Today's gratuitous bath tub scene goes all "Gaga!"

Yes we are all Gaga. All the time.

Well not really.

But she is one freaky chick.

Scary!

I want them on my side.

In the early thirties, Lucky Luciano was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He was a top lieutenant of Joe "The Boss" Masseria who was duking it out with Salvatore Marrazano for the leadership of New York's underworld. They had gone to the mattresses and it was all out war. Charley Lucky knew that this was a losers bet and he had to take steps.

So he went to his trusted allies, two tough Jews, Meyer Lansky and Bugsy Siegal. Bugsy was the trigger man when they whacked Joe the Boss on April 15th 1931 and he later led the hit squad that wiped out Marrazano at his office before he could have Lucky whacked. You see the old school guineas didn't want to associate with the Jews but Lucky and Frank Costello and Albert Anastasia had good relationships and partnerships with Landsy and Siegal and Lepke Buchalter and Jack Gurrah Saphiro and Dopey Benny Fine. They knew that it was a real good thing to have some tough Jews on your side.

With all the bullshit going on with the health care bill it has gone unnoticed and unremarked that Israel and the US are at loggerheads and that our relations have never been at a lower ebb. With Iran about to get the bomb and terrorist ready to use it on us, you would think that Barry and Hillary might realize that this isn't the time to pick a stupid fight with your best friends.

You need some tough Jews on your side when it is time to go to the mattresses.

The Dubious Case of the Dissappearing Douchebag.

My dear Holmes.

Once again it is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. I must beseech you once again to determine if you have considered the facts I have developed in the case of the not so recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. It seems that he continues to be among the missing. Although the interest in his disappearance has dissipated and his so called friends have given up the ghosts as it were. I still must continue my official inquiry until either an answer or a corpse is found.

As I had previously noted I had attended several of the salons of the noted conversationalist and dilettante Lady Chatterley when Lord Douchebag was a frequent and much valued guest. In fact it has been told to me that the Lady in question has often referred to him as wonderful. But it seems currently that all thought of the absent Douchebag have fled the salon as no one seems to care about his disappearance. In fact it seems that Lady Chatterley and her erstwhile lover have taken to travel to assuage their somewhat uncomfortable circumstances.

The entire world of this so called “salon” has begun to trouble me greatly as in the process of my investigation I have been unable to determine if Lady Chatterley had in fact even performed the nuptial duty necessary for a veneer of legality in her union with her gardener. As best as I can determine they merely climbed upon a midden heap and professed their devotion in some rite of the Mussleman or far Siam. Being firmly Church of England myself, I must admit I am fairly dubious as to the legality and sanctity of said union. But it is of course a side issue to the matter at hand.

As I have previously written to you, Lady Chatterley’s circle has had no contact with Lord Douchebag and the shallowness of their regard is such that they have never met face to face or communicated other than by post. So I thought that the recent recurring trips made by the said couple might be in search of the missing Douchebag.

However that does not seem to be the case. It seems that Lady Chatterley’s man has conceived a great devotion to the Tory cause and has traveled far and wide to various events and meetings to espouse his belief’s and further the cause of the Tory party in all it’s manifestations. Her Ladyship has take to accompanying him as well although her time seems to be occupied by corresponding with various of her toadies and take daguerreotypes of strange rock formations and flora shaped like a drunken sots naughty bits. Most unsettling I must venture to say.

It seems that on their latest sojourn to Datmoor to a famous race course in which it seems several entrants were traveling and acting incognito. So I of course wondered if they were in fact going to meet Lord Douchebag who would be disguised and appearing under some other alias. That would seem quite likely based on his prior performances and activities. So I asked my colleague Inspector Gregson to investigate as he often takes his holiday in Datmoor as that is where his dear mum resides. He did in fact shadow the couple as they wandered aimlessly but they did not meet with any one who could legitimately be termed Lord Douchebag. In fact in comparison with most of the others they seemed much more like a Douchebag than the people they met. So once again they have provided a dead end as it were.

I again beg to inquire if you will turn your hand to this most puzzling mystery? If so, perhaps I could drop by Baker Street to compare notes with you. If that is at all convenient please inform Dr. Watson who could pass on word the next time we meet at the club.

