Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

Now the top ten gangster films.

10. The Long Good Friday. A great gangster flick starring Bob Hoskins and Helen Miren. Bob is a Cockney crime lord who has troubles when an American Mafia Don comes to make a deal and various complications ensue. A great scene where he has a bunch of his rivals hanging from meat hooks as he questions them.

9. Capone starring Ben Gazzara as Al Capone. A laugh riot. The slutmeister Susan Blakely as a whore. Harry Gaudino as Johnnie Torrio. And Sly Stallone as Frank Niti. The best scene, a syphilitic Capone fishing in a swimming pool. So bad it's great.

8. The Harder They Fall. Generally classified as a boxing movie, I call it a gangster movie as it shows how Frankie Carbo and the mob controlled the fight game. An Argentinian strong man is set up for a fall as it fictionalizes the career of Primo Carnera. Humphrey Bogart in his final movie role. It shows how the Mob ran the fight game. And I always love a movie that shows how corrupt newspaperman are in real life. Bogey is kinda sad cause you can see he is sick. But he still puts in a great performance.

7. Goodfellas. I kind of think that this movie is overrated. Well i think Scorcese is overrated. Over the top acting as usual from Joe Pesci. Over done voice overs. And Dr Melfi is skinny but still annoying as the wife. Still on the list but not one of my faves.

6. The Roaring Twenties. A James Cagney classic based on some of the Irish bootleggers of the twenties. You know, like Joe Kennedy. A little dated but still a classic. I would include Public Enemy for which it is often confused. With Bogart as a supporting character. What more could you want.

5. Dillinger with Warren Oates in the Title role. A great low budget film about the bank robbers. Cameos by Pretty Boy Floyd and Baby Face Nelson. Lots of action and great shoot outs. You need to acknowledge the great bank robbers of the depression era and I think Bonnie and Clyde is really overrated.

4. White Heat with James Cagney at his crazy best. On top of the gas tank in the final shoot out screaming "Top of the World, Ma!" The best shoot em up gangster film of all time execpt for one other.

3. The Godfather Part One. A great film with all the classic moments we know so well. Tom Hagen. Tessio. Clemenza. Fredo. Sonny. Michael. The Don. Need I say anything more.

2. Scarface. The greatest and most violent shoot em up gangster film of all time. From the boatlift scenes to the final shootout, it shows what narco crime is all about. Sin and degredation. Lots of classic lines. An over the top Pacino is just right in this crazy but brilliant film.

1. Godfather Two. Better than one. The scenes with Deniro as the young Don are among the best ever filmed about the immigrant experiance The scense at Ellis Island. The scenes in Cuba with Hyman Roth. All I can say is;

Michael Corleone: I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies.

Hey top ten list can be overdone.

I am enjoying thinking about my top ten movies lists. But I think I want to pick some more obscure categories. Top ten breast movies. Top ten movies with people with artifical limbs. Top ten gambling movies. Top ten movies that are worse than the tv show. Top ten movies with actresses I hate but the movie is too cool not to see. Top ten good movies I avoid because the actors in it are commies. It's fun come up with your own list.

Best Westerns 2

Now for the rest of the list.

5. Stagecoach is the movie that set the archetypes for almost all subsequent westerns. The whore with the heart of gold. The greedy banker. The southern gentleman fallen on hard times who lives as a gambler and gunman but retains his courtly ways. The drunken doctor who is a truth teller but still a drunk. And most important of all is the Anti-hero. A bad man who does good. A killer who is in the right and does what he has to do. The Ringo Kid as played by John Wayne is the model for hundreds of movies and TV shows and is the archetype of the western hero. In this movie, the shots and the action and the characters set the standard for western movies.

4. Red River is the movie that really made John Wayne a star. His portrayal of Dunson is one of his top three performances and his chemistry with Montgomery Clift is amazing. You could believe that they were father and son. Adopted son but son all the same. This set the tone for all the trail drive movies to follow. The funny part about the movie is that most people assume because it was a Wayne movie that John Ford directed it. The real Director Howard Hawks loved to bust on Ford that he made Wayne a star. Ford would pour his drink over the heads of fans who told them how much they loved Red River. He might have been pissed, but Red River and Stagecoach were the originals that thousands of hacks have copied from for decades.

3. Rio Grande is my sentimental favorite. A great love story with Wayne and Maureen O’hara, the themes of conflict between duty and family is always a favorite. The comic scenes with Victor Mclaglen were stellar as always and the movie could be seen as a metaphor for the war against terror. General Sheridan comes down and tells Colonel York that he has to break the law by crossing into Mexico to stop the attacks by the Apaches. The government might have to disown him but he still has to do the job. It’s fun and lighthearted in an engaging way and better than 90% of the crap we get to watch today.

2. The Magnificent Seven is one of the best action westerns ever made. I much prefer it to the Wild Bunch as it is more stylized and has such a great cast. I mean James Coburn and Charles Bronsen as supporting players. Eli Wallach plays the best “bad tooth” Mexican bandito this side of the Treasure of Sierra Madre. It was a copy of Seven Samurai which Kurasowa has often said was heavily influenced by John Ford’s westerns. So it was a western influenced by an eastern which was influenced by a western. Yul Brenner gave such an iconic performance that he lived off it for years as witness the comic turn it took in Westworld. This is just great popcorn entertainment.

1. The only real agreement I have with AFI is that The Searchers is the best western ever made. Wayne was great as the uncle searching for his niece so that he could kill her because she was ruined by being raped by Scar the Comanche chief. It included most of Fords stock company in their usual roles but they seem sharper and more in tune. This movie has been ripped off in so many ways and so many times that it is impossible to list them all. The themes of lost love and redemption are universal and it is above all great entertainment.

Best Westerns (Not the Hotel douche bag).

The AFI has come out with it’s list of ten best films in several categories so I have to jump right in with some lists of my own. So I will be slipping them in here and there to lighten up the atmosphere. I will post them five at a time.

Best Westerns (Not the hotel douche bag)

10. She Wore A Yellow Ribbon. I don’t know it this really qualifies as a Western but the themes and the photography are great. I want to include Ford’s cavalry pictures as westerns. The theme of an old warhorse retiring to be replaced by the younger generation is a recurring one in Ford’s later work. John Wayne gives a stellar performance as Captain Nathan Brittles and his cemetery scene where he talks to his wife let me go to my dad’s grave and talk to him without feeling self conscious. The photography and costumes were influenced by the great western artist Fredrick Remington and the shots during the storm were just a lucky break that Ford just kept rolling through. Superb.

9. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Lee Marvin is the best villain that I ever saw. He had this fuck you attitude that was right on the money. Jimmy Stewart can get a little cloying but he had an edge here as the slightly sleazy lawyer who steals the Dukes girl. Woody Strode had another of his great almost silent performances as Pompey. “When the truth disagrees with the Legend, print the Legend.” Or the modern newsman’s motto, “Just make shit up.”

8. Johnny Guitar. Man this is a great movie. Joan Crawford is unbelievable and the dialogue is unreal. Nicholas Ray is a great underrated director.

Johnny: How many men have you forgotten?
Vienna: As many women as you've remembered.
Johnny: Don't go away.
Vienna: I haven't moved.
Johnny: Tell me something nice.
Vienna: Sure, what do you want to hear?
Johnny: Lie to me. Tell me all these years you've waited. Tell me.
Vienna: [without feeling] All those years I've waited.
Johnny: Tell me you'd a-died if I hadn't come back.
Vienna: [without feeling] I woulda died if you hadn't come back.
Johnny: Tell me you still love me like I love you.
Vienna: [without feeling] I still love you like you love me.
Johnny: [bitterly] Thanks. Thanks a lot.

What a great movie chock full with lesbian overtones and the female lead is named after a sausage.

7. The Long Riders. A great Walter Hill flick where he had a set of brothers play the members of the James Gang. The gang was actually made up of brothers who had run away to fight with Quantrill during the Civil War. The James and Younger clans were cousins and the Millers and the Fords were part of the extended kinship of intermarriage of rural America. As Cole Younger, David Carradine gave his best performance ever. One of my favorite lines of all time is in this movie.

Belle Starr: Coleman Younger! Seems like you folks are havin' a real nice party in there.
Cole Younger: I expect so, with free food and drink and all.
Belle Starr: How come I wasn't invited?
Cole Younger: 'Cause you're a whore, Belle.
Belle Starr: I might be; but at least I ain't a cheap one

"Cause you’re a whore, Belle." Love it.

6. Unforgiven. A great Clint Eastwood flic that really shows what violence is all about. The performances by Richard Haris and Gene Hackman are great as well. Morgan Freeman overdoes the saintly Negro bit but at least it can serve as a blue print for the Barack Obama campaign. This movie is a distillation of all that Eastwood learned about Westerns throughout his career. The greatest compliment I could give him is that it easily could be a work from Ford or Peckinpaugh. It is by far his best work.

HIberian is the new joint to see.

I went over to set up the books at Hiberian which is a new bar on 50th off 9th Avenue. It's an Irish pub set by the bartenders at Kevin St James and Scruffy Duffys who needed a place to land after the bars closed due to the block being knocked down for a skyscaper. They are good kids but they don't know what they are in for as bar owners. I don't think they are doing enough to differentiate their place from the rest of the places in the neighborhood. They really don't have a plan and they might run into trouble. But go and give it a chance. The booze is great and you get an honest pour. And they will have food next week. Give it a try and support the boys in their new venture.

Video of Teri Garr on the Today show.

They had some video of Teri Gar on the today show talking about how she survived a brain aneurysm. She looks her age and actually seems the same sweet lady she was back in the day. It's great to see a woman of a certain age hasn't had so much plastic surgery that she looks Chinese. Remember when she played the secretary for Gary Seven in that Star Trek episode. In that mini-skirt. How many fucking years ago was that. Damn. I am fucking old. The scary thing is that episode plays all the time. If you rub one out to that episode you are even weirder than I thought.

How long can a cockroach survive without its head?

That's the question MSN is asking today. I would like to ask the blogging cockroach that question but I don't think it matters. You see his significant other is French and hopefully the lack of head is not even a question.

Things I like that will make you mock me!

Blake has a post on his superb blog The Bit Maelstrom about dungeons and dragons. How the game has been changed and updated. And a review of the latest incarnation. But he seemed a little diffident as to expressing the fact that he really enjoyed the game. Or maybe not. But we all have things that we enjoy that make our friends mock us as losers. I have to come up with a top ten list of things I like that leads to hilarity and some good ball busting.

