"You know your husband is way too concerned with my vortex."
"If he would only stop calling him Lawnboy I might let him comment."
"You know I could write a book. A great book. One that everyone would want to read. Of my blog posts. Not the comments. My posts. They are brilliant."
"Can Larry touch your puppy?"
"You know my son's middle name is Titus."
"You can call me Mary. That is my screen name."
"I have to go. I left Freeman Hunt in the car and I didn't crack the window."
73 comments:
Yeah, yeah I know.
I am a dick.
Feel free to add your own to the mix.
She is 62 and for the first time in her life she held a dog in her lap.
The fact that that is true and that she admits it is just pathetically sad and speaks volumes about what a shallow bad word she is.
That was some Roger Clemens chin you just threw there paisan. I like it!
Sixty, That's one more time than she held her sons.
Just keepin' w/ the hardball theme.
Way off topic, but important to me, so shut up.
I recently had occasion to visit the homes of several women I know. Get you mind out of the gutters, one bought a table I built, the other was giving me water while I was sawing up her tree.
What I noticed at both places was how nice their homes are. I mean really nice. Neither woman is wealthy, but they both had such nice houses. What the hey?
So I compare and contrast with my own house and it became more of a compare and despair. Place needs something.
So on the two coldest days of the week I installed a nice western red cedar ceiling in my bedroom. It was a lot of work, but it looks a lot better now.
I moved most of the furniture out, and now I have just a bed and a dresser. No table, no lamp, no clock, no rug, no art - just a bed and a dresser, a wooden floor and a wooden ceiling.
Stark, but still lacking in a certain minimalist je ne sais quoi.
Today I started calling around to see if I could buy a different species of wood for my kitchen ceiling, but after getting the prices, decided I will resaw some heart pine beams I have and if I can clean them up sufficiently with the tools I have at hand, use that for my ceiling.
But the decorating - what the hey - how do you womens do that? That is so far beyond what I know that I don't even know where to start.
Any help you can offer would be appreciated.
That's quite some project, Sixty.
You might try an oriental rug here and there. You know, to tie the room together. Oriental rugs over wood floors is a nice look.. And lamps, lamps are good, especially at night.
Never underestimate the power of a good velvet painting. Elvis or dogs playing poker are the best ones. Look for top-quality velvet.
By the way, asking a woman for decorating help is a real good ice breaker.
Sixty, When I met my bride I was living in an $80/month basement apartment in a sketchy neighborhood in KC. I had a big wooden cable spool for a table. A shitty bed and an old La Z Boy. So, she civilized me. Ironically, I civilized her food wise. She was clueless about food. Leslyn is still picky and frustrates the hell outta me sometimes, but she now understands good food and appreciates it. Haz is absolutely right. Women LOVE decorating, and if it's someone else's house even better.
I knew our man Lebowski would figure into this scheme - he is just that awesome.
I like the idea that I could ask a woman to help - someone with color vision and maybe even good taste.
I was thinking about the room - after I had the exterior walls insulated and the drywall repaired I hired a painter. My then girlfriend insisted that I not paint the walls stark white, which was my first choice, but rather go with "eggshell" or "ecru" or some other made up word for white. It is okay, I can't complain, but it needs something else. I guess I need to find that woman on the street corner with the "will decorate for food" sign and I will have it made.
I do have a nice custom made walnut bedside table - I bought it for a girlfriend in the long distant past and when she moved she left it behind. It's a great table. Maybe it will make the cut and be allowed back in.
I will have to shop for a lamp. The old one needs to go live at some other house. I am thinking something with LEDs and sleek chrome styling.
Yeah, what the heck do I know...
You know, now that I look at the dresser, maybe it has got to go, too. I pile my clean clothes on top of the dryer - less work that way.
Yeah, I live alone.
Haz, there is a company called ER motorcycles that modifies BMW bikes. Some of them look pretty darned nice.
