Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

Dear Mrs. Steve Philips

Well I hope you are happy you frigid bitch. After you complained about my last letter Petey threw me out of the house. He said that you contacted Major League Baseball and they said that they wouldn’t let him cover the ballpark if he stayed with me so I had to go. I can’t believe that you would do that to me!

I couldn’t go back home since it all came out about Steve and me doing it three times in my Acura in the parking lot. My father has disowned me and said he never wanted to see me again. I was living in my car for a while until I got this new job at the massage parlor. It isn’t the greatest but it’s a living. And now everything is going to be all right.

You see I met this new guy. His name is Al and he was an outcall customer but now we are in love. He especially loves my special lower belly massage. You know the one that Steve liked me to give while he was reading the scores on Baseball Tonight. It is a home run every time out.

Anyway Al is very green. And not just his skin. Well his petey is a little green. Not like Petey Gaamon's petey was green. That was just old age and dry rot. But Al painted his green. For the earth. He said I smelled like the earth. Like Gaia. I said “What you mean like Teresa’s little daughter from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey? What are you a freak?” But he didn’t mean that. He meant like mother Gaia, you know the earth mother. Now Steve never said I smelt like the earth. He said I smelt like Chicken of the Sea. Which used to get Petey Gaamons all hot because it reminded him of Ted Williams. So there.

Anyhoo Al is very normal. But not a square. I mean he does like me to dress up. I have to wear this polar bear costume with a hole cut in it. Which is much better than that Mr. Met Hat that Steve made me wear all three times we had sex in my Acura in the parking lot. That always smelt like splooge. My Al just likes me to be all furry. Well almost all furry. He makes me shave my chucky. He says it is because he really hates bush. Whatever. It’s little enough for the love we share.

I don’t want you to think I have forgotten about you and what you did to me. You broke up me and Steve and I can’t let that go. So you will be hearing from me soon.

Oh and maybe you should tell you kids to look both ways when they cross the street. You know what I mean. When I was following them….I mean when I saw them last they just kept running across the street without looking.

As for you. If you see a brown Acura with a broken back window you better run like hell. Just sayn.”

Toodles
You friend
Brooke

Release the Kagan 2

I don't think it is fair that Eliot Spitzer is releasing photos of the freshman mixer where he first met future Justice Kagan.

It's like that blogger guy who lost his job because of stuff from his student newspaper and what not.

What goes on in college should stay in college. Seriously!

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage emailed me and told me he is working on his technique. Good stuff dude.

Just remember you have to eat what you catch. So to speak.

Whose that girl!

Now you might think that she is a friend of RH because she likes small animals but I think Garage Mahal kind of digs her. At least he is always dropping her name.

What's up with that?

Whose that girl? I bet Cedarford knows.

Release the Kagan!

Hey the new Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is doing just fine in her confirmation hearings. She is managing to cover up all of her opinions so as not to be controversial. Good job!

Since she is replacing another liberal there is no big whoops! Just vote no and let the Democrats be hung with her legacy.

Enough already. Wipe Out is on!

While I am away......

Youse guys can talk amongst yourselves.....if anybody shows up.

Summer barbecue today at the in-laws. Fun.

But there might be pie.

Commenter Memories Number 21

Michael H checks in:

"I remember the first year I became a member of the National Rifle Association. I was five and had my first membership card to go along with the .22 my dad bought me. My brother tried to grab it but he was only three. So I shot him in the ass and confined him to the play pen. That showed him."

NRA members just don't mess around.

Commenter Memories Number 21

Titus has to weigh in his own inimitable style.

"Seriously Mary if you were going to post any photo's of someone pinching a loaf it should have been me. So instead I have this snapshot of the first time I ever played doctor with the girl next door. Somehow even then I was confused. Well not confused but different if you know what I mean. And you know what? Right after that I pinched a loaf! Right on her hand. She never spoke to me again."

Commenter Memories Number 20

Hey I don't want any to think we have a cult like following so I reached out to our friend the Crack Emcee for a remembrance of his first time. He didn't disappoint.

"I remember the first time I saw myself in the mirror. I realized I was black. You see my Mama didn't have any mirrors in the house. And all that time I thought we were vampires."

