Nanny and the Professor

"Hello who can I help you?"

"Can you tell me where the mens lavatory might be located. I here to pick up Mr. French. He is late for the TV servants annual ball and I belive he might be here practicing his wide stance."

"Down the corridor and to the left."

"Thank you kind sir. I must hurry or Benson will be very angry."

"Whose your Dada"

Why it is me!

Idi Amin Dada!

Yes I have come to talk to you now that the Kenyan has invaded my beautiful homeland of Uganda! How dare he! He has no right to send his soldiers to my homeland. My people will resist them. On the beaches. In the skies. In every village. The valor of the Ugandan people will prevail against the imperialist dogs.

But that is more important. I am retired as you know. So I am spending my time relaxing. Playing croquet. Reading. And of course barbecuing!

Now when I barbecue I love to make ribs. I would love to give you my recipe. First you get a couple of missionary's. Now don't get Italians. They are much too greasy. And don't use any Germans. They are sour like their kraut. No you must use a plump tasty Irishman. They are so often basted in beer their whole life through. Very tasty!

Ha ha ha! I made you laugh right? You know I am not a cannibal. It is one of the dirty lies the imperialists spread about me. You know who spread those lies. That grinning two faced idiot Jimmy Carter. He hated me. And now the most liberal President since then is invading my country. I miss George Bush. All he did was send money for medicine to cure aids and feed the people. But does he get any credit. No! NO! The running dog imperialistic press fawns over this Kenyan who does nothing for Africa but kill our children and drop bombs on our people.

I must go now. I live in Scotland as you know. We are having haggis tonight. My favorite. It tastes just like a Somali warlord I once roasted during the World Cu.....errr... just kidding with you.

WHOSE YOUR DADA!!!!!!

Everybody loves Ocktoberfest

That's right Hossaroni.

I had some of Sam Adams Ocktoberfest ale last night as well as some Pumpkin Ale and they were great.

I love Ocktoberfest!

Nanny and the Professor

"Well Professor Everett I thank you for engaging my services."
"I must say that I have my doubts. I thought I should be in the Big Valley."
"Well stop by my room later and I will be happy to show you a big valley. And a couple of Grand Tetons for the nonce."
"Cheerio."
"No sorry guvenor but my Cheerio is long gone. But we can still have fun in the Big Valley."
"Oh Nanny Figallilly I love you."
"Of course you do silly man."

The Hoff is distraught!

"I am so sad my little bonita concetia."
"You have left me all alone."
"First you go away and marry another."
"And left me with only Big Papi to while away my lonely nights."
"Now he too is going to leave me."
"And I must play my sad Musica solo."
"Listen muy bonita>"
"Ese hombre que tu tienes no estan en nada
Que en vez de enamorarte te desgasta, no
Tiene bueno modales, y no es atento contigo
Ese hombre no se merece que le des tanto
Cario.
El duerme en la maana y tu trabajas, y luego
Por las noches se te escapa, te exige que tu le laves
Que lo vistas y lo planches, y si a caso tu protestas
Se indigna y quiere pegarte.
Que le den candela, ay que le den castigo, que lo
Metan en una holla y que se cocine en su vino
Que le den candela, que le den castigo que lo borden
De una cometa y que luego corten el hilo(azucar, azucar)
Ese hombre que tu tienes buena amiga, si yo fuera
Tu le dejaria, las maletas en la puerta y una nota que dijera
Apartir de este momento que te cocine tu abuela.
Que le den candela, ay que le den castigo, que lo
Metan en una holla y que se cocine en su vino
Que le den candela, que le den castigo que lo borden
De una cometa y que luego corten el hilo."
"I will sing it all night as I taste these tasty buns that make me think of you."
"Oye Big Papi why did you leave me........sob"

Nanny and the Professor

"Oh Nanny Figallilly I am so scared. I had a terrible nightmare."

"What kind of nightmare Miss Prudence."

"I dreamed I was on a reality TV show with a bunch of terrible mean nasty girls. And the worse one was my sister. And my niece made a naughty vidieo. What's a vidieo Nanny?"

"Nothing you need to worry about dear. We can never really tell what the future will bring. Here take this."

"What is it Nanny Gigallilly?"

"It's magic dust. You can smell it when you are feeling bad and it will make everything seem better!"

"Do you use it Nanny?"

"Yes whenever the Professor comes to visit me in my room. Now be a good girl and go off to bed."

"Thank you ever so much Nanny. I love you!"

"I love you too dear."

