Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Prom Night Massacre: Dan Reeves Raped and Murdered My Grandmother!"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Son's of Meade-ocrity"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"An Edjamikated Redneck Hot Tub Time Machine."

I had a virus!

Well acutally my computer did. You know that I click on stuff all over the internet to dig up pictures for you animals and I picked up something nasty. So I had to get rid of it and it took all day.

Another reason for the light posting.

Sorry about that chief.

I have just been too busy to really write up any posts that I am willing to put here. I mean I will throw out a comment or two between customers but I can't give enough thought or effort to a post that I feel like posting for youse guys.

Plus there was a "Man from U.N.C.L.E." marathon and you know what that means.

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Misfits of Politics: The AlphaLiberal Story."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Who I Did on My Summer Vacation; A Film by Jason (the commenter)"

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"The Neverending Story: Ritmo Explains Politics in the Pool at the Mandalay Bay"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Chinese Cave People at the Olive Garden: Eat, Drink, Man, Woman."

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"Teen Wolfstein: Ripic's Back to the Future Bar Mitzvah Dance Party."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Bizzaro Toy Story: It's for the Birds"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"V for Vortex: The Revenge of the Blogger Lady"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Blake Knows That Position 3. The Hollywood Years."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Nappy Headed Mo: The Don Imus Story."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"HD Animal House."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Green Bay Packer Cheerleaders in Heat: Michael H's Lost Weekend. (Unedited)"

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Williamsburg Reacharound: The Palladian Story. This time it's Personal."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Napoleon (the Commenter) Dynamite: The College Years."

Summer Movies you don't want to see,

"Blacula Dreams from My Father in 3D"

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"Crack Emcee's Hot Tub Time Machine New Age Death Cult."

Summer Movies you don't want to see

"X Men Origins: Gay Wolverine!"

Commentor Memories Number 40

"Hey I have an Idea. A big idea. Conservatives bad. Liberals good."

"Bush Bad. Obama God."

"Christians and Jews bad. Islam good."

"Rich (except for me) bad. Poor good."

"Peeing in my Depends as I sit on the beach in the Hamptons, priceless."

"You betcha!"

Garage Mahal's Road Kill Korner

Garage wants to get his kids ready to enjoy his favorite road kill recipes. So to get them used to the idea he bought them this road kill Hello Kitty set from China.

Of course the one from Korea is the one with the puppy.

President Roger Clemens

I think President Obama is like Roger Clemens.

Roger Clemens put on a Yankee uniform for a while but he was never a "True Yankee."

He doesn't believe in what the Yankees stand for. Dignity. Class. Integrity. Style with substance. Doing what you have to do to win but without cheating. Being a professional in every sense of the word.

You know what Derek Jeter does every day he is on the field.

Roger Clemens is a liar. He is a cheat. He would do anything to win but was really more concerned with his own statistics than the team. He has an ego bigger than the stadium he plays in. He does not play well with others. He will turn on you in an instance and throw you under the bus like he did the guys who supplied him steroids. He is arrogant. Self-righteous. Pompous.

Roger Clemens will never be a "True Yankee."

It is a terrible thing to have Roger Clemens as your President.

Ricpic has a new favorite player!!!!

New York Post, Page Six August 20, 2010

Amar'e Stoudemire is Jewish -- sorta.
The $100 million New York Knick, who recently traveled to Israel to research his Jewish roots, told Page Six yesterday that he's a practicing Jew "spiritually and culturally" -- and he's even keeping kosher, he says.
"I'm not a religious person, so it's not from a religious standpoint," he said.
Stoudemire sat with Page Six after traveling with 30 kids on a double-decker bus from Madison Square Garden to Times Square, where a billboard for the Garden of Dreams Foundation was unveiled.
The NBA All-Star said he was pointed toward Judaism by his "very spiritual" mother, and by his reading of scriptures since he was young. "I didn't grow up in a Jewish home. I never had a bar mitzvah, never celebrated the holy days growing up," Stoudemire said.

