The Babe Abides

"Hey Babe hows the Hot Dog?"
"Ummm uggle umm."
"Looks good. Hey how many have you had? Twenty? Jeeez Babe ya gotta be kidding me. You are gonna get sick."
"Egggree umm slurp slurp."
"I know you can handle it. Still you might take it easy. You don't want to end up with a heart condition where you can't eat any dogs anymore. That would suck."

What if literary Masterpieces were written by different authors

What if Valley of the Dolls were written by Mary Shelley.

It was on a dreary night of November that I beheld the accomplishment of my toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, I collected the instruments of life around me, that I might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless thing that lay at my feet. It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.

It sat upright and gathered its legs beneath its twisted torso. The creature which I had created from the parts of many corpses trembled into existence. The heavy breasts of the murdered tavern wench heaved as the long blond hair of the decapitated footman lay matted on its head. The dead soulless eyes of the widow Guttfriend raised up and gazed upon me. 

It lived.

And it wanted dick.

Hop Sing Sick Mr. Hossaroni

"Me very sick Mr. Hossaroni."
"Whats wrong Hop Sing?"
"Oh I eat bat soup. Very bad for Hop Sing even though it make my noodle very hard. Now I have Kung flu."
"Is it catching Hop Sing?"
"Yes it very catching. You need to shut down Ponderosa. Close all business in Virginia City. All of Neveda. Other wise some people get sick."
"Some people. How many Hop Sing?"
"I don't know Mr. Hossaroni. Why take chance?"
"Why you want us to close down the state on the chance that some people might get the flu?"
"Yes Mr. Hossaroni."
"You are one dumb chink if you think we are going to do that. Just sit there and try to get better. I will bring you some soup."
"Just not bat soup."
"Okay Hop Sing. I get special Won Ton Soup for you."

Will the food supply chain break

Things are happening in our America that have not happened since the Great Depression. All because of illegal and unconstitutional interference by the government. Soon enough there could be a famine as the food chain will break because of interference in commerce by over bearing government.. 

The chairmen of Tyson Foods John H Tyson said:

“In addition to meat shortages, this is a serious food waste issue,” Tyson claimed. “Farmers across the nation simply will not have anywhere to sell their livestock to be processed, when they could have fed the nation. Millions of animals – chickens, pigs and cattle – will be depopulated because of the closure of our processing facilities. The food supply chain is breaking.”

Basically what he is saying is that the closing of meat packing and processing plants has led to a surplus of product that is not being processed to be sent to the supermarkets throughout the nation. The food is there but it is being wasted. We already have seen millions of gallons of milk and millions of eggs being destroyed because they can not be brought to market. 

This is because of government dictates that have closed plants or forced truckers to not transport product.

People will get hungry. Very hungry. What little reaches the shelves will be hoarded much like toilet paper. I know I stocked up with a lot of pasta in the thought that just such a thing will be happening.

President Trump needs to step in and somehow stop this calamity. The Justice Department has to step in and fight against the onerous shut down orders of tinpot dictators like the governors in Michigan, New York and Arizona. This can not stand or we will be facing a disaster of immense proportions.

This is what the shelves looked like the first week of the shut down. It is only going to get worse.

Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States

The first epidemic that caused a widespread panic in the United States was the Japanese Crab Flu brought to America by Commodore Matthew Perry after he opened up Japan in 1853.  Brought to American by the sailors who were part of the expedition to open Japan to American trade this pandemic caused giant crabs to grow on the genitals of the infected parties. It was transmitted sexually and caused a panic as the infected would stumble through the streets with giant crabs protruding from the front of their pants.

Except for the Secretary of State James Buchanan who inexplicably caught a case that was protruding from his anus.

(Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States by Doris Kearns Goodwin)

Norm Macdonald's Pandemic Jokes

How about that AIDS?

Didn't they tell us that would kill us all whether we were gay or straight?

You know who the sent out to tell everyone that would happen?

Dr. Fauci.

What if literary masterpieces were written by different people

What if James Clavell had written Godzilla King of the Monsters.

First she studied her husband's flower arrangement. He had chosen the blossom of a single white wild rose and put a single pearl of water on the green leaf, and set it on red stones. Autumn is coming, he was suggesting with the flower, talking through the flower, do not weep for the time of fall, the time of dying when the earth begins to sleep; enjoy the time of beginning again and experience the glorious cool of the autumn air on this summer evening...soon the tear will vanish and the rose, only the stones will remain — soon you and I will vanish and only the stones will remain.

His love of her and his love of nature could not be denied. When he begged her to walk with him in the garden she could not refuse.