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain

(Family quarters, upstairs at the White House)
Michelle Obama: (walking in back from her shopping trip to Target) Mama I‘m home! You can go to bed now I just want to check on the girls.
Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) Thank God you are home. Your Auntie Madea is on the warpath. You best get that skinny ass half a cracker husband of yours up here
Michelle Obama: Now Mama don’t start that up again, what’s the problem this time. I am very tied. We have been working really hard.
Marian Robinson: That’s why you Auntie Madea is all pee-oood. Get that skinny thermometer muthafucker up now.
Michelle Obama(picks up phone):Hi, can you ask the President to come upstairs. Thank you.
President Barrack Obama: (Comes rushing in) Is everything OK? Are the girls all right?
Michelle Obama: My mother wants to talk to you.
President Barrack Obama (mutters under his breath) Oh shit. What now!
Marian Robinson: What did you say you skinny assed Q-tip looking muthafucker?
President Barrack Obama: Nothing Mother. You do know that I am President of the United States. You might show me just a little respect.
Marian Robinson: You better watch your ass Mr Bean Pie. I hear you got to be invading Uganda? How could you be doing dat?
President Barrack Obama: Now mother please, it is in the vital interest of the United States. We need to be invovled.
Marian Robinson: Wha cha talkin' about Weakass? There ain't nothing good going on in Uganda since that sweet boy Idi was there. Madea has to straig'n you out son. Madea come on out here!
Madea: (comes into the room) There he is that fool boy. How is it you be invading Uganda. My sweet lover Idi is gonna get pissed.
President Barack Obama: No Auntie Madea Idi Amin is no longer the ruler of Uganda. In fact he passed on several years ago.
Madea: WHAT! I dinin know dat. Since when? Why didn't someone tell me.
Michelle Obama: Well we didn't want to tell you because we know you were sweet on him.
Madea: Damn straight I was sweet on him. They said he was a cannibal and shit but that boy could eat pussy like nobodies business. I remember those nights we spent together when I was performing with Ray Charles and he had us over there to perform. That boy was a wonder. I wuz gonna visit him on my birthday. Damn now what I am I gonna do?
President Barack Obama: I don’t have time for this foolishness Madea, I am the President and I have a lot of other things to do. I have to finish destroying the country before I get voted out of office.(he flees out of the room).
Madea: Where you going you pansy ass fool? Marian get my gat. I gonna have to get him to do something. I know I can get him to call his friend Hugo Chavez. I hear he likes a woman with a little junk in the trunk. Maybe I can feed him some of the ole fish taco!

Marilyn's Diary

Everyone in the Munster family was very musical. We didn't have a TV for many years so we used to sit around in the parlor and play various musical instruments. Grandpa loved to play the tambourine. Aunt Lily was an expert on the skin flute. That's how she first met Uncle Herman. Even little Eddie played the accordion. And of course I loved the harp.

I would love to strum the chords oh so lightly with my fingers as each one touched a chord with a feeling as light as a butterfly. I was very serious about it as I practiced all the time. In the family room. Out in the graveyard. And especially in my room.

I would love to sit in my frilly nightie and wrap my arms around my instrument as I slowly and sensuously fingered it. I remember one hot and steamy summer night. I was wearing my loosest nightie and no panties as I was covered in a light film of sweat. But it was a good sweat. It smelled of my perfume of lilacs and dead flies. And then Uncle Herman came into my room.

He told me not to stop. The sat behind me on the bench. He wrapped his arms around me. He reached for my budding girlish breasts and slowly and sensuously strummed them as I played in perfect rhythm. My nipples responded to his gentle touch as I started to get wet in my special place and then Uncle Herman took his hand and.......errr .....lets just say we made beautiful music that night.

Now every time I hear a harp my nipples stand at attention.

It can be quite disconcerting when it happens at the Mall.

Whose that girl?

Did they erase her from your memory? She would like that. She is famous for erasing uncomfortable truths.

Whose that girl?

You know who you are!

Michael Corleone: I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 3 - A Shocking Two-Part Reunion - Video - Bravo TV Official Site

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 3 - A Shocking Two-Part Reunion - Video - Bravo TV Official Site

The Reunion this Sunday will be Epic.

The reunion show of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" will be epic this Sunday. They have been showing season three and it has just finished this last Sunday. All the while they had been filming season four as this was going on. Now when they film these shows they don't know what the other girls are saying in the "talking heads" segments that they only see when it is shown on television. So any snark and biting remarks had to play into the filming of season four.

Now when they filmed the last episode of season four at the annual fiasco that is the Poshe fashion show (a boutiques featured on the show) they had a giant fight. It seems that Teresa had been in contact with this dude who said he had worked in a club that Melissa (Teresa's sister in law and Nemesis) had worked in as a stripper. Melissa claimed she only worked as a bartender in a "Bikini" bar while she was in college. So Teresa was trying to sandbag and embarrass Melissa. In addition it had come out that Teresa said that Caroline Manzo was an "Olive Garden Italian" and only 1/16th Italian and just about pissed her off to the point that she wants to whack her. In addition, Jacqueline Laurita (Carolines sister in law and Teresa's friend) got so pissed that she started a twitter war and refused to go on the reunion show. Now the speculation is that Jac has some major skeletons in her closet since her husband met and married her in Las Vegas where she was a "showroom model." So she might be worried about what is going to come out about her past. The rumor is that she is quiting the show for season five since season four is already in the can.

So the reunion will be a lot of fireworks and screaming. It should be a lot of fun. Check it out this Sunday night.

Capisce!

Michael Corleone: Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

Remembrance of things Pabst

So we went to Fraunces Tavern to celebrate our anniversary last week and it was a major disappointment. It used to be a fine dining establishment with just about the best steak you were ever gonna taste. To this day people who were there at our wedding love to talk about how good the steak was.

Now an Irish Brewery bought out the trust of the Sons of the Revolution who used to run the restaurant. They weren't making it because the Wall St guys weren't spending like they used to in the boom years. I have no right to complain because we only went there once a year and we really didn't support them the way we should. It is just that it is a pain in the ass to go there and it was a big ticket when you add in the cost and the car service and the whole dealio. So we really can't complain too much.

The Irish Brewery turned it into a beer hall. Long family style tables and four bars are all over the place. They basically copied "Ulysses" which is another very successful upscale Irish pub around the corner on Stone Street. They must have the formula down pat because it was packed on a Wednesday night.