I hope all is well with you and that you have managed to handle the unusual situation that you have conveyed to me about you land lady Mrs. Hudson and her poor niece Miss Rosie O’Donnell who has the unfortunate case of Tourettes syndrome that forces her to scream obscenities and bark like a hound when someone visits you in your rooms. It was most unsettling in my last visit to you and I hope you can determine why she does not bark when a woman walks up your stairs as she stares in slack jawed amazement without the unsightly howling.

So please let me know how you handled this situation as it would be very helpful in dealing with some of the strange characters I have encountered in this most dubious disappearance of Lord Douchebag. There are so many dogs involved I would fervently desire to learn how to not make them bark.

Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
February 27, 1896

A True Met.

Have you seen the Celebrity Apprentice? I don't know but I just find it endlessly fascinating. You see you have these two teams of big name celebrities who are given a fairly mundane task and they proceed to totally screw it up.

The task this week is to do a four page "advertorial" for the combination of Norton and Life Loc which supposdedly will prevent identity theft. The teams were split between the men and the women and they both did a lousy job. On ad had almost no content...they even left off the number to call to order the product! The other one looked like one of Ritmo Brazileiro's posts on Althouse. Heh. You know more than a couple of words so to speak. Still and all the women won with the minimalist approach and one of the men had to get fired.

Now the track star Michael Jackson was in charge in the best Joan Crawford/Al Haig style that was pretty freaky. But he was a man about it and was willing to take the hit and be fired because he took the responsiblity like a man. Although he did say that the Governor (Rod Blagojevich) was totally useless, I mean he couldn't even turn on a lap top. Just goes to show you what politicians are really like!

But in a strange twist of fate when the Trumpster asked Daryl Strawberry who should be fired, he said "Me." Holy Bobby Valentine Batman! Why did he do that? I mean he didn't do anything so he didn't do anything wrong. But the whole deal was that he was just tired. He kept yawning and looking at his watch and taking cigaretter breaks and ordering pizza. He just didn't give a shit! So he made up some bullshit about taking the hit in a bizzare bid to just go home. So Trump obliged him and fired him.

Now in the first episode Trump asked Strawberry that he played for both teams in New York and he wanted to know what he considered himself. A Met or a Yankee. I mean he won more championships as a Yankee after all. But Daryl just said "New York, I am just a New York guy." But you see I have to disagree.

I mean after seeing this you have him pegged. He is lazy and lackadasical and unmotivated and excuse making and looking for the easy way out. A loser and a quitter.

The dude is a "True Met."

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene says "I am so tired of doing taxes I just need a fucking drink!"

It's the truth. Man I am sick of this tax stuff. And it is only going to get worse. We had a great weekend for on-line sales at the store and I was there till midnight putting stuff together for UPS. I have enough of this accounting shit.

I need to brew me up some poteen and have a snort for crying out loud!

Remembrance of things Pabst,

So we went out last night with my best friend and his wife. Now we have been hanging out since we are about ten years old and we were very lucky that our wives really get along great. We were each the best man in the other guys wedding. His wife also owns a boutique so the wives have a lot to talk about. We always have a great time and the only problem is that we don't get to hang around enough.

Now my buddy is great guy who doesn't say all that much. He likes to listen and throw a word in here and there but with his wife and my wife and me all talking there is no need for him to jump into the conversation. But he has this one bad habit. At the end of the night, he has a bad habit of saying something that will piss someone off. Often it is just one sentence. But for some reason it always starts a beef. I mean I had to take to the hospital for stitches and break up fights and got thrown out of more joints that I want to remember. All because of one sentence at the end of the night.

So we are at the wine and cheese joint and the dude who looks just like Big Pussy from the Soprano's is at the end of the bar. I mean he looks just like him and dresses the part with the jogging suit and the gold chains and the works. He is there most every night. He is a neighborhood knock around guy and owns a big gas station on Hamilton Avenue. He comes into the joint almost every night and has a bottle of wine and some food just like we do. I always say hello but pass right on by as you know I never get in conversations with the regulars. But we are on very good terms because we always say hello and goodbye but we mind our own business.

