Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend (The Next Generation)

Hello?"

"Hi, is that you Derek?"

"Yes who is this?"

"It's me, Mimi.'

"Mimi who?"

"Seriously Derek, you can't have forgot me already?"

"Is that you Cashman? Stop fuckin around."

"It's me Jeets. Mariah. Mariah Carey."

"I don't believe you."

"Look I can prove it to you.....(she caterwauls a high note that makes Derek’s cat jump off the balcony and falls to it’ death. That was ok because Derek never kept the same pussies around for very long. It is what he is known for.)"

"That doesn't prove anything. Cashman has been a soprano ever since Steinbrenner cut his balls off in 1997."

"Well if I am not me....how would I know that you used to like when I put on that Nurses outfit with the dildo with the numbers printed on it like a thermometer and shoved it up...."

"Ok...Ok so it is you Mimi. Was up? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"I just wanted you to know that I am really lonely these days. I miss you. I have always missed you."

"Aren’t you married and have a couple of kids or something. To that Nick Popgun guy. I bet your cooze is about the size of a manhole cover after you shit out those twins."

"They have an operation for that silly. I am as tight as one of those Japanese school girls they used to send up to Hidecki Matsui’s hotel room. You can come up and try it on for size. I have nothing to do now that I got fired off of American Idol."

"That’s ok Mimi. It might be tight and all but I bet it still smells like the Gowanus Canal on a July night after a dolphin died in it’s own shit."

"Fuck you ….you no good piece of shit I can't believe the Yankees gave you another contract you washed up piece of sh...(Jeter hangs up the phone)"

"Jeeez. Everybody's a critic. How am I going to stop this bat shit crazy whore from busting my chop’s. I know. I will text A-Rod her number. They both have a lot of time on their hands. "