We won the game this Sunday and we had to carry Coach Lombardi off the field. He insisted that we do it every time. Not because he was vain or anything it was just that he liked the feel of his nutsack against Fuzzy Thurstons neck. Said it soothed him.
I had to go in to talk to Coach and give him some bad news. You see it looks like I will be out the rest of the season. I have been feeling poorly and have some very strange symptoms. It seems that I have been getting big absesses in my mouth and sinus and gobs of snot and pus keep running down out of my mouth and nose. It is very unsightly and all the guys are giving me a lot of crap about it. So I went to the Mayo clinic and they told me I had some strange disease. Actinomycosis. It seems a lot of people get it in Wisconsin. Mostly it is from bacteria and a lot of women get it in their twat from using a IUD. Then how the hell did I get it?
I am certainly not a cunning linguist. If anybody was going to get something it would be Hornung who was always putting his mouth where it didn't belong.
Coach Lombardi is gonna kill me.
(Instant Replay- The Unedited Edition, Jerry Kramer & Dick Schaap Random House 1968)
7 comments:
I know how someone in Wisconsin would get it:
Actinomycosis occurs rarely in humans but rather frequently in cattle as a disease called lumpy jaw. This name refers to the large abscesses that grow on the head and neck of the infected animal. It can also affect swine, horses, and dogs, and less often wild animals and sheep.
I bet we know two or three people that have it right now.
Hey I am just presenting the historical facts. It up to youse guys to use your own judgment.
"You see, Timmy, when a man has sports team that causes him great embarrassment, he often lashes out at other teams that have achieved greatness in a futile attempt to make his team and himself look more potent. We must pity them."
"Things Dad Told Timmy" Lassie episode number 67.
I can't believe my eyes. If I read that photo correctly Horning is proposing a fisting and Lombardi's gung ho to do it...or have it done...or something. Titus concurs.
Allie Sherman
Bill Arnsparger
Mrs. Ray Handley
Ray Perkins
Dan Reeves
Aw the fabled Green bay packer sweep with Kramer, Thurston, and Hornung.
Actinomycosis?
Ew.
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