Laura Bush’s Diary February 6, 2009
Barbara came home to visit this weekend and she is real depressed. She can’t seem to get a man and she is really jealous of her sister Jenna. Jenna is a lot like me. She went to a local college and had a lot of fun. None of that Ivy League bullshit for her. So Jenna always had boy friends and plenty of dates while poor Barbara was always studying. She is a lot like W. Most people don’t realize that he reads all the time and even though he jokes around a lot he did pretty well in school. Much better than that lurch motherfucker John Kerry who always made fun of W with all his pussy liberal friends that windsurfing cocksucker.
Anyhow Jenna is happily married now. I attribute that to the lesson she learned at home at her momma’s knee especially how to suck a banana right out of the skin without making a bruise on it. She can really tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue. Some girls can just do a square knot but my little Jenna can do a bowline or a sheep shank. But little Barbara never got the hang of it. So now she tells me she wants to go to Mexico to get those illegal silicone injections to pump her boobs like that stripper we saw on the TV. I had to stop her so I had to let her in on a little family secret.
You see her Grandmother Barbara went to Mexico for treatments when Poppy Bush was stepping out on her while he was head of the CIA. She was afraid that she was going to lose him to this one bimbo who had served under him in several positions including doggie style. So she went for the treatments and they went horribly wrong. You see the silicone migrated from her breast area to her head like Pedro our gardener sneaking in from Sonora. The fluid built up so much in her noggin that it became Easter Island size. And her eyes started popping out like the buttons on the Hulks shirt when he gets pissed.
Since she also shares a temperament with the Hulk, Poppy Bush decided that he would keep it in his pants if he knew what was good for him. So that is why that is why Grandma Barbara is a mean and crazy pop eyed twat.
Little Barbara agreed that she didn’t want that to happen to her. She is starting her banana lessons tomorrow.
Barbara came home to visit this weekend and she is real depressed. She can’t seem to get a man and she is really jealous of her sister Jenna. Jenna is a lot like me. She went to a local college and had a lot of fun. None of that Ivy League bullshit for her. So Jenna always had boy friends and plenty of dates while poor Barbara was always studying. She is a lot like W. Most people don’t realize that he reads all the time and even though he jokes around a lot he did pretty well in school. Much better than that lurch motherfucker John Kerry who always made fun of W with all his pussy liberal friends that windsurfing cocksucker.
Anyhow Jenna is happily married now. I attribute that to the lesson she learned at home at her momma’s knee especially how to suck a banana right out of the skin without making a bruise on it. She can really tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue. Some girls can just do a square knot but my little Jenna can do a bowline or a sheep shank. But little Barbara never got the hang of it. So now she tells me she wants to go to Mexico to get those illegal silicone injections to pump her boobs like that stripper we saw on the TV. I had to stop her so I had to let her in on a little family secret.
You see her Grandmother Barbara went to Mexico for treatments when Poppy Bush was stepping out on her while he was head of the CIA. She was afraid that she was going to lose him to this one bimbo who had served under him in several positions including doggie style. So she went for the treatments and they went horribly wrong. You see the silicone migrated from her breast area to her head like Pedro our gardener sneaking in from Sonora. The fluid built up so much in her noggin that it became Easter Island size. And her eyes started popping out like the buttons on the Hulks shirt when he gets pissed.
Since she also shares a temperament with the Hulk, Poppy Bush decided that he would keep it in his pants if he knew what was good for him. So that is why that is why Grandma Barbara is a mean and crazy pop eyed twat.
Little Barbara agreed that she didn’t want that to happen to her. She is starting her banana lessons tomorrow.
4 comments:
Comedy gold!
My personal favorite is dirty-bra, hole-in-the-drawers bitch, but pop-eyed twat is pretty good, too.
LOL! I just want to say that I read this and lol'd all the way through. I second ricpic.
Then I called a good friend and while trying to read it to my friend found myself unable to read aloud without several pauses of hilarious laughter!
Good times. Thanks.
This brings up a little dilemma I have...you see, I could have just sent the link to my friend, but did I? No...and that's kind of deliberate. I want to share this gem, but I want to keep the secret of it somewhat to myself! Hmmm.
Dilemma!
Excellent writing Troop.
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