I don't know if I will get to post much during the vacation!

I won't have Wi-Fi for most of the trip. We might have it Tuesday when we are in Florida but that is when all of the kids are off the ship going to Disney World. So we will be back on the ship getting massages and drinking and enjoying ourselves.

So have fun and play nice and no fighting.

I just have to careful what waiter we get this time.

It just doesn't work out when you get a gay guy waiting on you. Hopefully they will all be from Croatia or something and just be Vampires or something.

Because I really like Banana's Foster and I hate it when they ruin it for me.

Remember the Main Thingy!

While you guys are working hard and trying to earn your daily bread....we will be swimming in the Caribbean and drinking cocktails.

Just wanted to let youse know. I will miss you. Really. I swear. No I really mean it. Seriously.

Even you Spinelli.

An except from "Taken for Granted" by Leslyn Amthor Spinelli

I have become totally frustrated with Kate. She lied to me. I hate it when people lie. Especially people close to me.

I remember when my husband told me he was a vegetarian. Then I caught him eating a sausage and pepper hero in the garage. I didn't care that he liked to eat meat. But why lie?

There was no reason to stay in the office on such a beautiful day so I took my sandwich to the plaza outside to eat in the sun. I sat down and opened my egg salad sandwich when I noticed a commotion in the plaza. That Travelocity Gnome chick was standing on a soapbox and shouting at passersby. I could barely understand her wine soaked babbling.'

"Look at me. LOOK AT ME! I am a major intellect. I want you to beg me to write a book. I am a much better writer than that loser JD Salinger. He is only famous for not having sex. Well I haven't had conventional sex in twenty years. And that asshole Elmore Leonard with his best sellers and million dollar screenplays. I want one hundred of you to sign my petition and I will write the great American novel. Just go up to Larry and sign up. We only need your name, address and PIN number.  Wait stop walking by. Stop eating. What's the matter with you! LOOOOKKKKK AAATTTT MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I just couldn't stand it any longer. It was bad enough when my husband played his Mario Lanza albums but this was too much. As I was leaving I went up to the Madison Police office assigned to the Plaza.

"Excuse me officer. But that yelling and soliciting in the public square is a little unsettling. Can you tell her to tone it down." "No can do lady" he said. "She is a liberal and this is Madison and she can do what ever she wants. So why don't you just move along before I give you a ticket."

Sometimes I think we should just move to North Dakota.

It pays to be nice!

There has been a great diaspora after the various Italian salumerias went out of business. All of the Mexican guys who worked there had to scramble to get jobs in the neighborhood. Anybody that is any good got one because they had their own customers and following. It is sort of like when a bartender switches bars.

So one of the cold cut guys went to Gourmet Fresh which is the fancy supermarket across the street from my house. That works out mainly because he gives me the best cuts of cold cuts. Nothing from the end of the piece. Another is working at a new sandwich joint a few blocks away. He came to the store with a bunch of menus. They have a shit load of sandwiches and wraps and salads and what not. If I call there he will hook me up with a premium sandwich.

But it is the guys from "Good Food" who sorta disappeared. Then yesterday we were walking out of the house and who is walking down the street but Miguel who made the prosciutto balls and potato croquets at "Good Food." We went up to him to talk and see how he was doing. I said "Miguel I need my prosciutto balls during the holidays what am I gonna do?" You see he is working as a cook at "Bagels by the Park." He goes "Oh I will make them for you Jimmy no problem." All my Mexicans friends call me Jimmy for some reason. It must mean stupid white buffoon in Mexican or something. Anyway I go "That's great. Hey can you make them at my house." "Sure Jimmy no problem. Just get me all the stuff and will make as many as you want."

So we got his number and when we get back I will set up to make a shit pot full of prosciutto balls and croquets. It pays to be nice to the people you deal with. I always remember them at Christmas and always say thank you when they help me out. If they go out of their way I throw them a fin for good luck. So they are always ready to help.

Now I am going to learn how to make them my own self.  Preparation for when I have my lunch cart in Maui that will be open for breakfast and lunch and closes at 3pm so I can make the beach.

The plan is working.

Getting ready to have some fun in the sun!

