightful place in the Hall.

(By the way the photo is of Rodger and his wife after they shot steroids in their butts for the Sports Illustrated husband and wives issue. Piazza also got a shot in the butt but it was from Rusty Staub and they couldn't put that in the magazine at the time. Bigots!)

Everything is A-Ok over here!

I just took the day off.

We always take Tuesdays off.

We got to sleep late and then we caught "The Avengers" on our new HD-TV.

It was pretty cool.

Back to business tomorrow.

My vacation was last week....

And I need another one.

I am already really tired.

Hey they are not always better than one.....

Unless you talking about tits.

Then they are always better if they come in twos.

The Life and Times of Larry Fortensky

Hi. It's been a while since I have been by the old homestead. I have been very busy. Making pancakes. Starting to mulch my lawn. Shaving my babies hobbit feet.

But I have a new hobby. I have been renting dogs. No not like ndspinelli does when he on the road and wants a little hanky panky.

No these are real dogs. I like how they run around and slobber and stuff. But best of all I get to pick up their poo. I love to pick up poo. You see I like to be humilated. Handling dog shit is just the tip of the iceberg.

I could tell you stories.

Maybe later.

Hey the prime rib could have been much better....

But what are you gonna do?

I am just glad to be back in Brooklyn. Everybody wanted to know where we were. The butcher almost kissed me and the guys from Marco Polo sent out a search party.

I am making Philly Cheese steak sandwiches tonight with creamed cauliflower in the mashed potato style.  Plus some wine and a little pastry from Monteleone's bakery.

It's great to be home.

Imagine my surprise....

At running into Chickenlittle at the Penn Dutch Store in Florida.

I thought you lived in Cali dude?

A view from the bridge!

It was pretty cool to look back on the rest of the ship as we motored back home. We were on the bridge which was at the front of the ship and we looked back to the rest of the ship from the windows at the back of the bridge.

What was different about this ship was the stadium style balconies which kid of sucked because people above you could look down at you.

Damn it is a long way to snorkle out to the ship

I don't think I can swim that far.

One of the most interesting things about the bridge tour.....

Is that I found out that they had Mexicans doing all the work. There were two Mexican guys who were serving as look outs with the binoculars and they were doing all the work while the angry Russian guy had his hand on the tiller.

Who knew that this big ocean liner would be just like a pizzera.

The Mexicans are doing all the work!

One of the parts of being a Grandpa.....

is that you have to pose for stupid photos.

Gopher gave us the tour!

 

We have this customer who is an airline pilot and she said that whenever she goes on a cruise she send s the captain a little gift bag and then she gets something. Like a bottle of wine or dinner at the captains table or a tour of the bridge. Since it was Christmas we thought that was a good idea so we sent up a package of stuff form the show and from the store. So we got a tour. Of course we didn't get to meet the captain. We got to meet his "little buddy" the third office who conducts the tours. He did know his stuff.

Steady monkey .....steady!

The hardest thing to do when steering the ship is to hold your monkey steady.

It didn't look any better on the big screen!

They had a jumbo-tron to watch movies and stuff. You could sit in a deck chair and watch a movie or a concert. They had this movies under the stars thing where they would start a movie at midnight.

We caught "The Hunger Games."

Surprisingly it was not about the buffet.

Be sure to tip your waiter and waitresses!

This is Marlon who was our waiter. I made sure I greased him really well when we left. Well he is kinda greasy anyway but that is not what I meant. I always give a nice tip at the start of the cruise and a nice one at the end. If you tip from the get-go you get great service. The service is always good but he went the extra mile.

Now of course I spent some dough. We had a bottle of wine every night and they get a gratuity off of that and anything else they sell us that is not included which is basically alcohol. But after the first night Marlon brought out a plate of cheeses and crackers for us to have with the wine while we were waiting for an appetizer. Then he started bringing us sorbet as an intermezzo between courses. He made sure we got our moneys worth.

You get what you pay for in this world.

The ice cream station was open all day!

One of things about a cruise is that you can get some food a lot later than you can in Florida. The ice cream station opened at 8am and stayed open to midnight and the pizza did as well. The buffet was also open until about 1am so you could get that late night snack.

