But Mama Cass is tied for first!

She has her fans. Of which I am one.

Mama M is winning the Poll!!!!!!

And she didn't even post any shower scenes like "Black Mama/White Mama" did.

I can't help it if Pam Grier keeps emailing me.

THE YANKEES WIN....THE YANKEEEEEEESSSSS WIIIINNNNNNN!!!

Nice opening day win.

Only 161 more wins to go for an undefeated season.

Then we will be happy!

Well only if we win the Series!

Laura Bushs Diary

The twins and I were out at Costco picking up the Lone Star and Salsa and the Mountain Dew for W to enjoy while we are watching the NCAA tournament. W loves his basketball and we always watch all the games. So the twins come over and we all sit around and watch the games and root for our favorites. We all fill out bracket pools and stuff but we always pick a team that we root for if our Alma Maters are eliminated which often happens right quick. The only problem is if W’s parents are around because that nasty old Barb steals the remote and puts on the rasslen’ matches. She always goes on and on “Why are we watching a bunch a nigra’s in short pants running around going ape when WWE Raw is on.” So we have to keep the remote away from her.

Anyhoo we are sitting around the patio and the red phone starts to ring. Now it wasn’t Commissioner Gordon or anything like that. It is the direct line to the White House. You see Barry had it installed in case he needed to talk to W about something. He is pretty unsure about what to do so when he wants to do something he calls up W so he can do the same thing. You know like jugging the ragheads in Gitmo or sending those drones up the ass of the towel heads in Pakistan. Or giving away the store to Wall Street and what not. You see Barry doesn’t have many ideas and is really a pretty lazy fuck. I mean he likes the ceremonial part of the job but he hates to make decisions and shit. So he just calls up W and does whatever he tells him. It’s almost like W was Cheney or something. I mean he is more in charge than when he was president for fucks sake.

So W goes in the library and talks for about an hour and when he comes out he is chuckling. So I go “What’s up darling…is Barry gonna invade Iran or something?” “Nah nothing cool like that Laura. He is going after Daffy Khadafy. And guess what? He is instituting a “No Fly Zone.”

We both started laughing our ass off which really confused the fuck out of the twins.

You see W and I first met because what you might call a no-fly zone.

I had told you about the days I was working the peep shows in New York with Robyn Byrd and sharing an apartment with her and Joey Heatherton and Anita Gillette. And I know I told you how Joey would get gigs through her dad the Merry Mailman’s connection at WPIX. Now Joey didn’t have the big entourage or act like she did later when she was blowing Bob Hope. When she needed backup singers or dancers we would fill in. Like the time Robyn hooked up with Meyer Lansky. So we were always down with a road trip.

So this one July day Joey bursts into Show World and goes “Let’s go bitches. I got us an all expenses paid trip to California. And it is all because of you Robyn.” “How did that happen Joey?” “Well your pal Meyer got me the gig. It’s at some fancy resort with a lot of bigwigs and we are gonna make a lot of scratch.” ROAD TRIP.

So we put on our leather mini-skirts and push up bras and halter tops and got on the airplane going into Los Angeles hoping to pick up a couple of keys while we were out there. Meyer picks us up in a limo and takes us out on a long drive to Frisco. You see they wanted to have plausible deniability and Meyer was having a beef with the Falcone family in Frisco so we had to drive there from LA.

We finally get out to this one horse town called Monte Rio and pull up to this joint with all these log cabin type thingys. But what was weird was that it looked all rustic on the outside but the inside had the best furnishings you ever did see. Robyn always wants to know what’s going on and goes to Meyer “Hey baby what is this place?” “It’s a campground for the biggest gonifs in the world” growled Meyer “They call it the Bohemian Grove.”

