Laura Bush's Diary

So we were all sitting around on the porch having some tequila shots and shooting the shit. The twins are in town for the summer and we are living it up like old times.  Jenna and I are trying to fix poor Barbara up with someone but the tight assed bitch just can't get her mind right. I told W not to name her after his bug-eyed bitch of a Mom but does he listen to me....NO!  I wish I could get her to calm down and get laid. it would do her wonders for the frigid beyotch.

Anyhoo W was in the office on the computer as usual. I do declare he spends more time on the internets than is healthy for him. Some of my girlfriends complain that their husbands spend too much time on blogs and chat room and twitter and what not. Or that they are looking at porn all the time. But that doesn't worry me much. W knows where he gets the good poon. That's why we have been happy all these years. He knows he can't get it anywhere as good as he could right here in the righteous twat of Texas. Which is like the heart of Texas just wetter and hairier.

W comes out to get some lemonade and he is chuckling to hisself. So I goes to him "What's so funny honey? Did little Barry step in his dick again? Or did Mittens drive off with Condi strapped to the roof of his Cuntry Squire  or something?"

"Nothing as much fun as that Laura darling," he chuckled. " It was just that I was surfing the net and it seems that on some of these boring ass blogs they are trying to liven it up by talking about nipples and such. I had to laugh. What a bunch of bullshit. I mean if you want to talk about nipples especially man nips well how could you leave Ole Nipsey Russell out of the conversation. I mean he was the nipple master for crying out loud."

"Damn straight baby. I remember when Nipsey used to take his shirt off at those pool parties that your parents used to throw at the Naval Observatory when Poppy was the VP.  I mean those giant nipples he had on his man boobs. Those suckers were three times the size of Rumsfeld' dick. It used to make him cry like a bitch. Good times."

"Yeah ....Ha, Ha...I forgot about those parties. If only they knew why they called him Nipsey these little pissants wouldn't be bragging about their puny protrubences. It like a Irishman in a dick measuring contest.  Hee...." he chuckled as he went back into the den.

"I remember Uncle Nipsey Mama" Jenna said. "He always used to come to the White House while Grandpa Poppy was President. Weren't you guys great friends?"

"Yes, yes we were. But he was really Poppy's friend. You see Nipsey Russell was a hero in World War Two and he was a great friend of Poppy. They were on some War Bond tours together. You see Nipsey enlisted as private and fought up and down Europe and ended up a Second Lieutenant  by the end of the war. Pretty impressive for a poor black boy from Atlanta. He was a medic and was a real hero. He was always dashing out under fire to rescue people. He didn't care if they were black or white. So when shit happened later he would just laugh it off. Him and Poppy were great friends. That's how your Daddy met him. But I knew him before that. And in a different context. Hee."

"Oh no Mama" yelped that prissy bitch Barbara. "Is this another one of your filthy stories. I hate when you tell them."

"Then why do you always rub yourself with your little dog when I tell them you dumbass.  Jeez I gotz to get you some cock or you are going to be as loony as your Grandma. So forget it I won't tell you the story and you can go back to talking about how cute Kris Humphreys is and why Tom Cruise is so misunderstood. "

"NO MAMA PLEASE..."wailed Jenna " I  want to hear it! Please."

What could I do. I couldn't disappoint my little Jen Jen.

You see this was back in the days when I first started dating W. He was in Yale and I was still sharing an apartment in New York with Joey Heatherton, Anita Gillette and my besty Robyn Byrd. It was right before Grand Daddy Prescott Bush set me up in college after we met at the BohemianGrove thingy.  I met W at a tea that we all were invited too and we hit it right off.  You see W was a party animal back then which his family didn't really know about. Well Grand Dad Prescott did because he knew everything. He got reports from the Tri-lateral commission on everything that anyone did. But he figured let W sew his wild oats like he did back in the day when he used to do three ways with Gloria Swanson and old Joe Blow Kennedy. So W loved to come around the apartment and hang with all the show business people that would come by. Anita was just getting hot on Broadway and Joey's career was starting to reallyhit it off after she started to let Bob Hope butt fuck her. So there were a lot of show biz people hanging around. Chuck McCann. Arlene Frances. Soupy Sales. Gene Rayburn. Tony Randall.  Bill Cullen. Allan Ludden and that cunt Betty White. And of course good old Nipsey Russell.

You see they all wanted to be Broadway stars but that is a tough thing to do. So they had to take other gigs to make some money to pay the rent.  I mean they didn't work the peeps like Robyn and I did but some of the stuff was even more degrading than watch some putz garmento whack it while you touched yourself. I mean game shows? What could be more degrading than that shit.

Anyhoo there was always a lot of drinking going on. And we were always having parties and smoking weed and what not. It was the sixties and everyone was turning on and tuning out. Well one day everyone was at the apartment and we were all stoned out of our mind. There was me and Joey and Anita and Robyn and Sandy Duncan and JP Morgan and Joyce Bulifant  and a couple of stewardesses. And  Chuck McCann and Soupy and that Wonderama kid toucher guy and Mr. Rodgers and Jim Henson and Tony Randall and Don Draper and some guy named Roger.

Then there is a knock on the door and Henry Morgan and Bennet Cerf and Nipsey Russell come in. They were crazy high and we wanted to know what they were tripping on. It turns out they had Dr Timothy Leary as a guest on "What's My Line." And he hooked them up with some primo LSD. And they had more. So we all got a couple of sugar cubes and all of sudden it's a party. I mean everybody got oversexed and went nuts. Tony Randall and Mister Rodgers were 69'ing it on the middle of the floor. Soupy Sales was rubbing one out with one of Jim Henson's new Muppets .....it was either Bert or Ernie I misremember which one.  But that was just the appetizer. 

Nipsey Russell pushes everybody out of the way and goes "Let me show how to do it bitches...cause you don't know what which's.....they call me Nipsey cause nobodies nips is anyway bigger ....why my erect nipples is bigger than the dick on an ordinary nigger." You see Nipsey always talked in rhymes and shit.

So he rips off his shirt and starts to play with his nipples. And sure enough they were monsters. I mean they were huge. That's how he got the nickname "Nipsey." I mean those two big ass nips he had....it was like he had two cocks on his chest. Well once he whipped those bad boys out it was crazy. At one point Sandy Duncan and Robyn Bird were each riding one of his nipples and Anita Gillette was blowing him and Betty White was peeing on his face. It was crazy. One of the wildest nights we ever had.

Soon enough the gang broke up and everyone went their separate ways. Nipsey became good friends with W and they hung out whenever he came to town from Yale. He was like his mentor. They would dress up and hit the town looking for trouble. We were dating at the time but Nipsey was always very discrete. He never mentioned those days back in New York. 

In fact he never talked about his nipples. Not in private let alone on the internet.

You see the moral of the tale is....if you got it .....you don't have to brag about it. Just Say'n!