Belly Buttons Part Six

The most bizarre tale of presidential belly buttons was that of William Jefferson Clinton. President Clinton had a severe problem with his belly button. It seems that when he was born he was actually had a twin who was conjoined with him in a complicated jumble of internal organs. The doctors knew that his twin brother Jesse could not survive so they decided to save the young Billy Blythe. Unfortunately medical science was somewhat primitive in Hope, Arkansas and a terrible error was made. They had removed most of Jesse from young Billy’s body but neglected to remove his testicles which were lodged in his lower abdomen right under his belly button which of course was an outie. This was not a problem until puberty when the buildup of Spermatozoon gave him tremendous stomach aches. The doctors were baffled and knew they could not remove the extra testicles as it could kill the young aspiring politician. So the rerouted the sperm ducts to his belly button so that he could find release. Unfortunately in the throws of passion he would often forget that he was spewing his vital juices from his belly button as well as his penis and he ended up staining many a carpet, couch, back seat and little blue dresses. Thus it can be said that President Clinton’s belly button eventually led to his impeachment.

(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press)