But since returning from Israel, where he toured Jerusalem, Tel Aviv and the Dead Sea, Stoudemire is keeping up with his studies: "I figure, what the scriptures speak about, that's what I celebrate."
When told that some cynics suggest his new faith may help sell more Knicks tickets, Amar'e responded, "This has nothing to do with New York." For the past 2½ years, he's had a large "12 Tribes" tattoo -- referring to the 12 Tribes of Israel -- on his left bicep.
Stoudemire was inked with a Star of David tattoo on his left hand about "four or five months" ago, and has been tweeting in Hebrew for more than a year. He said he won't miss any games during the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur -- "Playing the games are my livelihood. But I'm still going to celebrate the holidays."
The 6-10 forward recently visited Midtown kosher steakhouse Prime Grill, where he received an after-dinner blessing with Rabbi Joshua Metzger (see photo, opposite page). At The Lion on West Ninth Street, he requested a kosher meal -- fish and grilled tomatoes. Mazel tov!

Rememberance of Things Past.

Well as you no doubt know, I have been out of action the last few days and staying close to home. The last couple of days I have been walking a little to get the circulation going in my leg. So I walked to the store from my house which is about four blocks.

As I was toodling along with my cane people would come out of the stores and restaurants on Court St. Now the guys in Good Food knew all about it and call me every day to see if I need a sandwich or anything delivered. I did all of my shopping this week by phone and they delivered right to my door. One of my clients arranged for Fresh Direct to drop off meals for a couple of days which was pretty cool and totally unexpected.

But the restaurant guys were the best. As I passed the owner would come out and asked what was up. I would tell him about it and they would go "Let me know what you need and we will send it right over. Anything you want."

But the most interesting was the people who own the Thai restaurant. We decided to get take out and we went around the corner right at closing. One of the owners was sitting out at the front instead of being in the kitchen. He goes "You sit right down and eat now on the house. You want any food I have them bring to you....No plastic....in dish just like restaurant."

You see he knew we lived around the corner and wanted to deliver the food on the actual restaurant dishes so it we be hot and delicious instead of waiting to put it in the plastic take out containers. That was touching to say the least.

Just goes to show you if you treat people right you will get it back when you need it.

Remember that the next time you order a bagel.

Commentor Memories Number 39

"Why hello there. I see you watching me through the TV. What's your name? Windbag? Wait a miniute that's not a windbag in your hand. Ewwwww."

"You're to old to be doing that. I mean that ain't an ice cream cone in your hand for crying out loud. And I don't even look like this anymore."

"I know what you are really seeing when you look at this movie."

"Well you know what?"

"Thanks."

Commentor Memories Number 38

"Hey kid, why are staring at me? I mean I know we just won the first Superbowl so it is ok if you are excited."

"But not that excited."

"Put that away. You don't want to Howard Cosell in front of the TV where your mom can catch you."

"Not that it is wrong you know. I mean that's why the Giants got rid of Coach Lombardi and Tom Landry when they caught them doing that in the locker room. But I just don't want to see that."

"What's your name? Garage? What kind of fuckin' name is that? Jeeez. I am gonna call you Fuzzy. You know why."

"Now cut that out and go study if you want to earn six figures someday."

Commenter Memories Number 37

"Well hello there. What's your name. Kent. Clark Kent or just Kent. Or Kent. Nice to meet you."

"I thought Clark Kent only changed his clothes in a phone booth? Not in front of the TV?"

"Why is it you only have your pants off?"

"Wait a minute, that isn't a shoe phone?"

"You better put that away before your mom comes home and sees you. You will mess up your realtionship with women for a long time if you don't stop."

"If you put it away and put your pants on it will be our little secret."

"Well until you start talking about it on the internets in about thirty or forty years."

Commenter Memories Number 36

"Why hello little ricpic. I see you are watching me and Lamb Chop."

"And you have your own little hand puppet."

"Oh wait that's not a puppet. Well maybe a meat puppet."

"You shouldn't be doing that while you are watching me on TV. I know you have a thing for shitzka's but still."

"Maybe you should put on the Dinah Shore show. That will calm you down."

"What? You just want to see Lamb Chop? Wow. That's weird even for you."

"Now be a good boy and put that away. I have to go see Soupy Sales. He promised me a gig if I let him put his fist inside. I hope he was talking about Lamb Chop."

Commenter Memeories number 35

"Oh hello little Theo."

