Hey I have to take a break

I guess you have seen that I have been blogging a lot less the last few weeks.

The thing is that I have been so busy that I have not had time to devote to what is one of my favorite hobbies. When you are pulled in a million directions something has to give. Nobody knows what someone else's situation is and they shouldn't throw stones. Just sayn.

So I have to take a break from posting because I have an extremely big and important project going on that I have to devote my full attention to for about the next month. So I am going off the grid for a month or so.

No blogging. No commenting. No nuthin.

Cold Turkey for about a month.

I plan to return on October 22th if all falls into place as I think it will. So check back then and we can pick up the conversation and the shenanigans.

All the best.

Your pal Trooper.

Boardwalk Empire didn't do it for the Jersey Shore.

I saw the eagerly anticipated Boardwalk Empire that was written by Terry Winter of Soprano's fame and direct by Scorcese and I was not that impressed.

I mean they spent a lot of money on the sets and the costumes but they didn't spend a dime on the exposition. I am intimately familar with the period and I had to stop every five minutes to explain to the wife what was going on.

Luckily she fell asleep about a half an hour in or I would have shut it off.

I really hope it picks up or I will be force to switch to "Say Yes to the Dress."

Camel Toe Corner: Charlies Angels Edition

I have to go to the clothing show at the Javitts again tomorrow and spend all day looking at women in their underwear.

I hear they are going to have the original Charlie's Angels there.

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

So Garage Mahal emailed me a photo of him in his Road Kill Thong.

I photoshopped him out of the photo because once you see something like that you can never unsee it if you know what I mean.

They say our favorite new candidate is a witch?

I say they got to be kidding.

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub scene askes what movie is this from?

I mean it would be too difficult to name the actress.

So name the movie.

Clue: The main character from this string of spy flics had to have these to be able to perform.

Tales of the FBI

Bobby Kennedy: I want to thank you for quashing that little mixup with Jack and Marilyn J Edgar.

J Edgar Hoover: You can call me Director Hoover you silly bitch.

Bobby Kennedy: Well no reason to get all touchy Mr Director sir. I mean my brother is still President you know?

J Edgar Hoover: Not if Carlos has anything to say about it.

Bobby Kennedy: What...what are you talking about?

J Edgar Hoover: Oh nothing. I have to go walk my rare clumbers. You know we always pass this falafel stand with this handsome young fellow with two names. Some sort of A-rab I understand. I think I will have to make his acquaintence.

Bobby Kennedy: Well don't do anything I wouldn't do.

J Edgar Hoover: Really Junior. You better get a grip. Clyde...Clyde get the car....I want to get out of this dump.

Clyde Tolsen: Here it is Eddie (Tolsen and Hoover climb into a black Lincoln and pull out of the White House)

J Edgar Hoover: My goodness I hate these shanty Irish.

Clyde: Did you tell him about the photo of him with the young girl who will grow up to be on the "Real Housewives of DC" Eddie?

Clyde Tolsen: No you fool. Then I would have to tell him about the time machine. What are you an idiot?

Palate Cleanser.

And a bonus Whose that girl.

Whose that girl?

And remember Mort is watching so go easy on the jokes ricpic.

Tales of FBI

Mark Felt: Deputy Director Tolson. We have to get the Director.
Clyde Tolson: What’s the problem Felt?
Mark Felt: President Johnson is on the line. He needs to see the Director right away.
Clyde Tolson: Tell that illiterate shit kicker that J Edgar is busy. He has to bestow an award on a couple of fine young men and he doesn’t want to be disturbed.
Mark Felt: But it is urgent. He called us on the red phone.
Clyde Tolson: Really. The Red Phone? What is he fucking Commissioner Gordon. Oh all right but if Eddie gets pissed you are going to have to calm him down. I mean they don’t call you Deep Throat for nuttin after all.
Clyde Tolson: Eddie…Eddie you have to wrap it up…that Texas Jackass is calling.
J Edgar Hoover: What….I don’t care.. I have to give this nice young Negro Boy his present…So tell me…do you like gladiator movies?
OJ: No sir.
Larry Csonka: OJ likes the ladies don’t ya OJ.
J Edgar Hoover: Shut up you dumb polack. You don’t like those nasty girls…you know they will get you in a lot trouble if you mess around with those nasty girls young man.
OJ: Thank you sir, I will keep that in mind.