The only problem is that Gregory Peck is following me around the beach wearing a top hat and carrying a harpoon. Do you think that is weird?

A couple of new cooking videos in Instagram

 

I know everyone can't get it on their mobile phone so here is the link for your computer:

http://instagram.com/lisajimdolan#

We have the baked zucchini fries and the Portabella pizza's.

Scarlett, Tomorrow is going to be a busy day!

Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day. You see we are going on the cruise on Saturday. So I have to finish everything on Friday.

First I have to go to the fabric store and get all the fabric in Manhattan. Then I have to take it to the factory in Brooklyn and argue with Suzy Wong about production. Then I have to pick up the production and bring it back to the store.

Then home to finish packing. (We are packing right now at three in the morning)

It is going to be a lot of fun.

Those are some spicy meatballs!

Now this is what a meatball appetizer should look like. Three massive balls covered in a spicy sauce.

That's Italian!

Remembrances of Things Pabst

So  after we go to the fabric store Tuesday we were at loose ends again. I mean you have to hate it when your end is loose. So we had to tighten it up.

We had spent the day first at the ritzy hair salon where the wife had another haircut for the cruise. Which starts this Saturday so we had to start to get ready. After that we went to the fabric store to source out some new fabrics for our cowl neck shirt. We have to make 200 pieces so we wanted a lot of variety. The owners are a couple who work together like us so we sort of see eye to eye. At least that's what we thought. Then there was a blip in all the agreement for a moment.

We saw this nice roll of fabric so we give it to the Mexican girl to put in the back for us. Then we keep shopping but when we turn around we see them cutting off a piece for some bitch who wanted two yards. What the fuck? We are spending thousands and they give our shit to someone else. We were about to walk out right then. The owner came over to apologies and plea bargains and bullshits us that the lady had come early in the morning and had come back for that fabric. So why the fuck was it behind a bunch of rolls of fabric Mrs. Fucking Apu. She saw we were pissed and started giving us a better price on some of the fabric so we pretended we were mollified. (You call that the Hymietown switcheroo, ask ricipic about it). We even took a smiley blurry photo for their website.

 

 

So we had to find a way to salvage the day and the best way to do it was to return to our favorite midtown restaurant Incognito.

 

 

We get there and get to seats at the bar. We have been enjoying sitting at the bar lately. There is more of a breeze and here the breeze comes off the street as all the doors are open in the front. Restaurant guys are cheap with the air conditioning when it is not boiling hot. So the summer wind comes blowing in across the bar. It lingers there to touch you hair and well you know the rest.

 

Of course the owner Paolo runs over to say hello. I ask him if he is still trying to kill Superman and he still has no idea what the fuck I am talking about. He is on top of everything in his joint even though he does a lot of stuff that I don't agree with. For instance being that we come a couple of times a month he might buy us a drink. Not a meal. Not a bottle of wine. Just a drink. But he doesn't and that won't stop us from going there. I mean we really go there for the food and hoping that it will stay consistent. Anyway he comes up to chat now and again as he is seating people and running around like a crazy man.

 

 

We order our food and we get the same appetizers that we got at "Old School" to check out the differences. Meatballs and a goat cheese crostini as an appetizer. The meatballs were A-Rod size...very small and shrunken. The crostini was small as well. Now don't get me wrong. They were tasty but just too small for a man of my accomplishments as a trencherman.

 

For a main course, the wife ordered a Filet Mignon with béarnaise sauce with brussel sprouts on the side. I ordered a thin crust pizza with fennel, tomato and mushrooms. We are sitting there eating and the owner goes behind the bar and comes up to talk to us. And then we had a problem.

 

 

Chef comments on the filet mignon which he was right to talk about because it was perfect. Medium rare just the way the wife likes it with a wonderful béarnaise sauce. But then he starts in on my pizza. "Look at this pizza! Look at how great the crust is?" He picks up a piece off my plate and folds it like he is going to eat it. Lisa goes "Hey why don't you eat it. Seriously it's delicious." "No that's alright" the chef said. "I am going to eat later. Enjoy." Then he puts the piece down and walks away.