"I see you staring at me through the TV while you are watching Great Performances on PBS."

"I see that the opera excites you. Or perhaps Maria does?"

"No matter. You should put that away. You don't want your mother catching you fingering your flute like that. It will scar you relationships with women for a long time."

"Now be a good boy and wait till you are under the covers. Then you can think of me and the opera and all of the good things in life."

"I have to go now. My friend Aristotle wants to show me his boat. He says that it is not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean."

"I have my doubts."

"But he is rich."

Commenter Memories number 34

"Hey sugar! I see watching me through the TV."

"What's your name baby?"

"What....Crack Emcee....what kind of name is that?"

"Are you too interested in someone's crack?"

"Oh you are digging my mini-skirt."

"Well allright then, I was getting a little worried."

"Now listen sugar, don't let you mama catch you doing that to the TV. That's gonna mess up your relationship with the ladies for a long time now."

"You put that away until bedtime you hear sugar."

"Sleep tight. I have to go adjust Gene's tricorder."

I hate this.

Well I am basically laid up while I am recuperating from my surgery. So I couldn't open the store today which I hate. I want to do my part and I am stuck resting.

A couple of our customers volunteered to come in and help out. They are really great people.

I am just laying around and once an hour I have to walk around a little. I have to be by the phone as the wife is always checking up on me. But I was able to wander a little to go to the store. In my slippers and bathrobe.

Vince the Chin Gigante style.

Star date 2010

"Can I help you Mr. Spock?"

"Yes you can ensign. I have been reading some ancient texts dating back to the 21st century. On something called a blog. It seems that people enjoyed something called tweaking."

"Yes I heard about that in college. Doesn't have something to do with illegal narcotics?"

"No, actually I believe it has something to do with nipples. Perhaps I might demonstrate the Vulcan Nipple pinch?"

Playing the race card when you don't have a full deck!

I have been checking out the Real Housewives of DC. Well my wife has and I have to watch it if I want to get to watch "Louie" and "Rescue Me."

Let me tell you this is one hot mess.

Most of the pub from this disaster has revolved around the couple of grifters who sneaked into that White House party. But what is even more interesting is the playing of the race card by all and sundry. It is really something to see. They are setting up this nasty English Bitch called Cat to take a big fall. She is getting the Danielle Sponge Bob Square Tits edit and it is not going to end well.

Check it out if you like mayhem.

Everything you need to know about America can be found on Reality TV.

Commentor Memories number 33

The Crack Emcee said...
Ritmo,i never said I was ashamed of anything - I said you are."

Wait a minute. What about the time you were a stand in on "Blackula Three; This time it's Personal You Cracker!"

Commentor Memories Number 32

I am really glad to see that our old friend Mort has resurfaced. But I am afraid he might go back underground now that they arrested Alvin Greene for showing porno to college girls as he was trying to get in their pants.

I mean that kills Mort's Friday nights right there. WTF!

So it wasn't so bad.

I got back from my follow up and everything seems good. The vein is clotting and the subsidiary veins will start to die off and I should be feeling pretty good in a month or so.

When I went into the surgery they gave me three Valiums which kinda of worried me as I never take pain killers at all. They only gave me a local so I was awake through the whole thing making jokes and busting balls. The weird thing was that they never took my blood pressure or anything like that there to start. They just started jabbing me with needles and sticking a wire and a laser beam thingy up my leg to my crotch. I asked "Hey where is the machine that goes ping?" and "Did you guys wash your hands?" They had this young girl observing and I go to her "Oh you are a baby doctor." She goes "No I am the chief resident at Long Island College Hospital" in her best snotty Carrie Weaver voice. It is hard to have an operation when you have your hands covering your pisc-a-deal. I mean seriously?

Luckily both of the nurse are plus size and they are coming for a shopping spree so I was covered. Well my pisc-a-deal wasn't covered as they kept opening the door and walking out and coming back in. I guess that was what all the laughing in the hallway was about.

I am only feeling some pulling and stretching every time I move but otherwise everything is cool. I even forgot to take the Advils I was supposed to take. So I guess I can't complain.

Let the lights fall where they may?