“Come my darling” he said. “Come walk with me as we walk arm in arm under the cherry blossoms.” “Where will we travel to my husband?”

“Tokyo.”

What if literary masterpieces were written by different people

Occupied in observing Cthulhu's attentions to her sister, Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend and half brother. Hastur the Unspeakable had at first scarcely allowed her to be edible; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only  as perhaps a bit of fodder for his insatiable appetite. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good morsel in her lank frame with no meat in her hips or breast, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly succulent by the beautiful expression of her tender sprouting limbs. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and appetizing like a fresh baked scone; and in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their white sugary essence. Of this she was perfectly unaware;--to her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere, and who had not thought her sufficiently toothsome to devour in praise of the Elder Gods.

"Angel From Montgomery"

Born to be wild Hossaroni

"Hey Hop Sing come over here and hop on."

"Wat dat Mr. Hossaroni?"
"It's my new Little Rascal. They are selling them down at the mercantile. It's one of those dad gummed horseless carriages. I will be riding it instead of a horse from now on."
"Wat wrong with Horse Mr. Hossaroni?"
"Dag gummit Hop Sing but everytime one of us Cartwrights get interested in a girl they get run over by a horse or sumtim. This eliminates one of them there problems. Now climb on you can be my bitch."
"Okey Dokey Mr. Hossaroni let me tie up pig tail first. Lets ride."

The Summer of Boo Boo

We all got sick when the Chinese Panda Bears moved next door. Their young daughter Ling Ling gave Brother Bear a virus. Not the one he always got where his penis would burn when he took a pee. This one was named after a beer. Ranger Smith called it the Coors Virus. I don't know why but I think he thought it sounded cool.

We all caught the virus. It made us cough and wheeze and it was hard to breath. We all sounded like  Papa Bear when he took Mama Bear into their bedroom and locked the door after he had been drinking all day. We huffed and puffed and sounded like we were running a race. It got so bad we had to go to the Hospital.

There were a lot of sick bears there. Smokey was hacking up a lung. He was always against forest fires but he smoked like a chimney. Gentle Ben was there and he wasn't gentle at all. We even saw Gentile Ben who was the shabbos goy for all the Jew Bears. They were all in the hospital and they were all very sick.

The Doctor in charge was a greasy Eye-talian who looked like he was looking for his momkey before he started grinding his organ. Or that he would rather be grinding his organ than taking care of sick bears. Anyway he said there was nothing he could do. We had to self quarantine at home. No more going to work. No more frolicing for the tourist so they would throw us food. No more raiding garbage cans.

We are going to starve. And that dirty wop doesn't care.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Panda Sex with Charles Bukowski

Van Gogh writing his brother for paints
Hemingway testing his shotgun
Celine going broke as a doctor of medicine
the impossibility of being human
Villon expelled from Paris for being a thief
Faulkner drunk in the gutters of his town
the impossibility of being human
Burroughs killing his wife with a gun
Mailer stabbing his
the impossibility of being human
Maupassant going mad in a rowboat
Dostoevsky lined up against a wall to be shot
Crane off the back of a boat into the propeller
the impossibility
Sylvia with her head in the oven like a baked potato
Harry Crosby leaping into that Black Sun
Lorca murdered in the road by Spanish troops
the impossibility
Artaud sitting on a madhouse bench
Chatterton drinking rat poison
Shakespeare a plagiarist
Beethoven with a horn stuck into his head against deafness
the impossibility the impossibility
Nietzsche gone totally mad
the impossibility of being human
all too human
this breathing
in and out
out and in
these punks
these cowards
these champions
these mad dogs of glory'
this gang bang of virtuosity
moving this little bit of light toward us
impossibly.

It was 30 years ago but I remember it as if it was yesterday.....

I saw John sing this in concert back in the day.

Speaks to you as you sit at home keeping your distance.

Angie and Frank

.

"Hello Angie. I'm the King of Siam. Shall we dance."
"Fuggedabout Baldy. She's with me."
"Don't be mean Frank, He's harmless. I hear he's packing a Magnificent Seven. A lot better than your pal Jack."
"Don't be a slut Angie. Now come sit on my lap and I will show you the braciole."
"Oh I love me some Italian."

Dr Fauci said......

Dr Fauci said it is too soon to go back to normal. Too soon to go to restaurants. Too soon to go to the ballgame. Way too soon to go to church. Or buy baby car seats. Or flowers for your garden. Too soon to be Americans.

You see Dr. Fauci knows better. He knows how you should run your life. He knows better than President Tump. Better than your governor. Better than you.