Simple is good, Sixty Grit. The new ceiling sounds wonderful. But you need at least one living or moving thing besides yourself and the animals in the house if there's no partner ready to move in. A plant or mobile would be a good start. Also something reflective or light catching, like a mirror or glass piece/object, along with something attractively patterned like a cushion, throw, quilt or covered chair. I look for what pleases my eye or catches my fancy, engages my thoughts or makes me feel peaceful and restful. The eye and soul need something in the longhouse besides a place to eat and sleep. Which is why even those who lived with less and moved around created beauty in their shoes, bags, rugs, bedding, and headdresses.
As for women offering you water while you saw up their tree...keep your eyes peeled for the chiffarobe and use protection!
Side note: as I'm editing this I notice MHaz's oriental rug recommendation. Perfect way to include pattern, elegance, color and softness. And good wool one is practically indestructible, even with pets. Spend the money!
Sixty, you sound like a prime candidate for that old show "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" which I enjoyed watching. This was essentially not-so-subtle mocking of straight males.
Imagine an A&E series hosted by the Robertson family aimed at manning up sissies. Never gonna happen.
Q. Or why not an A&E series about a woman making over a man's apartment?
A. Too realistic and commonplace.
Woman's Eye for the Curmudgeon would be show's title.
Sixty, you sound like a prime candidate for that old show "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"
Actually, it sounds like a prime topic for Lem's place. A guest post if SixtyG were to edit the post to a question, or else a general post.
It's my belief men have more of an eye and appreciation for beauty than they allow themselves to acknowledge or use. Beauty is everywhere in nature, along with pattern, color, sparkle and harmony. Having it around and present in small but real ways does not need to translate into clutter or cuteness (unless the cuteness genuinely amuses or bemuses). Let the right brain, the sensory side (which all men possess but tend to disconnect from) do its thing. Even when used at only 1/2 power, 1/3rd, 1/8th, one 16th, in balance with reason, it's a beeeyooooutiful thing.
Hell, color print this and hang it on the wall near the plant. It will start discussion, guaranteed, and serve as a reminder every day that the "other half" is within us.
Or go black and white and hang a quote you enjoy on the wall. Beside me right now is one by Edison that got us through some difficult times: "I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work."
Trooper York said...
Feel free to add your own to the mix.
"I should make a CD of me reading Titus comments — from that post and others, the funniest stuff, which I'd select. Price of the CD to be determined."
Haz, there is a company called ER motorcycles that modifies BMW bikes. Some of them look pretty darned nice.
Some of the custom motorcycle makers who specialize in BMW modifications do remarkably attractive work.
I swore off the BMW habit last summer, sold mine, and bought a Victory. Beemers are good bikes, but they are also hella expensive to maintain.
The Victory is an anvil. Oil change every 5,000 miles, quick safety check, and it's good to go.
I remember that. What struck me was how nice they were able to make BMWs look - they have never been esthetic favorites of mine.
And since all I do is look at them, not ride them, good looks are about all I get out of them.
And since all I do is look at them, not ride them, good looks are about all I get out of them.
The same can be said of strippers.
Took the dogs out for a walk this morning, got caught in a thunderstorm.
Jogged home dodging lightning bolts. Just another reason not to like San Diego.
Now we have a tornado watch. It is 67 degrees outside.
I guess this ties in nicely with the thread that MamaM linked to earlier, in whichever thread that was. It's always about Kansas around here.
Now we have a tornado watch. It is 67 degrees outside.
It was convertible weather out here yesterday. If I only had one.
Don't limit yourself to paintings on the wall. People put swords on their walls, oars, stolen street signs (okay, decidedly down market), I once had an antelope skull that I bought in the southwest that absolutely made my bedroom. Build some wall platforms jutting out from the wall in irregular order with your best bowls on them. The list is endless...but I'm out of ideas.
Oh, I just thought of an obvious idea. Hang a rug on the wall. Has to be an eyecatcher of course but gives focus and softens the room in one shot.
Or a pelt. Hang a pelt.
Or a pelt. Hang a pelt.
My long-dead grandfather had a black bear pelt hanging on the wall in the barn. He died in '62. I wasn't supposed to play in there, but I did anyways. The structure itself is long gone and I wonder what happened to it. Everyone who'd know is dead.