So on Tuesday when I was getting all my ducks in a row before the operation, I get a panicked call from the store. The maid was cleaning the chandelier and she managed to unscrew it out of the ceiling and it was hanging by one thin wire. You see she was supposed to dust it. But instead of moving the ladder from one side to another, she just stood in one place and swung the chandelier around in a circle. This unscrewed the coupling that held it to the ceiling and it started to fall to the floor. They had to run next store to get Nelson from the bodega to cut the wire and rested it on the floor smashing several crystals in the process.

Now I had a big blowout with the maid two weeks ago when she broke our vacuum cleaner for the fifth time. Yes that's right fifth time. I guess she resents cleaning even though that is her job. So she bangs shit around and ends up breaking stuff. I should have let her go then. You see this time she broke the retractable wire on a brand new vacuum. Instead of unplugging it and moving to another socket she just kept pulling it all through the store till it broke. Now I can understand if I only had on socket but I have one every three feet in the store so there is no excuse. I told if there was ever a job she was unsure of and needed help, she just had to tell me and I would help her or get someone else to help. Like cleaning the Air Conditioner which I help her do. Or maybe like cleaning the chandelier. But she ignored me and almost caused a catastrophe.

What do you think I should do?

I'M BACK!!!

Well I am back!

The surgery went pretty well and I will have a full recap. Right now I have my leg wrapped up in a bandage and a surgical stocking all the way up to my pisc-a-deal. I feel a pinching and a pulling like the doc is still stuffing the laser cannon thing up my vein so I have to take it easy. But according to him it was a great success.

He did make me take 3 Valiums but it didn't do jack shit. I was awake through the whole procedure and watched the whole thing. I told him that I had hung out at the South Street Seaport for twenty years and three little pills wasn't going to do anything. Next time I prescibe about thirty Guinness stout pints, six oil cans of Fosters and four Sambucca shots. Then I might get a little drowsy. Just sayn.

Now behave and play amongst yourselves until I get back!

I will be off the grid for the next couple of days so behave and play amongst yourselves. Share your toys and make sure that everybody gets a chance. And everybody has to be included in the game.

See you in a couple of days.

One question before you die Captain Kirk.

"One question before you die Captain Kirk."

"And what might that be Romulan? I will never reveal anything about Star Fleet."

"Oh I don't care about Star Fleet. But take a look at my tricorder. I have a question."

"Well spit it out."

"Who is this Brett Farve and why is he transmitting photo's of his genitalia?"

"I am afraid that is one of the universes mysteries that we will never solve."

Hey El Pollo, I found out what happened to your comment!

And it wasn't pretty.

I think Chief Bald Eagle might be barking up the wrong tree.

You see there is a funny thing about Corporal Agarn. He loves sandwiches.

Just sayn'

Whose that Girl?

I bet Chief Bald Eagle doesn't know!

She started starring on her own TV series when she was only sixteen!

I though that was illegal even in California?

I guess that everything is legal there these days.

Commenter Memories Number 31

Our good buddy Chief Bald Eagle is all over the intertubes going crazy because a couple of mo's want to tie the knot.

But I understand. You see he always had a thing for Corporal Agarn and Sgt O'Rourke beat him out and he was stuck with Crazy Cat.

I just don't think Bald Eagle likes pussy very much. Just Sayn'

Say let's stay on Topic please!

Listen, I don't want a 300 post thread about gay marriage.

Other peoples marriages are just not that interesting. Or fun. Or something you should stick your nose in.

I just think that people who worry so much about what other people do in their marriage and have such a big problem with the Mo's have something else going on. (I'm looking at you Chief Bald Eagle). Live and let live is what I say.

I mean look at these two broads. Who would want to stick their nose into them I ask you?

Commenter Memories Number 30

There is some crazy talk that the Crack Emcee hates women! Nothing can be further from the truth.

He has been a rico suave kind of guy from way back.

Ever since he learned some smooth dance moves from his uncle Cleetus.

The Return of Camel Toe Corner

Holy Celine Dion it's the return of celebrity camel toe corner!

Thanks to the first lady of all the land.

God bless her and keep her safe.

I mean I had it all wrong!

I guess I was misinformed. I mean I thought that the news that Farve wants to play in California after the ruling came down yesterday. My mistake.

Oh, and not that there's anything wrong with that.