I Dream of Jeanie The E True Hollywood Story.

One of the big problems we had with the show is that it was so warm in South Florida in the 1960's. We didn't have all of the air conditioning that we have now and Jeanie was always hot. I mean really hot.

She liked to go out without any clothes on. The most we could get her to wear was a shirt when she wasn't in costume. She was always running around in a shirt she got from Gus Grissom without any panties on. And Tony Nelson never made a move. I mean look at her!

I think it was because his mother was a musical comedy star. Something was off about him. He spent way to much time with Major Healy. There something strange going on.

(Sidney Sheldon, I Dream of Jeanie, E True Hollywood Story)

Oy my little yiddisher pickel

"What are you wrapping up Hazel?"
"It's a present for ricpic."
"I thought he was dating that whore Molly Picon?"
"Oh they aren't serious. I just made up a nice jar of gefilte fish. You know the way to man's heart is through his stomach."
"Really? I thought it was through his cock? I know that's what Molly thinks."

Commenter Memories Number 98: ndspinelli will explain it all

Because once the light blub goes off.....he has to share his ideas.

Marilyn's Diary

Our idyllic life in Southern California was cut short one fateful day in 1968. When Uncle Herman left my Aunt Lily. And the family. And most of all he left me.

You see among many other things Uncle Herman and Aunt Lily were swingers. They would go to all these swingers parties where everyone would throw their car keys or their broomsticks or whatever in the middle of the table. They would all drink and take drugs and get crazy until they were ready to leave. Then the woman would fish around in the bowl and whatever car key or broomstick or magic vial she would pick...why she would go home with that guy.

One night a succubus picked the keys to the Munster Mobile. And Uncle Herman went home with Carol Herman.

Commenter Memories Number 97: Deborah seeks reasurance

deborah said...
Oim a lay-dee."

Yes. Yes you are my dear.

And one sweet ride.

The Wacky World of Carol Herman

Carol_Herman said...
Black nail polish! Even funnier if she pays someone else to paint this on! One of those Chinks in the nail parlor. I always tip them a dollar because any more they would spend on opuim and pencils to stick in their hair.

I think the people who sell the cosmetics like this to women ought'a be "boycutted." Of course only Jews get boycutted. I think that nice ricpic got boycutted at his bris really deep because he is always so cranky. He should call me and I would show him good time with my finger in his touchas.

Where did this idiot think you get the grass to stay green come from? It's chemicals don't you know. Like the jar of formdelyhyde I sleep in. It's better than Ponds!

Oh, yeah. Wasn't new sod put in at some point because the marchers destroyed some of the grass with their protests? I don't like new sods. I like old sods. That's why I want that nice RH Hardin or Ricpic or even better HD House to give me a call. I am like Betty White with an itchy twat. Wait that's redudant or however you spell that.

I love the reasoning! Especially Harry Reasoning. I mean he was so cute. I worked for ABC at the time and he loved for me to wash him up with a washcloth before he went on the air with that cunt Baba WaWa. What a bitch she was.

Even better! WIthout being asked ... the cops showed up. Like they do all the time at my house. Who the hell are they to tell me how many cats I can have?

And, I I could think of ... was ... wow that man with the shovel had powerful shoulders. I love a man with big wide shoulders. I mean when he is doing his business down there he won't fall in.

If you were at Woodstock, you'd have seen the applause for the truckers who brought in replacement Port O' Potties. Did I tell you I was at Woodstock? I took the brown acid. It wasn't so bad. That Chipmonk guy was a pussy.

In a more civil society ... the singers would have asked the working men ... if they had any musical preferences. Personally I love Dylan. All the senile baby boomers do.
He's so cool. And a rebel.

I miss the sixties now that I am in my eighties.

Same Bat Time

"My goodness Batman is that a Bat Phone in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
"It's a Bat phone. I am not that happy to see Miss."
"Oh and one other thing Batman. Stop Staring at my Tits."
"I assure you I am not madam. But I am admiring you eye liner. Where did you get it?"
"Get lost you freak!"

Same Bat Time

"Finally all of the Super Villains are gathered together in one place. Remember our Mission. To Dominate the World!'
"Quack, Quack!"
"Riddle me this. Why aren't we holding a globe instead of a basketball?"
"You will find out you fool? Only one evil empire will suceed. BBBAAAWWWWAAAAA!!!!"