He knows he can fuck you.

And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.

Dr Fauci said

The National Weather Service has reported that there will be seventy mile an hour winds tomorrow. Since the weatherman is never wrong the President has consulted with his scientific advisers. Dr. Fauci has insisted that due to the potential damages based on the computer models every home in the United States must be demolished because if the winds knock them down some people might get hurt. Of course women and minorities will be most affected. All Americans are directed to give up their personal residences and report to government shelters until they are allocated approved governmental housing.

So please be prepared for your house to be demolished because as we know Dr. Fauci is never wrong.

The Babe Abides

"We are here with the pitching sensation of the Boston Red Sox the one and only Babe Ruth. Babe how do you think the Sox are going to do in this early going of the 1918 season?"
"Why we are going to the Series keed waddaya think?"
"Well it seems that the Yankees have a good team as do the Tigers so do you really think the Sox can get to the Series?"
"Of course we can whats the matter with you? Are you retarded or something?"
"Babe several of the fellas have been down with the flu in Spring Training. Do you think that will effect the team this season/"
"What a little flu? Why would that be a problem? What are we pussies? I once played the whole season with the clap and my pecker was oozing like a tube of Peposdent that I stepped on when I was fucking that whore on the bathroom sink. A little flu never meant nothing. Besides I hear only them spics get it."
"Thanks Babe for your time."
"Get that to editing. They might have to slice it up a little. Achoo. Damn I think I have an allergy to pine tar or something..

Angie and Frank

"Scout's Honor Ange I swear it is big and thick."
"Sure Frank that's what your buddy Jack said and it was anything but."
"Well he's Irish what do you expect. I am a Wop and I got a Pop in my Sock."
"Sure Frank that's not what Ava says."
"You gonna listen to that whore. Look King Kong couldn't touch the sides on that skank. Just give me a chance Doll. I really am up to snuff. Scouts Honor."
"I guess we will see then won't we."
"Thanks baby. You won't regret it."

Global Warming in my Pants.

You know what this shut down of our economy for this overstated flu bug is really about?

It is a practice run for shutting us down because of global warming.

Think about it. No food in the supermarket. People informing on their neighbors. The police arresting you for not following the dictates of every petty tyrant elected mayor or governor who want to abrogate the constitution by closing down the liquor and gun stores. The government deciding if your business or job is essential. Everyone dependent on a government check.

It is communism pure and simple.

The same experts that said millions would die when the total will be about 20,000 are the ones who tell us that global warming will destroy the world in twelve years. They will outlaw personal automobiles and air conditioning. They will proscribe certain foods like beef and demand we only eat carbon neutral produced food like soybeans. Or Soylent Green for that matter.

Many of the horrible scenarios from the science fiction movies of the past are coming true. Some think it will be like "Blade Runner." Others think it will be "Logan's Run" where the elderly will be killed off. Still others think it will be "Soylent Green."

Me I think it will be like "Planet of the Apes."

Welcome your new Overlords:

Betty Rubble is a Dirty Girl

Everybody knows that Betty Rubble is a dirty girl.

But did you know that Wilma was always willing?

Drive in's were a lot of fun in Bedrock.

You could have a Yabba Do Old Time.

Was Endgame prophetic?

Last night I was watching Avenger's Endgame. In it the world had lost 50% of its population. There was immense sadness and everyone was walking around like a zombie. Everything was closed and the streets were a dystopian nightmare.

Sort of the way they have turned America into a Science Fiction movie.

It seems that the socialist have gotten what they wanted. Empty shelves in the supermarket. People informing on their neighbors. A police state where they can arrest you for playing in the park with your kid. People not working but dependent on a government check to survive.

They have turned America into Russia.

There are no superheros to save us. Captain America is a fraud. Iron Man is really the Tin Man. The Hulk doesn't smash. It's not politically correct.

How did we lose our way?

Ozark is back

One of the best shows on Netflicks is back. Ozark has returned for Season Three and it is a doozy.

Starring Jason Bateman, Laura Linney and Julia Garner it is the story of family that is laundering money for a Mexican Drug Cartel. Through various machinations in the first two season they wind up in Sixty Grit country. It is pretty interesting seeing the American criminals mixing it up with the Mexicans. You have cartel guys. Hillbilly criminal families. The Kansas City Mafia. All going at it like crabs in a bucket.

It has a bang up surprise ending. Highly recommended. 

