The Case of the Traveling Collections

My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. It has been quite some time since I have last requested your assistance in the troubling matter of the disappearance of Lord Douchebag and the obscene affairs of the odious Lady Chatterley and her grass stained lover. Today I must ask for assistance in an entirely different matter.

We here at the Yard are well aware of the secret work you brother Mycroft had formerly been engaged with the Foreign Office. It is the reason we have not inquired too closely into the comings and goings of various swarthy sepoys, tattooed lascars and young deaf boys in his rooms at the club. A recent difficulty with certain foreign powers has caused some concern with my superiors and I would like to address them with you.

However it seems that the Yard must now make inquiries. It has come to our attention that your brother has been evicted from his lodgings and is temporary indisposed. He has found shelter with friends in Hampshire  as he has temporarily ended his work with watercolors and etchings that had previously been his hobby and salvation. I know that your brother has never sought remuneration in the amount that his talent deserves and therefore is temporarily out of pocket. Dr. Watson has told me that he was forced to store most of his furnishing in the attic and basement of one of Mrs. Hudson’s other properties but that this situation must soon come to an end. Dr. Watson had stated that you are trying to gather sufficient funds to move these treasured items to your much loved siblings new abode so he might continue his avocation of creating beauty in this troubled vail of tears.

Please know that I would endeavor to contribute to the cause along with my brethren including Inspectors Gregson, Higgins and Reade. In fact many of those who you have aided in the commission of their duties stand ready to contribute what they can. The salary of a mere constable or inspector is not great but we still can contribute something to help your estimable brother.

Please be sure to inform me of how to transmit these funds so they might be most properly be utilized. I would imagine it would be expensive to safely transport Mycroft’s collection of narwhale tusks, rubber garments, hookah bowls and statues of hairless Greek boys. Early begun is soonest done so I beseech you to keep your friends informed as to how we might assist in this endeavor.

My best to Doctor Watson and I hope he is recovered from his recent troubles with his distended bowel. When last I saw him he was in great pain and I hope he has found ease by resting his fundament on that circular pillow of his invention.

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
November 12, 1898