1. Hawaiian shirts. Yes I have 50 of them the more garish the better.
2. Stupid sitcoms. I enjoy stupid sitcoms like My Boys and House of Payne. They aren't always funny but I enjoy the mindless entertainment.
3. Science fiction alternative histories by Harry Turtledove, Eric Flint, SM Stirling and other guys who enjoy mixing up historical characters with changes in the timeline. Good for some serious ball busting. "Oh, so Roosevelt, Churchill, Hitler and Stalin all get together to fight lizards from Outer Space. What are you a moron."
4. Blogging. Yes they think this is a waste of time.
5. Garlic. Now almost everyone loves garlic but not as much as me.
6. Old school comics. You know the comics from the 60's and 70's that I grew up on.
7. Old school western TV shows like Bonanza, Gunsmoke and Wyatt Earp. They hate it when I tune the TV in back of the store to the Western Channel but they get sucked in.
8. The history channel. Especially the shows with ancient civilizations making war. Cool.
9. Math. Talk about unpopular. Heh.
10.The Knicks. Man do I take abuse for still being a Knick fan.

Well that's a short list but I am sure I can up with a lot more. I just know that I like what I like and I don't much care about what anyone else has to say. Except for the wife. She is the boss of me.

This is getting boring!

I have been reading the political news and it is getting as boring as can be with the same old shit day after day. Now the discussion is over Obama treating terrorism as a police problem. I thought that was settled already. California is allowing gay marriage. Hey enough already, let them enjoy themselves. Sometimes when you stop paying attention to kids they stop bugging you. Let them do what they want to do. Just don't force any church to marry them if they don't want to and don't force restaurants or photographers to have to service these nupitials. If there is a big enough market for it, there will be plenty of places to choose from and to enjoy their celebrations. But enough of this bullshit.

I don't know what direction this blog is going to go. I don't want to be just a sports blog although I love sports and often talk about it. I am interested in politics but we seem to be going over the same ground over and over. Little announcements of what I am up to in my life are really only interesting to me. Maybe I should post some pictures of dogs urinating and cats in funny positions to drum up clicks. Ah, who gives a shit.

My clients are busting my balls again.

I keep trying to make appointments to do the sales tax and everyone is blowing me off. I know they don't have a clue about the fact that I have had enough about them but I still have to knock out the returns. I will never leave anyone hanging. But what a pain in the ass.

New on-line shopping at Bombshell

Well it looks like Candace has finally set up her on-line shopping site at Bombshell magizine. It seems to have a lot of stuff on it but a lot of it is from big time companies like Coach and Old Navy and Lane Bryant. So I don't know how it works. It doesn't have any of our premium lines or any of the unique dresses that we have developed in our store. I know that on-line shopping has a very high return ratio. I wonder how it will work out for her. I think our brick and motar store is the way to go.

Hammering Hank says the National Leauge sucks!

Hammering Hank Stienbrenner bitched slapped the National Leauge because of Wongs injury running the bases. He asked when will the National Leauge come into the 21st century for crying out loud. Every other leauge in the world uses the DH. But so called "purists" would be aghast. Every once in a while you run into a dipshit National Leauge Fan who tells you how the National Leauge is "real baseball" with real stratergy and double switchs and all that good shit. You know, constipated assholes like George Will. Please. We have stopped writing with quill pens. We don't wear white powdered wigs. Come back to the modern world. Pitching is too scarce and two valuable to risk batting and running the bases. You don't make the quaterback play special teams. Now we are screwed because Wong won't play to September if that. The Yanks will survive because they will make a move to get someone to pick up those innings. But it has to hurt. Screw the National leauge. End inter-leauge play. It's "modern" and we need to keep the game "pure." Let those National Leauge assholes loose money without the Yankees and Red Sox coming to put money in their pockets. Fuck em.

Willie and the hand jive!

Well the Mets pulled a typical asshole move and fired Willie Randolph in the middle of the night. They also dumped the pitching coach and the first base coach. What a joke! What a third rate franchise. The Mets have always been low rent and this is just another one of their patented loser moves. Willie wasn’t the problem. He is a winner and a true professional. The Mets have an over aged team with no leadership. The overemphasize on Latin players has led to a lackadaisical attitude with no repercussions for lazy play. They needed to cut Carlos Delgado to shake up the team. They needed to get some veteran leadership. They need to slap down Jose Reyes and give him an attitude adjustment. The needed to sign a sparkplug guy like Eckstein to jump start the team and get it going. They need to hire Wally Backman who is “True Met” who will kick ass and take names. Bill James the baseball writer once did a study of managers. He said the best results were when you replaced a calm low key manager with a fiery decisive leader. Or visa versa. Perfect example Billy Martin and Bob Lemon. But it works the other way too! So Wally Backman would have washed away the doldrums that the Mets are in right now. Jerry Manuel is a joke. But he is Latin and it seems that Omar Mineya is going to go down with the ship in his own way. You can’t let the Latin guy’s just blow off the fans and the media and pretend not to speak English. They have to be held accountable or the schism on the team will be even bigger. The Mets got rid of Paul LaDucca who was a leader and spoke out on this issue. They got rid of Lasting Milledge who was a fan favorite and brought some juice to the team. The Mets don’t have a clue. Losers.

A Childrens Place.....Arrrrghhhhhh!!!!

We have our granddaughter for two weeks, so my wife made me meet her at the kiddie clothes store "A Childrens Place" in the Atlantic Center. Dozens of the screaming little bastards running around and making a mess. There is a place for children. In a sack at the bottom of a well.

The Weeds poster.

Now the subway ads for two Showtime shows Weeds and the new Call girl show are all over my local stops. They are sexy shots of the stars of the show. But the one that stumps me is of Mary Louise Parker laying down with her dress hiked up and her panties showing. Is she supposed to be hot shit or what? I thought she was one of these serious actor babes. I mean I saw her on the Tony's and she was way serious. I think this is the Sarah Jessica Parker syndrome where they are trying to make a sex symbol out of someone who ain't a sex symbol. I mean she's pretty and all but she ain't Jessica Alba or Scarlet Johansen or someone like that. Definately not my type even though I like brunettes. Just with a lot more meat on them. Skinny bitches are always mean as sin.

Now I don't have Showtime so I can't evaluate the series or how Parker looks in it. So I guess it's not fair to say she isn't a sexpot in it. It's just the reviews on things like Television Without Pity don't make it seem all that sexy. It just seems like a pot heads wet dream. Maybe that's what they think is sexy. I just don't get it. But that's ok. I just don't get pot. If I want to get high I want to drink bonded liquor or terrific wines not some seeds or stems sold to me by a random Puerto Rican. Just sayn' chico.

How can I tell you that you suck without you getting pissed.

Reading some of my favorite bloggers and commenters lately, I am getting the feeling that I want to say: excuse me but you are a fucking idiot. But most of these guys are very touchy and aren't used to the Brooklyn way of doing things. Or least the way my friends and I operate. We diss each other and tell each other that we are morons or idiots about various topics.I can have a knock down drag out argument and feelings aren't hurt. I don't think I have that realtionship with a lot of these bloggers or commenters so I won't really say what I think. But I want to say for the few select people who are reading this crap, let loose with full barrels when you think I am full of shit. I promise I won't take offense.

Do you reread your favorite books?

My wife really busts my chops about all the books I have laying around the house and the store. Now I don't read fancy fiction that is approved by the intellectuals. Or non fiction that everyone is talking about. I love pure genre fiction. Sci-fi. Mystery. Alternative history. Historical novels. The occasional true crime or history of the mob. And I really like series. You know when one of your favorite authors writes a continuing series with a storyline that goes over several books. I have resolutely low brow tastes. Eric Flint. Harry Turtledove. Robert E. Parker. Lawrence Block. SM Stirling. James Ellory. George MM Martin. David Weber. David Drake. Jim Butcher. WEB Griffin. William Forstchen. Alexander Kent. Elmer Kelton. Dennis Lehane. George Peleconis.Or the classic genre guys from the past. John D. MacDonald. Edgar Rice Borroughs. Talbot Mundy. CSS Forrestor. Tolkien. Louis Lamour. Zane Grey. Great authors all. Well great to me. They all write very entertaining books. Nothing earth shattering. The tight asshole disapproving "intellectuals" scoff at these guys. But they are a lot of fun. That's what reading is to me. Fun. The problem with following these series is that you are just waiting for a new one to come out. Now that there is on-line publishing you can go to the website and get an advance peek at some chapters and you just want more. So I just keep rereading the old books. If I leave it off for a year or so, when I pick it up it's like visiting an old friend. And the best part about it is that this type of old friend won't ask to borrow money.

Loosies go up to 75 cents!

Hey loosies have gone up to 75 cents a cigarette. For you rubes out there, loosies are single cigarettes that you buy in a bodega to calm down your habit when you can't afford a pack. Or if you are trying to cut down. It's also how a lot of young kids start smoking. Most bodega owners will sell loosies to kids over 12 or so. They figure the kids can't get in too much trouble with just one cigarette. Plus they want to make money. Nanny staters like Nanny Bloomberg and your legion of liberal commie dogooder assholes don't know how tight the margin is for bodega owners. How hard they work. How much they worrry. They don't give a shit about the regular working guy. That's why cigarette are about $9 a pack for taxes that are wasted on bullshit.

This brings up the topic of bodegas. The one next to the store is very well run by Nelson a Dominican dude and his large family. I think he has five daughters that range from about 18 to six. Pretty soon there will be a lot of dudes hanging around since all the girls are cute. But the mom is real strict so it's gonna be time for some fireworks. There is always one or two of them around the store helping out cause it's a true family business. He puts out tons of fresh flowers that people buy as well as a lot of expensive groceries. Now you pay the price for the convenience. The big supermarket is a lot cheaper but a loaf of bread or a jar of jelly can be bought right next door for about 20 or 40 cents more than the supermarket. What are you gonna do.

My old bodega was at the corner of my moms block. They were the family of the butcher who lost his shop and started selling out of a small grocery that they had always had in the basement of their house. Three brothers ran it. Pete was the butcher, Pat ran it during the day and Vinnie and his Mom ran it at night. So it was almost a 24 hour thing for quite a while. But Pete got sick and stopped doing the meat. He eventually passed away. Pat quit and the mom also passed. So Vinnie proceeded to flip out. Well not flip out but come into his own. He had originally went to school for accounting and did some taxes for his customers. Now this is the kind of a place where they have a book where they write down what you take and you pay when you get your check. Welfare, ssi whatever. It's credit for people who can't get credit. Vinnie also had a side business selling football sheets which is best not talked about. Anyway he now has full control of the shop. He opens real late around noon or 1pm. But he's open all night. And he always has some cute single moms hanging around. He's a catch these days. He's a good guy, I hope he's having fun. And getting laid. But I can't go in there anymore. I went in with the wife once and she lost her mind. Now I admit that the place is kind of scievy. But most of the stuff you are buying is in a wrapper or a bottle or something. I ain't buying chop meat anymore. Jeeez. But I am banned from shopping there for any of our stuff. Except for cigarettes. Ha.

