Where's the Beef?

The wildest of all political children was of course Alice Roosevelt. The daughter of Theodore Roosevelt and his first wife who died, Alice was a wild child whose antics entertained and scandalized the public. Known to drink, smoke cigarettes, bet with a bookie and ride in cars unaccompanied with men, Alice was a wild child who went to the beat of her own drummer. Her father had no control over her and could only try to influence her as best he could. While on a trip to Japan she began an affair with William Howard Taft who reputedly took her virginity. Alice was often quoted as saying she never felt so much like a woman until she was squashed under the bulk of hefty Taft. She ever after had an affinity for corpulent men and always would shout out when she entered a room: “Where’s the beef” which was later plagiarized for an advertising campaign. She eventually married the hefty congressman Nicholas Longworth who was the Speaker of the House reputedly because he had an extra big gavel and he really knew how to use it. She was great friends with President John F. Kennedy and is reportedly the oldest woman he had ever banged. She playfully called his penis Emily Spinach which was the name of her pet green snake that she kept in her days at her father’s White House. This was reputedly because JFK’s penis had turned green due to the medication he had to take because of his Addison’s disease. This affliction led to his obsession with the color green and was the impetus in naming his elite Special Forces units the Green Berets. On such strange occurrences our history is made.
(Alice Roosevelt Longworth Doesn’t Live Here Anymore: The Sexuality of Political Children by Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2008)