Laura Bush's Diary,

Well we finally made it back home after going up to Kennebunkport for Father’s Day. Poppy Bush is still feeling very sprightly but that old bat Barb has been under the weather so they didn’t want to travel so the whole clan went up to celebrate Father’s Day.

Now I didn’t really mind because you see I really love Poppy Bush. He always took my side when that pop eyed twat would start stirring the shit back in the day. I mean she always favored Jeb that pissant sum bitch mama’s boy. So when W decided to run for President, Poppy was all for it. Barb wanted W to wait for Jeb to go first but Poppy put the kibosh on that. He said George was the oldest and was entitled to take his shot if he wanted to and that was that.

Most people have the wrong idea about Poppy. He seems like your typical Waspy Ivy League geeky asshole. That drunken cunt Ann Richards said he was born on third base and thought he hit a triple. Well it was more like he got hit by a pitch and had to steal two bases. I mean everyone took advantage of him and gave him shit jobs. Old man Prescott made him carry the bribes over to Chris Dodd and Al Gores fathers when they were in the Senate together. Those were two greedy fucks let me tell you. Even though sandwich boy Chris makes his dad greedy old Tom look like a piker. Hey maybe they can set a record and be the first Father and Son both censured by the Senate. Something to be proud of don’t you know.

Anyway old Dick Nixon used Poppy too! I mean he made him run for some bullshit seat in Texas and then made him head of the Republican National Committee and shit. Then later he had to carry the can as the Ambassador to China and head of the CIA. I mean let me tell you he knows where all the bodies are buried. He had to be Reagan’s butt boy and do all his dirty work. His time finally came but his heart really wasn’t in it anymore. You see he didn’t feel appreciated. He lost to that horn dog Clinton mainly because people were tired of having Republicans in for so long. He just got caught in the switches. He never used any of the files he had because he didn’t think it would be right. Although he did turn them over the Chaney. Hee.

Anyway I always felt for Poppy Bush because he was married to that tyrannical shrew for so long. Now don’t get me wrong. Big Barb can be fun when you pour some tequila in her and there are some midget wrestlers around. But she still tongue lashed poor Poppy all the time. And not in a good way if you know what I mean.

The real reason that Poppy and W are so close is that they have one really important thing in common. No not that they were both President. Anybody can be President. Barry proves that. It is their mutual love of water sports. And I don’t mean scuba diving.

You see both Poppy and W love to have attractive women pee on them. It doesn’t matter where or when. It could be in bed on lying in the bath or in Air Force One. One of the things that sealed the deal with W is that I have a really big bladder. I can pee like a race horse. That drives W wild. That’s why he got in so much trouble rubbing on that German twat Merkel. You see she smells like pee and that got him all excited and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Those Europeans never wipe properly.

Anyhoo Poppy loves a good golden shower. So for Father’s day I arranged a special treat. I got that girl that was screwing around with that Jewboy Spitzer in New York to come in and sit on Poppy’s lap and pee and pee away. She had a big capacity you see. And an amazing stream. You see that was the hole that sicko Spitzer was interested in and why he had to resign. Even New York Democrats couldn’t live with that one.

Poppy just sat in his beach chair with a smile on his face all weekend. I was glad I could get him a present he could really enjoy. He deserves it. Maybe it will stop him from jumping out of planes to get away from that nasty cooze he’s married to.

I love you Poppy, Happy Father’s Day.