Hell needs a New PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord. It has been a while.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. I am tired of doing it all. Let's get someone in here to make the announcements. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have several people that will be coming in. We have the star of the Sitcom "That Seventies Show."  

Lucifer: Holy shit. Mila Kunis is here. I love that bitch. She is one hot piece of bacala. I can't wait for her to come down here and go down on my tail. I bet she can fit the whole thing in her mouth.
Forcas: No not her sire. Or the gay one who is on Two and a Half Man. Or the greasy Puerto Rican.
Lucifer: Then who is it? Not Red. It can't be Red. He is going right to Heaven because his personality is just like the big guy. They are like the same freaking guy.
Forcas: No not him. It is the bimbo who played Eric's sister who is a stone drug addict and prostie Lisa Robin Kelly.

Lucifer: Her! Who gives a shit. I mean you might as well tell me it was Chuck Cunningham or Frank Stallone. Who gives a shit. What else do you got?
Forcas: Well we have famous song bird Eydie Gorme.

Lucifer: HOLY SHIT! GET HER DOWN HERE RIGHT AWAY!
Eydie Gorme: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas, she groans and rubs her vagina) What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. 

Lucifer: Welcome to hell Eydie. All your buddies are here. You are going to have to put on a show. You and Frank and Sammie and Bobby Darin will be singing up a fuckin' storm bitch.

Eydie Gorme: Wait a minute! This can't be right. I suffered so much on Earth there is no way I have to suffer in hell. I mean I was married to that limp dicked Steve Lawrence for fifty fuckin years. What the fuck?

Lucifer: Tough shit baby. You are here on the Sandy Duncan infield fly rule. You screwed over too many people on the way up so you have to go all the way down.  Remember what you did to Lola Falana in 1968 in Vegas. How you tortured Liberace. What you did to both Siegfried and Roy when you made them double team you when you knew that vaginas grossed them out. You pig. You are going to sing for me now bitch. Forcas.
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Eydie and drag her away as she protests feebly )
Lucifer: What a stupid twat. Foras dress her up in some sequins and a bra and send to sing show tunes to Bach and Beethoven and all those classical music faggots. That ought to be torture for all of them.

Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: Get Sammy Davis Jr. up here. He can tap dance while announcing the news. That always cheers me up. Oh and make him wear the jockey costume. That is always good for a laugh.