Thursday, July 15, 2010

Excuse me, have you seen Tennille?


I am a conservative kind of guy. That means I love tradition. And it is traditional that every time I come to a new place I buy a stupid hat to drive my wife crazy. The last time we went to St John in Canada I bought a coon skin cap that I wore all over town. This year I had to get the Captains Hat if I really wanted to be Mr. Howell.

But as usual no one got my joke. The fact that Mr. Howell from Gilligan's Island often wore a Captains hat was too obscure for most. My Brother in Law suggested I just go and say "Hey have you seen my little buddy." You know like the skipper used to do. But that was a little too gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So I decided to just ask one simple question. "Excuse me, have you seen Tennille?"

It was amazing just how many people had no idea what the hell I was talking about. The fiftyish people laughed their asses off. And the Eastern Europeans who were working the ship loved it and knew what I was talking about. But anybody under 45 looked at me like I had two heads.

I wore it proudly when I stumbled into the "Loyalist Bookstore" which might have been one reason why we didn't hit it off. Or it could have been when I asked him if he stole all of his books. You see they were marked with stuff like "Property of Pilgrim Hospital" and stuff. And the prices were crazy. He had a complete set of the Horatio Alger books that he was selling for about $3.00 a piece. I snapped a bunch. I want to be a successful entrepreneur like Horatio Alger.

That's why I drink Guinness.

A new book. A funny hat. Guinness.

What more could you ask for?

16 comments:

Trooper York said...

I think the "Demented Popeye" is a good look for me.

Trooper York said...

Everybody on Court St has been enjoying it the last few days.

Trooper York said...

When I told everybody I got a bunch of Horatio Alger books they weren't too impressed.

"Who gives a shit about the guy who keeps taking his sunglasses off on CSI: Miami?"

chickelit said...

My dad had one of those hats. He used to wear it while cruising around the Madison lakes, piloting his outboard 12-foot alumi-craft. Don't know what ever become of the hat.

He also liked The Captain and Tennille.

You freak me out sometimes Trooper York.

Trooper York said...

El Pollo Real....I am not your father.

That was Star Wars.

Trooper York said...

I love my hat. I have been wearing it everywhere. The wine and cheese. Buying cold cuts at the salumaria.

But Tennille remains elusive.

Although I have come upon a couple of muskrats screwing.

Trooper York said...

At least I hope they were muskrats.

chickelit said...

El Pollo Real....I am not your father.

I know that. You're more like a bartender ~ and I can't seem to stay away.

chickelit said...

I hope Theo Boehm jumps all over the previous thread.

Michael Haz said...

Nice hat.

I would have worn a white suit and asked people if they had seen Tattoo. Or if I was plastered, I would have hung out at the buffet looking for Mama Cass.

Good thing we don't travel together. The Russki security guards would toss us over the side.

Trooper York said...

I don't know Michael. I think everyone would follow us like we were the Pied Pipers.

Or the Pie-eyed Pipers.

Or something.

Michael Haz said...

Or two middle-aged doofuses with bad taste in clothing.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Trooper you need to get one of those Bearskin hats that the Coldstream Guards wear when you drink Guinness.

Now that would be awesome

Titus said...

I am kind of wet looking at that photo.

You are kind of hot Mary.

You look a little naughty and a like that.

Titus said...

And I am sorry but the clothing is fierce bitch Michael. How dare you?

blake said...

I, too, am a hat wearer.

Fedoras, porkpies, top hats...you name it.

I don't drink, but I do act like an idiot. So I got that going for me.