Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

You don't know me but I think we have a lot in common. My name is Kim and I used to be married to a ballplayer. And he was just a player let me tell you. It was that piece of shit Art Shamsky who was a big deal with the freakin Mets thirty years ago. And he is still eating off of that shit if you can believe it.

I bet I was just like you when you fell in love. I loved being involved with someone in the public eye who everyone wanted to talk to because he was in baseball. I mean he wasn't a nebbish like so many of the guys I used to date and all the newpaper guys wanted to talk to him and he was on the radio all the time and it was so cool. But he couldn't keep it in his pants just like your Stevarino. He would bang anything on two legs. And some of them on four that filthy dog lover. Do you know he molested my puppy. Yes he did the pig.

So I know exactly what you are going through. You thought it would be all sweetness and light and instead it is all crap and dog biscuits. I think it is because they were associated with the dog ass Mets. I mean look at the Yankees. Jeter gets to bang all the hottest actresses and A-Rod is even getting into the act. And back in the day Joe DiMaggio was doing it with Marilyn Monroe.

It sure beats the hell out of Cleon Jones banging a crack whore in a van in spring training or Dwight Gooden and all of his teammates pulling a train on David Cone's leftovers. I mean who needs that. Stay away from the Mets that what I say.

That's why I am turning to the Giants. That's me with my new squeeze Brandon Jacobs. He is a Giant. In more ways than one. He really knows how to treat a lady. Hard. Dirty. Nasty. Did I say hard. Really really hard. See I am in a club with Khole Kardassian and a whole bunch of other skanky white girls who hooked up with hot black athletes. And it is true once you go black you never go back. Well you can't go back to Jewish guys cause they can't touch the sides you know?

Anyway I think you should get over Steve and come over to the dark side. Hee. I want to introduce to my friend Eddie Curry. He is a real nice guy. Very neat and considerate. You will really like him. And he has a limo.

Why not dump Steve and let Brooke have him. I think they were made for each other. And you can get yourself a nice big piece of chocolate.

Living well is the best revenge.

Toodles,

Your pal

Kim Shamsky