Oh and room service is 24/7. Just in case you were wondering.

Yes I got my Baked Alaska!

And it was spectacular!

Oh my God I had to go to Costco!

We had to restock when we got back home to the kids house in Florida.

I was out of my element. I usually don't buy toilet paper in fifty roll pallets. Just sayn'

Baked Alaska is the Bomb!

That's for me. I hope they have enough left for you.

They have to stop letting Titus plate the dessert!

I mean seriously dude.

Where I unwrap my monkey!

Don't get excited girls.

It was my flying monkey.

On the other hand the desserts were pretty good.

The desserts were pretty good. I gave Marlon a lot of grief because I told him I wanted all the desserts that were on the "Odd Couple."

Pretty ironic when I heard that Jack Klugman had died while we were away.

Anyhoo we had Spumoni and Banana's Foster and Baked Alaska.

I have to keep up my girlish figure.

I found a place for me and Michael H and Windbag and Chickie to hang!

In Aruba there was a little bistro right off the pier. It was a Henniken place as everything was Henniken. So we ordered a couple of pints before we got back on the ship.

The food sucked ...it smelled... the waitresses were ugly.....but the beer was cold.

I found a statue for TItus!!

Tits!

Hey I found a cruise line for ricpic!

If Mel Brooks were alive he would say that it's racist.

Eating was good....it just could have been better!

The dining on the cruise was good but I was slightly disappointed. I thought the food on Carnival was better on the last cruise we went on during the Holidays.

Our waiter was named Marlon. He said "My name is Marlon just like Marlon Brando." So of course Lisa kept calling him Brando because she can never remember names.

Marlon was from the Philippines and he had a very sing song voice. So it was kind of comical when he went over the specials. He had his patter down pat but it was always the same. Everything was "The very Famous this or that." Ok it is fine when it was the "Very Famous Oso Bucco" but a little funny when he was touting the "Very famous Marconi and Cheese."

This was one of the dishes Lisa enjoyed which was Chicken in a Marsala sauce with asparagus, tomato and mashed potato.

The beef was really subpar. The first two nights I had prime rib and then a skirt steak. The third night I ordered the vegtarain alternative of a spinach flan.

They called for a doctor.

I am paddling as fast as I can!

My idea of a vacation is sitting in a deck chair and ordering a martini. But all they wanted to do was freakin activities. Swimming. Snorkeling. And paddle boating!

You see the paddle boat is a little piece of crap that you have to sit in and paddle and it moves across the water. You know what that is? Work!

There were five of us and they only had boats that took two people or four people. So our boat was me and the wife and our granddaughter so they jumped in the front and I got the back. They were busy splashing and thaking photos and turning around and going "Paddle faster Grandpa!"

Listening I was fucking Paddling like freakin Ben Hur for crying out loud!

Now the wind was pushing us farther and farther out off shore. It moved us really fast when we were going out but man it was a bitch coming back in. I never stopped paddling the whole time! We went so far out we were almost out at the ship! They had this lifeguard dude on a jet ski who was policing the kayackers and the wind surfers but he never bothered with us. I was freakin' worried that we would need a tow!

Somehow we managed to get back to shore after about a half hour of serious paddling. I felt like freakin Hillary Clinton. Like I just had a stroke and I had fat ankles!

I need to get to the bar as soon as possible!

The Camera adds ten pounds!

Everybody knows that.

The only thing I couldn't figure out was that there was this guy in a top hat with a peg leg and a harpoon that kept following me around waiting for me to go in the water.

That was creepy.

Check you equipment.....It is going to be a bumpy ride!

Get ready to swim in the New Year!

I promise much better content next year!

And the photography will knock your socks off.

I am ready to dive in!

To 2013!

Happy New Year Everybody!

Vacations are great.....

Especially if you can spend it with your honey.

And your family.

So make plans to have fun with them tomorrow to start off the New Year right!

Vacations are great.....

But I am so glad to be home with all my friends.

Especially you Little Debbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They had food for everyone!

Even though I didn't like the food that much.......there was plenty of stuff for Titus.