From the outside looking in!

When I look at the last few posts at Althouse, I have to shiver. It's been really bad once she left Brooklyn. I think the new blog is a distraction and I guess I just enjoyed the posts about places in Brooklyn a lot more. The post about fathers has degenerated into another diatribe by downtownlad and the post about gay society is really really weak. I guess I am really lucky that nobody reads my shit and I can just shout out into the canyon and nobody will hear. Like that episode of the Sopranos. My friend Joe's high school buddy Terrence Winter wrote a lot of those episodes. And man did a lot of them suck. That show became such an overrated hot mess at the end of it's run. Both Deadwood and the Wire were miles and miles better. But both of those great shows are canceled. And HBO doesn't have anything good in the hopper. I guess I am stuck with reruns or old movies or Ice Road Truckers. Mostly I like to read while we sit in front of the wide screen TV. But when I cede control of the remote I end up having to endure Bridezillas or Home Shopping or some shit on Lifetime. Then you really want to jump off a bridge.

You know what's some sick shit?

When I pulled up MSN this morning I didn't zero in on the sports section. Or the business section. Or even photos of naked chics. No I clicked on "Hot Handbags." I wanted to see what was hot for the summer so we could get it for the store. I'm a scared Norton....I'm a scared.

Hey it's you not me!

This weekend I have come to the conclusion that I am dropping most of my accounting clients. This came about because of another stab in the back incident. I had helped a guy buy into a bar after he lost his last gig and helped one of my clients get that money that he needed and someone to help run his operation. That guy stiffed me on half of my finders fee. And the jerkoff that I helped get into the bar has another investor on the line and switched to that guys accountant. Now I am a big boy and business is business but this douche didn't even call me. He let his partner, my original client tell me this week just when it's sales tax time. I had helped and counciled and sheparded this douche through setting up a bar with another investor who eventually threw him out. I got him this gig at a good price. And he doesn't have the decency to give me a call. Clients just suck. I remember when I was working for a firm in the city in 1982. It was about a six man firm but we rented out two offices to two other accountants. One day at the beginning of the tax season, one of these guys dies. Right there in the office. His client who was about 90 years old comes out of the office and says "I think Mr. Rothstien is dead." So we go in and he sure looks dead. But with my Boy Scout training I try to give him artificial respiration until the para medics come. The other guys call a doctor in the building. He comes in and says "Oh that guys dead." The paramedics are right behind him and say "Oh that guys dead." They leave him on the floor and put a 1040 over his face. A cop is assigned to stay in the room and wait for the coroner. He closes the door, I think he was going through his pockets and desk to see what he could steal. So the next day it started. His clients would show up for appointments because no one knew to call them to tell them. The pussies in the office left it to me to tell them what had happened. Some of them were sad. Most were shocked. Some even cried. But within 5 minutes every one of them asked for their papers. People suck. Clients suck. They wouldn't wait for the guy to get cold. Don't ever think they are your friends. You are just a convenience for them. I can't wait to dump their sorry asses.

The AP gets it's balls twisted.

It looks like the AP has sent a letter to Drudge to bust his balls about using and quoting their stuff on his blog. Screw them. He should be able to quote whoever he wants. Not that I would quote them, as part of the main stream media, they are unreliable and biased. The best thing to do when reading their ludicrous pap is to assume that the exact opposite facts are in fact the true story. White is black and black is white. Or in Barack's case, halvies.

Gee I hope Reader I am isn't wet.

I think reader_iam said she was from Iowa. I hope she isn't flooded out due to the problems in Iowa. I thought they had all that corn and hogs and stuff to adsorb the runoff. Or is it Titus who has the wet hog.

Anyway I hope reader and her family are safe. I haven't seen any of her convoluted sentence structures on any blogs in a few days. Let's pray that she and her family are safe at home.

Current Events or just whats on my mind?

I am trying to blog and I wonder what is the best format. Most bloggers seem to take news stories and riff off that. But I just feel like a stream of conciousness is best. What ever comes to mind is what I will spout. No one seem interested but that's ok. This seems better than adding to other peoples blogs. At least for now.

Hey the Tony's ain't just a bunch of guineas hanging out on the corner.

I caught a bit of the Tony award show. It was great and some of the musical numbers were outstanding. Such great talent. The wife and I love to go to the show. The last thing we saw was Jersey Boys in preveiws. It was great. But I want to see the Little Mermaid. I am a sucker for Disney Musicals. It's just fun. Sorry sophisticates, I like the corn big time. Bite me.

Some of the actors were looking rough. Frazier's brother in paticular. Man he should have a freakin' sandwich. Man he was skinny and bald. I hope he is ok. He is a funny guy.

Lakers hang on by the skin of their teeth!

I just finished watching the end of the Laker Celtic game and the Lakers just managed to hold on to win. But they will be run out of the building when they get to Boston. The Celtics will bitch slap them because the Lakers have no heart. And no alternative when Kobe can't do it all. They needed to develop a second options like Gasol or Lamar Odom. But they can't control Kobe so they can't control the team. It just goes to show how over rated Big Chief Triangle is as a coach. He should never have let it come to this. When he had Jordan, he had someone who could produce in the clutch. But they really started to win when Jordan started passing off to the likes of Paxson and Kerr for those easy buckets. Kobe needed to work a two man pick and roll game with Gasol who is a deadly shooter. Or get Odom to post down low like Isiah used to do with Adrien Dantley and Mark Aquirre the Wrath of God. Can't anybody coach this game!

It sucks when you sprain your Wang!

The Yankees won again and swept the Astros but Wang sprained his foot running the bases. I wish we could play the national league all the time because they really suck. Next up are the Reds. Brings back memories of when the Big Red Machine spanked us in the series. Johnny Bench. Pete Rose. Joe Morgan. You know, when the national league was good. I hope we sweep them again. The rumor is that Colon is available from the Reds, but I hope we stay with the young kids unless we can really rape another team. No body is running away with it in the AL so we can stay the course with what we have and pick up some reinforcements at the trading deadline. We just spanked the Astros best pitcher Lee Harvy Oswalt or whatever his name is. I hate to follow the National League. Like I said they suck. Even Cyrus roots for an American League Team and he is always for the underdogs. Or the commies.

Rice Balls Baby!!!!

Louie from Casa Rosa just brought over a big tray of Rice Balls. Damn that's good shit.

I served all the girls in the store rice balls and fried zucchini. They were very happy.

Catfight!

Two girls just had a fight over a dressing room. Ouch.

Sunday in the store by George.

Well I am stuck behind the counter of the store on Sunday afternoon again. I have to post on the computer because I have to look busy. When the girls come out of the dressing room, they don't always want a mans opinion. They want the wife or the other girls to chime in. Occasionally they will ask what I think so I can give my opinion. And youse guys know I have a big freakin' mouth and love to give my opinion. So it's real hard for me to keep quiet. I have to pretend to be working and to not be paying attention.

Added
We had a really great Sales day. We had a stylist who came in with a client who bought a lot of great clothes. She is a cabaret singer and got a bunch of gowns to sing in as well as stuff for her day job as a lawyer. Sweet. I just got bored posting at Althouse because the topics have left a lot to be desired. Especaailly when the professor decided to piss on Fathers on Fathers Day. That really turned me off. I have to take a break over there cause I am really starting to get cranky.

Grandma Restituta's Red Sauce!

And it ain’t gravy you fuckin’ morons, gravy is brown.

1 whole sweet onion
12 count ‘em 12 fucking cloves of garlic
Six cans of plum tomatoes
1 can of tomato paste
3 Bay Leaves
½ teaspoon of red pepper
1 piece of gravy round beef a cut of chuck or something like that there.
1 teaspoon of this Vietnamese chile and garlic stuff you can find in the foreign food section of your specialty store (grandma didn’t use it but I added it)
Some good wine
Salt and pepper.
One teaspoon of sugar

Chop up the onion and put it in the food processor and give it a couple of whirls. (What ya thought this was gonna be a professional recipe Dust Bunny Queen, furrgetaboutit)
Throw some olive oil in a big pot and dump in the onions and start to caramelize them. Clean and chop up the garlic cloves. Make a spot in the pot in the oil and start to cook the garlic. Smush it all around. Add a teaspoon of the red Vietnamese garlic chile sauce that shit is hot. Take your gravy round and toss it in. Brown on both sides. Then pour in some wine to debride the pan and let it all sizzle and smell really good. Smush that all around. Open the cans of tomatoes and toss only the actual plum tomatoes in the food processor and give a couple of turns. Don’t liquefy it douche bag. Just chop it up enough to break it up. Then put it in the pot together with the liquid from the cans. Fill one can with water and then pour it from can to can to get all of the tomato stuff out before ya throw the cans in the freakin’ garbage. Then put in the can of tomato paste. That will give it body since you put in too much water you dick. Add the bay leaves. Throw some salt about three pinches. Toss in one spoon of sugar. Ground two turns of fresh black pepper into the sauce. Bring to a boil. Simmer for about an hour and a half under a low flame. You can also add the meatballs but be aware that they will soak up all of the sauce. So only put them in for the last half hour. Enjoy you bastards.

Trooper York's Balls (meatballs that is)!

Here’s a simple meatball recipe.

1 lb of chop meat
1 lb of veal
1 lb of ground pork
8 garlic cloves
1 cup of bread crumbs
½ cup of pecorino Romano cheese
1 head of parsley
5 eggs

Mix the meats in a bowl till they are as scrambled as Hugh Hefner’s wits. Then break the eggs like Hillary would break Bills balls now that they lost and mix them into the meat. Clean and chop up the garlic into little pieces like Michele does to Baracks balls whenever he has an independent thought. Mix the minced garlic in the meat. Squish it around like a Democrat Congressman talking about the war so it’s nice and squishy. Then add the breadcrumbs. Also clean and chop the parsley, remember to leave off the stems which can be bitter (like those broads you meet late at night at the bar talking about their ex-husbands, you know like McCain’s first wife). Drop the parsley in the mix. Mix up that mess until everything is combined in one hot mess. Take some out and roll it in your palms like you were rubbing up a baseball to make a round ball approximately the size of a spaldeen (a rubber ball used in stoop ball you hicks). Make sure it sticks together with enough breadcrumbs. It should stick together like Vito Fossella and that slutty Army bitch. Place it in a frying pan and fry under a low flame turning often so all sides brown. Eat at least two of them out of the frying pan. Plop the rest of them in the red sauce to give it flavor. Enjoy.

Fathers day is here.

I miss my dad. He died in 1988. Nobody in the family talks about him anymore eccept for me and my mom. He and I were a lot a like. All of his old friends in the neighborhood say I remind them of him. A lot! We were both Irishman with the gift of gab who could tell stories and entertain people at the drop of the hat. But I always feel that the Italian side of my nature predominates. It leaks out like the grease in the bottom of a bag of zeppoles.