We had gone to the Tavern for two reasons. One was to celebrate our anniversary and the other to see if we wanted to have the wife's birthday party there with the new ownership. I spoke to the general manager and we scoped out all of the rooms and saw the changes they had made. Then we sat down to eat at the Talmadge Room which is where we had the DJ and dancing when we got married. It is a wood paneled room with lots of historic paintings on the wall and is the first room off of the front door. We went through the menu and of course it was mainly pub food. Burgers. Bangers and Mash. Shepard's Pie. That kind of stuff. We ordered several dishes including both of the most expensive steaks on the menu. Let's just say it was underwhelming. Not very good. Not up to our standards. The pub stuff would be fine. But not for the party.

The upside is that these guys know their hospitality. They comped the bottle of wine and the drink we had later at the bar. Typically Irish. Great at the craic and the hospitality but with crappy food. So it was a real mixed bag. I mean I have been at plenty of joints with much better food but they never comped me a fuckin bowl of peanuts. So you pays your money and you takes your choice. Most of the people who are coming to the party are not big drinkers so that is not a big concern. They will be more interested in eating. So I am waiting to see what alternatives they will come up with for passed Hors d'oeuvre and stuff before we decide.

Still Fraunces Tavern is good old style Irish pub now and that is personally one of my favorite places to be. So if you are downtown give it a try. You will like it for what it is.

It is just not what it was.

Problems of a shopkeeper.

Private sanitation was always a problem. You see the city mandates that if you have a commercial establishment you have to use private sanitation to pick up your trash. You have to have a sticker in the window or else you can get a $1000 fine for not having coverage.

When I opened the shop I asked around and got the name of one of the local guys. He does a lot of the small business and is a small business guy himself. Dom has one truck that always seems to break down. Or he couldn't get through because they were filming a movie or something. I have let him slide numerous times before because I really have only one small garbage bag and a couple of pieces of cardboard. But it is very discouraging to come in the next day and see the garbage right in front of your store. It also leaves you liable for a $500 fine for leaving it outside in front of your store. Now I have been really lucky and have not had a fine yet even thought it has been hit and miss the last week. So I have been calling Dom to find out what is going on.

He called me back today and told me he has his idiot nephew working the truck. He said that the bag in front of my store was too close to my next door neighbor so he didn't know if it was ours so he didn't pick it up. Now that is pure bullshit. They just missed the stop. Or ignored it. Or whatever. So I arranged a new spot for it. The fuckin douchebag mayor put a bike stand right in front of my shop and I told Dom I would put my garbage right next to it so his idiot nephew will know it is mine and he will pick it up. That should work. If they still have a truck that is.

I don't want to work with one of the big waste management companies if I don't have to.

When the Mafia ran the garbage routes they always picked up. No matter what. But times change. They cleaned up the industry and now they don't clean up on time.

Things change. And they get worse.

Take your f***ing sorrys and stick'em in...

This is a clue for you Fred4Pres.

Just sayn'

White Sandy Beach of Hawai'i-

Si es verdad.

i hate my job

No I really mean it.

The Murderburgers - I Hate My Job

Oh Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Didn't Believe Her

But she was right. I like this video for some reason. I just can't put my finger on it.

So to speak.

She Said Yeah

Yeah that's right. We are groovy man!

Cool, Calm and Collected

These fashions coming to a store near you soon!

Well in Brooklyn anyways!

Who Put the Benzadrine in Mrs Murphys Ovaltine? - Harry "The Hipster" Gi...

Betty Boop is a fuckin kill joy!

Who knew?

Time After Time.....That's right Baby!

Funny How Time Slips Away

Especailly when you are doing something you don't want to do. You know?

Black Coffee

I hate to drink so much coffee while I am doing accounting bullshit.

Take that you dirty hjppies!

Oh yeah Viva Baby!

That's Right Baby!

Hey Big Papi no esta aqui!

I see where Big Papi wants to come to the Yankees. No es bueno amigo. Stay in Beantown you douchenozzle. We don't need any washed up steriod freaks on our team.

We already have A-Rod.

Dusty Springfield - Spooky

For ricpic!

Dusty Springfield - Son of a preacher man

I feel foggy!

Don't tell the Kid.

Another series I have to get on Kindle is the Dusty Fog or Floating Outfit stories by JT Edson. He was a limey author who wrote a bunch of right wing westerns featuring Dusty Fog, Mark Counter and the Yasbel Kid. Great fun if not the most literary of stories they are great to kill as summer Sunday afternoon on the porch.

Highly recommended for my conservative brethren.

He's a coxswain?

"Command a Kings Ship" is one of my favorite Bolitho novels. In it John Allday becomes the admirals coxswain. No that is not dirty Titus, he is the guy who steers the captains barge. In the earlier novels Stockdale is the coxswain but he dies in a battle protecting the nephew of the hero. So Allday becomes his new right hand man even though he was a shepard who was pressed into the navy. It is pretty interesting is all.

A good place to jump into the series it was the first novel I bought from Alexander Kent (Douglas Reeman) and it is funny but I have every book he has ever published.

Now I have to get them on the fuckin kindle. Rats.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our Anniversary so we will not be around.

Talk among yourselves and be nice.

So what's your favorite new TV show this season?

Here is a poll that almost no one who comments here will have an opinion about. What's your favorite new TV show. Now I know most of youse guys are going to say you have never seen any of these shows because you are all so busy and stuff. But take your best shot anyways.

Here are the shows with a brief description.

Terra Nova which is a sci-fi show which is part Jurassic Park, part Swiss Family Robinson and part Lost. With a Captain Ahab and some cute Indian chicks.