Now what it was is a joint where all the biggest of big shots in business and government and what have you got to relive their days in summer camp. They like to sing songs and pee on trees and run around naked. You see it was a real “no-fly” zone. Shitfire it was a no pants zone. All these old dudes running around with no clothes on. I mean we saw Ronald Reagan and Vice President Nixon right before he ran for Governor and J Edgar Hoover who had a ball sack like a basset hound. Anyhoo we were hustled into the back and got into costumes which were basically a bra and really tight panties. And then they took us out to the lake where there was this big statue of an owl. All of these old dudes were around drinking and smoking cigars. Let me tell you that Ronnie Reagan was one fine lookin’ man back then. We go up on the stage and Joey starts singing and strutting around and we vamped in the background and trusted out our tits and twats even though most of the men weren’t paying much attention. It actually seemed really gay. Especially the guys hanging around Jay Edgar Hoover. He kept touching this guy who I later found out was Al Gore Sr. who had the FBI director doing some global warming on his schlong. But there were a couple of guys who were checking us out.

You see there was an after party with just a few people invited in a cabin behind the lake. Meyer was there and Edsel Ford who owned Ford Motor Company and some dude who owned Boning and a couple of distinguished looking politician guys. One of them pulled me over on his lap as he sat on the couch. He was sort of feeling me up but you know that goes with the territory when you get a gig like that. He was rubbing my ass and squeezed my tits and tweaked my nipples and then strangely enough he looked at my teeth? I was getting freaked out. So I goes to him “What’s up pops, do you think I am a horse you are gonna buy or something?” “No my dear. I was just looking to see if you were healthy and strong. You look like just the kind of girl I want to fix up with my grandson. You have a good head on your shoulders and he is a real wild one. But eventually he will calm down and he needs someone who can keep up with him till he is ready to settle down and dry out. Meyer says you are a real smart girl and that you would be perfect and since Meyer is always right I will follow his advice.” “Thanks Daddy but I can find my own boys.” “Oh I think you will like my grandson very much. Why don’t you just give it a chance. I will set you up in school because Meyer says you want to go back to school and that you are very smart. So this is a done deal. Now why don’t you just give me a little wank and then you can scoot.”

So as we are driving back to the airport I ask Meyer “Who was that crazy old coot Meyer?” “Why that is Prescott Bush. He is one of the seven guys on the Trilateral Commission who basically control the world. So you better do whatever he says. Man even Albert and Charley are scared of him.”

Which is how I ended up going back to school. I got the word that I should pick out something demure and all so I became a Librarian. I was introduced to W and the rest was history. Of course later I told him all about it. You see we have no secrets. But we always laugh about it because I got to meet him only because I ran into his grandfather in a “no-fly” zone.

Imagine that.

My most popular posts?

They have this new feature where you can list your most popular posts. Now I must confess that I have no idea which ones are the most popular.

Don't you know that almost all of them are Camel Toe Posts?

What does that tell you about America I ask you?

All of that hard work making up stories and doing dialogue and finding photo's and all youse guys want to see is the outline of Kelly Ripa's snatch. What's up with that?

Whose you're favorite Mama!

MamaM said... After someone finds or gets some head, its time for a new poll.

So we have a new poll.

Mama Cass

Mama Mia

Mama Celeste

Black Mama /White Mama

Mama M

So pick your favorite Mama!

Toy Story

Here's what happened when we went to the Toy Fair by mistake a couple of weeks ago.

Hey what the hey!

I was busy!

Bra's don't fit themselves you know.

Now step into the dressing room and lets get started.

The journey continues!

Work in progress. Film at eleven. Watch same Bat time. Same Bat Channel.