 

Now in the time we were there I saw him shake hands with about thirty people. He came over to the bar to get napkins to blow his nose twice. And then he had about four cigarettes standing outside texting on his phone. You know what I didn't see. Chef wash his hands.

 

So at the end of the night there was one sad piece of pizza left. With nowhere to go. Sometimes knowing the owner just doesn't work out for you.

 

I think I am going to start calling him Artie Bucco.

 

 

Right back at ya!

It has been an extremely busy few days. I will try to catch up.

Here is a blurry photo to tide you over.

Where's my crack at Bobby?

Did you see the story where one of the animals that killed the 80year old vet said it was a crack buy gone bad.

Just another example of wild excuses that people make up to explain bad behavior.

Much like Obama does about his who Presidency.

This could have been his son.

Remembrance of Things Pabst

We have been so busy the last three nights of the weekend that I have been too exhausted to cook. So we had to go out to eat Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I know that sounds like fun but I would much rather eat at home. That is a lot healthier and it agrees with the wife's metabolism a lot better than eating out. But we were just too tired.

Friday we ate at the bar at Marco Polo which was another fiasco because Tony the bartender wasn't there. But I don't want to go into it because I am tired of complaining about it. It is my own fault for going there.

So on Saturday we decided to go Mexican. But on the way the wife wanted to stop to take a photo for Jim's Hawaiian shirt of the Day for Instagram.  We ended up stopping in front of the newish restaurant next door to the Mexicans. It's called "Old School." As we are taking the shot we got photo bombed by the gay dude from "Modern Family."

It wasn't really him just one of about sixteen partners in this new joint. We fell into conversation and decided to give them a chance. A good tactic by them and we were amenable. They are part of a group of restaurants run by a guy with experience who looks for partners to put up the capital. It remains to be seen if they will let him run it or will too many partners at cross purposes kill the joint.

They have an extremely limited menu but that is fine if they get it right. We started with appetizers:

These are the meatballs that were served as an appetizer. You got three big balls and they were delicious. Nice and meaty yet moist with cheese and parsley. An excellent appetizer that was enough for a main course with bread to dip in the sauce. This is early days for these guys so it is important to get it before they start to fail and cut back on the portions. The chef came out to introduce himself and when I complimented him on this dish he said he wanted to make the meatballs bigger. I told him if he held the line he would have bigger balls than anyone else on Court Street. In every sense of the word.

Next up was a delicious baked ricotta with toated prosciutto on top. A great dipping dish with the little toasted pieces of bread that were included with the dish. Very oily and garlicy and good.

For the main course I had mushroom ravioli in a butter sage sauce and the wife had pan grilled chicken with roasted potatoes and broccoli rabe. Both were tasty but standard fare. Nothing to write home about but good substantial food.

I think the way to go in this joint is to get a bunch of appetizers which is what interests this chef and leave the main courses alone.

All in all we are going to add it to the rotation.

It was crazy I tells ya....crazy

We had a crazy weekend of selling these last few days. We had a sale so all the nutzoids come out as well as our regulars who want a sale. The show is being shown internationally and we just found out it is airing in Australia now. So we got a bunch of vegemite sandwich eaters signing up.

Since we are handling all of the manufacturing one thing is clear. More work for Jim.

I have to bring all the fabrics from the fabric store home and then take it to the cutting service. Then I have to pick up the completed production from the factory. It has to be counted and looked at for quality control. I just finished doing that for the  100 skirts we got in Friday.

I am pretty freakin'  tired.

Marilyn's Diary

Uncle Herman loved to sing. He was always strumming his guitar when he wasting strumming my nipples. I remember how he used to stand outside my window and play Peter Gabriel songs. We didn't have boom boxes then.

But the best times was when some of Aunt Lily's friends would come over and have a jam session. Her one friend Charley was a pretty talented singer and song writer. He became very famous later in the sixties.  He was friends with the guys in the Beach Boys and everything. He wanted me to move out to his ranch with a bunch of other girls and to carve a swastika in my forehead but that wasn't for me.

You see I wanted to stay with my Uncle Herman so he could fiddle around with me.

I haven't been over to TOP in a long time

I hear that there haven't been many posts. Lots of faculty meetings or something.