So my buddy goes to the bar to pay the check and he knows this guy because he brings his car to be serviced there. They greet each other and say "How ya doing." Which should have been it. Don't over think it. But he has to add on the kicker. He goes, " Hey how come the last time I can to your shop you were too busy to inspect my car?" The guy goes "waddaya talking about... we were just busy but my brother said he would get to it but you were too impatient." "Well I had to take it to the dealer." And the back and forth continued. I jumped in and smoothed it over and everything was all right. But we had a big laugh later.

I said to him as we left the joint "Dude, what the fuck are you doing. The last thing you want to deal with at the end of the night is an irritated Big Pussy."

Words to live by.

Today's gratuitous bathtub video celebrates a target rich enviornment

Today's gratuitous bathtub video celebrates a target rich enviornment!

So to speak.

You got to keep slugging man!

Whew, what a busy week. All I did was knock out tax returns most of the week. But I took one day to go to the city and buy clothes for the fall with the wife. You see before spring even begins you have to buy the fall stuff. So you have to make a lot of decisions.

After we picked out a ton of clothes we went to this fabric joint called "Mood" to see if we could find any cool prints for dresses and tops and the new skirts we are making. It is the same joint that Project Runway uses. And let me tell you I was not impressed. It was a shit hole. The place in California (pictured above) we went to last year was a lot better. So I don't know how it is going to work out.

Anyway I had to stay in the store on Saturday instead of going in to do taxes so I am even more behind.

I hate tax season.

Oh yeah....don't blame me!

While I was busy doing taxes I was trying to come up with some new continuing series. I had a great idea about a prison movie thread.....but one busy body put the kibosh on that. Jeez.

Hey can you name these two hot prisoners?

Hey I said I was busy, but not in a good way!

Man I have been knocking out the tax returns.

So I didn't have time to post a lot. But instead.....here's some knockers.

Knock yourself out.

I don't know if I can climb out of this mess!

I am still trying to climb out of the mound of papers and tax returns that I am buried under.

Hope to post more soon.

At the very least some American Idol stuff.

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain,

Madea: Marian, Marian where you at? I can’t find my push up bra did you borrow it again?
Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) No Madea you know I don’t wear a 48G. Ain’t nobody wear a 48G cepting you and one of those strippers that Bill Clinton used to invite to the White House. Oh and Barbara Bush. She had them big titties.

Madea: Well help me look, I have to get ready. I got to look good.

Marian Robinson: Why?

Madea: Well I have to go up to New York for the 41st anniversary of the ’69 Knicks. You know all the boys. Clyde, Nate Bowman, Dick Barnett and the big man.

Marian Robinson: I don’t understand why you are going to hang out with those old men.
Madea: (In a loud high pitched wail) Watch you mean? They the ’69 team. And I ain’t referring just to the year they played if you catch my meaning girl.

Michelle Obama: (rushes into the room) What’s all this racket? You know it doesn’t look good if we don’t maintain our dignity Auntie Madea. You should be a little less boisterous.

Madea: Don’t you be sassing me girl I changed your diapers. And shitty ass diapers they was too. I never seen anything shittier….well except you skinny ass bowtie wearing Malcolm X husband.

Michelle Obama: Now Auntie that’s not nice. I don’t want to hear it.

Madea: You damn straight gonna hear it. Nobody messing with me going to meet my ’69 Knickerbockers. Don’t be a playa hater bitch.

Michelle: Why you want to go to see all them all men anyways Auntie. They gonna be doing you no good anyhow.

Madea: What you talkin’ about Willis...... Reed?
Marian Robinson: Well you know with the new health care bill, they don’t cover Viagra anymo. Plus I hear they won’t be paying for your abortion neither.

Madea: What? Well what do I care. I too old to get knocked up. But not too old to be knocking those boots. I let the rest of those fools worry about that. Mr. Charley is gonna pay my ticket anyhow. Come on the bus be leaving soon. So let’s go.

Marian Robinson: I’m with you Madea. I hope that little white boy Mike Riordan is there. I love his pale skinny Irish ass.

Madea: Damn straight. Let’s party!

"I just want to enter my house justified"

There is a great line in the great movie "Ride the High Country" where Joel McRae turns to Randolph Scott and says "I just want to enter my house justified."

