Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord? I know that there are several new candidates.
Lucifer: Sure that sounds like fun. Hey I that old Jack LaLanne just did his last push up. Did he come down the chute?
Forcas: No I am sorry sire. The big guy loves him and he brought him right up to heaven. He is using him to keep some of the more rambunctious types in line. You know Abraham and Isaac are getting kind of porky so he is putting him on an exercise regime.
Lucifer: Well that sucks. Who do we have coming down the chute?
Forcas: Yes mi lord. We have the famous communist sympathizer and corrupt member of the Kennedy clan Sargent Shriver.
Lucifer: Really. Jeeez even I think it is a little much to send that poor bastard to hell. I mean he had to have a hell on earth married to that horse faced shriveled old cunt Eunice. That’s why Matthew Broderick is got an express ticket to a cloud next to Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Sometimes you just have suffered enough. Well what the fuck let’s see what we will see.
Sargent Shriver: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…What’s Happening!
Lucifer: Hey Sarge. Welcome to Hell.
Sargent Shriver: Oh my God. I guess Nixon has a lot of influence and got me sent down here to be with him.
Lucifer: You got it all wrong as usual you dummy. Nixon ain’t here. He is playing pinochle up in heaven with the big guy and George Washington and Nathan Bedford Forest. The big guy loves him. He just likes to sit around all day and make fun of Bebe Rebozo. The big guy kinda hates Cubans. Oh and Jesus can’t stand Pat. Pat Nixon that is. So Nixon is a saint up in heaven and all you Kennedy jackholes are burning like Jack’s dick used to when he had to pee. You’re down here on your own hook. But hey you can try out for my announcer gig.
Sargent Shriver: Hello. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! ALL THE TORTURED SOULS IN HELL!! I want to bring you the news. The world is a terrible place. People are suffering all over the world. There is not enough food and water and you can help. You can volunteer for the Peace Corp to go to a primitive village and teach them to….aaaaaahhhhhhhhh(he falls through a trapdoor to the fiery pits of hell).
Lucifer: Jeez I forgot how much I hate do-gooder assholes. This is fucking hell after all. We drink and smoke and fuck in the worst combinations possible. Enough with the Kumbaya bullshit. Let that fucker burn for a while. Late we will make him come back and fuck a prune while he can’t get it up. That ought to give him some great memories. Com’on Forcas lets go see what old Robert Byrd is doing. I wanna see if he is finished shaving Billie Holliday’s twat yet.
Lucifer: Sure that sounds like fun. Hey I that old Jack LaLanne just did his last push up. Did he come down the chute?
Forcas: No I am sorry sire. The big guy loves him and he brought him right up to heaven. He is using him to keep some of the more rambunctious types in line. You know Abraham and Isaac are getting kind of porky so he is putting him on an exercise regime.
Lucifer: Well that sucks. Who do we have coming down the chute?
Forcas: Yes mi lord. We have the famous communist sympathizer and corrupt member of the Kennedy clan Sargent Shriver.
Lucifer: Really. Jeeez even I think it is a little much to send that poor bastard to hell. I mean he had to have a hell on earth married to that horse faced shriveled old cunt Eunice. That’s why Matthew Broderick is got an express ticket to a cloud next to Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Sometimes you just have suffered enough. Well what the fuck let’s see what we will see.
Sargent Shriver: (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) What…What’s Happening!
Lucifer: Hey Sarge. Welcome to Hell.
Sargent Shriver: Oh my God. I guess Nixon has a lot of influence and got me sent down here to be with him.
Lucifer: You got it all wrong as usual you dummy. Nixon ain’t here. He is playing pinochle up in heaven with the big guy and George Washington and Nathan Bedford Forest. The big guy loves him. He just likes to sit around all day and make fun of Bebe Rebozo. The big guy kinda hates Cubans. Oh and Jesus can’t stand Pat. Pat Nixon that is. So Nixon is a saint up in heaven and all you Kennedy jackholes are burning like Jack’s dick used to when he had to pee. You’re down here on your own hook. But hey you can try out for my announcer gig.
Sargent Shriver: Hello. ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! ALL THE TORTURED SOULS IN HELL!! I want to bring you the news. The world is a terrible place. People are suffering all over the world. There is not enough food and water and you can help. You can volunteer for the Peace Corp to go to a primitive village and teach them to….aaaaaahhhhhhhhh(he falls through a trapdoor to the fiery pits of hell).
Lucifer: Jeez I forgot how much I hate do-gooder assholes. This is fucking hell after all. We drink and smoke and fuck in the worst combinations possible. Enough with the Kumbaya bullshit. Let that fucker burn for a while. Late we will make him come back and fuck a prune while he can’t get it up. That ought to give him some great memories. Com’on Forcas lets go see what old Robert Byrd is doing. I wanna see if he is finished shaving Billie Holliday’s twat yet.
1 comment:
I guess we could debate whether or not a democrat such as Nathan Bedford Forrest is in heaven, but it's good to see my great-grand-father's comrade in arms mentioned at all, these days.
But we know for sure that Lt. Sargent Shriver needs to swim in a lake of fire for all eternity - amen.
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