I have been spending the last few days at a wake and a funeral and I must say that the American way of death is always amazing. This particular funeral home was unbelievable. They tried to make money from the bereaved in every way possible. They sold commemorative candles with the deceased photo on it. They did a video tribute that played continually during wake. They even offered a video service where they would tape the wake so you could see who showed up and who didn't. They want every last time.
When I went to get a Mass Card the guy at the desk tried to sell me an altar vestment or a chalice. I demurred but said I might want to set up my funeral in advance. You see they has this thing called the "Pre-plan" where you pay for everything in advance and they put the money in an interest bearing account until you croak and then they use the money to plant you. So the guy's eyes light up and he goes "Well what kind of funereal did you have in mind." I say "I want the one with the Pinata and the bouncy castle."
He was not amused.
3 comments:
I can still remember when I was standing over my Dad's open casket at the funeral home and I asked one of the directors if he could be propped up cause for some reason he didn't look right lying flat, his head was tilted back, and the guy took his time before he said yes and let me know that he was doing me a BIG favor. Fuck 'em all.
How about a cruise?
This is what I want.
(Blake Edwards S.O.B.)
Post a Comment