Caroline went into her favorite café to get a double soy milk latte and a cinnamon bun. She wanted to just take a moment to think. Lily was off at school. Her husband was home today trolling the internet in the basement in his underwear. She just needed a minute to herself. To try and hold the building anxiety in check. If just for a little while.
There was a commotion at the other end of the café. A bilious peroxide blonde who was a dead ringer for the Travelocity Gnome was in a loud argument with another patron. They were fighting about something. It sounded like same sex marriage. Or a marriage with a lack of sex. Or something. What was that misshapen gnome snarling about anyway.
Caroline finally looked up from the case papers to see what this disturbance was about. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a furtive presence. A grizzled ill smelling personage was huddled in the corner next to the screeching harpy. He was holding her purse. He resembled nothing so much as a homeless Mr. Greenjeans from Captain Kangaroo. He wore a soiled pair of green overalls and Crocs. Somehow he seemed familiar.
Then Caroline remembered. It was from her time as an assistant district attorney. He was know as the "Dog Toucher." His MO was to offer to walk his neighbors dogs who came back to their owners skittish and ashamed. A stake out was set up and he was caught red handed. Well dog handed. He was arrested for fisting a Shih Tzu. What was he doing out of jail. What was he doing in a yuppie internet café in Madison Wisconsin.
She noticed him sidle off to the side in all the commotion. He bent down. Oh my God. He was about to finger a dachshund.
(to be continued)
14 comments:
Her husband was home today trolling the internet in the basement in his underwear.
Nick?
Trooper, Lol! You can also write, and you prove it on this blog. You are more than ready to take the next step. But, watching my bride toil I know how difficult it is. I had to explain the meaning of this "excerpt" to her. She doesn't read these blogs. Although she got to know you and your bride via your tv show. We still have it on our DVR.
Woah.....I'm half way through the book and don't remember those scenes. I mean the trolling the internet in the undies does ad a touch of realism....but I'm real sure I would remember the dachshund and especially the Shih Tzu..
I guess I should restart my kindle version and read slower.
:-D
At first I thought "dog toucher" was an edutcher joke.
Then I figured it was an rhhardin joke.
Then it was obvious.
I'm slow on the uptake.
Nick she has to start a series. That is where the money is.
If I could be so bold I would highly recommend she read the Matthew Scudder novels of Lawrence Block. He also wrote a sort of handbook for writers. It will be very helpful. I know it is to me.
Not bold @ all. I'll tell her. Thanks much.
Are you writing a book??? I've heard you talk of it but I did not know you started the process. How would I missed that news?
Yes I have two in the works.
The wife is insisting that I stop the blogging bullshit and actually write a book.
Splitting my sides with laughter. Great take-down.
Congrats, Trooper. Do you start long hand or keyboard everything? Where do you write? How long have you been working on the books? What are they about?
I write everything on the computer. I am currently working on two books simultaneously.
I hope to emulate my hero's Elmore Leonard, Lawrence Block and Robert B. Parker.
One story is a Western. I love Westerns. It will be a bit of cliché as Sixty might say but I think of it as a homage.
The second is a Mafia book about Carroll Gardens and Joey Gallo. It might be fun.
Oh, it will be fun, that much is certain. Just maybe not for you.
Thanks, Trooper. Having seen my bride work I have become interested in how other folks go through the process. I played the role of your bride, coaxing, motivating, etc. I'm playing a bigger role now because my bride has a hard time selling herself. It's not her style.
It's uncanny how the novel's archetypes map to characters we know in real life!
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