When my son bagged a buck in Wisconsin, I had the head mounted and shipped to CA. It hangs why up high in the living room, looking down.
"Bagged a buck" is a terrible phrase. I should have said "tagged a buck."
What I really wanted to post but for some reason didn't is that the guy, Sixty, says, casual-like, that he had a couple days to spare and it was cold outside so he hung a wood ceiling. GOD DAMN!!! What about MY self-esteem, man? Didja ever consider that?
@ricpic: what sixty did is admirable (I couldn't do it) but it used to be more commonplace. That barn I mentioned? My grandfather built it. He built the house next to it which still stands. The barn just fell into disuse after he died while the house didn't and had to be torn down before it blew down. These old ways are dying out.
My ninety year old neighbor built the house I'm living in and then built a second house which is the one he's in now. Only his father to help. I don't know, commonplace it may have been, maybe still is but that kind of stuff floors me...er, ceilings me. Sorry. Bad bad play on words.
Ceiling" is an interesting word and metaphor. Ever since I learned the Italian word cielo, I've thought that. The sky's the limit, ricpic, when it comes to your talent with words.
Aw, ricpic, I wouldn't have written about that had I been a bit more sensitive.
No reason to mention all the houses I have built, or the additions to houses that I have built, or remodeling or the decks I have built or sheds that I have moved.
And forget about running a chainsaw - I should never mention that!
So, back about 30 years ago we had to design a chip for military applications - we drew all the transistors using polygon pushing software and did all the routing the same way. Checked it by eye - this was before LVS or DRC software was commonly available.
We did write UNIX scripts to check the ASCII versions of the designs, but we were tough in those days.
Kids these day are more eunuchs than UNIX, just saying.
Bad storm out there. More later if I can.
No reason to mention all the houses I have built, or the additions to houses that I have built, or remodeling or the decks I have built or sheds that I have moved.
You'll get more sympathy if you stick to beams on your head and motes in your eye.
Speaking of chainsaws, that scene in "Justified" season 5, first episode, still upsets me.
I made a bet with my wife that Elmore Leonard's passing gave the writers more liberty to amp up the violence and tamp down the good dialog.
We shall see.
Well, whatever that was, it has passed over us here. Incredibly heavy rain and strong winds, no tornado. My front yard is flooded worse than I have ever seen, even the backyard, which is sloped, has water standing on it - don't know how that is even possible.
EPR - I have not seen it, and I am going to assume that a chainsaw is used not for sawing wood, nor is an accident depicted. Maybe I don't need to see that, in any case.
Just like that we have changed from tornado warning to nothing. Man - that was a very intense spell of weather right there.
Sixty, When you get technical it's like you're speaking in tongues.
Yeah, I hear that - just memories from days gone by, back when military chips were designed and fabbed in America by Americans.
Yesterday I hauled a 100 pound chuck of a sweetgum burl into my shop, lifted it up onto my band saw and sawed out a bowl blank.
This afternoon, between tornado warnings, I have been turning it - just mounting that monster on the lathe was an undertaking. But I got 'er done.
I am taking a break from the turning, almost have the outside of it turned, but want to stop and consider the esthetics of this particular bowl. I could continue to reduce its size and turn away some of the defects currently on the surface, or leave it this side, hollow it out and consider it rustic.
Not a decision to be made lightly. I think the wood is beautiful, but someone with color vision would have to confirm that for me.
Sweetgum has a very distinctive aroma - it is almost too sweet. It might overwhelm someone who could actually smell.
You taught me those goiters I saw growing on oak trees in my youth playing in the woods behind house are "burls." They were useful in climbing a tree w/ no low limbs. A great toe hold.
Did I write "chuck"? Chunk, it was a chunk. A huge chunk of a burl which I then chucked up.
Am taking a break from turning the inside of the bowl - this thing is beating me up. Better to watch my close personal friend Roy Underhill do woodwork on television than do it myself.
tear it up, sixty.