You know I don't miss it at all and it was pretty jarring when Leisure Suit Larry and his pal Inga injected themselves into a thread at Lem's recently. I was hoping I was done with them.

Listen I know your are an Avenger and Shield agent but

Stop staring at my tits.

Wait for the next movie when you can stare at the Scarlet Witch. She has a great set of knockers.

I couldn't post too much today

I had a super busy morning so I went in the back and sat on one of my recliners and fell asleep or a couple of hours.

Then these manikins molested me.

I feel so ashamed.

Crack be chilling

The Crack Emcee be chilling since his dust up with Cody Jarrett yesterday.

But you have to expect that.

Black folk don't like to work two days in a row. Just sayn'

(Plus whose that girl)

Jets vs Giants tonight and nobody gives a shit.

The Jets and the Giants play the final preseason game tonight and nobody gives a shit. It used to be a big deal in the NFL-AFL days. Even in the 1970's it was big stuff. But the Giants have been so dominant and the Jets have sucked so hard that it doesn't matter anymore. All the juice goes out of a rivalry like this if the teams play too many times.

I mean everybody hates on Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez so even the Jets fans hate their own team. They just want to see their new draft pick quarterback who seems to suck like a real Jet.

It's like the Mets and the Yankees. The Mets and their fans get all excited about these games and the Yankees just want to win so they can get to the World Series.

At least football is almost here.

The other Birkenstock drops.

Famous lesbo Jane Lynch who plays the nasty coach on Glee got a nasty surprise of her own. Her "wife" who she married in a same sex marriage is demanding "spousal support."

Welcome to the NFL bitch.

It's all fun and games until you have to pay alimony.

Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!

I had a Dream....but now it is dead

I had Dream on my team once.

Dean the Dream Memminger who played on the Knicks championship team as a backup to Walt Frazier and Earl the Pearl Monroe.

He died in a cheap hotel from a cocaine overdose which was a better end then we all thought he would have in the long run. A couple of years ago he set himself on fire smoking crack in a flop house.

This was a guy was a college star. When he walked into the Garden everybody took notice. He was a star in the pros. He was a coach. He threw it all away. For crack.

What a waste.

Crack and Cody are handcuffed at Lem's place

Much like Black Moma and White Moma. They were going at it over the influence of culture and the recent attack by three black yutes on an old white guy.

The thing is they both had some valid points. But when you have Leisure Suit Larry and Inga in the mix it all goes South quickly.

Why can't we start out where we all agree.

We would bang both of these whores.

The Rifleman

Lucas and Mark McCain rode into town to do some chores. Lucas had to have one of his horse shoed at the smith and needed to pick some shells as he had used up a whole box when he killed five guys in the last episode. Plus he wanted to put in an order at the general store and he wanted to check in with Micah to see if there were any gun slingers in town that the sheriff couldn't handle so he could shoot them.

Mark was in town to help his pa and to see if he could get a glimpse at Miss Milly's teats. Mark loved Miss Milly's teats more than anything in the world. Well almost anything. He supposed he loved his Pa more and maybe penny candy but Miss Milly's teats were right up there. Way up there firm and high. Standing there in the night way up firm and high.

"Do you need my help Pa," asked Mark as they stopped in front of the smithy and tied up their horse. "No son you can go hunt up your friends and find some mischief to get into. Not too much mischief and you know why." "Why Pa?" "Because I would have to shoot you. That's what I do." "Ok thanks Pa."

Mark ran off down the street. As he passed Miz Coleman's house he saw his friend Nick. Nick was a pudgy little boy who never quite smelled right. He wanted to grow to be a Pinkerton so he was always investigating things. Which mainly meant he peeped into peoples windows. And now he was looking in the school marm's window.

"Psst Mark....com' here." "Why Nick? I don't want to get caught looking in Miz Coleman's window. She can get mighty mean if you cross her." "I know but look she is making ice cream by holding a pail of milk between her legs." "Oh nonsense" said Mark as he dragged his friend away. "Nick you have to stop peeping in windows especially folk like Miz Coleman. She can be down right mean."

