Driving Eddie Curry

Eddie Curry: Davie?
Dave the limo driver: Yes'm.
Eddie Curry: You're my best friend.
Dave the limo driver: No, go on Eddie.
Eddie Curry: No, really, you are... [Takes Davie's hand]
Eddie Curry: You are.
Dave the limo driver: Yes'm. So where am I driving you?
Eddie Curry: To the airport. I am flying out to Vegas for the summer camp. I gots to get some game if I want to be on the team this year. They might cut my ass.
Dave the limo driver: Well you look like you have dropped some weight.
Eddie Curry: You checking me out Davie? Thanks I be feeling fine. I am down to about 325lbs and I ain’t weighed that since I was in the third grade. Course I was in the third grade for seven years but you know what I mean.
Dave the limo driver: I’m sorry Eddie I was just joking around. So you ready to play.
Eddie Curry: I got’s to play man. I only got two years left on my deal and I already spent it all. They gonna take my house away man, they be forclosing on me.
Dave the limo driver: What but you make millions man. Where did it all go?
Eddie Curry: Well I got a couple of baby momma’s that ain’t dead yet and more kids than Michael Jackson’s telephone book. Plus cheese doodles and Mountain Dew got real expensive. Another reason to lose some weight. Rice cakes are cheap. I mean who the fuck wants fuckin’ rice cakes.
Dave the limo driver: Damn Eddie that’s tough. But you been paying me with no problem. Do I have to start looking for a new job.
Eddie Curry: Oh no Davie. In fact I got your new job right here. Pull over and you can get to work. Touch it Davie like you mean it bitch. It be reflected in your gratuity bitch.
(Driving Eddie Curry, 2009)