You could always talk to my dad. He ran away from home to join the army when he was 16. They lived above the funeral parlor and the undertaker was a bachelor and he wanted my dad to take over the business. He didn't want any part of that so he stole his brothers ID and went to Korea.

He met my mom when they were both worked in the Irving Trust Bank on Wall St. He kept teasing her about when she was going to invite him over for an Italian meal. When she did, he never left.

I love and miss you Daddy-o.

You know Jim McKay passed away!

With all the accolades and hosannas for Tim Russert, the passing of Jim McKay of ABC sports was hardly remarked upon at all. McKay was a true professional who was always on top of the story. He gave you the facts without the Chris Berman bullshit that we have to listen to today. His coverage of the Olympics in Germany was unbelievable and he far outshone the douche bags of today like David Gregory and his ilk. Unlike Russert, he never tied to come off as something he wasn't. He didn't pretend to be an athlete like Russert pretended to be a regular guy. He just told the story and gave you the facts. He was a true professional who didn't interject himself into the game. He will be missed. He deserved a lot more attention.

Why sports is better than Politics!

It's more fun to argue sports than politics because even in the worst of times a sports fan is never as boring and pedantic as political junkies can be in arguing for their side. I find that most people really lack a historical perspective in both sports and politics and just follow the conventional wisdom. They repeat the bullshit they hear on TV or read in the papers as though it's a pearl of wisdom. Think for yourself you sheep! Come up with an original thought now and again. Jeeez.

Which coach is gonna suck the least?

MSN has run through the new NBA coachs and gave a forcast as to what will happen with each. Uniformly negative by the way. I think they are correct about the new Knick coach Mike D'Antoni who will have a very short tenure on the Knick sideline. He has a short fuse and won't be able to take the Heat of the papers and sports radio bashing him every day. I was actually an Isaiah Thomas fan because I understood what he was trying to do with the team. His big mistake was after he benched Marbury in Phoenix and the team voted him off the island, he never should have reinstated him. He also needed to set up a two unit rotation with either Curry or Randolph as the focal point, but not both at the same time. He would have used Curry and Jamal Crawford to play a two man pick and roll with Lee and Richardson and Balkman to bang and rebound. Then sub Randolph for Curry and Marbury for Crawford with the second unit and let them take advantage of the subs on the other team. That's a workable premise. Of course you have to beat down Randolph and Marbury but I think that's doable. Marbury is playing for a contract and Randolph has to do what he's told cause his stock is so low he can talk his way right out of the leauge. D'Antoni won't do this though. He will try to play Randolph and Curry together and it will be a fiasco. He will be lucky to last the season.

Are we in one of those fucking Russian Doll things or what?

It seems I spent a lot of time commenting on comments made about other comments. WTF.
It's hard whenyou are trying to tone it down. I am famous for a fuck you in your face attitude, but I definitely try to keep it simple in comments. That's why I have gone oblique with quotes and asides and allusions. But some of this Internet stuff just seems to be a circle jerk. It's layers in side of layers like a russian doll that fits into another doll. Jeeez enough already!

No such thing as a free lunch.

My buddy that owns the restaurant next door brought over six or seven free heros today for the girls in the store. We had been in the restauarant twice in the last three days with clients for dinner. And we had a big tab each time. So it's nice to see a little love. And nothing says love better than a free meatball hero.

Sales are Brisk in the Spring Time.

Well the sales have been great the past two weeks. Everyone got caught short by the sudden increase in tempature and needed some light weight summer stuff. We are actually selling out of some styles which is great. We have to keep the momentuem going and I will be on the poop deck tommorrow morning to give the wife a breather. It is gonna be a blood bath. I can feel it already.

Drinks are on me.

On Althouse, star commenter RC Ocean writes:

I'm sorry Russert died. The left wing hatred of him is rather weird considering he was a liberal and Ted Kennedy's former Chief of Staff.
And I reserve the right celebrate the death of certain public figures. (This has nothing to do with Russert, who was a harmless talking head).
But some people who are criminals or abuse power and cause harm don't deserve the "Don't speak ill of the dead'

Hey when Robin Williams goes to the ChuckleHut in the Sky the drinks are on me! And when Sarah Jessica Horseface finally succumbs to a botox catastrophe, the cosmos are being served up on my tab!

When I don't like somebody, I don't like somebody!

I find it very hard to pretend to like someone who I despise. I can get along with almost anyone but every once in a while there are people that just break my shoes. Funny enough, it is often people in the media or entertainment that I have never met. I guess it's not fair or reasonable, but it's just the way it is. Life is too short to put up with that bullshit. But I believe in stabbing you in the front and not the back, so you generally will know when I won't piss on you if you were on fire.

Free speech for me but not for thee?

Althouse commented on the vicious comments on some blogs about Russert passing. It's the same old drivel from the same lefty douches which shouldn't get your knickers in a twist. But I think it's important to remember that free speech allows even these crazies to spout off the nonsense that they are spewing. I totally disagree with most of what they have to say but I don't presume to tell people how to feel or how to express themselves. Russert was a public figure who had no compunction in torturing other people who were in the public eye when they did something wrong or what was perceived as wrong by elite Washington Media opinion. Now he has to reap what he had sown.

I hold the art of journalism in the same level of minimum high regard as I do professional wrestling. So I was much more affected by the death of Gorilla Monsoon. I guess you feel much worse if you are a fan.

How do you say you are sorry when you really aren't?

It's very hard to go to a funeral or meet someone who has lost someone you really didn't like. I remember there was a guy I went to school with who hated me and I hated him. He went to work for the city and died in the line of duty long before 911.
His wake was attended by thousands of people who didn't even know him. But he and I had been fighting and rivals and hated each other since we were six years old. I didn't go to the wake because I couldn't be a such a big hypocrite. I felt bad for his mom and did a few things to help her out. But I just couldn't pretend to weep like so many other phonies who went to the wake. I guess some people have no shame.

Tim Russert meets his maker.

Tim Russert died today. Sorry for the family. But I always despised him as a truly evil man. He was a gold plated phony. An informer. The type of shanty irish who would stab you in the back to get an advantage from the gentry. He pretended to be a beefy working man but he was just a yuppie liberal weasel. Like his stable mate Chris Matthews he tried to hide behind his potato face to pretend to be something he wasn't. A regular blue collar guy. He was an elitist and a phony. I believe in stabbing somebody in the front and not in the back. So I can't really weep for him because I thought he was truly horrendous. I tried to tone down my comments on Althouse but I find all journalists basically despicable and he was the leader of the pack. His banner will be picked up by another of his ilk like Matthews or David Gregory and they will continue to do great damage to our republic.

Should I go to the Hall of Fame?

A friend of ours who is an opera singer just got a gig for the summer singing in the Glimmerglass opera up in Cooperstown. She rented a house and invited us to come up for the weekend sometime during the summer. I have been to the Hall of Fame several times but it might be time for another trip. But I don't think we will have time due to the press of business with the store. Plus the wife isn't interested in the Hall at all. But they have a spa, so who knows. It might work out.

Willie is going under the bus!

The knives are out for Willie Randolph today. The Mets blew another game and the talk is that they are gonna make a move. Peterson the pitching coach and Howard Johnson the hitting coach are also on the block. It could be a positive move if they go for Wally Backman who will shake things up and not take any crap in English or Spanish. I could see him getting in a fist fight like Billy Martin did with Reggie Jackson or Ed Whitson. Backman could go right up to Delgado and pop him in the face. He would then have the undying support of every Met fan forever. But that makes too much sense. So they will half way it as usual and hire someone like Jerry Manuel and piss away the season. But that's why they are the Mets. The losers!

Plaxico digs in his heels.

Well the Giants are having mini-camp and Plaxico Burress is having a mini hold out. He wants more dough and I think the Giants will give it to him. He had a great year last year and we need to avoid as many distractions as possible. Speaking of which, the sooner they get Jeremy Shockey's ass out of town the better. He is nothing but a walking, talking distraction and it would be addition by subtraction. We won without him and it would be the best thing if we got some draft choices and got him out of town. I think it would be very unlikely that the Giants can win back to back, but the only way we can do that is if we don't believe the hype and concerntrate. Strahan's retirement will stop the circus that would have ensued in training camp, if we dump Shockey it will have an even bigger calming effect. We need to normalize things and concerntrate on football. Oh and make sure Jessica keeps banging Tony Romo.

I took a dump so I feel a lot better.

Unlike Titus from Althouse I don't choose to broadcast my bowel movements, but lets just say that a lot of Vitamen C and water have helped "eliminate" the problem and my cold and fever seems to have blown over. So now it's back to business as usual.

I'm as sick as a dog.

Man am I sick. I spent all Sunday night mopping up the store before What not to wear in my wifebeater sweating like a pig. The air conditioner was pumping as it was 90 in Brooklyn and I got a chill. I've been coughing up a lung and shivering like a freakin' I don't know what. Like you care.

It's just good luck that all of the topics posted the last few days have sucked donkey dick. Nyquil for me. Good day sir!

Hey I ain't a trained seal!

The professor posted on a meeting between Justice Scalia and Sarah Jessica Parker! And she solicited comments and imaginary dialogue! It's no fun to throw a pie when everyone else is doing the same thing. The jokes only really work when they are stuffed into a long boring string of long boring comments. So I think I am going to take a pasadena on that one. Jeeeez. I ain't a trained seal and you can't bait me into joking around. Let's see what everyone else comes up with before we jump into the pool.

Added:
I just put in a little comment that teased Simon. I have been busting his balls alot and I hope he doesn't take offense. I only tease people I like, the ones I can't stand I just ignore. But even with that I have been relatively gentle. I mean I had a whole comment about PILF's that I didn't post (Professor's I'd like to fuck). See, I can be restrained.

The What not to Wear shoot went great!

Well the What not to wear shoot went great yesterday. The best part of it was when my granddaughter got to spend the whole day hanging out with Stacy London. Stacy let her pick out some colors and they talked about how to match them in outfits. Brianna had a great time. The cameras and the lights and all were a lot of fun for her. I hid out in the back room as I always do and made sure everyone had something to eat or drink. Sandwiches, pastries and cookies as well as Manhattan Specials. That espresso coffee soda was a big hit as it beats the hell out of Red Bull as an energy booster. The subject Glenda was from Florida and she was a lot of fun. She picked out a couple of great outfits, especially the white jeans from Jessica Svoboda and the top from Oliva Harper. I have to make sure we have a lot of them in the store when the show airs so people can run in and get the same outfit. And Clinton even mentioned the name of the store on camera which he never ever does. Cool. I hope it makes it to the final cut of the show. That would be the icing on the cake. Thanks to everyone. What a great day.

What to Wear is filming now.

