Well shut the door and turn out the light and put on your Coat Tex and let's get cracking as we pick the five girls who will make the top ten.
First we have vaguely African very white girl who claims to be black in a tribal costumes who doesn't have a birth certificate. Did a nice version of "Summertime" in an Erika Badu-Ba-Ba-Loo kind of way. Unlike other people we can think of it looks like her Dad stuck around to be in the audience so she doesn't have to just dream of her father. He's sitting in the front row.
Then there was Cleopatra Jones Hair Diana Ross Channeling Diva performance girl with a big Oscar Gamble Fro. Let's call her the ironweightsironrails entry. She had a great stage presence but is super duper phony calling everyone sugar and honey and all that jazz which was great last night to show she was comfortable but might get tiresome after a while. Familiarity breeds contempt and over familiarity breeds a pissed off audience.
Then we have the smiley Jennifer Lopez sucking up Performing Arts Broadway girl who sang in both Spanish and English. She has some talent and is very slick and polished. If she gets an ethnic Spanish bloc voting for her she could get in but I call it borderline. But I am picking her because the other interchangeable blondes all fade into each other so she has a shot. I checked the bodega this morning and he was out of phone cards so you never know.
Then we have 16 year old chubby cutie who hit on Steven Tyler all season that sang a country tune and was praised to the skies. They love her and Randy called her a cross between Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood which is really big panties to fill let me tell you. She is a big time flirt and gets kinda distracted so she seem more like a cross between Lindsey Lohan and Kim Richards but we shall see. She should slide in on the goober vote as she is gonna go all country all the time. I can see her and pumpkin head Randy Travis guy singing a duet already while Tammy Wynette is spinning in her grave.
She is the only sure bet I think.
Then we have forgettable funny named girl with a lot of teeth. She went to the High School of Performing Arts in NYC with the aforementioned Jennifer Lopez suck up Spanish girl and she is very slick and polished. She had the pimp spot and sang well with a great flourish at the end. So she should get through but I think she will be out quick because she doesn’t seem to have much personality.
There are some dark horses like the Kendra Playboy girlfriend of Hef girl and the big horse face I think I am sexy but I am just scary girl. Along with a couple of babes who might want to hang themselves after they play back their performance. Especially the scary repeat offender girl from NYC named Rachel who is definitely out there in stalker land. Her next gig will be chasing DJ Paulie D on the Jersey Shore. I bet she already has a t-shirt to give him.
I think I have it right and we will find out tonight.
First we have vaguely African very white girl who claims to be black in a tribal costumes who doesn't have a birth certificate. Did a nice version of "Summertime" in an Erika Badu-Ba-Ba-Loo kind of way. Unlike other people we can think of it looks like her Dad stuck around to be in the audience so she doesn't have to just dream of her father. He's sitting in the front row.
Then there was Cleopatra Jones Hair Diana Ross Channeling Diva performance girl with a big Oscar Gamble Fro. Let's call her the ironweightsironrails entry. She had a great stage presence but is super duper phony calling everyone sugar and honey and all that jazz which was great last night to show she was comfortable but might get tiresome after a while. Familiarity breeds contempt and over familiarity breeds a pissed off audience.
Then we have the smiley Jennifer Lopez sucking up Performing Arts Broadway girl who sang in both Spanish and English. She has some talent and is very slick and polished. If she gets an ethnic Spanish bloc voting for her she could get in but I call it borderline. But I am picking her because the other interchangeable blondes all fade into each other so she has a shot. I checked the bodega this morning and he was out of phone cards so you never know.
Then we have 16 year old chubby cutie who hit on Steven Tyler all season that sang a country tune and was praised to the skies. They love her and Randy called her a cross between Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood which is really big panties to fill let me tell you. She is a big time flirt and gets kinda distracted so she seem more like a cross between Lindsey Lohan and Kim Richards but we shall see. She should slide in on the goober vote as she is gonna go all country all the time. I can see her and pumpkin head Randy Travis guy singing a duet already while Tammy Wynette is spinning in her grave.
She is the only sure bet I think.
Then we have forgettable funny named girl with a lot of teeth. She went to the High School of Performing Arts in NYC with the aforementioned Jennifer Lopez suck up Spanish girl and she is very slick and polished. She had the pimp spot and sang well with a great flourish at the end. So she should get through but I think she will be out quick because she doesn’t seem to have much personality.
There are some dark horses like the Kendra Playboy girlfriend of Hef girl and the big horse face I think I am sexy but I am just scary girl. Along with a couple of babes who might want to hang themselves after they play back their performance. Especially the scary repeat offender girl from NYC named Rachel who is definitely out there in stalker land. Her next gig will be chasing DJ Paulie D on the Jersey Shore. I bet she already has a t-shirt to give him.
I think I have it right and we will find out tonight.
2 comments:
I'm really having a lot of trouble with these Kim Richards mentions.
She's still Tia from Witch Mountain to me.
Kim Richards is a troubled soul. If you had seen the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills you would have been outraged. Just like you I had a crush on her and I was totally pissed at how those whores treated her. Especially her fuckin sister Kyle who is a major league bitch.
I don't think she will be returning. Her next gig will be on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Poor Kid.
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