Pan Am about a bunch of stewardesses in the 1960's who screw and spy their way through the friendly skies. Staring Tuesday Adams as the "Head" stewardess.

Two broke girls about waitresses in Williamsburg with two cute chicks working in a diner. Sort of like Alice with really filthy double entendre jokes.

Unforgettable about a cute cop with red hair who walks around in a tank top while everyone else wears pants suits. She never forgets anything she sees once. Sort of like a cross between Police Woman and Kreskin.

Person of Interest where Jesus and Henry Kissinger get together to solve crimes they are pointed to by a super surveillance camera that records everything that happens everywhere. Sort of a mix of The Conversation and Dr Strangelove and the Passion of the Christ.

I hope that helps. Oh the photos are not in the right order. So whose your favorite.

Jeez Natty Lighten Up!

Have you been watching Terra Nova. So far it seems like a pretty cool sci-fi show with some nice family elements. Reminds me of old school stuff like the original Star Trek or Land of the Giants.

But the leader of the colony Commander Nathaniel Taylor is freaking me out. He has Captain Kirk disease. He has to go on every dangerous mission and is always shooting a dinosaur or rubbing dirt on his face to infiltrate the bad guys or something. He really has to delegate more. And the dude is just way to intense. He always looks like his eyeballs are gonna pop out of his head. Enough already.

Lucky for him it is only a 13 episode series. I don't think he would make it past another week.

Rachel Zoe is the second worst blond that I know!

Did you watch the latest Rachel Zoe Project tonight. As you may know Rachel Zoe is this hot shot stylist who dresses a bunch of celebrities and has a reality show on Bravo. She is real bitch. A skinny bitch. The worst kind.

She had hired this kid named Jeremiah as a styling assistant. Now the last two seasons she had hired assistants who went on to bigger and better things. The first one stole a bunch of her clients and the second one named Brad got his own show with Bravo as well. So this season it seemed she didn't want to share the spotlight. She brought these two non stylists to be front and center on the show. One was her BFF and makeup artist Joey and the other is this kid Jeremiah. Jeremiah had previously worked in interior design and wanted to change over to fashion and styling so he thought this was a great opportunity.

Well what happened was that Rachel never used him that much to style or let him even assist in many jobs. Instead she sneakily had him design and furnish her new house. And this week they fired him. On TV. What a cunt move.

Now what is really funny is that this kid came into the store with a client. Or maybe a friend but he came in to style this girl who came recommended by someone we are doing business with. Now we didn't realize who he was. He had been on TV the week before but we didn't realize it. The wife and I were leaving the store for a little while when they came in so we left them with our employees. But when we came back the wife took one look at him and said "Move over Bacon" and started to style his friend. He just laughed and stepped back. He was very complimentary to all our clothes and loved the looks that my wife put together. All and all a very professional and intelligent and personable guy. Anybody would be lucky to have him working for them.

Now I don't know if he was just cast for the show and knew it wasn't a real gig. But no matter how you slice it this sucks big time. Just goes do show you that Rachel Zoe is one dumb bitch.

I don't know exactly what I missed but it seems pretty bad!

So last night we sit down to watch "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and we couldn't get any reception. On any of the three cable boxes we have in the house. The channel was pixelated and the sound didn't work. I had recorded it on the DVR but that was screwed up as well. I think Bravo had this done specificly to me because of what I had been posting on TWOP.

I mean Bravo owns that site and they protect their story lines so if someone is effective in defending Kim then they have to be erased. Because that's what they do when you are beating them at their own game.

Do I sound too paranoid?

Hopefully I can catch a repeat tonight. Otherwise I will be pissed.

I know you want to control every jot and tittle!

But only if you can name this bathing beauty!

Whose that girl?

I am in control here!

So I was finally reinstated on TWOP after I had been suspended for my "out of line" comments.

Here are the comments:

It is amazing to me how many people enjoy pointing out what a mess Kim Richards has become is in their eyes. Now I know she will never be as articulate as Teresa of New Jersey or as classy as Tamara of the OC or as loyal a friend as Nene of Atlanta. She will never have as happy a marriage as Vicki of the OC or be as talented as Kim of Atlanta or treat people as kindly as Jill of NYC. So the fact that she might enjoy a cocktail or two and be a little fuzzy at details like calling to RSVP on super important Wednesday afternoon barbeques is reason enough to heap criticism and shame on her head. There is no doubt that she should be the target of opprobrium because she did not take that golden opportunity to see Paul without his undershirt.

When it is all said and done I don't think we will see Kim force a man to spend his fortune to support a bogus lifestyle to the point where he would hang himself. A little perspective might be in order. Just sayn'

It seems to me that turning the focus to Kim's piddling issues and not so unusual behavior moves the discussion away from the elephant in the room. I bet the show will continue to focus on it by reediting the footage to avoid the questions involving Taylor and Russell and Bravo's responsibility if any in the upcoming tragedy.

Their strategy seem to be working. Maybe Kim will forget to mail out a Thank You card next week and we can all call for her to be incarcerated.

I'm much more sympathetic to someone who is kind and shy and socially awkward and "medicates" for it, than I am to someone like Kyle who has no excuse for the way she acts--and the "I'm bitchy because I'm tired of Kim's problems" doesn't work for me either because...Kyle's that way to others as well, often completely unprovoked (as with Lisa).