Nick shrugged his shoulder to get out of Mark's grasp as they walked down the street toward the general store. "I know that Mark. I just didn't understand. Miz Coleman was the one that was helpin that Injun fella Chief Stalking Horse. Telling everyone to behave and be nice towards him. But now she ignores him and won't talk to him. She spends all her time with the old spinster lady that married that no account Lying Larry. She don't pay Chief Stalking horse no nevermind no more. That ain't right Mark is it?"

Mark shrugged his own shoulders. "I don't know Nick. Pa says you can never figure out what wimmen folk will do. They are like a contrary calf. One minute they are chewing the cud and the next they are charging you and trying to trample you. There ain't no way to cipher em out. But I tell you one thing. We best not get on the wrong side of Miz Coleman cause you know what she is gonna make us do?" "What's that Mark?" "Math Nick. She's gonna make us do Math." The boys both shuddered and stopped to look in the mercantile.

"Boy Miz Milly sure do have some nice teats now don't she?" "She sure does Mark she sure does. And the best thing is we only have to count to two." "Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!" the boys laughed and went off to do what boys do.

Hey look at some stupid videos

I hear that youse guys can't access Instagram because you don't have mobile devices. Well follow this link on you computer and you can see some stupid videos the wife and I made while I was experimenting with my zucchini fritter recipe:

 http://instagram.com/lisajimdolan#

Let's get physical....physical....let me hear your body...hit the floor with a gunshot wound

So some dude at Olivia Newton John's house was found dead of what looks like a self inflicted gunshot wound. He wasn't her boyfriend or relative but he "had permission to be there."

Maybe he saw her "Physical" video one too many times and just offed himself.

I can see his point.

Little Pink Houses and Orange Jump Suits and Copycunts.

So my faithful monitor and spy on TOP has emailed me to say that the Evil Blogger Lady wrote a post about John Cougar Mellencamps stupid spawn. Just to make fun of the kids name. Like we did three days ago. Just more proof that they are reading us pretty closely.

I expect a post about Duck Dynasty and Elmore Leonard tomorrow. Just saying.

The Duck Dynasty Dick tells it like it is.

One of the goobers on Duck Dynasty started some controversy when he mention abortion in a speech he made recently. His family is pretty traditional and religious and the Hollywood mo's were not having any part of that. Of course if he was a cross dressing tranny with autism that would be front and center. But having traditional values can not be part of your show even for one or two shows. They don't want reality. They just want to subtlety mock and denigrate the subjects of the shows because they are worthless scum that should be shot out of hand.

Hollywood producers are the scum of the scum.

RIP Elmore Leonard

One of my favorite authors Elmore Leonard has passed away at the age of 87. He is familiar to most people because of "Justified" or the movie "Get Shorty" but he was a long time favorite of mine. He has been celebrated recently by the Hollywood mo's and the literary pansies as the token mystery writer and has got a boatload of awards and recognition. Don't get me wrong. He deserves all of it and more. But there are plenty of writers who are just as good in the genre who never get a mention. Mr. Leonard was particularly good in mentioning that and telling this high brow losers that a lot of good work is being done in the mystery/thriller world that flies under the literary radar as it were.

His work will live on and his legacy will continue. I imagine they will write more "Justified" novels with the TV writers picking up the slack. That is what often happens with very commercial writers. Usually their son or daughter steps in as in the case of WEB Griffin or Michael Shaare. Or they hire someone to continue the series like they did with Robert B Parkers Spenser series with Ace Atkins picking up the torch. The "Justified" writers will continue the series just as Michael Brandman is doing with Parker's Jesse Stone character that generated a bunch of TV movies with Tom Selleck.

I expect we will be seeing a lot of more of Elmore Leonards work making its way to TV and the movies. He would just laugh because he had a good attitude about it. Once someone asked if he was pissed about how a movie changed up his book. He said they didn't change the book. The book will always remain the same. The movie is something totally different and he didn't sweat it. Words to live by.

RIP Elmore Leonard.

Bob Kuechenberg is my hero!

As is Jim Langer and Manny Fernandez of the old undefeated Miami Dolphins team. They were invited to the White House to celebrate the anniversary of their undefeated season. But these guys refuse to go. They know that Barack Obama is a horrible president and refuse to let him use them for public relations bonus points. Like Urkel gives a shit about the Miami Dolphins!