"Oh and by the way if you want to find out the real deal about what is going on you have to know The Macho Response!"

Commenter Memories Number 19

I can't believe it but our old friend Meade wanted to get in on the act. He emailed me this photo and said "I remember the first time I realized that my new wife was really obsessed with taking photo's. I mean I had read the blog and everything but this was the first time I realized that she was a serious photographer who had to immortalize every aspect of our life."

Good luck with that one buddy.

Commenter Memories Number 18

They just keep sending the emails. Penny sent us this one. "I will never forget the first time I was spanked. It was by Desi Arnez and I was a bad, bad girl. To this day samba music makes me shiver and I pee myself just a little."

I think you have a whole lot of splaining to do about this my dear.

Commenter Memories Number 17

Hoosier Daddy weighed in with this photo. "This was my first competitive bike race. And it was where I met my lovely wife when she passed me a cool drink."

And how. I can think of two great reasons why. But I don't want to point them out. So to speak.

Commenter Memories Number 16

I got a lot of feedback from our friend RH's suggestion that we should start a new series called "My First Time."

For example our friend Jason (the commenter) emailed this photo but strangely enough he didn't make a comment.

But it does kinda explain the problem with Warner Brothers thing. Just sayn'

Laura Bush's Diary

So last night the twins and I were sipping margherita’s and passing around a spliff when W burst into the room. Jenna had to swallow it because she didn’t want her Daddy to know that she was one toke over the line again. W wouldn’t be mad but he would be disappointed now that he is clean and sober. So she always is about to get caught and has to ditch it quickly.

Which was pretty damn funny because we were watching America’s Got Talent on the DVR with all those side show geek acts. I mean they had a bunch of fire swallowers and even this sick puppy that swallowed razor blades. I haven’t seen anything that disgusting since Wilbur Mills gave Helen Thomas tongue at Nixon’s Christmas party. Now that would make a maggot puke.

Anyhoo, W was all excited. “Girls you won’t believe it. The Enquirer has a story that Al Gore had Global Warming in his pants and tried to get somethin somethin from a massage lady. What do you think about that? That sanctimonious prick! Remember how he would trash Slick Willie in those emails to us. No wonder Tipper dumped his manbearpig ass! Hee.”

Jenna was so happy to see her Dad laugh. She is such a sweet girl. She is always trying to cheer W up when he gets melancholy now that he is out of the limelight. She is always doing stuff like spill olive oil on the table and going “Hey who’s gonna clean up that oil spill I wonder?” W always gets a kick out of that one.

So Jenna wanted to make him laugh. “Well Daddy this is like an extra father’s day present for you. Maybe you should issue a statement or something. You know something funny that will make light of the situation.” I had to put the kibosh on that one. “That’s not a good idea girls. W you know we can’t do anything referencing massages. That’s like the pot calling the kettle black. As black as your mama’s heart that wheezing old bugged eyed battle-ax.” W thought a moment and said “When you’re right, you’re right Laura. I will just keep my mouth shut. Hee.”

You see there is a long history of massage issues with the Bush family that we really don’t want to dwell on if we can help it. I am pretty sure that Jeb met his wife in a Mexican massage parlor. But he is such a dickweed that he ended up with the cleaning lady instead of one of the massage girls. Be that as it may that is something that we want to keep on the q-t if you know what I mean.

Poppy Bush also had a couple of issues. There was this one girl that was on his staff and served him a variety of positions that started out as a massage therapist. Poppy is always good to his staff and he married her off to George Will when he got tired of her. I guess she was tired of having to sex someone up all the time and was happy to just have to learn how to tie a bowtie. That was enough get George to blow his wad.

But that wasn’t the real fly in the k-y ointment. No. As usual it was Bug-eyed Barb. You know that she was a dyed in the wool sex maniac. I mean her exploits with the midget wrestlers have been an open secret in Washington for years now. But ever since she had that heart thingy she had to tone it down. Poppy is rationing it out with her. She can only get one massage a week. So she doubled down and hired this young kid from Kennebunkport who is infamous in town. I mean the kid is not only a massage therapist and lifeguard but a chef as well. And his specialty?