This is right on the money. Look at how Kyle went right after the new kids Brandi and the other one (tiara girl). What did they ever do to her? I agree that Kim has a problem with groups and is very anxious.....you can see it in her face and in every talking head. But she seems like a very nice albeit damaged girl and I would much rather have her not show up at one of my parties now and again than have the rest of these women show up and attack everyone else in sight.

But I am a big fan of Kim's and that colors everything in my eyes. So keep bashing away and enjoy yourselves.

So these are the offending posts that caused me to be suspended. Here is what the Nazi moderator had to say:


All of these posts are [mr]boards on boards[mr] and argumentative. If you disagree with others, great, but please just say so and why instead of telling other people how they should feel, or attack them for holding a different opinion from yours. It’s never appropriate to call out other posters or aim sarcasm at them, either. If you have that much difficulty disagreeing with someone and still staying within the rules, then take a break until you can.

Since you’ve been warned about this before, and since you derailed the thread with multiple rule-breaking posts, I’m suspending you for three days to give you a chance to regroup. Posts deleted

Now I don't think any of these posts are out of line. It is my usual post ironic ball busting voice. Very toned down in fact. But the moderator has to control every jot and tittle of the boards. This goes to Tim's point about moderation. I would never moderate my comments. I believe in the full and frank posting of ideas. Except for someone who spews hate and racism like J. Anyone who has read his stuff knows what I mean. So I am deleting him. Very reluctantly. But I am doing it all the same.

I will not be posting again at TWOP. If they value my contributions so lightly than they do not deserve to have it. You should realize that when someone deletes you like that you are not wanted.

It's not hard to take a hint.

You are never going to tweak in the bathroom in Beverly Hills again!

Tonight is the next installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the coming attractions are very interesting. It seems that one of the new girls Brandi is going to call out Kim Richards and call her a drug addict and drunk. Now that might very well be true and maybe Kim is wrong for going on TV where all this is going to come out. I don't know. I do know that I have a soft spot for Kim and hate how all the others gang up on her and smack her around when there are obviously rephrensible turds like Taylor Armstrong who spent so much of her husbands money that he ended up killing himself. Kim just likes to get high. Like a lot of us.

So I had been defending Kim on the boards of Television Without Pity. I had already been banned there prevously but I went back and tried to live by their rules. Which are very arbitary and stupid. I mean my posts and snark brought out a lot of other activity and posts which I thought was the whole idea. But they suspended my account. I guess for something but I don't know what. They really are little Nazi's over there. But that seems to be the trend everywhere that bloggers want to micromanage and control their comments. It seems totally against what blogging should be about. The free exchange of ideas. I mean I was only sticking up for a poor drunken ex child star. And I got suspended.

Oh well. Just another place to not go to anymore. I don't care if they reinstate me. That was another one of those studied insults you know. Time to move on down the highway.

That's what you think you hockey puck!

Insults are interesting things.

Most of the time they are made in fun when you are busting peoples balls. NdSpinelli and Peter Bella and you other guys that are neighborhood knockaround guys know what I am talking about. It is all in fun. You call out physical characteristics or personality traits or tics or whatever will get under the guys skin. You know when your buddy is busting on you and you give it right back.

But other insults are more studied. More thought through. It's like the situation where you have couple over your house and you serve them food and drinks like they were you own family.
And then when you go over to their house they don't even give you a glass of water. That's an insult.

Teresa of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is great at the studied insult. With a side of "Hey it was only a joke." She used the introduction of her new cookbook to slam some of her co-stars. She said that Caroline Manzo was only 1/16 Italian and that she was an "Olive Garden Italian." That her sister in law kept copying her and her cousin was always passing smart remarks. She even took a shot at Carolines son for something that happened during the season. Now these are your studied insults. She took the time to write them out so they will be out there for all eternity. She is trying to deny it and say it is all a joke but it is not. It is an insult.

Sometimes you can appolgize for an insult. Even if you meant it at the time but changed your mind later. You can think better of it and ask for forgiveness. Sincerely. Or you can be so sure that you are right that you don't care that you insulted someone. You just shrug it off and go "Oh grow up...I don't care what you think." Of course when you do that you have to take the consquences. You lose a friend. A family member won't talk to you anymore. A customer won't shop in your store.

So if you are serious in your studied insult, you have to be willing to face the consequences.

Just like Teresa will on the Reunion show next week.

Thar she blows!

One of my favorite genres of fiction is the sea story. Especially the stories of sailing ships in the 17th and 18th centuries that have become more and more popular these days to the point that they make multi-million dollar movies about them. Great authors like C.S. Forrester and Patrick O'Brian write rousing tales of adventure and derring do that are great page turners. In particular I enjoy the work of Douglas Reeman who writes under the pen name of Alexander Kent and has a wonderful series of books called the "Bolithio" series. It traces the career of a British naval officer from a lowly midshipman to becoming an admiral. It basically cribs from Admiral Nelsons career although Nelson makes a few brief cameo spots and it is a lot of fun and highly recommended series for youse guys to read.

Now there are a lot of conventions in these types of books. The cruel Captain Bligh types who have their men whipped at the slightest notice. The solid yeoman who are pressed into service but become loyal and self-sacrificing members of the crew. They young impressionable midshipman who idolize the hero and grow up to be captains themselves. And one of the most common conventions is the "False Flag."

Now the false flag is when an enemy ship sails up to you with your country's flag displayed and then at the last minute changes it to the enemy and starts lobbing cannon balls at you. Now you can't tell which ship is which by the designs or types of ship because they were constantly getting captured as prizes and incorporated into the other nations navy. So it can be a surprise when you think someone is something they are not. You always have to be ready for that. Or they can blow you out of the water.

