Beach Blanket Bingo

So there is the typical division of class when you go out to the beaches in the Hamptons. The rich swells and poseurs do not want to associate with the slobs like me so you need a beach pass and a parking lot pass to get on any of the really good beaches. So getting on the big fancy beacch made me smile like I just cut a nice one.

Now my friend Vito has a great pool at his house. No reason to even go to the beach.

But you have to go to the beach one time during the summer and we haven't been there yet. Going made both of us very happy.

When we got out to the house on Saturday night our friend Deirdre had her Aunt Eileen and Uncle Mel over for dinner. They are in their eighties and have the house down the block. Now sometimes their family have to tune them out because they are always talking about their kids who nobody can stand but I always turn the conversation to something new and interesting. The live in Brooklyn Heights as well and have a luxury apartment on Plaza Street. So we chatted about the restuarants and the Hotel Saint George but I didn't mention the strip club in the hotel that we used to frequent back in the 1980's. However I did say to them "Hey Uncle Mel...Vito and I used to bounce in a bar near you and I sure we must have taken a piss on your building many times." For some reason Deirdre did not appreciate that.

Anyways the topic of the beach came up and Aunt Eileen invited us to come with her. We had to go in her car because she had the beach pass and the parking permit so we could stroll right in with no problem.

The next day she pulls up in her massive Mercury Marque. She goes "Jump in it seats six." Just like going to the Love Shack. I get to sit in the front seat as I am the tallest. Plus it is called the death seat for a reason. Aunt Eileen proceeds to drive approximately two miles an hour to the beach. She starts her turn signal about ten minutes and a mile before she had to merge. She kept turning to talk to the people in the back seat and I would have to tell "Hey eyes on the road Aunt Eileen." So the ride to the beach didn't do my heart any good.

Once we got their we had a lot of fun. She couldn't walk more than two feet from the parking lot which was fine with me. We just set up our chairs and took the sun right there. We hung out and talked and laughed and went down to water and just enjoyed ourselves.

Then it was time to leave. When we got to the parking lot Aunt Eileen went "Oh that car is so far away" and Deirdre went to get the car and pull it up so she could just get in. While we were waiting I said to Lisa. "Hey I want a photo with Aunt Eileen"

As she snapped the picture I said to her "Aunt Eileen you have your hand on my ass."