You guessed it. The Fish Taco.

All in all we better let this scandal go by without any comments from us. Those dudes at the Enquirer are just too good as reporters.

You should check out hdhouse's blog...he is doing a great job.

Here is an exchange I had with Ritmo in another post:

Ritmo Brasileiro said...
The guy should seriously upload a post or two. Y'all helped give him so much fanfare at the beginning, and months of silence?!Get off the Althouse crack, and explore your crazy road-killing ideas in a place where your mind can roam free, Mr Garage!Thank you. That is all.

Trooper York said...
Blogging is not for everyone. It is a lot easier to just drop a comment or two. I feel guilty when I don't put up five or six posts a day. But you get too busy. I know you know what I mean. So I am sure Garage will get to it.I think the key is that you don't have to make it so much of a big deal. A short post here and there can be just as much fun as a long winded one.Believe it or not hdhouse is doing a great job at his blog. Lot's of posts covering lots of ground. Not all political at all. Well worth reading.

You should give hd a look see if you haven't already done so. Just sayn'

I was gonna blog about Al Gore but.....

What else is there to say.

Commenter Memories Number 15

Our old friend Rh Hardin sent me an email with a suggestion for a new continuing series.

"My first time."

I just am kinda uncomfortable with that. I mean I know this ain't exactly a "family blog" but there is a thing called "Too Much Information."

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Our old buddy Garage Mahal is so busy fighting with everyone over on the evil blogger lady's site that he hasn't had a chance to send us too many photos.

But never fear he didn't forget about his friends. He is nothing if not loyal. He still has a Hillary Clinton Lunch Box after all. He sent me his recipe for "Road Kill Pizza."

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Pizza

Ingredients:

Pizza

Road Kill Rabbit.

Place the properly squished rabbit on top the pizza much like you would find Al Gore on top of a masseuse. Serve hot.

Thanks buddy.

St. Joe is back in town!

St Joe is back in town with his Dodgers and Francesa was kissing his ass. Joe was making nice and saying how all is forgiven and he was too emotional when he left the Yankees.

Now let's review. He came to this team when he was reviled and termed "Clueless Joe." He did a great job, no one can take it away from him. Just like Casey Stengel did. But just like Casey the time came when he had to move on. And he couldn't do it. The Yankees offered him a contract that still made him the highest paid manager in Baseball and he said he was "insulted." He went to the Dodgers in America's second largest market with a team in contention. How did that work out for him? He's a good manager but I think there were any number of guys who could of done it with the Yankee team. I mean Joe Girardi did it last year and he ain't exactly Miller Huggins if you know what I mean. Joe just didn't appreciate what it means to be part of the Yankee tradition. He made tons of money and will go to the Hall of Fame because of the teams the Yankees gave him. Nobody can take his accomplishment away from him. But the Saint act is getting real old.

I bet he get a warm ovation in his first appearance and then they can boo the shit out of him.

Saints are great but you don't want to hang around with them too much. Too sanctimonious if you know what I mean.

Lollipop by Li'l Wayne * The Rock-afire Explosion

Yeah that's right. I am hip. I don't just listen to old man music. I get it.

For Roger J.....you the man!

For some reason I am reminded of this.

I kinda miss AJ....but I know he is busy!

He is still busy partying after the Phillies won the series two years ago.

He completely missed the fact that the Yankees beat them last year.

He still thinks it's Memorial Day!

I kinda miss Penny....but I know she is busy!

She has been back commenting after a short absence. Or happy hour. Or something.

Hope she comes back soon!

I kinda miss Theo....but I know he is busy.

He has been teaching a lot of young girls how to finger the flute.

So to speak.

I kinda miss Darcy...but I know she is busy!

Following her own pursuits this summer.

So to speak.

I kinda miss ripic....but I understand he is busy!

He's been going to J-date.

Good luck buddy.

The Boss is the greatest!

I have been enjoying "Steinbrenner The Last Lion of Baseball" by NY Daily News writer Bill Madden. He details all the moves that the Boss made. Did you know that the Yankees are worth about 2 billion dollars? All from an initial investment of $160,000 when he first bought the team.