Diamonds are a girls best friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, May 5, 1962
Toots: Hey Joe, great to see you. I haven’t seen you in while.

Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: And look who you have with you….Charo baby where is Xavier? Does he know you are out?

Charo: (an extremely young girl who answers in a breathy sexy voice) Yello Tootise….mi Xavier is muy Viejo. He so old. He needs his rest. But Jose wanted to meet me for a drink and some food and maybe som cootchie-cootchi….how can I say no to the Yankee Zippper.

Toots: Hey Joe…..ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.

Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t youse crumbums just go up and say hello.(Joe takes Charo’s hand and walks to the back and stands in front of Marilyn who is visibly drunk and looking blowsy at her table)

Marilyn: Joe….fancy meeting you here…and look …you are still robbing the cradle with that spic whore Chico.

Charo: Jello Miss Monroe it is your pleasure to meet you again. Me nombre is María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza. But you can all me Charo. No Chico. That means a boy. You know like the one you will never have with chu diseased conno. Nice to meet chu again tia(She extends her hand shyly, but Marilyn ignores it)

Toots: Hey lets siddown and have a couple of pops.
Charo: Bueno. (Charo sits down opposite Marilyn and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Neither is Marilyn. As each sit their tense twats queef at each other like two mallards about to fight) Senor Jose I remember when I was a little girl living in a small fishing village in Spain. My old grandfather used to take me out to the village to the cinema. And we would see Mrs. Monroe in the motion pictures. Mucho anos ago.

Marilyn; Jesus, Joe how young is this bitch, she must be all of sixteen.

Charo: I am old enough senora. But no so vieja as tu.

Marilyn: Joe you gonna let this bitch talk like that to me? Me? JOE?

Joe DiMaggio:
Charo: Why is ju so upset Mrs Marilyn? I am not making the funs. I respect my elders. By the way you have a lot of grey hair on your conyo…maybe you should put the dye on it or shave it like your moustache, no? Shouldn’t she Jose?

Joe Dimaggio:

Marilyn: What nothing to say…you gonna let this loopy latin cunt talk to me this way……well screw you… you know what I’m gonna do? I gonna call up Gus, you know GUS ZERNIAL !!! The guy who introduced us….I’m gonna call him up and fuck and suck him up and down Florida like I did in the old days…that’s right I gave it up to him before we ever met…and he was all man…not like you or that other fucking pussy hebe I married…he had a big one and I couldn’t get enough of it …that day I did him and the catcher too! ……FUCK YOU YOUR GUINEA MOTHERFUCKER (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)

Charo: Oooooohh baby let me clean ju off. (Charo starts to wipe off Joe with a towel, he pushes her away)

Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me her doctor on the phone. Tell I said it was ok to give her back her pills. The big ones.

Toots Shor: But Joe why do you want to get involved again? Just let it go and have some rice and beans with this hot young chickie.

Joe DiMaggio: I have to look after her Toots, I’m all she’s got.

Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

I be right back. So to speak.

Hey I have to leave the office and I will be right back. But meanwhile here's a palate cleanser and a real easy "Whose that Girl" for you freaks.

Did you hear about the woman that Palladian bumped into in Williamsburg?

This wasn't her.

Hey I was doing taxes!

I have been really busy as Pete knows sending out my corporate returns. So I haven't been able to post as much as I wanted to because I try to make it fun and interesting unlike some blogger we know who post one word and expect the commenter's to do all the work.