Well I caught this new TV series called "Justified" that is pretty cool. It stars the Marshall Bullock dude from Deadwood as a US Marshal with a quick trigger. He goes up against an white supremacist Nazi dude played by the guy who played Shane on "The Shield." Set in coal mining Kentucky it is a fast moving tough violent TV show that has a different feel to it. Don't get me wrong, it has that FX feel like their other great series such as "The Shield", "Rescue Me", and "Sons of Anarchy." But it beats the shit out of Law and Oder/CSI that is every other freaking show on TV these days.

This is one of the shows I get to watch after spending hours watching "The Real Housewives" and "Say Yes to the Dress." It has a lot of potential.

It is highly recommended in my book.

Cindy just wants to be dumb.

Have you been watching the new season of Celebrity Apprentice? Well I have and I have come to one conclusion. Cindy Lauper is a freaking idiot.

I don't know if they are giving her the Kate Gosselin edit but man they are making her look like a big dummy. She just keeps interrupting and asking these inane questions and walking through life befuddled and incoherent. What a maroon!

It's pretty funny that they give these simple tasks to this big group of celebrities and they just can't handle it. If they worked for you they would be fired in a New York Minute!

And you have to catch the ex-Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. Man is he getting hosed by the director. In one shot he is talking to camera and someone says something off camera. He goes out of the shot to shake the guys hand and then comes back in range and touches his hair John Edwards style and goes "Did you guys get that!" Man he looks like a real politician.

Like scum in other words.

I must say that this was very entertaining.

Today's gratuitous bathtub photo says "It's tax season and you have to keep working"

It is just too damn busy between the store and accounting so that I have to multitask. So to speak.

Pssssst!!! Want to meet my daughter Mr. Gere?

"She is very purty. Muy beuno. She wants to meet yusted. Si, es verdad."

Walt Disney, Fess Parker, Buddy Ebsen, Ronald Regan, Art Linkletter: Disneyland Opening Day

"White men with guns built America."

There you go. Deal with it.

Mike Gets a Phone Call from Fess Parker

Now I am a big fan, but this guy got me beat.

Daniel Boone - Song by Fess Parker

Farwell Fess. I loved the Davy Crockett series but I was a real fan of Daniel Boone.

What a great series.

Rest in Peace.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene asks "How long do I have to hold this tattoo bitch underwater Jesse.... ANSWER ME!!!

"I can hold her down a long time....almost as long as you have been holding me down....I mean you had to bang someone who looks an F-Train from 1975.....I think the twat had Paco157 spray painted on her taint.....why didn't you bang one of the whores on the Celebrity Apprentice last year....that poker twat....or even Joan Rivers.....I mean I could understand that before I could see you screwing this Jackson Pollack cunt!"

I mean there are some things I don't miss.

I mean I love to go to the bar for a few drinks. Some conversation. Maybe listen to some music or watch a game. And of course to get my load on.

But there are things I don't miss. And right about now at 10pm on St Patricks day is one of the things I don't miss. Because outside of bars all over the city this is what you are going to see.

Watch out for your pant's cuff dude.

Sure you are having a lot of fun while I am stuck doing taxes!

Sure you are having a grand old time getting all dressed up and marching in the parade and drinking and eating corn beef and cabbage and holding your girlfreinds hair back while she pukes on 42nd St.

And me doing the 1040's and the IT-201's

Ah the shame of it!

Happy Paddy's Day!

I have to do taxes all day so have a pint for me!

Or two or three!

That's the most disgusting thing I ever saw! I would never eat that!

Hey our new poll is which is the most disgusting thing that you would never eat. Ever. Foul. Nasty. Icky.

Your choices:

Liver and Onions

Pickled Pigs Feet

Peruvian Guinea Pig

Rocky Mountain Oysters

Sarah Jessica Parker

Remember vote for the worst.

Always get the onions with the liver!

Hey congratulations on successful surgery by blogger and commenter BAGOH2O who talks about his successful journey through the health care industry.

He happens to mention his liver transplant and I suggested when you get the liver you should always get the onions.

You see my Grandmother loved to cook liver and onions for my uncles who worked on the docks. They would be unloading the vegetable and fruit boats sometimes for 48 hours straight in the freezing weather. So they needed hearty food filed with tons of vitamins. And calf's liver filled the bill.