What not to wear is filming in the store now. The subject is Glenda from Florida who seems very nice. She might be getting the white jeans and a new Oliva Harper top. Stacy and Clinton and the crew are great as usual. I have a big spread of pastries and cookies and some sandwichs for them to graze on. A well fed crew is a happy crew.

Cyrus we hardly knew ye!

I was thinking about Cyrus and his team the Twins. He is emblematic of a lot of baseball fans who have a team with a rich tradition, but somehow the team runs away from it. Guys like Tony Olivia and César Tovar and Kent Hrbek and that crazy Butch Wynegar. And the great Rod Carew. Why aren't those guys part of the team? Why aren't those guys coaches and front office people. Money. That's why. The team would rather hire cheap baseball lifer guys than bring up their own guys to run the team. Hrbek should be the manager. When a team drops their old players they depreciate the brand. But it's endemic in baseball. Go figure.

Big Brown load in the Belmont!

I used to go to the track all the time with my Uncle V. We used to drive to Belmont on a Sunday afternoon after church. He was a $2 bettor but he often won. He loved cable cause he could get the replay. At one point in his retirement he would go to the track three times a week. He showed me how to bet and not lose my shirt. Now I talk to him about the races when I visit. We will watch the Belmont together. I would have put a bet in at OTB but Nanny Bloomberg has destroyed it and it soon will be a thing of the past. The mob bookies are all gone now except for football since OTB took all the race action. But in the sixties there used to be a horse parlor in an apartment on Court St. where all the players would go to place their bets. Then OTB came in and the players all hung out there. Now both are gone. And the liberal yuppie scum are happy.

Stuck in the Middle with You!

Well I am stuck in the store on a Friday night again. I was up at 6am to help my cousin put shelves in the back room. We had a busy sales day and got a lot of new product to tag and price. But I am exhausted so I am in the office on the net while the girls are running around, trying on clothes and having a grand old time. Of course they are gonna look around at midnight and say, hey we didn't eat dinner. I am going to say: Tough Shit. I told this at 9, 10, 10:30 and now I give up. It's cheese sandwichs and water for you.

Sometimes I wonder if people say, how can this asshole be posting on a Friday night when he should be out or at least resting at home. Well now you know.

Fishing with Uncle V

Hey the question that popped up when I edited my profile was about a fish. It made me think of the days I would go fishing with my Uncle V. He had an huge Chysler Newport that we would load up with his outboard motor and gas tank and a big cooler and five or six rods and reels. We would leave Brooklyn at about 4 in the morning and drive out to Peconic Bay in Southhold Long Island. We would fish the bay or maybe go to the Sound by Orient Point. We could come home with 100 porgies, once we caught 60 weakfish which was phenomanal. Then we would fill the cooler with ice and drive home for three hours. When we pulled up at Henry St where he lived, all the old guineas would come out to see what we caught. He would give away alot of the fish to the old people. Mainly cause we didn't want to clean them. But they couldn't wait to get the free fish.

He has Alzheimers now. He lives with my mom and has a 24 hour home care attendant. I go over once or twice a week. I shave him and cut his hair. And we talk about fishing.

I get comments...well no not really!

I have been posting comments for about a year and I might be coming to crossroads. I am getting a little bored of the sites I have been jumping into. So I might try to write more here. I don't know if it will work since the jokes I like are best embedded in a long boring thread like at Althouse where the nerds are arguing some bullshit or other. But lately a couple of the commenters are wearing me down. Nothing like our old buddy Lucky, it's much more benign. I can't complain because other people obviously like them so who am I to say. And I am sure my bullshit drives people crazy too! So I think everyone should say what they want and post what they feel like saying. I hate it when people start putting limits and requirements on the comments. And if you moderate them then you are a major league pussy. I don't know, I am just thinking about it. Maybe no one will care. Blake has a great blog but not much traffic. And he knows how to embed pictures and links and other good shit like that. I don't have time for that. So it might not work. Who knows?

Reader stops by...Yeah!

Reader_iam stopped by to ask when did I start this blog. I never really started it, I just started posting on the place holder that blogger requires to post comments. I have started to get a little bored at some of my usual haunts and had to move farther afield. Reader is a great commenter who I love to tease. Some of the other commenters I enjoy busting on are Simon, Bissage, and RH Hardin. They are wildly diverse characters. I often don't agree with them and they certainly don't agree with each other. But they are all characters that make the Althouse blog fun. When I get really bored at my second job behind the counter at the store, I have to do something or my head will explode. So this little blog is just letting off steam. Hiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason Giambi wears his panties!!!!!

Jason Giambi is wearing his gold lame panties with the fire striped band as he hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth with a pinch hit home run. Wow. Get the rest of the team to Victoria's secret.

Reader I Am asked a good question.

On a recent thread on Althouse, the ace commenter Reader I Am stated that there were several levels of commenter's on the site. She left it open for a follow up and suggested it would be a good thread. But no one took her up on it, especially the host.

I think it is very true that there are various levels of involvement. There are the daly posters who are almost always present. The frequent posters who are there two out of three days. And the occasional visitors who post once a week or once a month. The hardest part of commenting for me is not blasting other commenter's who piss me off for one reason or another. It's usually not about the content but rather the form. Some of the pretentious blather is so bad you want to cut your throat rather than listen to one more word. Some of it is mindlessly cheery blather that annoys the hell out of me. Some of it is self-righteous sanctimony. But I try never to address this too directly, although a fail all the time and end up posting shit I shouldn't. Luckily I post a quote or aside that is opaque enough that the nimrods can't figure it out. It is a joy to communicate with people who get it like blake, Reader I am, Pastor Jeff, Meade, Madison Man, Pallidan and even Titus who is a pretty funny guy.

And I want to offer a big apology to Mort. I conceived a dislike for him because I thought he was this guy who showed up at a meet up who was a real dick head. It turns out he was a totally different guy. So I was snarking at him for months for no reason. I apologize.

But not to Reader. What a pain in the ass.

Joba gets hammered.

Well Joba Chamberlin got roasted in his first start, but it is only his first start. The armchair experts are all pontificating that the Yankees have to have him in the eight inning to be the new Mariano. Why can't he be the new Ron Guidry. It's great that the Yanks are bringing him along slowly. This is a transition year where we can still compete. The injury to Big Papi means the Red Sox won't run away with it. You can't have an all-star at every position. Next year a lot of money comes off the payroll. Giambi, Petite, Matsui and a couple of other guys will surely be gone. A judicious purchase of free agents here and there and we will be right back in it with a young pitching staff. Hughes, Chamberlin and Kennedy are just babies and as such need to be babied. It just gets so old listening to the sports reporters tell each other the same crap. It's almost as bad as politics.

Close the door why don't ya!

Some one told me that those buttons on elevator that look like this >< won't work because they are just there to make you feel good. They don't control the doors. That means no matter how many times you touch it nothing will happen.

Sort of like Rosie O'Donnells clitoris.

If you are a guy.

Hey What Not to Wear is Coming Back to the Store!

It looks like What Not to Wear is going to film another episode at the store. That's so great. We always get a big bump in business when a new episode airs. Although my wife's information web casts have also started bringing in new customers. Stacy and Clinton are the best. I have to get together a big lunch spread. Hmmmmm. Fresh mozzarella, basil and prosciutto might do the trick. We'll see.

The proprieties at all times!

Just posted at a blog that moderates comments. That is such a cheat. You have to let people say what they want. You can't control what they say. This is America after all. Luckily I don't have that problem since hardly anyone comments on my drivel here so it's not an issue. But if any of you dirty commie hippies want to post a comment, I won't delete it. Except for Sarah Jessica Parker. Stop emailing me.

But the rest of youse guys, knock yerselfs out if you ever see anything that tickles your fancy.

A split so eat my banana!

Well the Yanks and the Twins split the four game set so it was a push. Maybe we will see the Twins in the playoffs, cause I think they have a real good team. Might be a year or two away and the Yanks might not make it this year as we are in transition right now. But Joba is pitching so we have to see what we have in him. Interesting times.

A wager with Cyrus.

Well since the Yanks are playing a four game set with Cyru's Twins, I have proposed a wager.If the Twins take the series I will wear a Che T shirt to the Knights of Columbus and eat a tofu burger. It the Yanks win, Cyrus has to wear a Jeter T shirt and go to a John Wayne Film festival. I would ask him to eat a hot dog but I don't want to go over the top.

Cyrus is a Twin's fan.

Cyrus Pinkerton has finally declared his baseball allegiance and it is to the Minnesota Twins. A great franchise and the first to recognize that Billy Martin would be a great manager. It's a shame that most of their talent walks in free agency as soon as they get a chance since the super rich owners won't put any money back into the franchise.

Although I must admit that the Minnesota Twins will always be what was in Mary Richards tight sweater dress in episode 86 of the Mary Tyler Moore show when Mary finally started to put on some weight and look like a normal woman. Those were some twins let me tell you!

Yowza.

When blogging becomes boring.

Well the blogging and commenting has begun to become a bit of a drag. I need a long comment section to riff off of to make any kind of comic headway. Lately Althouse has been very boring with fewer posts up since the professor seems to be concerntrating on her new blog which revists various days back in history.

The only fun to be had is the budding romance between Victoria and ricpic.

What if you had a party and nobody came?

Well the Althouse meet-up came and went last Tuesday at the Wine Bar on Henry St.
It was somewhat sparsely attended but I think that is understandable as it was
on a school night. The people who came seemed to have fun, although the joint was way too yuppified for me. It would have been fun to meet more of the commenters.
Perhaps, next time.

Maxine returns, like MacArthur just with the corn cob in a diiferant place.

Hey the day of the meet-up on Althouse, Maxine mysterioulsy reappears on the site. Hmmmmmm. Will she show up? Was she at the last one? Enguiring minds want to know.

What will the meet up be like?

Well the time for the scheduled meet up draws nigh and I wonder how it will go. I have to cut out early because I have to close the store tonight. So I hope the fireworks (if any) will be over quickly. Let's hide and watch.

Althouse meetup?

Well it looks like we have a farewell Althouse meetup for next week. Farewell to Brooklyn that is. I wonder who will show up. We had about fifteen people more or less last time so it should be interesting. Although it is in the middle of the week so it might be more sparsely attended. I will be happy to give a full report.

Did we figure out who Maxine really is?

I have been enjoying the blog Sire Says which is a great blog by Zachary Paul Sire who also posts on Althouse. I must say his style seemed very famialar. Then who shows up in his comments but Maxine Weiss. Also from Long Beach. When I commented on this, Zach said Maxine is an old friend. But the two styles are remarkably similar. Now the speculation is that Maxine is a composite of college kids from California. Could Zach have been one of them who has decided to set up his own blog. It definately seems possible. I need the intrepid dective Inspektor Friederich to check it out.