So I have been commenting here and there instead because that takes a lot less work. One of the new places I have been commenting on is Television Without Pity which is a great site that does reviews of current TV shows. It is a lot of fun and much better than a certain blogger ladies site. I might move over there permanently.

Hey they are announcing the new American Idol Judges!

And they really suck. I mean Steven Tyler. WTF. Keith Richards wasn't available. That dude looks like a warmed over Bride of Wilderstein for crying out loud!

Oh and J-Lo. As a judge she has a great ass. I mean that's important. I guess if you are going to pull you opinions out of your ass you should really have a fine one.

I think this is American Idol's last season. Simon Cowells new show the X-factor is going to blow it out of the water.

But she has a really fine ass.

My maxi pad is Dodger Blue!

Well it seems that St Joe is stepping down from the Dodger job and Donnie Baseball is the heir apparent out in Lotusland. Joe always knows how to jump ship early and the rumor is he might come to the Mets. Man that would be something to see. It would be Casey Stengel all over again.

It is interesting when a star of one franchise becomes the manager of another. Like when Ted Willliams became the manager of the Washington Senators. So I guess the Dodgers are going to move and Mattingly is going to have his head cut off and put in the fridge stuck to a can of tuna fish.

Well we know that will happen if his wife has anything to say about it.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene "Mort is pensive."

Mortimer Brenzy hates racists. But not so much that he won't get in a hot tub at the Jersey Shore.

But Mort is pensive.

Whey does he have to sit between two dudes?

That's no way to get that tangy poon.

Just sayn'

On Broadway!

Well we are off to see Stacy on Broadway.

She got us tickets to see her in "Love, Loss and What I Wore" on Broadway where she is starring with Meadow Soprano and Nancy Giles of CBS this Morning.

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo you crazy cats, was up!

What a great first week for the NFL blood. Man it was perfect.

My Giants kicked ass and bitch slapped those pesky Panthers. The secondary kicked ass with a whole bunch of INT'S. In the freakin' end zone no less. The running game could have been a little better but they dids what they had to dids. So One and O baby. Way to go.

Now those dog ass Jets showed what kind of shit heads they really are. I mean are they ever gonna shut up. All they do is go on the TV and bullshit. SSSSSHHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I means the only time we wuz on TV when we played was that one time we wuz on Soul Train.

And that fat fuck they have as a coach? Jeez when is he gonna shut the fuck up and coach. This here is a train wreck man. It can only get worse.

Oh and Brett Farve is one old fuck. But I know he don't give a shit. I hear he makes six figures so why would he give a shit.

Next week it is a battle of the brothers. No not Grambling vs Morgan State. It's the Gints and the Colts. Eli vs Peyton.

Damn those white people have funny names!

Son of a beach!

Man I have been so busy lately that I don't know what to do. The September 15 corporate tax deadlines are here and I have to finish off my clients as best as I can. So the blogging might be light this week.

Oh and do you know who these girls from the Jersey Shore are?

Palate cleanser Hey whose that Girl!!!!!!!

Yeah who is that?

It's not Teresa from the Jersey Housewives even though it looks a lot like her.

She was famous for screwing her psychologist.

Do you know who it is?

Hey I am cheering up!

Ritmo sent me the link to this story about the Jersey Shore girls. Here they are in their bikini's. One of them (on the left) is the new girl Dena.

Anyway Jwow is well....wow!

Ritmo said he thought I was Italian but I said I was Irish. You see I am half Irish and half Italian. But I am only Irish when I am morose as I often am this time of year. Normally I am a happy go lucky guinea where the Italian leaks out of me like the grease at the bottom of a bag of zeppoles you get at the feast.

This is from next season that they have just finished filming. What is on TV now is the second season that they did down in Miami.

I find these people endlessly fascinating. It is sort of like the evil blogger lady's comment section.

Only more civil.

Gratuitous Bathtub Photo Once Again Asks Whose that Girl?

