Laura Bush's Diary

So anyway the twins I had just gotten home from bowling and I heard W laughing his ass off in the TV room so I had to go see what was going on. He was watching the All Star game and he was on the phone with his dad and Cheney and they were all laughing and joking. Beside the fact that they were American League fans they were busy making fun of poor Barry and how he threw out the first pitch.

Now W was proud of all the times he did it especially the time right after 9-11 when everyone was all shook up. He hummed it right in there. But baseball was always his sport. I think he would have been a lot happier if he had never sold the Rangers and started all the political bullshit. And he knew that I was a big fan. That may have been why he sold out. He can get a little jealous sometimes.

You see I have always followed the game. Now although the twins and I are big Ranger fans nowadays my first love was always the California Angel’s. You see right after college I went to New York and I tried to break into the fashion world. To make a couple of extra bucks I spent some time at the Peeps at Show World on Eight Avenue and that’s where I made friends with Robin Byrd like I might have mentioned once or twice. Now Robin loved baseball. There was nothing she liked better than a big bat in her hands. Well maybe one between her legs but that’s another story.

Anyway Robin was always meeting these guys and getting me to go on road trips. I mean we went to Atlantic City and Vegas and Miami a couple of times. But one time she said she had two tickets to California and wanted to know if I wanted to go. I said sure I had never been to LA why not. But it turned out we weren’t going to LA. We were going to fuckin’ Anaheim.

It seemed that Robin had hooked up with this guy Nolan Ryan who was some big deal with the Mets and he had just gotten traded out there. He was a Texas boy and really cute so I figured why not go out there and maybe I could meet someone. I mean I was single so why not.

So we are out there and we go to the stadium and it turns out that Nolan wants nothing to do with Robin and she was pretty pissed. I mean we are at the game and she is fuming. But she notices this cute Spanish guy Rico Carty. And he had this big bulge in his uniform. You see every where he went he carried his wallet because he was afraid of getting robbed. So he had this huge wallet with all his money stuffed in the back of his uniform pants. Lucky for him he had another huge bulge in the front of his pants so he kind of evened out.

Robin strikes up a conversation and we make plans to meet up with him later. He picks up in a limo after the game and tells us we are going to a teammate’s house. We drive up to this giant mansion and who comes out but Bo Belinsky the pitcher. Now he was famous as a playboy and sure enough his main squeeze Mamie Van Doren was there too. We get a few drinks and Robin disappears with Rico and I am left with Bo and Mamie. Bo was way ahead of his time. He had his mansion all fixed up with games and TV’s and hot tubs and everything. He had gotten the guys at Disneyland to build an actual ride in his backyard. He was Michael Jackson before there was a Michael Jackson. Now the ride was an actual hot tub in the shape of a tea cup. We all got naked and got in the cup. Me, Bo and Mamie and the ride started. We go inside the tunnel and what do you see? There are all of these animatronic puppets from all over the world. Every culture. Every race. And they were all doing it! That’s right it was a sex ride.

Well now seeing that would get anybody riled up. I tried to be good and only make out with Mamie and play with her titties but seeing the naked Eskimos sticking stuff in the igloo and a man with a sombrero give a midget senorita a dirty Sanchez just got me all riled up. So I slid over to Bo and reached over and that’s when I found out ….it’s a small world after all.

It kind of killed the mood.

Anyway that’s all long water under the bridge so to speak. I went in to the room to talk to W and asked why he is laughing so hard. He said “Did you see Obama throw the first pitch. He looked like a girl. Hee, hee.”

I said “W you had to know that he can’t pitch. Remember those photos from Cheney’s files with Stedman, Reggie Theus and the cast of the Lion King. Barry O is a catcher not a pitcher.”

And we have the photo’s to prove it.