Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca

The most famous ship of the Revolutionary War was of course the Bonhomme Richard which was the flagship of the great hero John Paul Jones. This was the flagship of Captain Jones which sank during his epic battle with the British ship of the line the Serapis a 44 gun behemoth. The former merchant ship gave a tremendous account of itself before it blew up and sank at the end of the battle. However the stature it gained through this battle was not its only mark of distinction. Originally a French Merchant ship it was renamed in honor of Benjamin Franklin, the revolutionary envoy to France. Its main claim to fame was its figure head which depicted a beautiful woman with heavy breasts. These breasts were covered by two gnarled hands said to be modeled on Dr Franklins own. It is said he posed for the carving for over a month never moving his hands from the naked bosoms of his maid Sophie. She was also wearing a strange garment of Dr Franklin’s invention. He called it the suit of pants that he had his maids wear around his estate as they tended to his needs. It was one of his many foibles.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The second most prized figurehead in the American navy was that of the frigate the USS Constitution. The full breasted figurehead was modeled after the Greek Goddess Juno and displayed a full breasted and full figured sensuality which was the standard of the time. This ship was one of the original six ships authorized by the Naval act of 1794 and it is the oldest commissioned vessel afloat in the world. Old Ironside’s figurehead remains a wonder and delight to world not least because of its amazing facial resemblance to Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The first lady with the most meager of bust lines was originally thought to be Eleanor Roosevelt who often wore drab and unbecoming outfits that not show her bosom to its best advantage. However due to the intrepid investigative reporting of the gynecological blogger Andrew Sullivan it has been determined that Hillary Clinton did indeed have the most meager mammary glands of any American first Lady. Nevertheless she remains a wonder and a delight to San Francisco Democrats not least because of her amazing facial resemblance to Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

The first lady with the most generous and toothsome of bosoms was of course Dolly Madison who was a widow and a “woman of the world” before her marriage to future President James Madison. Her décolletage was so spectacular that the President often used it confuse and distract political and diplomatic opponents during tough negotiations. It has been speculated that it was the display of her bounteous bosom during the negotiations with France during the Jefferson Administration that led to the Louisianan Purchase having been made at such a cheap price. Her breasts were immortalized in the naming of the city of Madison, Wisconsin which is generally considered to have the biggest collection of boobs resident in North America. Dolly Madison’s breasts remained a wonder and delight to all Americans not least due to the fact that they were as big as the bald head of Aaron Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)

It is generally agreed that the first lady with the most dangerous bosom was Barbara Bush the wife of George Herbert Walker Bush. Although her bountiful bosom was to be expected with her matronly figure this was not the source of peril to her unsuspecting victims. Rather it was her unfortunate habit of clasping the unwary to her copious bosom in a hug and holding there while they feebly struggled to free themselves from her embrace. This lead to an unfortunate diplomatic incident when her husband was the envoy to China when she clasped the diminutive Prime Minister Cho En Lai to her chest for so long that she smothered him and he had to be revived by medical personal who were luckily on the scene. As a consequence she became know in China as 怪物 乳房 which means Godzilla tits which was a reference to the lovable monster that was a wonder and delight to all Asians as immortalized in a movie starring Raymond Burr.
(Skinny Dipping in Lake Titicaca, Breasts in American History, Doris Kearns Goodwin Playboy Press 2007)