Toot’s Shors Saloon, May 16, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last time, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear )
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah I heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. It’s just that all my old friends have dropped me. Sinatra won’t return my calls. Dean Martin is nice and all but he has no time for me. Even Jack Kennedy won’t let me blow him and he would take a blow job from Helen Thomas for Christ sake and she looks like Fred Flintstone. Why does everyone hate me Joe?
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t think they hate you kid. I guess the craziness is just too much for them. I mean you can only be crazy for so long before people just don’t want to be around you anymore. They move on is all. Plus Frank is banging that little Mia Farrow chick. Dino is married now and Jack…well I don’t know about Jack… I think he is worried about those Chinks over in Vietnam and is having trouble getting it up….at least that’s the rumor.
Marilyn: It that so you shmuck…Jack could always get it up for me….I mean he is fucking Irish so his whole two inches were hard…really hard… he loved screwing me (shrilly screaming flecks of spittle fly from her lips which had her lipstick smeared over her teeth)
Toots: Ok keed, don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you?
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me that dumb Mick on the phone. If she want’s his limp Irish dick I will make it happen.
Toots Shor: But Joe what if he doesn’t want to listen to reason. I mean he can schtup any broad he wants ya know. What are you gonna do if he says no?
Joe DiMaggio: Well then I will give Carlos the go ahead. Now do like I tell you.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!
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