But read the kid's blog, it's very good.

Hey the professor posted about the store, cool!

Professor Althouse made a very nice post about her visit to the store when they were filming What Not to Wear. The played that episode this weekend and it was pretty funny. It was about a lawyer who needed to change her look. She was nominated by her law school friends who said she looked dowdy. One of them said she looked like a house wife from Wisconsin. Hee hee. Then the professor posted that her clothes were just fine. Double hee hee. It's just funny how things work out don't ya think.

I don't know anything about woman's fashion other than what my wife taught me and I always hesitate to offer too many opinions. But I offered to hook the professor up with a few pieces that would let her get that Helen Mirren cougar on the prowl thing going, but she wasn't interested. Hey we all have our own style. I know mine is a cross between Paulie Walnuts and Jackie Gleason. It was a lot of fun showing off the store.

The people on What Not to Wear are really great. They are professional and Stacy and Clinton are very cool and down to earth. They are very supportive of the subjects of the show. It's really hard to produce a lot of content in anything you do in both TV and blogging. Every joke and every post or comment can't be a gem. So I really admire people who consistently produce content at a high level wether it be reality TV or blogging.

Now back to the jokes.

Who you talking about?

Some discussion an Althouse about the comments by some of the regulars. I think everybody has too much to say about other peoples comments, including me. What the hell do I know. I just find certain stuff funny and other stuff boring tripe. The one thing I enjoy about Althouse is that there is a bunch of regulars who weigh in all the time on various issues. But I don't know if I am going to follow it as closely when she goes back to Madison. What initially interested me was the move to Brooklyn. I guess as in most things time will tell,

I will say that I found a lot of other personal blogs that are very interesting from various Althouse commenters. Blake has a great blog very movie-centric and Joted bird droppings are very entertaining. Ice pick had a great blog but it seems to be closed off now. Shame, I enjoyed his stuff.

Who you talking about?

The NBA playoffs begin.

This takes me back to the twenty years that I had Knick season tickets. Once upon a time I was gearing up for the playoffs. That ain't happening in New York any time soon. I am picking the Spurs to repeat. I know that's not the popular bet but I don't think the Celtics or the Lakers are for real. We shall see.

Kennedy lit up again.

Damn this douche got beat by the freakin' Orioles. How lame can you be. And Farnsworth is suspended for buzzing Manny. Next time put it right in the coconut. If you're gonna do the time you might as well do the crime.

Farnsworth took my advice.

I see that Farnsworth did buzz Manny. It's about time. He needs to do that every time. As does
the Moose if he wants to pitch against the Red Sox again. Now the Yankees will be on a long trip as the Pope comes to Yankee Stadium. Everybody wants to get in on the act for the last year at the Stadium. Jeeeez.

The Yankees are losing again!

Damn we are losing 7 to 3 in the bottom of the ninth. Beckett did it again. We have to start slapping these guys around if we want to get to the series. Manny's killing us. Time for a high hard one to the melon. Show some balls Joe. Back him off the plate.

Thank God tax time is over!!!!!!!!!

Well now I can come up for air. The taxes I could get finished are done and the extensions are

filed. And for the people who sent their stuff after April 10, fuck you very much.



I took the last two days off and worked in the store. Today I went up Court St to get some specialty bulbs from the lighting store and stopped in Book Court to get something to read. I have been downloading and copying EBooks during the tax season so it was fun to buy an actual book for a change. Although E books are definitely the wave of the future especially the advance reader copies of your favorite series.



I also stopped off in the Downtown Bar and Grill that used to be Cousins. I spent (wasted) many an hour on the very bar stool I sat on. It was amazing. The bar was taken over by a couple of Arab guys who used to own a deli. They have no concept of how to run a bar. The music was from the radio and they had twenty beers on tap of which I had heard of precisely two. Now I know a lot about beers so I have to say I had to laugh. The bartender was a ZZtop lookalike who spent more time outside than behind the bar. What a joke. No wonder this guy is losing his shirt.

I know the joint is on the market, I hope someone buys it who knows what they are doing. It's a shame to see how the old hangout has gone to shit.

Taxes are over my head.

I am up against the deadline and I still have about 37 returns to finish. If you wonder how I have time to post comments, it's because I have to wait for the computer to run the returns and it takes forever since there is now about 100 pages in every return. Jeeez. I can't wait to quit and sell ladies underwear full time.

NEVER TRUST A KENNEDY

So Ian Kennedy threw a dog last night and Laytoya Hawkins and that freaking Farnsworth let the Devil Rays score 13. Just goes to show you that you can only trust a Kennedy to raise your taxes but don't let them drive, fly a plane, talk to your sister, or pitch. Damn.

The Gentle Ben Posts all in one spot. Can you bear it!

Gentle Ben was always very jealous of Yogi Bear. He thought he was much more talented and a better performer. But he was especially jealous of Yogi’s wife Cindy Bear. He was always hanging around the cave talking and flirting with Cindy. He even wrote a famous love song “You are Unbearable Tonight.” Cindy enventually left Yogi and moved in with Gentle Ben. But when he got her, he was bored. He started drinking and shooting heroin and eating out of garbage cans. It was just sad really. Cindy had to keep dragging him out of alleys and trailer camps where he was scaring the tourists. It was a real bad scene man.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Boo Boo Bear was Gentle Ben’s enabler. He lived in a guest house on Gentle Ben’s property after his big fall out with Yogi. He was always doing drugs with Ben and running to his dealer to pick up the smack. Whatever Ben did, Boo Boo said it was great because he didn’t want to lose another meal ticket. He encouraged Gentle Ben to do any crap that would bring in money. He even got him that crazy Japanese reality show where celebrity animals chased and tried to kill contestants called “How I Ate Your Mother.”
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Even though Gentle Ben was bored with Cindy after he stole her from Yogi, he was still a very jealous bear. When they divorced, he was always stalking her and calling her and there were several 911 calls for domestic abuse. But she never got an order of protection. So when Cindy and her waiter friend were murdered in the Jellystone mansion, Gentle Ben was the only real suspect. The Rangers had a long televised kayak chase down the Jellystone river with Gentle Ben and Smokey in a white canoe. Ben kept threatening to kill himself and Smokey kept telling the Rangers to back off. It was on all the cable shows.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

It was amazing that Gentle Ben beat the rap for cutting the throat of his ex-wife Cindy and her waiter friend. Allegedly. He had very good lawyers. I remember we were in a bar when the verdict came down with a bunch of bears. The polar bears were outraged and blamed the jury. The bears of color all rejoiced and said that they stuck it to the “man” and that the Rangers were human centric racists who tried to frame Ben. The panda bears just said whatever they thought you wanted to hear. So Ben became an even bigger celebrity than he was before. He became a hero in the community. He was a featured speaker in the million bear march. He has a popular talk show in on the Bear Entertainment Television cable channel. He’s almost as popular as Oprah. That’s why his endorsement of Barack Obama has become such a big story.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Now the Hillary campaign is making a big deal out of Gentle Ben’s drug abuse because he endorsed Obama. He has been in and out of rehab, but he has turned his life around. He feels that the things he did as a young bear, almost a cub, shouldn’t be held against him. After all he isn’t a silly old pervert like Yogi. Yogi is over 70 but he lives with his four girlfriends in a palatial cave in the Jellystone. He just lolls around in silk pajamas all day and has sex and smokes pot. It’s a big perk to be invited to Yogi’s grotto for his wild parties. I think Bill Clinton has been there several times. There are rumors of a video of Bill with a young plump panda that the Chinese embassy has got a hold of from a session in 1992. That might explain a lot.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Gentle Ben is a little pissed off that he can’t get any of his old buddies to join him in endorsing Obama. Now the whole gang has endorsed different candidates and are working with the various campaigns. Smokey was always a hippie, worried about the environment and camping out in the woods. He’s a big Al Gore guy, but since he’s not running, he is supporting Edwards. Yogi is a pot smoking libertarian sexual libertine so he is for Giuliani since he is the only candidate that has been married as many times as he has. Teddy bear is a life long Democrat so he is behind the establishment candidacy of Hillary as are most of the other liberal bears of Massachusetts. It funny that a feminist would take his support because of his sexual history of making waitress sandwiches with Chris Dodd in Washington restaurants. Winnie the Pooh is a big time gay activist and is a member of the Log Cabin Bears who are supporting Giuliani because of his policy on gays. The only real hard core Republican bear is of course, Mike Ditka.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Gentle Ben was worried about bringing his family to the annual bear convention in Jellystone when he heard that there would be bi-polar bears there. He was scared of the mentally ill and was worried that they might freak out and hurt someone. You really don’t want to be around a bear when he goes on a rampage. So he decided to go see Yogi who was the Mayor of Jellystone to see what precautions they had set up of the safety of the visitors. When he got to Yogi’s grotto, what does he see but Yogi and Cindy Bear having a three way with the Coca Cola polar bear. “Oh” he said, “I get it now, bi-polar bears.” Yogi looked up from the menage-a-bear and said “Hey let me introduce you to my driver, he wants me to run for governor in New Jersey.” Gentle Ben slowly backed away.
(Ricou Browning & John Florea, Gentle Ben, The E True Hollywood Story)

Hey here is the translation sports fans!

1. Ferachi suru Red Saux!!!!!!
2. Cagati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi senora
3. Mor-et vor-eh kunem meenchev zhazh keeteetz dus ga heto mehat zaroonk ke khrem
hored vor-eh.
4. Hoyadaa futada ka was Elliot Spitzer!
5. Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn
geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung.
6. Dit con me may tec hang Bean town heads.
7. Chuma Mboga, baby.
8. Kutiey, there baap kohn ah?

Suck it Red Sox.

Shit in your hand then slap yourself in the face (Very good reader)

I'll fuck your mom so much that cum will come out of her nose then I will shove a cucumber up your father's ass

Fuck your mom in the ass Elliot Spitzer.

God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue. (on the money ricpic)

Fuck your mother until her vagina is broken Bean town heads.

Doggie style, baby. (only kidding reader)

Bitch, who's your daddy?

Thanks to the Professor.

I just want to thank the professor and her freind for stopping by the store. She was a little late to see them filming What Not to Wear, but at least she got to meet Stacy and Clinton. It was very nice of her to stop by.