Those guys have the balls to tell the White House machine to stuff it. Bravo fellas! You guys are Aces in my book.

The Regular Guy Look on Instagram

Is pretty popular. I you want to see our instagram stuff and to join our feed follow the link:

http://instagram.com/lisajimdolan#

Thanks to Michael Haz and all the rest who have already joined. The wife wants to get our numbers up on the instagram feed so I would appreciate it if you join.

I promise a lot of photo's of me in the pool during our cruise if that is an inducement. Just sayn'

A-Roid lies again!

A-Roid and his scumbag lawyers are now saying that the Yankees withheld information from him about his injury and they were willing to lose the World Series just so they could find a way to get out of his contract. What a crock of bullshit. The Yankees will do whatever it takes to win and that includes lying about an injury. But they would only do that so the lazy cocksucker would play. Jeter would play if a bone was sticking our of his skin. Not A-Roid.

I am glad he got hit. Of course the Red Sox guys are punks. They always are. But maybe somebody can do a Ray Chapman and we can get out of this.

"Can Not anyone rid me of this troublesome Dominican?"

Rocky gets a new movie

No not that meathead Stallone. Thank God that shit is over.

Raquel Welch is starring in a new TV movie called "House of Versace: The Untold Story of Genius, Murder and Survival." It will co-star noted hose bag Gina Gershon who will play Donatella Versace the overly tanned big lipped Italian whore who lives off of her brothers name.

It's funny that when the cruise ship lines first started docking in Red Hook Brooklyn, Donatella was one of the first to arrive on a ship and took a cab to Sal's pizzeria to taste real Brooklyn Pizza. She was not impressed. Nor were the old ladies who sat on the bench outside the hair salon next door to the pizzeria. They cursed each other out in Italian. I happened to be passing by that day on my way to the pork store and I had to laugh. It was hilarious.

Now if it was Rocky getting pizza that would have been a whole different story.

Little Pink Houses.......and little orange jumpsuit

Well it looks like liberal douchebag John Cougar Mellencamp is going to get a close up look at the criminal Justice system. His two sons were arrested for assaulting the guy who was sitting on his porch in front of his Little Pink House in a small town. His sons Speck and Hud surrendered to the cops and charges are being filed.

Speck? He named his kid after a salami? What the fuck.

Celebrities are weirdo's.

I caught you looking

Somebody emailed me that the Evil Blogger Lady has a post about Haji from "Faster Pussycat. Kill!Kill!" who as you know passed a few days ago. Just another indication that they are monitoring us and copying some of our memes here at Trooper York. They have always done that but now they can be more blatant about it since I will not respond to provocations. I haven't read there in weeks and don't intend to start. I get enough info second hand so I know what is going on. I don't know where she gets her reputation for creativity since she is one of the most derivative copycats on the internet.

Now a guy that is truly an original is Chip Ahoy who come up with crazy stuff that is very interesting and idiosyncratic. He is a true talent and  a true original. Some of the posters over at Lem's are really coming into there own.

It new Hawaiian shirt time!

This time it serious.

Drunken parrots in margarita glasses. Pissed the wife off royally.

But she was still nice enough to make up an instagram photo for me.

Hell needs a New PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord. It has been a while.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. I am tired of doing it all. Let's get someone in here to make the announcements. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have several people that will be coming in. We have the star of the Sitcom "That Seventies Show."  

Lucifer: Holy shit. Mila Kunis is here. I love that bitch. She is one hot piece of bacala. I can't wait for her to come down here and go down on my tail. I bet she can fit the whole thing in her mouth.
Forcas: No not her sire. Or the gay one who is on Two and a Half Man. Or the greasy Puerto Rican.
Lucifer: Then who is it? Not Red. It can't be Red. He is going right to Heaven because his personality is just like the big guy. They are like the same freaking guy.
Forcas: No not him. It is the bimbo who played Eric's sister who is a stone drug addict and prostie Lisa Robin Kelly.