I hate false flag operations.

The ones I hate in particular are the people who claim to be something they are not to get some reflected glory off of a particular profession or life experience. The guy in the bar who pretends to be a fireman after 911 to pick up girls. The dude who pretends to be a producer or director to hit on people. The blogger who pretends to be a fashionista who will promote you but really only wants free stuff. And most of all the lowlife who pretends to have served in the armed forces as a vet.

Back in the day I used to hang out in the Quiet Man and the owner Eddie loved to pretend he was a former Green Beret who had injured his hip parachuting into Vietnam. When in fact he was an ex-cop who got hit by a taxicab on 42nd St. He would tell these long involved bullshit stories about his experiences and you would listen and then go "But Eddie that was the plot of "China Beach" last night." It got really tiresome and after a while you got tired of arguing and when he started his bullshit you would just drink up and go somewhere else.

Recently I was in a bistro and someone was pulling a false flag operation where they pretended to be a Mom of a service member. I called them on it and pointed out the many inconsistencies and lies in a very pointed manner. Nothing gets me more pissed off than someone who tries to use the military to pretend that they are vets or that they have family members serving. Time and again we have people claiming to be something they are not to get their insane views some credibility in some insane way. It was total and complete bullshit and I jumped on it with both feet.

But then a crazy thing happened. The bartender threw me out without really knowing or understanding what was happening. Now they were either lazy or stupid. I am betting on lazy as this bartender is famous for being lazy. You know that type. Who think you came to the bar because of them and not because of the other people in the bar. So the bartender went on a rampage and threw me out of the bar. Now this is a person who leaves dirty glasses on the bar and cigarettes on the floor and crap and debris and just never cleans up the mess. But now all of a sudden they want to set up what the customers can talk about. How about that?

So now you get faced with a decision. Do you go back to the bar where this kind of shit is happening? Or do you drink up and take your business elsewhere? I kept going to the Quiet Man because it was on the corner of my office but that is not the case here. So maybe it is time to just drink up and go somewhere else. Many of the regulars at this joint have already done that. In fact when I see them they ask me why I still go there. And you know I am starting to wonder.

You see I never sail under a false flag.

Laura Bush's Diary

So we were sitting around watching the playoffs as the Rangers bounced those pussies from Tampa Bay from the playoffs. It ain't gonna matter cause we have to wait to play those damn Yankees after they beat the Tigers. Nothin is sweeter than beating the Yankees in the playoffs. It's even better than winning the World Series cause beating the Yankees is all that's important anyhoo. If they even make it past those Tigers.

Now the girls and I were doing tequila shooters and eating cheese doodles and watching the game while W was watching CNN on the big TV in the study. W is sort of out of being a baseball fan these days. Even though he owned the Rangers it was really just a political and financial thing for him. His Mom was the real baseball fan ever since she gave Rocky Colavito a Dirty Sanchez but that's a whole nother story. She forced him to buy the Rangers but we made some dough out of it so it was the one good thing she ever made him do.
Right about the sixth inning W came bursting into the room. He goes "Laura you won't believe how bad Rick Perry is in the debate. He sucked more than the twins at a fraternity party!" "HEY!" yelped Jenna "THAT"S NOT NICE DADDY!" " Sorry sugar but it is true. It looks like Mitt Romney is cleaning up. Mittens is slaughtering them. What are we gonna do? He will never win in the general. What will we do Laura?"

"Why what you always do W. Call Cheney." "Good idea. Let me get out the Dick Phone." I went into the study and opened the cabinet on the wall and took out a pink princess phone. The handset was in the shape of a penis (foreskin and all). It was the Dick Phone. It was our direct line to Dick Cheney. I picked up the phone and it buzzed his pacemaker a couple of time and he picked it up on the first ring.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS!" he roared. "It's me Dick, Laura. Don't give yourself a heart attack you moron. W wants to talk to you. It looks like Mittens is doing too well in the debates. We have to do something." I handed the phone to W and he babbled into it for a couple of minutes until he calmed down and hung up the phone. "Well that's settled." "How so honey." "We are gonna brain wash him." We looked at each other. And burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"What are you laughing about Mom" blurted out Barbara. She's the slow one. "What's so funny?" "Well girls let me tell you a little story........"

You see it was 1968 and a bunch of Republicans were running for President against what they thought was an incumbent in Lyndon Johnson. There was Nixon and Rockefeller and of course George Romney who was Mittens old man. Now Dick Cheney was just a college student at the time so he only heard about what happen later. It seems that Dick Nixon's hatchet man Murray Chotiner had to find a way to get rid of Romney. Just like his son he was the favorite of the east coast elite media and the establishment as he made them a lot of money by peddling defective Ramblers to the Rubes in flyover country. So they had to burst his bubble without leaving their fingerprints on it.

Now that was tough. I mean George didn't step out on his wives. Who would want to get a little strange on the side when you have ten wives waiting for you at home. He just had to hop in another bed to get a little variety. No need to do secretaries or Ben Bradlee's sister or anything like that. There was always some fresh poon at Juniper Creek.

He didn't drink because those fuckin' saints don't even drink coffee. And of course he didn't do drugs. So there really wasn't a handle. Until Murray came up with a brainstorm.