I know a lot of people hate the Boss and the Yankees but he is without a doubt the greatest owner in the history of sports, bar none. He has made his mistakes but he kept the Yankees in the hunt for most of his tenure.

We will really miss him when he is gone.

If you get a chance take a look.

SM Stirling is killing me....again!

So I am eagerly reading each chapter that his doling out of his latest work "The High King of Montvail" and waiting with bated breath for the final version to come out in September. You know how he does it? He gets you hooked with a chapter by chapter come on and then you have read half the book but you buy it anyway! He is up to Chapter Seven already ..and then...AND THE...HE DOES IT!!!!!!!!!!

What does he do! HE INSULTS THE QUIET MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the offending passage:“The Quiet Man,” Juniper said with a wince. “A fine movie if you don’t mind assuming my mother’s entire people were a race of happily drunken potato-faced wife-beating peasant yokels with room-temperature IQ’s who thought with their fists when they weren’t clog-dancing or killing each other in fits of mindless religious fanaticism. It’s annoying that sort of thing can be.”

Can you believe it!!! He is just doing this to piss me off!

I have to do something about this...I just have to figure out what!

Snaps shots from Father's Day!

My Daddio was a big Mets fan. He was a Dodger fan when the Bums skipped town just about the time I arrived. So he grew up a National league fan and transferred his allegiance to those lovable losers the New York Metropolitans.

When you are a kid you love your Dad but you have to establish your own identity. So often times you argue with him about sports and tell him his team stinks. That's how I became a Yankee fan. Now he didn't care and took me to Yankee stadium to see the 1961 team with Mickey and Whitey and Yogi and Moose and all the rest. I went to a game where Johnny Blanchard hit two home runs. It was one of my favorite memories of childhood.

But he stuck with his Mets. Then the Yankees started to stink and he would razz me especially in 1969 when the Miracle Mets started their run. He loved to get a six pack of Reingold and a veal cutlet sandwich and some fries and sit back and watch the game. Now we lived in an apartment and my Mom really didn't like to entertain all that much except for family. But every once in a while they would have someone over. One night we had some people over who lived across the street. My friend Nicky was the same age as me and his sister was the exact same age as his sister so our Moms would always walk to school together and stuff. So their family came over one night for dinner. And as we used to do in the 1960's the women went into the kitchen and the guys gathered around the TV console which was a huge wooden box. There was a little back and forth but my Dad said "Cut the crap we are watching the Mets." So we put the game on and they were playing the Cubs and Seaver is pitching. And pitching well. Pitching a no hitter in fact. Until the ninth inning when Jimmy Quals broke it up. Saved at the last minute. I didn't want to have to hear about how great the Met's were all summer. Of course I had to listen to it when they won the series.

Every year on Father's Day I honor my Daddio by watching the Mets and rooting for them one day a year. I get a sixpack of Reingold and take his place. But I can't do that today because they are playing the Yankees. Santana vs Sabathia. So I will have to do it on his birthday. I know he would understand.

I love you Daddio. Happy Fathers Day in Heaven.

Happy Father's Day!

To continue a Father's Day tradition I hope youse guys will write a short reminiscence of your day and I will happy to front page it with an appropriate illustration. We kicked it off with a great story by Michael H below.

If you are too busy or just want to enjoy the day....well Happy Father's Day!

Snapshots from Father's Day!

Michael Hasenstab said...
My dad and Fred McMurray attended the same high school in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. My dad knew McMurray fleetingly (there was a age difference) and whenever I asked about McMurry, the answer I'd get was always "he was a stand-up guy."

My old man is still alive. He's 86 and let's himself into my house a couple of times a week; usually to drop off a magazine he thinks I'd like, bring a sub for lunch (at 9:30), or just talk. I'm always glad for the company.

Three years ago at Father's Day he gave me two brown mugs; plain, unadorned. I said thanks, of course. He said let me tell you about these mugs. Here's his story:

"In spring of 1942, I was fresh out of basic training for the Navy and home on leave. I knew that I was going to be shipped out for Guadalcanal that summer. Guadalcanal was going to be rough, a lot of guys weren't going to come home from that one.