Got it rough turned and off the lathe. My brother saw a picture of it and wrote "Uncle Milty strikes again. That wood bowls me over!
Turned out well."
Yep, punism gallops in my family.
Good work Sixty with harnessing the galloping power of both punism and lathes!
I like ricpic's suggestion of hanging a rug on the wall, especially if you want something with the pattern of an Oriental and don't want to spend the big bucks on a larger floor covering of that type. Though my recommendation would be to go all out for the real deal and buy something that can last and be resold or passed down for years. Find a rug trader in your area and check out the $30,000 dollar deals (that alone should be an entertaining exchange) to get an idea of what appeals or doesn't, then look for something in your price range that appears similar in design. Colorblindness is a side issue when it comes to pattern. I bought an old used oriental with a worn spot at an auction and used it for 30 more years until it started looking threadbare all over. I was sad to see it go as the replacement pseudo-oriental carpet type printed rug we bought with limited funds lacks vitality in comparison.
With smart pets around, a pelt on the wall would not be the way to go unless scaring them into submission is required.
These kinds of threads are my favorites, with the beams and motes being cast out as a high point. When the bird is in fine fettle, the stories shared take on a reverberatory air.
You all have had great ideas and I appreciate the feedback.
I have spent many hours now contemplating what to do with that space - so far, I am only beginning to formulate what I would like.
There are no curtains on the window - I think of them as dust catchers. Last night I thought that I should replace the venetian blinds with some wooden blinds - give the place more of an island feeling.
I had a small rug on the floor, it's rolled up now - even though the oak flooring has a nasty orange finish on it, I prefer the wooden floor.
I brought back a small bench that I made out of red oak - has a naturally curving edge on it and it allows the cats to get on and off the bed a bit easier - none of us are getting any younger.
Storage is a real problem - the dresser is not good - stuff goes in, stays in. Same goes with the closet - it is tiny with a small door - I have stuff in there that I can't get to.
Need a kas or a schranke. But a nice simple one. Something that I can open up and see all my Hawaiian shirts. And my shoe collection - I have 3 pairs - don't want to lose track of all of those.
I think I will replace the ceiling fan next - get rid of the ornate one and install a plain modern one I already have on hand.
So, as I see it, the theme is shaping up as natural wood, with wooden furniture, wooden blinds, a fan with wooden blades, and no decoration other than a bedspread. Which I don't have.
Man, this stuff is wearing me out - I am simply not cut out to decorate. Or spend money!
Being cheap and colorblind has me living in a world of mismatched castoffs heaped all over the house.
Weren't we, somewhere, sometime, talking about down sizing and minimalism? I think we were.
By golly I am getting to be minimalism in action.
For the record, minimalism is one of my least favorite forms of sculpture. Ask me how I got an A in a sculpture class taught by a minimalist and I will tell you.
How did you get an A in a sculpture class, Sixty?
Did you just unwrap the clay and call it "still life sans cello"?
LOL, CJ.
But you do understand minimalist sculpture.
This was back in the days when I used to camp in the back country in Yosemite and bears were a real problem.
So I dealt with that by gluing up a blank of white pine and carving a bear. The teacher was aghast - I guess he had seen a lot of bad bear carvings or something.
Anyway, when it came time to turn in our project I pointed at the chips on the floor - that is what I made. It is horizontal, all uniform shapes, could have been machine made, and it is completely nonrepresentational.
Teacher laughed, I got and A, and he later admitted he liked the bear.
I still like it - it's on a shelf here, maybe I can drag it out and use it as my animal totem. Whoa, man, that is rad!
nice.
a friend of mine is Cherokee, and Bear is her totem. I found an obsidian knife made by a Cherokee artisan the other day. Hafted on a Kodiak claw.
She was literally hopping up and down. And she's a big woman, and gaining elderliness.
So I was concerned for her.
Obsidian is awesome - I chipped a few pieces off the dome between Lone Pine and Death Valley - I hope the statute of limitations has run out on that one.
Or is it "statue" of limitations? I should start working on that one.