You see the CIA had been doing experiments with LSD. They had been getting students and other guinea pigs to try it test the effects. They even put it into the water in Wayne New Jersey where they infected the whole town to the point that everyone who lived there was never quite "right" in the head. They say the whole high school class is insane to this very day. So they had a brainstorm. They followed around Romney and when he campaigned in New Jersey they made sure that he went to this one Mexican restaurant. Now most people don't know it but Romney was actually a Mexican since he was born in Mexico and really shouldn't even have been eligible to run for President. They had the waiter spill a big bowl of salsa on him until it soaked his suit. Since he was in between appearances they had him go back to a local motel suite while they took his good suit out to be laundered. You see he only had two suits since he liked to pretend he was all frugal and shit. And when they got it they took his super secret underwear and soaked it in LSD.

So he was LDS soaking in LSD.

It really messed with his mind. He went on to claim that he had been brainwashed but it was only his skivvies. He never recovered as they laughed him out of the primaries. They eventually stuck him in HUD or something like that there but he never really recovered. After he retired he started to deteriorate and went back to the days of his youth. He would dress in a serape and a sombrero and ride his donkey to the plaza and sit in the sun and take a siesta. He is still doing it. Everybody thinks he is dead but he is still around. He is about 126 years old now and living in the compound on Juniper Creek. The only problem is he is always posting on the Internets ranting about Mormons and cursing everyone out in Spanish. It is very annoying.

I think we just have to out him and let everybody know that Mittens crazy old Dad is still around and that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Or else we need to put some LSD in his LDS panties. That ought to do the trick.

Whose that girl Classic division?

Here is a slightly harder one. I won't be expalining why it is harder so don't get red in the face. Or the hair.

Whose that girl?

Whose that girl Classic division?

This should be very easy. Not the girl. But to guess who she is.

Whose that girl?

Whose that girl?

She was a big star in the 1970's but is not such a big deal now.

She was famous for letting someone else be on Topher. Whose that girl?

Hero or the Goat?

All right, this is it,
The whole season coming down
To just one ball game,
And every mistake will be magnified,
And every great play will be magnified,
And it's a tough night for the players,
I'll tell ya.
I know last night, being in the same situation many times
With the great Yankee teams of the past,
you stay awake,
And you dream,
And you think of what might be,
If you are the hero or the goat.

October 14, 1976
AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST PLAYOFF
Final game
Kansas City at New York
Pregame show

A-Rod must go!

To be a fan is to be disappointed most of the time. Your team can't win every year. In fact when they make that magical run to a World Championship it is like a magic carpet ride. Everything has to break your way. Injuries can not devastate your players. You have to get the breaks. You have to get most of the calls. Things have to break your way. It doesn't happen every year.

To be a fan is to be disappointed most of the time.

Yankee fans have it much better than most. We win more often then most everyone else. We spend the money to get the best players and we want them to produce. And true Yankees do produce. They do the things that make us win. Babe Ruth. Joe D. Mikey and Whitey and Yogi. Thurman. Reggie. Jeter, Posada, O'Niel, Posada and Mariano. Robbie Cano. They did what they needed to do to win.

You saw it tonight. Jorge is finished as a Yankee but he had three hits. Jeter had an infield hit that he beat out and sent a long drive that almost tied it up. Mariano pitched a one-two-three ninth. They are true Yankees. Winners. They fought to the last.

A-Rod struck out with the bases loaded. He struck out to end the game. He failed miserably as he has done for most of his career. Did you see his face when he struck out with the bases loaded? He was a tight lipped tight assed mess. He froze. He choked. His disgraced the uniform. He might have Hall of Fame numbers but he is a drag on the team. As he has been since the day he got here. We would have been a lot better off without him. His bloated salary and his off the field antics have only brought trouble to the Yankees. He is a disgrace to the uniform.

I am only glad that George didn't live to see this. He would have personally gone into the locker room and told A-Rod what every Yankee fan is thinking tonight. Alex you are a loser. We don't want you on our team. You need to go. Now. Waive your no trade. Find another home.

Strike out with the bases loaded on another team. Go and don't let the door hit you in your steriod injected ass. You are not a "True Yankee."

A-rod must go.

Squirrel

In the backyard we got a lot of trees.
In our home I've watched them leap
From limb to limb.
Unbelievable.

Did you ever get one in your attic?
They're not too cute
When they get in your attic.
I'll tell you that.

I would not harm a squirrel.
I don't want to get those animal lovers . . .
I got them in my attic.
No, I got,
But I got a squirrel cage
Then took them out in the woods
Over by Yogi's house
And dropped them off.

(Phil Rizzuto, 6/7/91)

Marilyn's Diary

I was always so careful when I let Uncle Herman sneak into my room. He would wait until everyone was busy. Grandpa would be out at restroom at the airport practicing his wide stance. Aunt Lily would be drunk and asleep after consuming six bottle of absithe and ring dings. Eddie would be asleep after he had jacked off twenty times because I would forget to flush the toilet and would steal my pee soden toilet paper to bring to his room. The house would be quiet.

And my Uncle Herman would come to me.

But one night we made a mistake. Grandpa came home early. He woke up Aunt Lily who had passed out on the divan. They went looking for Uncle Herman. And they found him in my room.

I pretended I was asleep and Uncle Herman told them he had seen a mouse and had chased it into a hole in the wall in my room. But the truth was he had shown me his trouser mouse. And he had chased it into a hole in my room. It was sort of the truth.

Anyway they believed him. Or at least they wanted to believe.

I miss my Uncle Herman.