"My dad had stomach cancer. Medicine back then wasn't what it was now, and we knew he had a hard fight in front of him.

"Either way, we thought the day I left would be the last time we saw each other on earth. My old man brought these two mugs home from work. (He worked as a brewmaster at the Pilot Brewing Company in Beaver Dam). We sat down at the kitchen table, filled the mugs, toasted each other and drank.

"sat there all night, an old man dying of cancer and a kid going off to war. We talked about life, our neighbors, how hard it was to scratch out a living as an immigrant, women, living a good life, how to beat my brother at sheepshead, and everything else we could think of to avoid talking about what was ahead.

"I left the naxt morning, on a bus for the Navy base in Waukegan. I hugged my old man, hard, before I got on the bus. he hugged back and said "I'll see you again.""

"I shipped out in June, 1942. The battle began in August, 1942. I received word in December that my old man had died.

"After the war I met and married your mom. A few years after you were born, your grandmother gave me these mugs to keep. Now they're yours. Go have a beer with your son."

I have them now, kept safe where they won't break, to be handed down to my son after I've passed.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

RIP Manute!

You know I make fun of a lot of people who pass but I was really saddened to hear of the passing a Manute Bol the former center for teams like the Sixers and Rockets and Charlotte. He was a cheerful and fun guy who loved to shoot three pointers. You had to have a smile on your face when you watched him play. He always did.

But more than that he was a true hero. He spent much of his NBA money on his homeland of the Sudan and actually died because of complications from medical treatment he recieved while working there. He was building a hospital and was a tireless worker for relief of his poverty stricken war torn land. I ain't much on furineers but he was the real deal. A good man.

He had kidney failure which has become a problem for a lot of NBA players. You see a lot of the Hornets took massive dosages of Advils. So Alonzo Mourning had to have a kidney transplant, Larry Johnson and Muggsy Bouges have had liver and kidney damage and now Manute is dead. It is just a shame.

I bet Manute is up in heaven shooting three pointers right now.

Rest in Peace Manute.

The best father son show on TV today!

The best father and son show on TV features two fathers and sons. Or rather a father a son and a grandson. It is "Pawn Stars" on the History Channel.

It Rick Harrison and his son Cory "Big Hoss" and his dad "The Old Man." The relationship is a joy to watch as Rick is the tough but fair Dad who teaches his son how to rip off the poor suckers who come in to sell their family treasures because they are on the balls of their ass. But the Old Man is the best. An ex navy man he is the perfect old Cumdegon and he barks at everyone. The relationship with his grandson is a pisser as they bust on each other back and forth. It feels so real. It is how a lot of regular men relate to each other.

This is the real deal. It is a reality show based on a real business and you can see everything from bonding moments to big screw ups. In the end they unite on the one thing that is really important: making money.

The worst father son show on TV.

There is no doubt in my mind that the worst depiction of the father and son relationship is the basis of one of my favorite new shows; Justified.

In this modern day western, US Marshal Raylan Givens (Tim Olyphant from Deadwood) is a quick draw artist with a huge body count. I think he killed at least two people in every episode. His daddy Arlo is a career criminal who still lives in his hometown of Harlan Kentucky and just got out of prison. After killing a drug dealer in Miami Raylan is transferred back home where he has to deal with his dad and all his ghosts. Raylan is also in a deadly conflict with an old friend from work Boyd Crowder played by the superb Walter Goggins from the Shield. Boyd has a conflict with his Daddy Bo who runs the drug business in Harlan and employs Raylans dad as well. Bo even arranges to have Arlo set up his son to be murdered in the season ending episode.

But I don't want to spoil it for you.

If you get a chance to watch it in repeats or On Demand then you really should take the time. It's is as close to a Western as you are going to get today and the father and son dynamic is very compelling.

I know some of you guys said that you didn't have a good relationship with your dads, but you have to go a long way to match the guys on this show.

Why do the people who write TV shows hate Dad?

You know that they do. If you watch TV at all these days you know that the father in any sitcom is always a figure of ridicule. A moron. A weasel.