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend- the Next Generation

Yankee's Locker Room Spring Training in St Petersburg February 28, 2009

Jorge Posada: Hey they have a big spread about A-Rod and Cameron Diaz in the Post’s Page Six today. They say they are back together. Last I heard he was banging that Kate Hudson bitch. Why would he jump that pimple pocked pussy when he can get that young cooze?
Derek Jeter: A-Rod just likes to be in the papers all the time. I don’t think that other bitch is famous enough for him. Plus he likes them skanky. And old. I just surprised he ain’t banging Amy Winehouse.
Jorge Posada: You think so. That’s a piss poor excuse. Maybe he just digs that droopy loose pussy. I heard they did the deed with a three way with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and they used old Tom as a strap on.
Joba Chamberlin: Well that’s better than that smelly pussy right Mr. Jeter?
Derek Jeter: I told you rook, don’t mention Mariah again, all right?
Joba Chamberlin: Sorry Mr. Jeter.
A-Rod: (saunters into the locker room) Hey Chico’s how’s it hanging?
Joba Chamberlin: Like you sheets on Monday morning Mr. A-Rod.
Jorge Posada: What the fuck?
Derek Jeter: That must be a Nebraska expression man.
Joba Chamberlin: You seem to have gotten a lot of fan male this week Mr. Rodriquez.
A-Rod: I always do. My public loves me.
Jorge Posada: Yeah all the booing must be for somebody else when you get up there big guy.
Joba Chamberlin: You sure got a lot of packages. Here’s one somebody sent FedEx.
A-Rod: Oh man, I wish these bitches would leave me alone.
Derek Jeter: Well you should stop wearing that Hi-Karate bud.A-Rod: (opens the box and finds a six jars of pimple cream) What the fuck?
Joba Chamberlin: There’s a card attached. “Here you can use this for that pimple pocked puta you are banging. But don’t put it on your dick cause that’s the herp pendajo!”
Jorge Posada: Dude, you got to keep that shit out of the locker room, it’s bad for the team.
A-Rod: Let me see that. To A. Rodriquez Legends Field Tampa Florida….with love from Madonna, Cynthia, Kate and…….what the fuck…..Jeter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes there is a cry for help?

You're scaring me dudes. It's obvious. Enough with the videos already. You should just be having fun. Just sayn'

If Star Dates where like J Dates

"So do you come here often?"

"No it's my first time. I'm from Seattle. Hey where are the babes?"

"I don't know, I was talking to a green broad a while ago but she seems to have split."

"Well that sucks. Hey can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Seattle what do you want to know?"

"Do you like gladiator movies?"

You can take the bull by the horns

"But could you stop staring at my tits?"

Commenter Memories No 64-Garage walks the dog and walks us through it!

After Garage finishes walking the dog he is going to walk us through why what Obama is doing in Libya is totally different than what W did in Iraq.

Palate cleanser in black and white

That's what we are talking about!

It is pretty funny to hear people talk about her who don't remember how beautiful she was.

I stopped going to the movies.

Because you know the place has gone to the fuckin' dogs.

Listen Justin I know you are new to this.

"But could you stop staring at my tits?"
"Seriously I am old enough to be your mother."
"You are my mother."
"Is that you Bissage?"

Hey say hello to the Fockers.

"Mr. Hoffman I know you are a famous Oscar winning actor and all but can I ask you a question?"
"Sure Angelina."
"Can you stop staring at my tits?"
"Why Mrs Pitt, I think you are trying to seduce me."
"No I ain't Grandpa. Cut it out. You're creeping me out man. Worse than RH Hardin if that was possible."

Palate Cleanser-Classic division

Get the points? So to speak.

The Babe Abides

"Ok Keed smile for the camera's"
"Why are we holding hands Babe?"
"I don't know. That photographer with the rare clumber spaniels asked me too."
"Oh."

The bloggingheads commenters are having a meet up!

Luckily I was not invited.

What do you mean where is Mr. Spock?

"I don't see any reason for you to ask for Mr. Spock. Why do you ask?"
"Well he was going to teach me the Vulcan nipple pinch."
"What I never heard of that?"
"Oh yes it was perfected in 1968 when a Vulcan first explored earth and found a earth woman called ....what was her name......Johnny.....Julie....errr....oh yeah Joey."
"What a woman named Joey? Perposterous. As is your interest in Mr. Spock. He is not for you. I will call Captain Kirk. He is more your speed. Can you dye your twat green?"

Whose those girls?

Because as Sixty Grit has pointed out, punctuation and spelling is what we are concerned about here!

Hey I am a gambling rambling man!