I am getting blood on my Gucci's

So the ongoing twitter war and the recent resignation of Jackie Laurita from the Real Housewives of New Jersey is very interesting. It seems that there was an attempted set up at the Porshe fashion show last week where a manager from the strip club where Melissa Gorga used to work showed up to confront her. Teresa and Kim D had conspired to bring him to film so they could expose her life as a stripper before she married Teresa's brother Joe. Now Melissa says she only worked as a bartender at a "bikini" bar while in college and the owner of the club backs her up. It is all part of season four which is filming now while they are still showing original episodes of season three. Jacqueline was so upset by this that she refused to appear on the season three reunion that was filmed last week and there are rumors that both she and Caroline Manzo were fired from the franchise. Lots of drama.

The speculation is that Jacqueline quit because she has her own secrets. Considering the fact that she was a single mom in Vegas where her husband Chris met and married her I think that is a safe bet. So getting out when the getting is good seems like a smart idea.

I can't wait for it to play out. It is a lot more fun than politics let me tell you!

You are a Prostitution Whore!

Sorry that the posting has been light but I have been very busy. The store is busy, the Yankees are playing, the Giants are winning and I have been busy posting on all the sites about the various Real Housewives franchises.

We have to keep our priorities straight.

Remembrance of things Pabst

Here is a guest post from our friend Michael Haz as he talks about the old days and his grand dad.

Bars. I grew up in bars.My Irish granddad, Mickey, started taking me with him to bars when I was just out of diapers. He'd sit me on the bar with a root beer while he talked with his buddies.He'd drink Hamms, Huber, Schlitz, Potosi, Old Style, Point Special or Chief Oshkosh, depending on which cost less.

I took to cars the way kids now take to dinosaurs. He'd bet some mark two beers that I could (at age 4)identify the make, model and year of the next three cars that rolled past. The mark'd take the bet, and I'd chirp out "1947 Mercury Salesman's Sedan" or "1953 Ford Tudor Flathead V8" or "1954 Buick Roadmaster Straight 8". Granddad would get two free beers.

As I grew up, we'd continue to go to bars together. He'd come to 'visit' my mom (his daughter), say hello, then say something like "Oh..I wanta show Mikey that new car wash.." and we'd drive past it on the way to a bar. By the time I was in high school I'd sit on a stool next to him and listen to him talk about heat treating; his job until he retired at 65

He had an 8th grade education, but some of the things he learned about heat treating wound up in engineering text books. It wasn't unusual after he retired for his old boss to show up with a case of Chief Oshkosh, some metal bars and say "Mickey, we got a problem gettin' this thing hard enough. Whaddya think?"

I'd stop and visit him one my way back and forth from home and college. By then I was old enough that we'd have a few beers together. And I wound up working part-time and a bartender and a bouncer at college bars.

He lived to be 94, and in his latter years didn't like family gatherings. He'd pretend to be deaf so no one would bother him, but I'd sit down next to him and whisper "Hey Mick...wanna go out for a couple?" He'd perk up and say "by God, ya, let's go" and we would.

At the end, when he was in the hospital, I took a couple of beers with me. "Ya want a beer, Gramps?" was met with a weak smile, and he'd take a few sips.

I still go to bars, though I stopped getting drunk sometime in my late 30s. I have a favorite bar, a nice quiet place in the woods, next to a lake, where the bartender knows my name. I (now we) go there for a couple of pints when we can. And a couple of memories.

God love ya, Mick.

Thanks Michael. I will raise a brew tonight in memory of your Grand Dad!

Commenter Memories Number 105: Sixty Grit can't hold on to his pussy!

He always lets the cat out of the bag!

Commenter Memories Number 104: Dust Bunny Queen shows her Hole!

She was the "Dunkin Donut Queen" of Yorba Linda in 1975.

She is still a beautiful woman but she was some hot stuff back in the day. Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 103: Carol Herman meets her match

She met him on EHarmony. Her son seems to approve.

Good luck to the Happy Couple!

Commenter Memories Number 102: Cedarford's Family hits the pool

Hey our old buddy Cedarford sent us some family photos he wants to share since he doesn't have a blog of his own.

This is a snap shot of the women in the family as they hit the pool in Altantic City before a convention of some faternal orginzation that his family was involved with. I think they might have some of this stuff on "Boardwalk Empire" this week if you get a chance to check it out.

With all due respect C4.....check out those gams!

Hubba Hubba.

Commenter Memories Number 101: Blake reprises his gratuitous bathtub scene

Because it is a new year and it is time for a bath. Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 100: Ricpic wishes you a Happy New Year!

Have some gefilte fish bubbe.

Belated Happy New Year!

AH-CHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No this is not a post about the time Cedarford was running after ricpic at the Althouse commenters meeting. It's about this stupid movie I saw yesterday.

Every so often we play hooky with our good friends and go to a movie and dinner. Since it was my birthday this week they treated us which was very nice of them. We went to Astoria to the Kaufman Studios as we usually do and saw "Contagion" which is the epidemic movie. Now the movie was really true to live since it was all Gwyneth Platrows fault. She caught a deadly disease in China and spread it throughout the United States. There were heroic doctors and UN Health Care Workers and nasty businessmen and horrible bloggers. You know the usual liberal bullshit.

But I did get to see them rip off Gynnies scalp and cut open her skull. If only they could do that in real life!

The dinner was superb at our favorite joint in Astoria. We didn't have a reservation so they sat us in the wine bar which was actually a lot better as it was much quieter and they had wide screen TV's with the Yankee game. It was a lot of fun.