Gratuitous Bathtub Photo Once Again Asks Whose that Girl?

One clue. She starred in a bunch of movies that are the exact oppisite of me.

Bert and Ernie NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Ritmo sent me this reality show clip from our old friends Bert and Ernie.

All I can say is:

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR WHEN LITTLE KIDS ARE AROUND!!!!!!!

Commentor Memories Number 41

Our second favorite professor at a prestigious university is very happy.

Professor Roesch-Voltaire is getting himself some freshman pussy!

I'd call you a dog but the President would get upset.

What a mess!

So this customer comes in to get a dress for the holidays. She is in the lower end of our size range. The first time she came in to get a party dress when she was pregnant. Then she came in to show us the baby. I would chat with her husband while she shopped.

Anyway as we were wrapping up her purchases, we said something like"I bet your husband will love this." And she goes "Not so much."

You see they are getting a divorce. Having a kid freaked this asshole out and he had an affair with a coworker and now they are getting divorced. What a prick. What a sad story. I hate when shit like that happens.

Is it me or is it just this time of year?

Camel Toe Palate Cleanser

Hey, El Pollo Real asked for a palate cleanser so in honor of the US Open I bring you the Camel Toe open. So to speak.

Cameltoe Corner: America's Got Talent Division

I voted for Chisty the Contortionist on America's Got Talent.

But she lost out to a magician and a guy who played the harmonic through his nose.

What a rip-off.

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage Mahal is just getting lazier and lazier.

I mean I know he doesn't want to spruce up his blog.

But now he is even using canned road kill.

Jeeeez.

I just got an email

El Pollo Real is pissed at me.

He's mad that I don't dedicate enough posts about him when he is my most faithful reader and commentor.

I am sorry.

But there is one thing.

HE WON'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got an email

Dust Bunny Queen is pissed.

I made fun of her new avatar.

I mean seriously. Lose the frog.

Well. Also lose the camel toe.

Then it would be perfect.

Just sayn'

I just got an email

Titus is pissed at me.

I mean he is so busy with his new Indian husband that he doesn't have time to comment anymore.

But he still wants us to mention him all the time.

He is a drama queen that way.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Hey I just got an email

I just got an email.

The other plus sized stores are pissed at us.

Our stuff is too cool. They are jealous.

Hey I just got an email

Doris Kearns Goodwin is really pissed at me for printing all those extracts from her book.

Especially when I mention what she used to do when she was an intern for Lyndon Johnson back at his ranch.

She wants to know what's the big deal. She was a swinger. She would just get drunk and crazy and go out looking for head.

My kind of girl.

Sorry Doris. I appolgize. Carry on.

Hey I just got an email

Cedarford is pissed at me.

I keep teasing him about hating the Jews and wishing him a happy Ros Hashanah.

He emailed and told me that if his grandfather were alive he would put a hex on me.

He was a witch. I think.

But one thing was for sure.

He liked black pussy.

Hey I just got an email

I just got an email.

I have to stop making fun of Sally Draper.

Or else!

Hey I was busy!

I mean I know I have been neglecting my blogging. Everybody's complaining.

Laura Bush is pissed because I haven't posted several of her diary entries. I mean she had a great one about the separate vacation she took that she sent me when Michelle went off to Spain that time without the Big O. Of course Laura had Gorilla Monsoon and Joey Heatherton and Meyer Lansky all involved in her jaunt so that was another story.

The Devil is giving me a hard time that he still needs a PA announcer and I ain't doing interviews. I told him to wait for Hitchens cause he should be there soon but he is still bitching.

And Angie Dickinson, Stella Stevens, Julie Newmar and Barbara Eden all want to know why I ain't posting pictures of their salad days. They used to say that the Gods got their powers from the amount of people who worshipped them. They feel the same but they keep talking about some dude name Onan and I just don't get it. I will have to have Blake explain that one to me. He knows that position.

Anyhoo it's not like I was at the beach or anything. WTF.