A prime example is the Jon Cryer character in "Two and a Half Men." He plays the dad of Jake the "half man". Alan (his character) sponges off of his rich brother Charley played by Charlie Sheen. Alan is an ineffectual dofus who has the right ideas about parenting but can never put them into practice because he is always undermined by his castrating ex-wife or the smart mouthed housekeeper or his playboy brother who teaches his nephew how to be the poster boy for "The Smoking Gun." I mean it is a familiar set up for TV. Two bachelors raising a kid. Like "My Three Sons" or "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" or even fucking Bonanza for that matter (Ben and Hop Sing were a couple by the way). But in all of the earlier sitcoms the dad is never the dickhead that he is made out to be today.

What a load of commie bullshit.

Happy Fathers Day!

It will be Father's Day tomorrow and I want to wish all the fathers a great day. I hope you all get some "Old Spice" and a burned pancake breakfast cooked by your kids.

They don't make Dads like Steve Douglas anymore. Where is the TV show where a Dad loves his kids and is reasonable and fun. I think the only one that shows a "Real" Dad is Modern Family where you several real "types" of Dads.

You have the type of Dad like me in Ed O'Neil who is a blustering well meaning old school pop. A disciplinarian but someone who you know loves you.

You have the Dad who is goofy who wants to be a pal to his kids but has a good heart.

And you have the two gay dads who together make up a whole.

But you know Steve Douglas was all of those people in one.

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, September 25, 1956(Ted Williams, Johnny Pesky and Wally Cox walk in after a Yankee, Red Sox game)

Toots: Hey Ted howz ya doin kid. To bad the Yanks kicked your ass today. Again. Har de har har.
Ted Williams: Fuck you, you stupid jewboy get us a fuckin’ table before I pound you one.

Toots: How many times do I have to tell you I don’t like that kinda talk in here you ignorant meathead?

Ted Williams: What do I care you sheeny bastard. Just get me a table before I have my boy Pesky here give you a knuckle sandwich.

Johnny Pesky: Can I Ted, can I, I can do it Ted, I swear I can, let me at him, I’ll pulverize him.
Toots Shore: Shut up you midget fuck before I wipe you up like your mother should of done with the jizz from your old man after he was the last man on line. Jeez why are all you Red Sox guys such assholes. Com’on there’s some people in the back you might want to say hello to!(Toots walks them to the back where Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are sitting at a banquet. Joe is wearing two World Series rings. Marilyn is not wearing any panties)

Toots: Joe look who’s here. It’s Ted and his shoe shine boy. And this other fancy fella. I don’t know him.

Joe DiMaggio:

Marilyn: (in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Ted. Nice to see you again. (She stands up and extends her hand shyly and shakes with Ted, she nods at Pesky, and looks Wally Cox up and down) I think I know you. Isn’t your name Wally? Aren’t you Marlon’s boyfriend?

Wally Cox: Hi Norma Jean. I remember you. But I am with Ted now.
Ted Williams: He’s not with me we are just buddies. Boy you sure are pretty missy. What are you doing with this lousy Dago! You can do a lot better doll!

Johnny Pesky (hopping around like a Chihuahua with a chili pepper up its ass)Yes you could Miss Monroe, yes you could….Ted is the greatest…the best ballplayer in the world. There ain’t nobody as good as Teddy Ballgame.

Joe DiMaggio: (takes off one of his world series rings and starts to shine it with a napkin, he looks up and smiles)

Toots: Hey enough of this bullshit. lets siddown and have a couple of pops.

Marilyn: That sounds like fun. (Marilyn sits down opposite Ted, and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Curiously Ted does not notice and Marilyn pouts) So Wally, how did you and Ted meet.
Wally Cox: Oh we met at the baths. I happened to drop my soap and Ted said he wanted to get something straight between us.
Toots Shor: Blleeaaaahhhh (spits out his drink he’s laughing so hard)

Marilyn: What’s so funny Toots? Why is he laughing so hard Joe?

Joe DiMaggio: (Joe just smiles and looks down at Marilyn’s twat which has been furiously queefing like a mallard in heat, it always did when she got confused, which was most of the time)

Toots Shor: Yeah come to think of it how come I never see you with any of the broads who hang around the ballplayers. Whaz-a-matter the Baseball Annies are too good for you, you putz.