The Babe Abides

"That's right keed. It's this big."
"Com'on Babe you must be kidding."
"Nah keed that's were I get all my power. You just have to keep on grabbing and tugging on it. Then someday you might have as big a bat as the Babe."
"Where did you figure that out Babe,"
"In the reformatory St. Mary's. Brother Ignatius taught me. I guess you didn't learn that in the Salvation Army."
"Ok Babe I will follow your advice."
"Good thing keed. Because you know you will always be known as a jerk off."

RIP Al Kaline

AL Kaline just passed away. A great player. A good man. A gentlemen.

I always really respected him. I wished he would have been a Yankee. He would have been a great Yankee. I can't think of higher praise for him.

RIP Al.

RIP John Prine

I had a bunch of his albums when I was in college. I enjoyed his work even though he was a bit of a commie.

Still and all he had a lot of talent and wrote some great fun songs.

Rip John. I enjoyed a lot of your tunes.

You belong to me Hossaroni

The press is owned and controlled by the Chinese Communists. Yesterday a so called reporter asked President Trump if he would continue to cooperate with China and that China was sending tons of medical supplies to US as if they hadn't been bought and paid for. Trump was naturally suspicious and asked if she worked for China. She claimed that she did not.

In fact she works for a Hong Kong company owned by a former PRC military officer and is controlled by the Communist Chinese. This is fully explained in this article in the Epoch Times.

President Trump asked her if she worked for China and she denied it. Of course the scum media called him a racist. They won't look at the truth of the matter since they are corrupt. Take ABC which is owned by Disney. Disney makes millions even billions from China. Every shit ass movie that bombs here makes itself profitable in the China. Disney doesn't want to lose money so they will direct the coverage to attack the President.

This is the time to end the main stream media once and for all.

Marilyn's Diary

We were always very health conscious in the Munster family.  Aunt Lily made us eat right and was ahead of her time in her use of herbal homeopathic remedies. She cooked all of our dinners and we were all fit as a fiddle. Even Uncle Herman which was an impressive feat since he was made of over 1,545 different people that the Doctor back in the old country used to create him. Some of them must have been sickly after all since they were dead when he took the parts. Still and all we were remarkably healthy.

Aunt Lily was a good if eclectic cook. She made the normal fair. Macaroni and frog.  Spaghetti and newt sauce.  Every thing was fine until one day she made something that got us all sick. You see she made Chinese bat soup.

We all got sick. Eddie started coughing and wheezing. He sounded just like he did when he whacked off when he stole some of my pee stained panties. Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman changed color. Normally they were green but they turned pink. It was a little terrifying.

The worst of course was Grandpa. You see he was the most at risk, He was the oldest considering he was over three thousand years old. And he had a underlying condition. You see he was a vampire so when he sucked out blood he would get all kinds of esoteric blood diseases. He was the first person to discover sickle cell anemia because he liked him some brown sugar. So he was really affected.

Eventually we all got better. As usual these things are wildly overstated. I mean it wasn't the plague or berri berri or anything like that there. It did effect Grandpa the most I guess because it got him interested in medicine. He got a part time job as a technician with this doctor named Marcus Welby.  He was famous for hiring odd people. He had the first wetback nurse and his partner was a retard who was so dumb he ended up marrying Barbara Striesnd.

So Grandpa started working for him. Of course he was up to his old tricks. He wrote some numbers on his dick and told the patients that it was a thermometer. Some of these Hollywood people were so dumb that he believed it. Grandpa really loved to take their temperature.

You see he always did it anally.

Grandpa was a scamp.

White House Correspondents Group banish woman from the ONAN network.

The  White House Correspondents Group has banished Chanel Rion from the daily briefings. Supposedly it was because she violated the corona virus restrictions where only approved reporters are allowed into the briefings. She stood in the back and was immediately snitched on by one of the ultra liberal cunts who demanded she be barred. The ultra liberal group than threw her out not because of any bogus rules but because she is from a conservative network that the President likes and asked the questions that I would ask. For example she asked is it racist to call it Chinese food and if it isn't why can't we call it the Chinese flu.

The press is nothing by crap. They were sick but they are getting sick. Not from the Kung Flu but from their relentless hypocrisy and bias. I understand why they wanted to get rid of the ONAN networks. They want to be the principle jerk offs in town

Still and all correspondent Chanel Rion will be facilitating a lot of Onanism at the old Ponderosa. Just sayn'

Oy my little yiddisher pickel

"Ricpic where are you my boobala. I miss you. I know your are tired of that greasy Latin guy who has to blow his car to start it. Come with me and I will show you that it is not true what they say about the Yiddisher girls. Be my golem. Come back to me."

"Its me your Molly. Come back!"

Panda Sex with Charles Bukoswki

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.