Did you guys ever have real butcher stores in your neighborhoods? Well we did. It was a store that only sold meat. You would go in and order a couple of pounds of veal cutlets or an eye round or some chop meat. The butcher would go into the freezer behind the big wooden door and slam it shut as he picked out the meat he needed to cut. Then he would bring it over to the butcher block and cut the meat to your specifications. My grandmother used to send me to the one on Henry St at Degraw. I would order a pound of veal spedini and he would cut out small round medallions of veal and pound them with his hammer placing each separately and carefully on a piece of wax paper. Then he would weigh them (making sure he put his thumb on the scale) and then would tie them up in butcher paper and tie them up with a string. Then I would bring the meat to Grandma's house and she would whip up a delicious meal. But there was something funny about the liver!

You see the liver would be displayed in a big tray on top of the counter. He didn't refrigerate it. It sat there in a pool of blood looking scary. Now they weren't as worried about germs and refrigeration and stuff like that in the sixties. So you would say "Hey Grandma wants four slices of liver." He would stick a gigantic fork in it and put it on the butcher block. Sharpen up his knife on the rounded grindstone thingy and slice some liver for you. Dripping in blood.

So I would take it the Grandma and she would take it out of the wrapper and dredge it in flour. Then she would fry up three or four sweet onions in olive oil. When the onions were half way caramelized, she would put in the thick slices of liver and fry them up. Then at the end she would put in a cup of red wine vinegar to debride the pan and make a great sauce. You would get a big slice of liver smothered in onions with the red wine vinegar sauce. You would slice off a piece of liver, get some onions on the fork and swish it around in the vinegar.

Man that was good eating.

Always get the onions with the liver.

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub Photo says "Happy St. Patricks Day!"

Today's Gratuitous Bathtub photo celebrates when you don't quite make it to the bathtub but stop to call Ralph on the Big White Telephone.

Happy St. Patrick's Day Darcy!

Seriously Big Ben, pick on somebody your own size!

"I mean you had to go to a college mixer to pick up girls. Give me a call. I am right up your alley...or you could be right up my alley....or whatever....just leave the chickee's alone and hang out with a real woman.....did I ever tell you about me and Bobby Layne...boy he put my backfield in motion....and when we got together with Big DaddyLipscomb boy that was sweet...he craved it...yes he did ....just like you Big Ben...just like you....hey what does Big Ben stand for anyways?"

I feel a disturbance in the force!

Now I know what it was.

Satan was in New York this weekend.

No wonder the storms and misery have overwhemled everyone.

Some people don't know cool when they see it.

So the idiots at the evil blogger lady's joint were having a grand old time dissing Gabourey Sidibe because that douchebag Howard Stern said she would never get another role. Well this weekend I saw her several times on TV and it was amazing what a cool person she is.

First she was on E News with Ryan Seacrest where he replayed his interview with her on the red carpet before the Oscars. He is chatting with her and asks her if she is enjoying meeting all the stars. So she goes "Yeah that Keanu Reeves is very handsome." Seacrest sees Gerard Butler and says "Hey what do you think of him." And Gabby goes "Yeah he's sexy too!" So dick that he is, Seacrest calls over Butler and says "Tell him what you just said" you know to embarrass her or something or to get good video. She goes "What." "Tell Gerard what you just said." And she goes "Oh I'd hit that." Shut up. Both Seacrest and Butler were sputtering and didn't know what to say. They were used to condescending to people and she put it right in there face. Way cool. Butler lamely goes "Well I'm available"and he was the one who was put on the spot and made very uncomfortable. Very funny.

Then she appeared on Talk Soup. The premise was that she came to get a Talk Soup Award these cheesy things they give out in an hour show during the Oscars. She didn't get it and goes

"Did they give it to that bitch Sandra Bullock. She gets everything!" Joel McHale goes "Well I don't know what we can give you because we are out of awards." Now they have this recurring gag where they have this one hairy dude who walks around in a bikini and looks ridiculous. So they give him to her. And she goes "What does he do?" "Nothing much." So see lifts up his bikini top and goes "OK I will shave him down and maybe I can do something with him."

In both instances she was very funny and natural. Without forcing it. She is very unconventional but I think she definitely has a future especially in comedy.

The people who don't realize that are even stupider than they usually are when they talk about politics.

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then!

Yeah.

Shiver my timbers and tickle my Elmo!