Ted Williams: Shut up you sheeny bastard. Wally and I just have some similar interests. We are both fond of the musical’s and stuff like that. And ballroom dancing. He gets me some great tickets. Into those hard to get shows.
Toots Shor; Where through the back door? Blleeaaahhhh!!!!! (he laughs so much he pees himself a little)
Johnny Pesky: You better shut up you no good fuck. Teddy loves the ladies. Just last night he went out on the town with his pal Rock Hudson and they banged a bunch of chicks. He’s a big time movie star I mean he even banged Doris Day. She’s a real star! No offense Miss Monroe.

Marilyn: Hhnnnpphhh!!!! (she hisses and her queefs getting even louder, so loud that Pesky looks around for where the sound is coming from, you see he is afraid of ducks)

Johnny Pesky: (whispers under his breath) She ain’t got any underwear on Ted, nothing I swear, look it looks like General Grant eating a piece of liver.

Ted: I don’t like that kind of talk Toots. Wally is a great guy and all man. Show them Wally. Dance with Marilyn. The way you showed me.
Johnny Peskey: (under his breath) Yeah Wally you can rub up against her cooze.
(They start to dance and Marilyn grinds the bespectacled actor and for the first time in her life her dance partner does not get wood. She is shocked and pushes him away)
Johnny Peskey: What’s da matter doll is Wally too much man for you!
Marilyn: No wonder they call you Pesky. Joe they are starting to bore me.

Joe DiMaggio: (looks over to another table where Frankie Carbo is sitting with a few of the boys) Frankie?

Toots: Oh shit Joe, no trouble please. (Four of Carbos guys grab the two Red Sox players by the arms and give them the bums rush out the door with Wally trotting behind them)

Ted Williams: I get you for this you fucking wop bastard…you too you dirty hebe ……hey take it easy. I just got this suit from my mother at the Salivation Army.

Marilyn: Don’t hurt his head; it might be only thing he is going to have left someday. Hee.

Don't know much about history.

I don't know much about history but I know that Custer did not die at the battle of the Little Big Horn.

The legend has it that legendary shaman Sitting Bull turned him into a Bison.

He had him Buffaloed. So to speak.

Flashback: Camel Toe Corner

This time it's kosher.

Thanks to ricpic for the photo of his neice's wedding. Mazel tov baby.

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Here is the latest photo of Garage Mahal and his latest road kill. Except he didn't hit it with his car.

He kissed it to death.

DId you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that those Chinese delivery guys never eat their own food?

Maybe they know something we don't know.

Don't know much about history.

Now I don't know much about history but there was a big rumor that Amelia Earhart was Beth's kind of girl.

Now I don't know if that is true, but it is true that she loved the beaver. Just Sayn'

Who do you think you are?

For those of you who missed that new show that traces the family history of celebrities, you should know that they are repeating the pilot with Sarah Jessica Horseface.

Did you know her great grandmother came from the Shetland Islands?

Commenter Memories Number 14

HDHouse said...
This makes you feel good why? Is that what you are about? I'm sorry if it is.

Yes our old (and I mean old) buddy hdhouse stopped by to deplore our little joke at his expense. I have been popping by his new little blog to drop off a few comments. Maybe you would like to do the same.

He gets in touch with his feelings. So to speak.

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that the lefty blogosphere would never critizize one of their own no matter what they did?

The Glen Glenwald went after the douche Congressman.

Koo-Koo Ka Chew!

Marinus Willet a lonely nation turns it eyes to you!

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that AlphaLiberal is lying about his age?

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that there is a real good reason why Jason (the commenter) is banned from the Warner Brothers studio tour?

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that you thought this was a bad idea but you just don't know why?

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that sometimes hdhouse regrets what he has to do to get some?

I just think that we don't want to know. You know?

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that sometimes the Crack Emcee just likes to feel pretty?

Did you ever get the feeling?

Did you ever get the feeling that Meade wears the pants in the family?

Or at least the Panty hose.