So I told you about Calpurina which is the nifty little wine bar that Georgia the former owner of the coffee shop opened up in the old video store space next to Scotto’s funeral parlor on First Place. It has a bunch of old chairs and wine and cheese and is very relaxed. They have au-pairs working as bartenders/waitresses and they take a long time to fill your order. So what you do is get some wine and some nibbles and order the next round as soon as you get your food so you have chance of getting it sometime this century.
Anyway one of the girls finally learned what she was doing and now she is going back home to Hungary for a three week vacation! WTF! I can’t go on a three week vacation and I have three freaking jobs for crying out loud. Anyway we wished her well and I told her to watch out for vampires when she got home. She knows me pretty well and replied “Don’t be a dick, that’s Romania.” Ouch.
Now this joint has be opened basically a month and it already has regulars. One is this guy who is a dead ringer for Big Pussy from the Soprano’s. This guy really plays it up because he always wears jogging suits and a lot of chains and does the dese dem and dose thing. The only thing is he is Arab not a guinea. But hey he wants to fit in and this is becoming real neighborhood joint. The yuppie scum/hipster doufus people seem to be passing it by or only coming in infrequently. I don’t know if it is good for her business but I like it let me tell you.
Now I have my daughter and granddaughter with me this month and we sneak the baby in to have some cheese and snacks. She doesn’t like wine but will take a sip just to learn what wines are good. I am teaching her how to shop as she comes with me to all the local shops to buy meat and vegetables and bread and so forth. She loves to go with me when I get sandwiches and proscuitto balls for the store because the guys at the slicer always make her taste a slice of whatever they are cutting so she knows it is all right. But I am teaching her not to buy it if it is at the end of the piece of cold cuts to make them open a new one. And how to pick out vegetables. When she wasn’t with me today, everybody at the stores asked where she was but she had to stay back at the store to help grandma.
Back to the story about regulars. We are now the regular “family” at the bar because we come in at least once a week. But they have this other dude who is there each and every night. He is a little gay dude with a southern accent and white hair, very much like that actor guy on Will and Grace that feuded with the rich bitch Karen. Let me tell you this guy never shuts up. He was with a bunch of people one night when we came in and he introduces them all around and orders for everyone and makes a big production out of everything saying how these people have been his buddies for years. Except for this one woman. Anyway when the dude goes outside his “good buddies” start trashing him unmercifully to this other lady. Now my wife get’s indignant. “How can they do that” she says. I told her the sad thing is that the poor sap is probably gonna pick up the check. But the one thing you don’t want to do is burst anybodies illusions. Not that I think this dude had them. He probably knows what the score is and it’s not my place to set his straight. But I used it as a teaching tool to my granddaughter. When you hang out someplace, never talk to the regulars. They are always crazy.
I think I could be in the running for Grandfather of the year.
Anyway one of the girls finally learned what she was doing and now she is going back home to Hungary for a three week vacation! WTF! I can’t go on a three week vacation and I have three freaking jobs for crying out loud. Anyway we wished her well and I told her to watch out for vampires when she got home. She knows me pretty well and replied “Don’t be a dick, that’s Romania.” Ouch.
Now this joint has be opened basically a month and it already has regulars. One is this guy who is a dead ringer for Big Pussy from the Soprano’s. This guy really plays it up because he always wears jogging suits and a lot of chains and does the dese dem and dose thing. The only thing is he is Arab not a guinea. But hey he wants to fit in and this is becoming real neighborhood joint. The yuppie scum/hipster doufus people seem to be passing it by or only coming in infrequently. I don’t know if it is good for her business but I like it let me tell you.
Now I have my daughter and granddaughter with me this month and we sneak the baby in to have some cheese and snacks. She doesn’t like wine but will take a sip just to learn what wines are good. I am teaching her how to shop as she comes with me to all the local shops to buy meat and vegetables and bread and so forth. She loves to go with me when I get sandwiches and proscuitto balls for the store because the guys at the slicer always make her taste a slice of whatever they are cutting so she knows it is all right. But I am teaching her not to buy it if it is at the end of the piece of cold cuts to make them open a new one. And how to pick out vegetables. When she wasn’t with me today, everybody at the stores asked where she was but she had to stay back at the store to help grandma.
Back to the story about regulars. We are now the regular “family” at the bar because we come in at least once a week. But they have this other dude who is there each and every night. He is a little gay dude with a southern accent and white hair, very much like that actor guy on Will and Grace that feuded with the rich bitch Karen. Let me tell you this guy never shuts up. He was with a bunch of people one night when we came in and he introduces them all around and orders for everyone and makes a big production out of everything saying how these people have been his buddies for years. Except for this one woman. Anyway when the dude goes outside his “good buddies” start trashing him unmercifully to this other lady. Now my wife get’s indignant. “How can they do that” she says. I told her the sad thing is that the poor sap is probably gonna pick up the check. But the one thing you don’t want to do is burst anybodies illusions. Not that I think this dude had them. He probably knows what the score is and it’s not my place to set his straight. But I used it as a teaching tool to my granddaughter. When you hang out someplace, never talk to the regulars. They are always crazy.
I think I could be in the running for Grandfather of the year.
9 comments:
“Don’t be a dick, that’s Romania.”
That's classic. She sounds like a real firecracker.
Just by coincidence, I am finally getting around to reading "Dracula".
When the wife and I go to a joint after a week everyone talks to us like we are their best friends.
It's just the way it is.
And there are vampires in Hungary.
Or at least Gabor's. That's close enough.
Mmmmm. Hungarian women.
Just by coincidence, I am finally getting around to reading "Dracula".
Did Bam Stroker write anything else?
Sure Lair of the White Worm, buncha other novels, short stories, some kidlit.
It is a little known fact that Bram Stroker wrote the first illustrated pornographic novels using early tinitypes of Mary Shelley deep troathing Lord Bryon. This series of books became know as Strokers and were very popular in the days of the Old West. It is said that Doc Holiday had one in his hand on the day he died. The name was later shortened to "Stroke Books" which can be found under the mattress of thirteen year old boys everywhere.
If people followed your advice of "don't talk to the regulars", who would talk to you?
But AJ you miss the point. I don't want to talk to anyone.
Here's where trooper's been hanging out.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
Too bad for them.
The secret is not to make eye contact.
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