Madison Cheeseater Post Dispatch, March 13, 2010
The funeral and memorial service was held today for the University of Wisconsin Law Professor who had committed suicide due to allegations regarding undergraduate tickle parties. Professor Elmo Lee was found hanging from a fixture in his office after the University Provost announced that it would be investigating allegations that the tenured professor had coerced and harassed his graduate students into allowing him to tickle and otherwise make free with their bodies in order to maintain their place in academia.

Strangely none of his colleagues attended his memorial even though he was often seen splitting a hamburger and a small beer with other of his parsimonious brethren. What was remarkable was that a large contingent of the local waiters and bartenders did attend and took the opportunity to both spit and dance on his grave.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene says "It's pouring today and everyone is getting wet and not in a good way!"

Hey here is some girl soup from a great blog "Sorry I Missed your Party."

I just want to steal all his photos.

He is one talented dude.

Holy Moley I hit the wrong photo! Here's the real Palate Cleanser.

Sorry. Here's the real palate cleanser.

Oh.

And stop staring at her tits.

Palate Cleasner!

Hey El Pollo demanded a palate cleanser so here you are!!!

Shiver my timbers or tickle my Elmo

Drudge Report March 12, 2010

Additional reports have surfaced regarding the depravity to found at the Law School at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. This copy of an invitation to a freshman mixer at the house maintained for the graduate teaching assistants of Professor Elmo Lee who had recently taken his own life after word had come down that he was being investigated by the University Provost.

This invitation shows Professor Lee indulging in sexually tinged horseplay with several of his students. Or perhaps it was sexually tinged bird play.....developing.

Shiver my timbers and tickle my Elmo!

Drudge Report, March 12, 2010

The nations attention has turned to the epidemic of sexual harassment and depravity that is tickling. Due to the widespread notoriety of Congressman Massa who was forced to resign his post because of his "pattern of widespread and systematic tickling of his young male aides and pages that lead to a firestorm of criticism on Capital Hill."

This episode has led too many people coming forward and tell their tales of unwanted sexual tickling by superiors. The shame was to much for an Law Professor at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. Professor Elmo Lee a noted expert on sexual harassment law was accused by several of his students of having them over to his house for pot smoking and tickle orgies.

Professor Lee was found hanging from a fixture in his office by a colleague who neglected to call the police because she needed to write a blog post about wilted petunias........developing.

Shiver my timbers and tickle my Elmo!

"Hey Fella's look, a cake."

"Yes Happy Birthday Commander Mchale."

"Thank you Captain, I really appreciate it. Hey is it one of those cakes where some one jumps out of it...I don't know...like a winsome young Filipino Mess Boy....that would be cool....hey this icing taste funny....oh well thanks anyway."

"Don't be upset Skip. You can tickle One-Adam-Twelve over there till he pees his pants."

"Now you're talking!"

Shiver my timbers and tickle my Elmo!

Captain Wallace Burton Binghamton: I've got you this time Mchale. You are under arrest for tickling Ensign Parker.

Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: What are you talking about Captain. It was a tickle party. That's a old navy tradition. Why John Paul Johns tickled his crew. Oliver Hazzard Perry said we have met enemy and they are ticklish. Why even Captain Morgan had a few glasses of rum and shivered a few timbers in Davy Jones Locker. You can't arrest me.

Captain Wallace Burton Binghamton: I can and I will. You are going to Leavenworth where you will be alone shivering your timbers by yourself in solitary.

Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Crap. With my luck I will probably live till I am ninety.