"Look Maverick I know you are a gambling rambling man. But as sheriff of this county I have one thing to say to you."
"What's that?"
"Stop looking at my tits."s

Palate cleanser!

Hey all this politics and posting about posters and what not. I have been too busy doing taxes and bullshit to post much.

But I figure why not little bit of fun poke out from the bedsheets. So to speak.

Van Morrison: Caravan (Unplugged In The Studio)

In The Garden (Live 2010)

Gary Busey is an Insane Genuis

Did you see the last episode of Celebrity Appentice? They made Gary Busey the Project Manager because they thought they would get rid of him when they lost because they couldn't take his bullshit anymore. But they won of all things. It was a task where they had to set up a camping experiance and they had John Rich playing the guitar and Jose Conseco playing catch with the people taking a tour so it was a lot of fun.

The girls on the other hand were fighting a lot. You have to see Dione Warwick to believe her! She is one crazy bitch. As is Starr Jones and Nene Leakes. They are really bring the crazy and this season shapes up to be a lot of fun.

Hardcore Pawn is a lot of fun

I found this new show on TruTV called Hardcore Pawn. It is the story of a real pawn shop. Not the prettified one shown on Pawn Stars where they buy antiques and George Washington's underwear. Here you have people in Detroit on the balls of their ass pawning their microwaves and their kids toys. There was even this dude that pawned his artificial leg.

This is really true TV and fascinating. Check it out if you want to see what life on the edges is these days.

Whose that girl-double trouble edition.

Two times the fun if you can guess Whoses that girl?

If Star Dates were like J Dates.

"I am sorry but we can't go out anymore."
"But why not Jim?"
"I can't date someone who dresses like Lady GaGa. That went out of style for four hundred years for crying out loud."

If Star Dates were like J Dates.

"Hi welcome to the mixer at Sigma Alpha Mu. Don't mind the pledges. They have to wear the condoms on their heads. "

If Star Dates were like J Dates

"Don't be upset my dear. I am a doctor damn it not a perv. I have to feel you conch."
"Wrong movie dipshit."

If Star Dates were like J Dates

"So do you come here often?"
"Oh every once in a while. But I want to ask you a question. Did you get your ears done?"
"Well yes I did. By the same doctor who did Jennifer Grey's ears. Thanks for noticing."

If Star Dates were like J Dates

"So I love you long time baby."
"Don't touch me unless you mean it Mr Chop Suey."
"I am Japanese bitch not Chinese."
"No way. You don't glow in the dark."

Tales of Amy's Garden

Fiver: There's something very queer about the warren this evening?
Hazel: Is it dangerous?
Fiver: No but this time it feels different. Sort of…..like a storm is brewing.
Bigwig: I know. It is coming from that garden across the way where we had the old warren.
Hazel: How do you know that? It is something you heard on patrol?
Bigwig: No. Everyone knows about it. Everyone is talking about it.
Hazel: I must be out of the loop. What is the problem?
Bigwig: Well Strawberry and I were on patrol at the old warren and it seems that someone is threatening the lady from the garden and her friend the farmer who stays with her. Someone is writing nasty notes to her and saying he is going to do bad things.
Fiver: But I thought everyone didn’t like the lady in the garden. I mean look at how everyone had left the garden. She doesn’t get along with others all that well. She is always starting fights with everyone. Even the farmer is always pushing her from behind when they take all their clothes off. And he is always making the lady call for God or Jesus or something.
Bigwig: I know it is very strange. And he is always yelling weird stuff too. Why is he always saying he is going to come when he is already there? I don’t understand.
Hazel: So who is this person who is after them? Is it the self adsorbed crow?
The grumpy badger? The noisy blue jay? Or even the ghost?
Bigwig: No it isn’t any of the usual people. It is some new person. I heard he live in a cardboard box in an attic.
Hazel: Oh so he is a cat?
Bigwig: I don’t know but the lady keeps calling him a pussy so I guess it must be so. I do know that they have been more careful about locking up. I think the farmer even put handcuffs on the doors.
Fiver: Thank Eliearah we don’t live there anymore. I wouldn’t want to be in the middle of that? All that fighting and arguing. It doesn’t seem like much fun.
Bigwig: Well some animals like that I suppose. In fact the black crow is always over there kawing at everyone. He keeps inviting everyone back to his nest but no one seems to want to go.
Fiver: Why not?
Bigwig: He says we just don’t understand. It’s a crow thing.
Hazel: Well I am glad we don’t have those problems over here in our new garden. Everybody gets along here. Even the old house cat that just sits in the sun peeing on himself. He is a lot tamer here than he was in the old warren.
Fiver: That’s true Hazel. I like our little garden. Everyone seems to get along……wait a minute….did you just pee yourself again? You have to stop drinking all day. It’s just not good for you.
(Watership Down, 1972)