Grusinskaya and the Baron Flix

Grusinskaya: Can you imagine a hundred girls in the law school, each thinking she would become the most famous lawyer in all the world? I was ambitious then. We were drilled like little soldiers. No rest, no stopping. I was little, slim, but hard as a diamond. Then I became famous and - But why am I telling you all this? Last night, I didn't know you at all. Who are you, really?
Baron Felix von Geigern: What?
Grusinskaya: I don't even know your name.
Baron Felix von Geigern: [laughs] I am Felix Benvenuto Freihern von Geigern. My mother called me "Flix".
Grusinskaya: [joyously] No! Flix! Oh, that's sweet. And how do you live? And what kind of a person are you?
Baron Felix von Geigern: I'm a prodigal son, the black sheep of a white flock. I shall die on the gallows. Perhaps when we are back in New York, you will leave that lesbian haunt of Park Slope and take the D train to the Bronx to meet me for coffee. I will ride my trike with my special Johnny Unitas football helmet. I will even wear my big boy pants because I know you dislike men in shorts.
Grusinskaya: Please I like to have conversations which each reply is ten sentences or less.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Such a pity your horizons are so limited.Grusinskaya: No they are not. Here are six pictures I took from my balcony. Note the exquisite composition of the frame and the beautiful palate of my artistry.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Bah! Enough of this triviality take me to your room so I can examine your vortex through my monocle.
Grusinskaya: Perhaps another time, my dear Baron, perhaps another time.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so sad today. I must perform on a panel in front of a group unapprecative louts who could never understand my gracefull interaptive dance of the first five amendments to the Constitution.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little chocolate souffle.
Grusinskaya: No one will be interested in my bright and shiny vortex. They will be nothing like my normal audience of slavering sycophants and preening egoists who shower me with attention day after day.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your sweet, sweet vortex while we shower together. Please leave the lesbian stronghold of Park Slope and abandon Hillary Clinton and Rosie O’Donnell to their own devices, battery powered or otherwise. Come with me to see the world. The world is our oyster and I will irritate with my tongue to form a pearl of wisdom that I will lay before your feet my little petit fore.
Grusinskaya: I have told you before Baron, you vulgar entreaties do not move me. I am a world traveler, a bon vivant, a chroncilor nonpareil. Look at my moving photos of dogs peeing in water and mishapen pebbles that I have pulled out of my feet after walking on the beach. Look I even have a picture of my luncheon posed artisticly so you can see the back of the plate.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear is it not true that you simply dropped your luncheon dishes on the floor and try to cover it up with some high minded discourse about China patterns. Come dance for me my little baklava, do the lap dance of the seventh amendment.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry Baron but I will only dance with my peers, not some hack bloggers, and certainly not a mere Baron. You must be at least a prince to approach my rosy pink vortex.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so melancholy today.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Why is that my little linzer torte.
Grusinskaya: No one seems interested in my vortex today. A lack of attention will lead to it becoming dry and lifeless.
Baron Felix von Geigern: I told you I would be happy to delve into your vortex. Come and have coffee with me. I will whisper sweet nothings and tell you of my glories in the criminal defense bar in the Bronx, Mount Vernon and Rockland county. I will instruct you in the ways of the world and teach you of the mysteries of love.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know Baron, you seem a little intense for my taste.
Baron Felix von Geigern: My dear that is not intensity, but potency. I am so potent that my entire body was stiff for ten straight years. My entire body was a rock hard tumescent shower of testosterone. It is only recently that I have learned to control it and to walk upright in the realm of lesser mortals.
Grusinskaya: I don’t know, I think I must broaden my horizons. I am entering an online contest for the swirlest most bestest vortex in all of the internets.
Baron Felix von Geigern:Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Grusinskaya: Oh Baron Flix, I am so weary, so weary, today and I must travel overnight in my coach and leave this wonderful hotel. So sad, so sad.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But why must you leave so soon, my little éclair.
Grusinskaya: I must return to my career, as a schoolmistress and harsh taskmaster in the vineyards of law. I must use my dainty feet to crush the grapes of constitutional theory so as to distill knowledge and create a piquent vintage of legal scholarship that educate the palates of even the most oafish buffons who are the so called scholars whose education I am unfortunately tasked with.......it is truly daunting.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But you can leave that onerous task my little Sacher-Torte. Come with me and I will tell you of my twenty years of experience of in the family courts of the South Bronx, Mount Vernon and White Plains, where feminism has destroyed the family and prevented minority children from reaching their full potential as maids and coachman. Come and learn of the intervention of an overreaching government headed by raddled harridans who do not shave their misshapen limbs and take children from loving homes where they are learning their proper place in the world and putting them in foster homes where they imbibe such bosch as feminism and socialism. Come where the real legal grapes are crushed.
Grusinskaya: I am sorry my dear Baron, but it does not seem very enticing. I must go to back to my simple life of terrorizing pimple faced undergradutes and publishing photo essays of grotesquely small dogs and refuse strewn in the sand. Look at my delightful portrait of a bowl of spaghetti that was spilled on the sands of Brighton Beach. I hope to come across some interesting driftwood or perhaps a dead chinese immigrant who might wash ashore after a failed immigration foray.
Baron Felix von Geigern: But my little Kafenkantate, you must worry about your most personal and private needs. Who will tend your vortex? Who will keep it healthy, and pink, and properly exercised? Come and have coffee with me and I will tell of my vast experience in the art of the care and cosseting of such a succulent vortex. These strange and grotesque characters that you constantly correspond with have neither the talent nor the technique to keep your vortex happy and healthy as only I can. I, Baron Felix von Geigern say it, so it must be so.
Grusinskaya: I am so sorry my dear Baron, but I can not have coffee with you. In fact I can not even correspond with you as you are much too verbose for my taste. I prefer my social intercourse to be pithy and to the point as I am too busy to dally with extended prelimaries. So I must decline your oh so persistent overtures.
Baron Felix von Geigern: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Dr. Otternshlang: Welcome home Gruinskaya, I hope you enjoyed your sojourn in the land of fruits and nuts. All remains the same here. People come. People go. Nothing ever happens.
Grusinskaya: Yes it was a very strange trip indeed. A very persistent and verbose nobleman expressed interest in me in a flattering yet slightly frightening manner. I must confess that I am non-plussed over the situation. It reminds me of the futile pursuit by Mr. Preysing that has plagued me these last few months.
Dr. Otternshlang: Is that the mincing fop who has constantly posted inappropriate missives that asked such embarrassing personal questions?
Grusinskaya: No. He is that gruff businessman who seems only interested in commerce, not emotions. I am afraid that the offending correspondence originated with Mr. Kringelein his bookkeeper. He seems such a harmless sort, but when he puts his thoughts on paper they seem to wander to strange and unsightly places.
Dr. Otternshlang So how did Mr. Preysing pursue you if not through correspondence?Grusinskaya: Oh he corresponds with me, but in very curt and graphic notes of one or two sentences in which he requests certain sexual acts that as a lady I can’t repeat.
Dr. Otternshlang: You seem to inspire many strange admirers.
Grusinskaya: Yes I suppose it is because I am truly an artist. Come see my wonderful photos from my recent trip. Here is my urination series. A dog peeing in the ocean. A vagrant peeing as he sleeps on a park bench. Children peeing down a mountain as they play king of the hill. I am afraid it is true; all the world is a urinal, while I futilely search for a bidet.
Dr. Otternshlang You are truly a philosopher. It is an honor to dine on the crumbs from your table. Would you like to take a picture of me while I pee.
Grusinskaya Certainly not doctor, it is so rude of you to ask.
Dr. Otternshlang: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Mr. Kringelein: Good evening fraulien, I wonder if you had received my recent missive as regards to color we should order for your carpet. I know that aesthetics are so very important to you and would not like to commit a faux pas.
Grusinskaya: I am afraid that is a very personal guestion and I feel uncomfortable discussing this with you. Please cease and desist in sending these troubling notes, they give me an uncomfortable feeling. I just want to be alone.
Flaemmchen: Come, come my silly goose. You must not answer this rude boy. If you do, as god is my witness, I will never speak to you again.
Mr. Kringelein: Well then I will leave you alone and I appolgize if I gave any offense. I just had the foolish feeling that I was your favorite correpondent. I am devestated by your disapproval.
Grusinskaya: Fear not my friend, I care for you, just not in that way. I have lost my heart to Prince Nicolo D’Fellini, a red haired and well tanned prince of Piedmont who is my own true love. No one could replace him in my heart.
Mr. Kringelein: Nevertheless, farewell.
Flaemmchen: Thank God that foolish little man is gone. No quickly tell me about this love of your live. An Italian I see.
Grusinskaya: Yes, you see I like my men as I like my décor, robust and italianate and it’s a bonus if they are named Rocco or any other Italian surname. Thus my carpets will not be oriental, but from Tuscany with a bold flare of red and taupe.
Flaemmchen; Who cares what color they might be, the question is how do they taste on the tongue.
Grusinskaya: Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

Flaemmchen: My dear Grusinskaya, why are you trembling so.
Grusinskaya:I have just received a telegram from the Baron and it very, very troubling.
Flaemmchen: Why is that?Grusinskaya: He has requested that I send him a tintype for his private collection.
Flaemmchen: That doesn’t sound so terrible.
Grusinskaya: But he requests that I send it sans garments; he wishes to gaze upon my nakedness to inflame his burning lust. Who knows how this will turn out, who knows what this will drive him to do.
Flaemmchen: Well just send him a piquant shot of you in a languid pose upon your bed under that beautiful bed crown with a full view of your room.
Grusinskaya: Why would I do that?Flaemmchen: You could satisfy some of his curiosity. Didn’t he ask you if the carpet matched the drapes?
Grusinskaya: No that was another of my admirer’s.
Flaemmchen: Well from the evidence extant on you bidet we know that this is truly not the case, eh? Ha, Ha, Ha.
Grusinskaya: (Muttered under her breath) Lesbian.
(Grand Hotel, 1932)

The Mr. Ed Series on Althouse

A little know fact that in 1966, Alan Young the star of Mr. Ed eloped with his co-star who in fact was a gelding named Bamboo Forester. This was the most scandalous case of two stars falling in love since the case of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Since Mr. Young was a homosexual and Mr. Ed was a gelding, it was not technically a same sex marriage. The nuptials were performed in Tijuana where the marriages were normally between Mexican Strippers and burros, but the alcade had a very liberal attitude. They lived together for twenty happy years. In a touching scene, Mr. Young was with Mr. Ed at his death stall where his last words were "Oh Wilburrrrrr......"
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)

The studio heads at CBS were very concerned about the premise of the show. How could a guy with such a hot wife as Connie Hines spend all of his time in the barn with a horse? I mean just look at her knockers. Firm, huge and perky. Who in their right mine would be smelling horseshit and stroking a palomino instead of banging that sweet piece of ass. But it was the sixties so it was all implied. Just a subtext that was running under the surface of the plot. Sort of like Paul Lynde in Bewitched. You knew something was up but you didn’t know what it was all about. Equine love was exotic and unknown to the general public. It wasn’t until the riots at Pimlico in 1969, that man on pony love could come out of the barn and into the light of day.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)