But back to your story - where did you find that knife?
on line dealer.
and it's probably still statute.
if you still have the pieces...they might be able to make the argument your conspiracy is on-going.
hard tell. I've seen them bust people at an antiques auction for buying/selling old Native American arrows because the fletching might be eagle feather.
Fish & Wildlife people are insane.
Hey, I get my eagle feathers right below the blenders, er, wind mills.
I knew a guy back in the '70s who got rid of all of his fly tying polar bear fur just to avoid any unpleasantness with the brown shirts.
I think all of my obsidian is long gone - but they'll have to pry the bristlecone pine log out of my cold dead fingers.
I kid, I kid - I have never even been in the White mountains.
Men! They think and act like they don't know what they want to do, when they really do. When MrM asks the "What are you planning to do today, I've learned to ask him the same, because he usually has a plan. Actually something closer to an Agenda. Which in truth, sometimes helps focus scattered goals into something productive.
And Sixty, it looks like you have a plan forming up. Go with what you know! Add a woman to the mix later on and she'll have something solid to build on or complement with finishing touches.
Sixty:
Don't let the advice above subtly limit you to "a" woman. Collect the entire set.
Not related, do you own a smoking jacket?
I had a smoking jacket, but I extinguished it before it burst into flame.
MamaM - I look at what is in the room and I am disturbed - there is a blanket on top of a comforter on top of the bed. The pillow cases do not match each other or the sheets.
There are color issues as far as the eye cannot see. I used the word "blanket" but it looks more like a mat dryer lint. The comforter is - I don't know, it has stripes or something.
A rug would be nice, but I have one cat (should be named Bill) who likes to cough up hair balls. Can't find them all by feel, and if I can't see them, then they become part of the carpet design. Not good.
So I do need a woman to, at a minimum, say something like "That puce does not go with that chartreuse!" or some other words which mean nothing to my people. Or "Stripes and polka dots? Really?"
This is the first time I have tried to even think about pulling a whole room together, and part of stems from hauling almost everything out of the room.
It is much more difficult to see than to figure out where the good grain is underneath the bark of a log. That's simple compared to interior decorating.
And this is just the first of 6 rooms in this house. You are all real treasures, and I appreciate all the help, I really do.
Haz Man, you are a genius! I like the way you think. You are the man!,
I look at what is in the room and I am disturbed -
Awareness is half the battle! And emptying so something new can happen is the other. It sounds like you're on a roll. Follow the MHaz's advice about a collection and enough color and drama will show up to make simple look good.
Sixty, I think you should post numerous pictures of the progress of your room like Annie and Meade did.
Man, what a great idea! And I'll include a picture of a dog sitting on my lap!
Also, a picture of me next to the Sacred Red Bridge in Nikko, Japan. And L'arc de Triomphe! And my favorite gelato place near the Fontana di Trevi.
You get the picture. Did I mention I have my own house, a truck and can have as many dogs as I want?
Oh yeah, I'm an outlaw.
I thought you were the Unabomber?
Once again you have confused me with my brother. That happens a lot.
Man, what a great idea! And I'll include a picture of a dog sitting on my lap!
Don't forget to add a picture of your new haircut, with your face tipped just so in the fashion of Inga. I hope that look doesn't come upon me when I hit sixty. It appears to be catching.
Did I mention I have my own house...
Plus, the owner of such gets to decorate whatever way they want without someone swatching 99 different colors of paint on the wall and tipping their head just so in order to ascertain nuances in lighting so as to choose the exact, right, perfect, just what I had in mind because this is so important and I don't want to subject myself to anything less than prime, shade of color needed.
Music. Music is your savior, Sixty Grit. That, along with whatever charms you've managed to collect through the years, will fill the rooms with harmonic vibrations and overcome whatever decorating deficits might be in the way. Music also compensates for the lack of a plant, a mobile, a mirror and a rug. It does not however, overcome moose heads, antlers, steer horns, stuffed fish or any other form of mounted taxidermy. Skulls are questionable, but not out of the question, as long as they aren't human and aren't used as ashtrays. (I have a turtle shell and a ground hog skull among my treasures, small enough that they can be hidden in drawers if necessary). We've traded drapes for blinds in most rooms and don't miss having them around. Younger SonM collects and restores old kerosene lanterns. Having one of them around (run with Klean-Heat)can be a decorative piece that's handy to have when lightning strikes!