The Babe Abides.

"Say Babe what are you doing?"

"Gonna slap some balls around Keed."

"What?"

"Handball Keed. Handball. Get your mind out of the sewer. I ain't in the National League."

Wait a minute I thought she was dead....whose that girl?

I had no idea. I mean it was all over TV. But she is still around. Whose that girl....so to speak?

Check out the Celebrity Apprentice tonight!

It has been craptastic so far. And with all world crazies and morons like Latoya Jackson, Starr Jones, Gary Busey, Nene Leakes and Meat Loaf......I mean it is guarantied to be a lot of fun.

I heat that Meat Loaf and Gary Busey get into a huge fight where they have to call the cops and Nene and Starr duke it out as well to the point that you have to laugh your ass off.

Highly recommended.

The Babe abides

"Where you off too Babe?"

"Down to Spring Training. The Yanks have me ready to go."

"You think you are gonna win this year Babe?'

"The Yankees always win Keed. The Yankees always win."

Jesus loves pointy ones.....the bible tells me so!

Just sayn'

The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test

I spent all day with the electricians who re-wired the back. Now I have new lighting in the back and a spot to hook up my Plasma TV for all the games for the guys to watch in the back room while the wives shop.

I am scared of electricity.

Did you ever get the feeling....

That you shouldn't protest outside of Dust Bunny Queen's house when she has her book club meeting?

What the hey....whose that girl?

You know her as the better doorbell and from your favorite Star Trek episode.

Whose that girl?

Did you ever get the feeling...

That maybe the Church should look to the past to jazz up it's image....I don't know like the 1960's?

Did you ever get the feeling...

You ever get the feeling that Al Gore never got the massage he should have got?

"Don't try to touch that pussy dude."

So it was a beautiful warm night here in Brooklyn. I heard that we have the "Fullest" moon in the sky for the last eighteen years. The store is really warm and of course everyone feels hot. I mean I can't put on the air conditioner so I had to leave the door open.

Now I had this new electrical guy come in to do some work in the back room so I couldn't be back there blogging and had to stay in the front. Which worked because I could stand in the doorway and keep people from coming in. Now you might think that is strange but after a certain hour it becomes counter productive to be open. If you are open past a certain time all you get is drunks or crazies or looki-loo's who don't want to buy anything. And if they are drunk and make the wrong comment about "Fat clothes" or "Heavy set people" I have to stop the wife from kicking the shit out of them. Not what I want to do on a Friday night.

But tonight was really nice. Everybody was out walking Court St. The bus from Atlantic City pulled up and all my mothers cronies got off. They are all eighty or older but they still like to party. They all stopped by and asked how my mom was which is nice. I told them never to take a bus in Chinatown and they all tried to hit me with their pocketbooks. Luckily I can still dodge eighty year olds.

Other people walked by. A couple of young people we know. The girl whose family owns a restaurant down Court St. The gay costume designer guy with his too little Scottie dogs. The woman who owns the store where we get all our Baptism and Communion Dresses. Lots of nice people stopped to say hello while I has hanging out in the doorway.

