Dear Kris

Kris,

I haven't seen you the past few weeks as we have not be filming. I now you are very busy pimping your daughters out to black men. I understand it is our daughters time so I won't complain. Prostituting our children has been a good living for us and who am I to complain.

I don't know if you have been following the news lately but I have made some changes. You see ever since you took my balls the night we got married I have been feeling different. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I thought about getting a divorce and marrying an elderly spinster blogger to live off of but that was not something I wanted to face. The Mid West is too cold for me.

I thought about running for President. But Hillary has the not really a real woman slot so that was out.

Then I thought about moving to New York and starting a fashion line but I am not gay so that would not work. I like woman. In fact I love woman. In fact I love women so much that I have decided to become one.

Now I realize we have a very tolerant open marriage. I didn't care about your history of three ways with OJ and Nicole. Or the bastard children you conceived when you were married. In fact I am not even sure that Kylie is my daughter since you have my balls in the drawer next to your coffin so how do I know it was even my sperm. But even this might be too much for you.

You see I have decided to be a woman. A broad. A bitch. A C you next Thursday. I hope you can forgive me but we can't be married anymore. If you can't I can take you for a drive and we can work it out.

Please take my balls and give them to someone who can use them.

Farwell. Please think of me kindly. As I do of my balls.

With hugs and butterfly kisses,
Bruce now Caitlyn Jenner.