Diamonds are a girls best friend, the next generation.

(Yankee batting practice, Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter just steps out of the batting cage)

Jorge Posada: Hey Jeter come over here.

Derek Jeter: What’s up dawg?

Jorge Posada: There’s somebody I want you to meet. It’s Senator George Mitchell. He came to apologize to us.
Derek Jeter: Nice to meet you Senator but I don’t know why you have to appolgize.
Senator George Mitchell: Well Derek you see when I issued my report on steroids I kind of concerntrated on the Yankees and didn’t let anybody know that the Red Sox were big time juicers as well. So you guys got all the guff and the Sox skated.

Derek Jeter: That’s OK Senator. Everybody knew that Manny and Big Papi were juicers. I mean just look at Papi now he can’t buy a hit since he is off the stuff.

Senator George Mitchell: It’s just that it wasn’t fair to A-Rod because he had to take all the heat this spring. I mean I didn’t have to give up the Red Sox guys but I could have made a statement to make his life a little easier.

Derek Jeter: Trust me Senator nothing you do is gonna help that putz.
(A-Rod comes running out of the dugout)

Derek Jeter: Hey Alex there is somebody who wants to meet you.

A-Rod: Fuck off Jeter I have to get my running in. That puta Kate Hudson is beating me down and I got to get my work in and I don’t want to meet your fuckin accountant.
Jorge Posada: (under his breath) what an asshole… (In a normal voice) Ah don’t pay attention to him Senator. He is feeling poorly. You see Kate Hudson keeps forcing him to do three ways with her mother Goldie and he has to do a shit pot full of Viagra to get it up for that disgusting piece of shit. And her mother. I guess Viagra isn’t on the banned substance list yet right?
Derek Jeter: Sorry about that asshole Senator. I hope you don’t hold it against the Yankees?
Senator George Mitchell: Don’t worry Derek I don’t think anybody holds what A-Rod does against you. I know he isn’t a True Yankee. But I think I do owe you guys one so let me know if I can ever do something for you.

Derek Jeter: Well there is one thing.

Senator George Mitchell: What’s that?
Derek Jeter: I need to refinance my mortgage on the place down in Tampa. Can you hook me up?

Senator George Mitchell: That would be Senator Chris Dodd’s area of expertise. I will give him a call. Maybe he can squeeze you in before he gets indicted.
Derek Jeter: Cool Senator. You’re a real stand up guy. Com’on let me take you into the dugout. We can give Steinbrenner a hot foot. He’s so out of it we can sneak up on him.

Senator George Mitchell: Great I used to do that to Strom Thurmand all the time.