Lucifer: Her! Who gives a shit. I mean you might as well tell me it was Chuck Cunningham or Frank Stallone. Who gives a shit. What else do you got?
Forcas: Well we have famous song bird Eydie Gorme.

Lucifer: HOLY SHIT! GET HER DOWN HERE RIGHT AWAY!
Eydie Gorme: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas, she groans and rubs her vagina) What’s going on here? One minute I was walking to a bright light and met a man in a robe with a clipboard and the next thing I know a trap door opens and I am roasting my tootsies off. 

Lucifer: Welcome to hell Eydie. All your buddies are here. You are going to have to put on a show. You and Frank and Sammie and Bobby Darin will be singing up a fuckin' storm bitch.

Eydie Gorme: Wait a minute! This can't be right. I suffered so much on Earth there is no way I have to suffer in hell. I mean I was married to that limp dicked Steve Lawrence for fifty fuckin years. What the fuck?

Lucifer: Tough shit baby. You are here on the Sandy Duncan infield fly rule. You screwed over too many people on the way up so you have to go all the way down.  Remember what you did to Lola Falana in 1968 in Vegas. How you tortured Liberace. What you did to both Siegfried and Roy when you made them double team you when you knew that vaginas grossed them out. You pig. You are going to sing for me now bitch. Forcas.
Forcas: Yes Sire. (Two burley demons grab Eydie and drag her away as she protests feebly )
Lucifer: What a stupid twat. Foras dress her up in some sequins and a bra and send to sing show tunes to Bach and Beethoven and all those classical music faggots. That ought to be torture for all of them.

Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: Get Sammy Davis Jr. up here. He can tap dance while announcing the news. That always cheers me up. Oh and make him wear the jockey costume. That is always good for a laugh.

 

Happy Birthday Maureen!

Just remember life is like a box of chocolates. So to speak.

Whose that girl in the gratuitous bathtub scene?

She was hot stuff back in the day and it is a shame that her daughter turned out to be so ugly in real life. She much preferred to take baths for some reason.

Whose that girl?

Remembrances of things Pabst

So Tony the bartender at Marco Polo is off on vacation the next two weeks. Which sucks for me because then my drinking schedule is all fucked up.

We had a phenomenally busy day yesterday so I didn't feel like cooking. Plus one of our old time clients came in after not being in the store for a year. She did a big spend so after we closed we all went out for cocktails. That's when the trouble started.

We thought our pal Jay was going to be the bartender but he was running a party upstairs so they had this bitch that used to work next door in Enoteca. She looks just like Velma from Scooby Doo and has a personality to match Scooby's balls. We order our drinks and she measures them out using a shot glass measure instead of free hand. I mean seriously? My caipirinha was way too weak. I had to tell her to give me a double shot on the next one. Or four measures of her little fucking tool. Then it was half way decent. We ate at the bar but the service was pretty shitty. She couldn't keep up with the crowd at all. The funny thing was that there wasn't a crowd! Just one other couple sitting at the bar and she couldn't handle it. The worse was yet to come.

You see the restaurant officially closes at midnight. I mean of course they stay open later if there are people eating there. We had finished our food and a called for a round. Five minutes after serving the last round she brings me the check. Why? Because she wanted to close out and go home. You don't do that. It was only 11pm and what if I wanted another drink? What the fuck? You want to go home so you want to rush me. Fuck you bitch. I paid my tab and we finished our drinks but I don't think I will be going back until Tony is back in town. We have plenty of other places to go where they are more than happy to have us drinking and spending money. What a numbskull.

I order more shirts

Because you can never have enough Hawaiian shirts. Here are two of the them from the knucklehead collection. The wife put these on instagram as Jim's shirt of the day. You which one people loved? The fucking turtle shirt!

Some fashion mo from Brazil loved it and he has over 100,000 followers. He loved the "regular guy" look. I can just imagine 100,000 dudes wearing turtle Hawaiian shirts and speedos at the beach. That's right girls. Speedos.

Hey we were having a sale!

We were having a sale so we got a boatload of on-line sales as well as having the store be very buys. Of course today was the day the lazy ass UPS guy decides to take off so I had to pack them up and go stand in front of the UPS box until the relief driver showed. That was a pain in the balls but at least everything went our without a problem.