But then trouble. You see the bodega next door has two cats. I hate cats. I mean I really hate cats. But cats are like women. If you don't want anything to do with them they are all over you. They are always trying to sneak into my store. I don't want them coming in and getting cat hair all over the clothes. I have chased them out many a time. So we have come to an understanding. They come up to me and rub against my leg when I am in the bodega or if they see me outside but they don't come in the store. And in return I don't kick them across Court St.

You see these are working cats. Not pets. The Dominican guy who owns the bodega is not sentimental about them. And the night guy is really not sentimental at all. What freaks me out about them is that they love to lay all over the fucking vegetables in the store. Who the fuck wants an eggplant with a fur ball on it? That's why I buy my fruit and vegetables from the Koreans who look at cats as appetizers. You know they keep them away from the food. Good plan.

Anyway the little black cat comes out and is hanging outside the front of the store. He comes over and rubs against me like Meade talking to a hippie chick protester and then he goes to hang out near the vegetables in the front of the store. All of these hipster dofous idiots and young girls are all "Oh how cute...here kitty, kitty" you know like how Mike Dukakis was when he wanted a little somethin-somthin. But the cat wouldn't even look at them She would just lay there and occasionally lick her snatch or something. It was just a matter of time though.

You see this one hipster dofous smuck with a soul patch and bag full of Pabst Blue Ribbon just had to prove to his skinny skanky girl that he was the fuckin Crocodile Hunter or something. He kept trying to pet the cat and she kept moving and dodging him. I am watching him and I go "Hey dude that ain't a pet cat you know"" He goes "Is it your cat." "No he is his own cat." "Well then I can pet him if I want." So I just shrug.

Finally the cat jumps up to the top shelf of the stand where all the pineapples and shit are. I guess he figures the guy would get the hint. But this dick gets all up in her face almost like he was gonna kiss her. And the cat swings out and scratches his fuckin hand all the way down his arm. He screamed like a little girl. Me and the night guy at the bodega couldn't stop laughing.

There is moral to this story.

Be careful when you try to touch strange pussy.

Words to live by.

"Well, there are some things a man just can't run away from."

Roger J said..........
I have a favor sir--Please consider including stagecoach on your list of favorite movies--My lady and I watched it last nite--The cavalry charge close to the end was spectacular--my next project is to get my lady to sit thru the cavalry triology.

There are works that are the originals. The real deal that everyone copies off of to make an imitation that pales in comparision to the original. Stagecoach is one of those seminal works that everyone copies from. It is the original, the rest are xerox copies.

This John Ford classic launched several archetypes that have become cliches in Western movies.

The "bad man who does good" in the Ringo Kid who is coming back home to avenge a wrong done to his family. Taking the name Ringo from the real life participant in the famous Gunfight at OK Corral, this capable gunman is obviously a favorite of even the sheriff who doesn't want to arrest him. This plot has be recycled more times than almost any other in the Western genre.

The prostitute with the heart of gold who is shunned by polite society but who stands up when help is needed. From Miss Kitty in Gunsmoke to the lady loving lady of Johnny Guitar this is a staple of almost every Western ever made. And many another film.

The ruined Southern gentlemen played by John Carradine who looks so depressed. Obviously based on Doc Holiday of the Gunfight at OK Corrall fame, this world weary scion of the southern plantations knows sadness and despair. Imagine if he knew his son would strangle himself while whacking off?

The drunken doctor who is the most educated man around but who is a cynical rumpot who none the less stands for what is right. Imagine how drunk he would have been if they had Obamacare back then.

The plot of the prodigal returning for justice has been done time and again. This was the movie that made the Duke a star. He wasn't an actor until he made "Red River" but after "Stagecoach" he was a star.

I hope your lady enjoyed it. You have to watch the trio in order though. First "Fort Apache."

Then "Rio Grande." And finally "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon."

She will love it.

"Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-One. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive."

"Shut up and deal Bubba. And stop looking at Jenna's ass you fuckin pervert."

"I'd hate to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic."

"No I didn't get my lips done. Oh and Sarah Palin is a stupid doodyhead. Me I'm smart. And America loves me. They really really love me!"