Sixty, If the Unabomber is your brother then you are a snitch.
Sixty:
Since you're color blind, you can describe your decor as Fifty Shades of Gray. That has possibilities.
"with your face tipped just so in the fashion of Inga"
I believe it's called the "MySpace Angle" and its purpose is to hide jowls and double chins.
like the idea that I could ask a woman to help - someone with color vision and maybe even good taste.
Coming in really late to the party.
We just got back from 3 days in Oregon where the trees are covered with moss and lichens and if you don't move fast enough, you will be too. I don't know how the trees survive. My GOD Oregon is damp!
Anyhooo
Decorating as a color blind individual isn't impossible. My mother was color blind and so is my brother...of course. So I know what it is like to be around the color challenged.
One of my favorite personal 'collections' is a grouping of all white art deco pottery in a really pretty cherry wood book case. I also have thrown in some brass items and vintage books, a few pieces of primary colored art deco pots and a few crystal pieces. Not Lalique....as if I could afford those,but similar. They provide a contrast and different light reflections to the matte of the pottery. No one cares what colors the books are or even if they clash in this arrangement. Patterns, textures, shapes and tones will all pull it together. Add some ferns or other living greenery with baskets and texture texture texture.
When all else fails, Sixty can do like my Mother and ask someone....."Do these colors go together?" She could not tell hardly any color from another. My brother, thankfully, has a nice wife to send him back to his room to change clothing when it is really clashing. (Actually, no one really cares....he just wears jeans, nerdy tee shirts and an occasional plaid shirt...lol)
Simple lines. Bold primary colors for accents. Throw in some black, grey and creams. Can't go too wrong with those. Mid Century Modern is really hot right now with the fabulous wood furniture in natural finishes and bright colors for accents. A little 'clash' is class in mid century mod. Probably not Sixty's cup of tea though.
If you are looking for rustic cabin in the woods. You likely will need a seeing,color, eye person.
Thanks for the ideas, DBQ - you have actually hit on the overall theme of this place, as I envision it. The house was built in '51 so mid-century modern is what I want to go for.
I have cats here so small stuff gets knocked over. Plants get dug up. I had some nice hanging plants at my old place, which had a cathedral ceiling and a sliding glass door - neither of those features are present here. But the cats still are, so I have think about what it is they are going to knock over next.
And dust - man is it bad. Where does it come from? I must say that when I moved the dresser to install the ceiling in that area I thought of you DBQ - the dust bunnies had moved in under the furniture and multiplied, boy howdy!
Any way, I will keep pressing forward, one step at a time.
Over the years I have found that the way I work is to jump in, do stuff, stop, take a look at what I have, then go from there. Even with some furniture pieces I have built, I have not had a clear idea of the finished product prior to starting. It's a curious approach, but that's how I go about things, and this room will proceed the same way. Do something, look at it, make my next move. Can't see the whole room before starting - not even the color scheme!
I have cats here so small stuff gets knocked over
In California/ earthquake country, I got into the habit of putting double sticky tape on the bottom of my pottery and glassware that was on display in shelving or mantles. Unless it is a BIG earthquake or a very determined cat, most of the objects d'art should be safe. I also put the tape on the pictures on the walls. NOTHING makes me more annoyed than a picture or photo that is hanging crookedly on the walls. I've been know to go around a restaurant and fix them and sneak behind my host or hostess back and straighten stuff in their house. OCD?
Since you are going mid century mod, the wood work and bowls that you do should be a slam dunk in the mix. Wood was a very big element of that style. I would think that even just an interesting burl cut in half and polished would be a great contrast of natural form to the more structured mid century lines.
Take photos and show us!!!
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