Hell needs a new PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Sure who do we got? I am a little tired of torturing that pussy Salinger. Man is he boring. At least all those kids are doing a good job flaying off his skin one inch at a time. I guess they really hated having to do those book reports on Holden fucking Caulfield. OK who is up next?
Forcas: Someone named Merlin.... my Dread Lord.
Lucifer: Merlin. What the fuck? I thought he was still stuck in a tree?
Forcas: No my Lord. A Mr. Merlin Olsen. He seems to have been a famous footballer and priest.
Lucifer: Well. Another kid toucher? Damn this is getting monotonous. When is that tickle me Elmo Congressman gonna get here? He should be a barrel of laughs. Didn’t he off himself yet. Lot’s of people do that after they spend an hour talking to Glenn Beck you know.
Forcas: He is not scheduled for a while yet my Lord. Bring in Mr. Olsen.
Merlin Olsen: (Falls through the trapdoor in front of St Peter’s gate to fall down at the feet of Lucifer) What the hell…. Where am I?
Lucifer: Yeah. Who’s on first fuckface. You’re there.
Merlin Olsen: Where?
Lucifer: Hell. Waddaya think. NBC. I know that seemed like hell when you were working with Dick Enberg but this is the real deal.
Merlin Olsen: How did I end up in hell? What did I ever do? I was a good man. Went to Church. Did a lot of charity work? I wouldn’t even through that game that Carroll Rosenblum tried to get me to do that time. How the heck did this happen?
Lucifer: You know I am kind of curious myself. Forcas check out the book.
Forcas: Yes Sire. Let’s see….normal childhood….college football player…made a movie with the Duke that is usually a straight pass right into heaven….played a priest on Little House on the Prairie and didn’t even bang that slut Half-pint or feel up the blind girl….AH HERE IT IS!.... Look my Lord right here in the 1970 NFL recap.
Lucifer: What let me see. Oh shit. You played on the LA Rams team that beat the New York Giants at home 31-3 to keep them out of the playoffs. No wonder the big guy sent you down here to burn in Hell. He loves the Giants. And the Yankees. You’re seriously fucked boy. Take him away. (Two burly demons grab him away kicking and screaming towards the pits of Hell)
Forcas: Very nice milord. Where should we put him?
Lucifer: I know. Throw him in the Red Sox wing with the disembodied head of Ted Williams. That ought to freak his ass out. Man it freaks me out.

Today's gratuitous bath tub scene says "Hey check out the Real Housewifes of NYC on Bravo tonight.

Should be lot's of revelations. Right Alexa.

Hee.

WTF? The wimpy dude from the Office is going to be Captain America

I read where the douchebag guy that plays Jim on the "Office" is going to play Captain America in the new Marvel movie.

You got to be kidding me.

Talk about your miscasting.

Todays gratuitous bathroom photo says "A lot of strange people hang out at the evil blogger ladys place."

I think I need to stay away.

Far away.

Man it looks like carrots are going to win.

I guess that Jason stuffed the ballot box.

You know why he loves the carrot. Just sayn.

It get's tiresome you know?

It get's tiresome having to jump in when someone gets bullied. I mean I know what I am talking about but some people just never learn.

And they like to take cheap shots. Which I admit I like to do too!

So while it is true that chubby people sometimes have health problems and die young, I think it is a lot more dangerous to live with a crazy broad.

You know who I am talking about.

That's as close as Jeremy gets to a woman!

Just sayn'

Yo! Yo! I should be calling you Puff Momma Baby!

"Yo. Yo. I can't be believing that Derek Jeter was doing that and he give it up. Fersizzlle."

How old are you?

"How old are you Johnnie?"

"You know how old I am you are my baby sitter."

"I know that. It's just that you are old enough for me to tell you something."

"What's that Cindy?"

"Stop staring at my tits. That's you're Daddy's job when he drives me home."

Magnifico!

"Magnifico! Bellissimo! Meraviglioso, stupendo, magnifico, fastoso, lussuoso, pomposo, sfarzoso, superbo, fantastico, mirabile, eccelso, grandioso !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Thank you dear. Now please stop staring at my tits!"

I wish I could win an Academy Award!

"You know Sophia some day I would like to be up for an Academy Award."

"Wella I thinka you-a gotta go down for that, causa that's a the only way you will getta one signora."

"I know sweetie. Just one thing."

"Si?"

"Can you stop staring at my tits! My head didn't fall off you know."

"Nott-a yet beyotch."

Mr. Sanford when is Lamont going to be home?

"Mr. Sanford when is Lamont going to be home?"
"I don't know sugar but that big dummy should be home soon. Would you like a drink? I have a pint of Night Train we can split."
"No thank you baby. But just one thing."
"What's that sugar?
"Can you stop staring at my titties you dirty old man?"

Thank you Mr. President!

"That was a wonderful performance Vicki. I wish Betty could have seen it but she is still upstairs throwing up."
"Thank you Mr. President. I am so sorry that you fell and hit your head as you came on the stage. But can I ask you one favor?"
"Of course Vicki anything for you."
"Can you stop staring at my tits."
"No."