The pony/man love crowd tried to stay under the radar in Hollywood. They would never go out in public as a couple because no one could accept the love that could not whinney its name. They would meet at house parties in various locations in the Hollywood Hills. Of course because it was such an insular subculture, there was a lot of drinking and drug abuse. And lot’s of promiscuity. There were frequent swinger parties where they would just throw their bridles on to the table and you could ride another partner home. Those were wild days.(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)

The grand old man of the pony/man love association was of course Roy Rodgers. Dale was just a beard. His love and devotion toward Trigger was legendary. He was heartbroken when his partner died. He could not let him go. He famously had him stuffed and displayed in the Roy Rodgers museum. Of course he had mounted him many, many times.
(Walter Brooks, The E True Hollywood Story of Mr. Ed and Wilbur)

A Christopher Hitchens Carol, Part 5

(A despondent and exhausted Hitchens starts awake on his urine stained sheets. He doesn’t know if what has happened was a dream or reality. Of course that was nothing new for him. He often had trouble deciphering what was real and what was an alcoholic blackout dreams).
Voice: Hitchens, Hitchens, old boy.
Christopher Hitchens: What is this shit? Am I being haunted by Charles Nelson Reilly?
Dr. Zachary Smith (the one from the TV show, not the movie) No, no dear boy. I am the Ghost of your Christmas future.
Christopher Hitchens: Wait aren’t you that fey fictional doctor from Lost in Space who was always trying to felch the robot. Didn’t you have a very creepy and troubling relationship with that young boy on the show?
Dr. Zachary Smith: Who, young Master William. Really Mr. Hitchens that is just a cultural misapprehension. You don’t understand the future and our ways. You are not capable of judging me. After all, aren’t you an atheist? Such a medieval attitude. Anyway, you must come with me to see your future. Here step into this picture of a graveyard taken by an obscure law blogger with a Tim Burton fetish.
Christopher Hitchens: No, not a blogger. Isn’t she a famous diva? I can’t deal with their self-important portentousness.
Dr. Zachary Smith: Pot meet kettle.
Christopher Hitchens: Plus the comments. What self important drivel. Those fools think people care what they think. Babbling about nonsense, they should get a life.
Dr. Zachary Smith: It is your life we are talking about my dear boy. And it is not a wonderful life.
Christopher Hitchens: Can’t you plagiarize one story at a time?
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)

A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007 Part 4

(Christopher and Diana step through the pages of People magazine into a New York City cocktail party. A group of constipated men in bow ties with boney blondes in cocktail dresses are sipping appletinies and single malt scotch).
Christopher Hitchens: What is this place? Who are these remarkably ugly people?
Princes Diana: It is a meeting of the vast right wing conspiracy. Or the cafeteria at the National Review.. I always get them mixed up. I don’t have a good sense of direction now that I have a steering wheel stuck in my head.
(They listen to a conversation)
Jonah Goldberg: Well we can use Hitchens. He is a useful idiot. Let him take the hits from his journalist friends and the left.
Ann Coulter: John Edwards is a homo.
William F. Buckley: Blah, Blah, Blah, recondite adjective.blah, blah, obscure reference, blah blah blah, we can use Hitchens for our purposes.
K-Lo: I want to be Mitt’s third wife. Like Margene.
George F. Will Jr: He thinks that he is an independent thinker. Hitchens is a mere poseur, a dillettante, a dabbler in philosophies promulgated by the great minds of history. His celebrity can be useful to our aims. Let us him till we use him up.
Christopher Hitchens: Who does that bow tie wearing schmuck think he is? Bill Withers?
Princess Diana: He is just doing what comes naturally. What you think is your great individuality is just a tool for others to manipulate. Your current celebrity is a tool for forces greater than you know. Don’t think it has anything to do with you. You are a leaf in the wind. In fact some bored law professor might take a picture of you when you are blown through a graveyard.
Christopher Hitchens: That doesn’t make any sense.
Princes Diana: Such photography never does. Here look a shot of me with my riding instructor. Those spurs can really leave a mark.
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)

A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007 Part 3

(Rolls over in a stupor, into puddle of vomit and unidentifiable fluids, he sits up and holds his head up with shaky hands)
Christopher Hitchens: Oh my head. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Voice: Christopher. Christopher Hitchens.
Christopher Hitchens: What now. Not another apparition. I don’t want to have more ghosts haunting me than ex-wives.
(A tall beautiful woman dressed in white with a large circular object behind her head walks through the wall and into the room)
Christopher Hitchens: I must be mad. It’s Princess Diana. Or I think it is. Aren’t you dead and buried? This is ridiculous. What a farce. What is that a Halo?
Princess Diana: No it is a steering wheel. I am still doing penance for my sins on this earth. That is why I must wear an automobile accessory as a hat and talk to inebriated Trotskyites. I am the Ghost of Current Celebrity. No one knows about the undeserved adulation of the masses more than I. Well except for Anna Nicole Smith. And she is visiting Lindsey Lohan today.
Christopher Hitchens: But you can not be angel. Not after your life of excess and infidelity. You are a cosmic joke. How can you be a messenger of some foolish deity, a deity that I do not acknowledge?
Princes Diana: You do not have to be saint to do his work. You just need to believe. To have faith. To trust in him and find peace.
Christopher Hitchens: Listen, I am not going anywhere with you. I am too drunk to drive. Didn’t you get in enough trouble the last time you did that?
Princess Diana: Have faith Christopher and anything could happen.
Christopher Hitchens: Everything except a Paki marrying a Princess. Then the shit hits the fan. Or the car hits the wall.
Princess Diana: Come and see what I have seen. Step with me into the pages of People magazine.
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)

A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007 Part 2

Christopher Hitchens: Where are we you disgusting crone?
Mother Theresa: You look but do not see. (A small drunken seven year old boy is sleeping in a church pew surrounded by empty bottles of sacramental wine. His urine stained clothing reeks of alcohol, cigarettes and vomit. Suddenly the Church door opens)
Captain Hitchens; Christopher, where are you. Christopher come out this instant. My God, what have you done? (He spies little Christopher lying in a pool of his own urine).
Little Christopher Hitchens: (awakens in a stupor) Father. I am sorry. I just wanted to get closer to god. So I imbibed the Blood of Christ. All seven cases of it that was in the sacristy.
Captain Hitchens: Really. So defecating in the baptismal fount is getting you closer to God? (He takes his riding crop and begins to beat the boy)
Christopher Hitchens: (viewing this scene) My God. I remember this. It was in Malta in 1956. I haven’t been to church since.
Mother Theresa: Yes we know my son. Perhaps you should examine your past as clue to your current beliefs. Not everything is as you remember. A child remembers things as a child. A man must know the consequences of his actions.
Christopher Hitchens: Get away from me you fraud. Go feed the hungry and house the homeless. It’s all an act. A travesty. A road show for the yokels. You are not a saint. You are nothing but an alcohol induced apparition.
Mother Theresa: No, I am not a saint. I am a sinner. As are you. If you could but realize it and ask for forgiveness, you can be redeemed.
Christopher Hitchens; I call bullshit you boner nosed charlatan. I reject you and all you stand for. Leave me alone to my Jose Cuervo and limes.
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)

A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007

(a sodden brit expat lies in sweat soaked sheets covered in snot and vomit. Suddenly he stirs as he hears a soft voice)
Voice: Christopher. Christopher awaken. I have come for you.
Christopher Hitchens (shielding his eyes) Who is it? Editors. Creditors. Auditors. Damn your eyes, step out of the light so I might see you!
Voice: It is I. the Ghost of Christmas Past. (A wizened Albanian woman wearing a nun’s habit steps out of the light).
Christopher Hitchens: Holy shit, it’s Mother Theresa!
Mother Theresa: No need for blasphemy my son. I am here to help you.
Christopher: I thought you were dead and gone.
Mother Theresa: No, I now live eternally with my Father in Heaven.
Christopher Hitchens: I don’t believe in that. You can’t be real. Are you Demi Moore without any makeup? Am I being punked?
Mother Theresa: No my son. You may be a punk but this is real. I am here to take you back to the Christmases that have gone before.
Christopher Hitchens: This can’t be real. I have to stop mixing tequila and aqua velva.
Mother Theresa: Take my hand and come with me.
Christopher Hitchens: You must be Catholic, you want to molest me.
Mother Theresa: Hush my son. You might act like a child, but now it is time to put childish things away and learn the truth of the word.
(A Christopher Hitchens Carol, 2007)

McCain fires aide

Drudge Report December 14, 2007
In a related story, Senator John McCain has stated he will not make an issue of the fact that Rudy Giuliani was addicted to Rogaine throughout most of the 1990’s. Mayor Giuliani has admitted in his autobiography to abusing Rogaine, often buying it off street dealers to get the potent mixtures not approved the by FDA. This powerful rogaine called “China White” was distributed in Chinatown in the 90’s and was allegedly obtained by Bernie Kerick though his contacts from the prison system. Mr. Giuliani had admitted to experimenting with Rogaine while he was in high school and continued to dabble for years after that. However his addiction became a real problem while he was mayor and eventually led to a stint in rehab at the Hair Club for Men treatment facility in Palm Springs. Senator McCain has stated that the aide has been dismissed and that his campaign will not mention the mayor’s addiction to Rogaine. However he did feel the fact that the mayor married his cousin and didn’t live in Alabama was a legitimate issue……developing.

Hillary fires aide

Drudge Report December 14, 2007:
A low level member of the Hillary Clinton Campaign charged that Senator Barack Obama’s cocaine use was a significant cause of global warming. He stated that the Senator could not keep his crack pipe lit and kept flicking his lighter leading to a significant carbon footprint while he was in high school. Senator Clinton immediately denounced her aide, said she did not know he would mention Senator Obama’s cocaine use, did not think that Senator Obama’s cocaine use would be an issue, and hoped that the Republicans would not stoop so low in their campaign in the politics of personal destruction so as to mention Senator Barack Obama’s cocaine use. She would not ask if he ever sold cocaine. She would not ask if he ever shared cocaine. She would specifically never ask if he ever shared any cocaine with white girls at a Superbowl party. She announced that the low level aide had resigned for mentioning Senator Barack Obama’s cocaine use. She asked that we should put the questions about Senator Obama’s cocaine use behind us and that we should not mention his use of cocaine. However she did feel the fact that he did eat paste in kindergarten was a legitimate issue……developing

Steroids.

Well the Mitchel report is in and the Yankees are all over it. A lot of the lesser lights such as Knoblach, Mike Stanton and even David Justice are named. The big names are Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte. I am sorry for Andy, but that's what you get for being Roger's little bitch. I never liked Clemens and never wanted him on the Yankees. I always thought he was a big time phony and his touching the monuments before pitching was a lot of happy horse shit. So thank God we won't have to deal with him next year. Lets go to war with the young hard throwers and see what happens. If we move Matsui and put Damon in left, with Giambi as the DH, we could be ok.