I Quit.

One of the most famous resignations in Amercian History was of Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan at the dawn of World War One. The story in the history books was that he resigned in protest over President Wilson's handling of the sinking of the Lusitania. But the true story was that he resigned over the sinking of his broken heart into a pool of despair.

You see in his frequent trips to New York City, Secretary Bryan struck up a very close friendship with a young ingenue of the Yiddish Theatre named Molly Picon. It seems that what really attracted him to her was the fact that she had a pet monkey.
You see Miss Picon was heavily involved in the rescue attempts by animal lovers to prevent the abuse of organ grinders monkeys which where forced to work in squalid and dangerous conditions by unscrupulous hurdy-gurdy men. Now the monkey that Miss Picon rescued happened to be very talented and in fact was an excellent organ grinder in his own right which Secretary Bryan discovered in a gin soaked three way on the Lower East Side. He continued to haunt the theater and send flowers and bananas to Miss Picon to point that he became a figure of fun and derision. Such terms as "Hot Monkey Sex" and "He has a Monkey on his back" originated during this unfortunate time of sexual obsession.

Finally Miss Picon was forced to break it off with the venerable statesman who became distraught and inconsolable to the point that he resigned his office and moved back to the hinterlands.

He only came out of retirement whenever there was an attempt to destroy or somehow harm monkeys, apes or any other erstwhile simian Americans. He became a vindictive and hateful old man. But many a night he sat and rocked on his porch and dreamed about those glorious nights with his little Yiddisher momma and her monkey.
(I Quit, the History of Resignations in American History by Doris Kearns Goodwin, Pocket Books 2007)