Did I ever tell you my wife is crazy?

Did I ever tell you that my wife is crazy?

My daughter is going back to Florida today and before she left she wanted to do something she hadn’t done in a long time. Ride the Cyclone in Coney Island.

For those of you who don’t know, the Cyclone is the 80 year old roller coaster which is one of the most famous roller coasters in the United States. Our little cousin the elf heard that at the Communion on Sunday and begged to go too since her dad the FBI agent would never let her go on any rides or even go to Coney Island because he thought it was too dangerous. Now I practically grew up at Coney Island so I kinda know the ins and outs of it so I wasn’t that worried. I mean you can catch a rough crowd but most of them are just there having a good time on the rides with their family. Even the thugs are just people with their kids and such and if you treat people with respect you are usually just fine.

Anyhow they made plans to go there in the afternoon yesterday. They were just going to go on the Cyclone, have a hot dog at Nathan’s and come back to the store. But as almost always happens the store got in the way. We were busy and one thing led to another and they didn’t get a chance to get away. A heavy hitter came in at 6pm and started buying and all of the concentration went to that as it should. In the meantime the wife’s sister brought her daughter for a sleep over so she could hang out with my granddaughter. Anyway we don’t get finished till 9pm when the last customer leaves. And the wife goes “OK let’s go we are all going to Coney Island. Including the pregnant sister. (Grandpa is old, he gets tired). But what Lee Lee says goes so we all troop off to the mini-van. Me and six women getting to Coney Island at about 10pm.

We have to park a couple of blocks down Stillwell Avenue in front of the Aquarium and walk up to the Cyclone. My Daughter and the Elf get on and ride it a couple of times sitting in the first car and screaming their ass off. My wife convinces the guy running the ride that she should be able to go inside and take photos of them as they wiz by and they are very happy. But since we are there we decide to go into the amusement area for a little while. After all it is only 11pm and only Grandpa has to get up early to go to work.

So we pass the geek show with the world smallest horse, and the strong man and they incredible two faced lady which surprised me because I thought she would be busy blogging. Anyway, it was surprisingly busy for a Monday night near midnight. The consensus of all the crazy women was that we had to go on one more ride and they chose the Wonder Wheel. This is the giant Ferris Wheel you see in all the photos of Coney Island. My sister in law couldn’t go because she is pregnant but I got tickets for the rest of us. As we approach the gate, the carney guy goes you want one that swings or not. The wife goes “What’s the matter with you, one that swings.” So we all pile into this bucket of scrap and get lifted up slowly and slowly and slowly and then it hits the spot and it swings back and forth wildly at almost a speed that can do a complete circle. Now we went back to the house after we closed the store because all the girls wanted to pee before we got to Coney Island cause they scieved the bathrooms there. While I was waiting I poured myself a big pint glass of vodka and cranberry, heavy on the vodka. Just to calm Grandpa’s nerves you see. Anyway here I am hundreds of feet in the air being swung back and forth in a metal box at what seems sixty miles an hour with a bunch of screaming women. Let me give you some advice. If you are going to mix up your vodka and cranberry, due it before you put it in your stomach.

We finally finish the ride and everyone is happy. I put a kibosh on Nathan’s because it was too late for the kids to eat greasy hot dogs but I told them I would get some pizza on the way home. We stopped off at Hanley’s on Court St and I got a couple of take out pies. They were still open because Monday is gay night and those guys always want to eat something late. So to speak. There were a bunch of tiny little dogs tied up outside like it was a biker bar with motorcycles. But at least in Brooklyn you can get a couple of great thin crust pies at 1 in the morning.

We eventually got everyone to bed at around two thirty in the morning. The wife was very happy.

Did I ever tell you that my wife is crazy?