Same Bat Time

Get those Chinese eyes
Pay the highest price

Get those Chinese eyes
Live in love and lies.
Her love is my defeat
Desire has turned to heat and more.
My mind has gone insane
My body burns in flames and more.
Fire in your eyes - get those Chinese eyes.
Fire in your vains - chains and pains.
Fire in your eyes burn me twice

Love me with your Chinese eyes.
Fire in your vains
Chains and pains

Show me all your Chinese games.
(Fancy, 2006)

Same Bat Time

"What is that Red Phone Commissioner Gordon?"
"That's the Bat Phone. It is the direct line to Batman. Whenever we need him I just pick it up and call him."
"Why do you need that? Don't you have his phone number? He gave it to me when I met him one night while I was walking my rare clumbers."
"No I do not have his number and I do not know his secret identity. Do you sir?"
"Oh I know his secret. Actually it is not all that big a secret. I mean who goes around wearing spandex for crying out loud. It ain't no secret."
"Bejesus I thought so"
"Shut up O'Hara."

This freaking bullshit hurricaine is fucked up

The wife killed me today. We had to wrap up everything in the store and close up at three. Then I had to go and lay in supplies. So I made raviolis tonight with a nice basil sauce.

But worst of all I had to tie down all the yard furniture and put all the stuff in the shed and put everything against the wall and whole bunch of bullshit.

I don't like to do this shit. Fuckin Bloomberg.

Leave the gun take the grill

Our daughter in Florida is yelling at us that we are not taking this phony hurricane seriously. She wants us to put all of our gardne furniture against the side of the house. And the grill of course. Somehow I don't think the wind is going to pick up the grill and throw it through a couple of yards. Or if it does maybe a better one will land in my yard.

Anyway to keep her happy I will movie it when I get home.

I mean I just bought the fuckin thing I don't want to have to call Omar to go buy another one.

Waiting for the Rain!

Everybody seems to be panicing about this bullshit hurricane. People are running around like a chicken without a head. Or a chicken that has to give head to RH Hardin. In any event it seems like a big bag of bullshit. We are going to close because there is no business. Saks, Lord and Taylors and Bloomies have already closed so it's not like we are the only ones.

We have been getting on line sales and in fact we might have a "Sale" online with the code word "Irene" just to get something going.

Batten down the hatches!

Batten down the hatches!

Well we got ready for this supposed big storm that I think is a bunch of bullshit. Nanny Bloomberg and Baby Andrew have shut down the subway and generally made it almost impossible for my customers to come to the store. I got there early to wait for a delivery which came normal as usual. You see the post office guy is a regular blue collar guy like me. He just went to work and got the job done.

Regular working guys like Miguel and Jose and Paco who work in Good Food. They were at work slicing the cold cuts and stocking the shelves and making deliveries to the old shut ins who depend on the local grocery. They call in and they do the shopping and bring it to their door sometimes walking up four long flights of stairs with lots and lots of stuff. Those poor guys have no way to get home tonight. No subway. They have to bike it or walk it and if the rain really comes they could be fucked. Or they have to sleep in the store with a caguoutz for a pillow.That's what a rich cocksucker like Bloomberg never thinks about. He can just call a limo the fuck. They didn't have to close down the subway until it actually got fucked up enough to warrant it. This is just a disaster. A man made disaster. A Bloomberg made disaster.

Monday everyone is gonna go....hey that wasn't so bad. Except for all the working people and stores who lost money that they really need.

I hate Nanny Bloomberg.

The Wacky World of Carol Herman

Carol Herman said...
It didn't work! Much like my meds.

Prosser has been vindicated. AND, he's also been sworn in for his next decade's term. That's ten years. About as long as I have been staying here in this facility. It is very nice. Except for that mean Nurse Ratched.

Did Prosser feel bad that he took his swearing in ceremony on July 26th? Instead of August 1st, or 2nd? The date is very important. I always remember what day it is. I have troulbe with the year but I always know the date.

Why would Prosser not want to choose staying out of the limelight? They banned me from the Limelight. And Xenon. The only place I could go is Studio 54 but that was only because Steve Rubell loved to get the Dirty Sanchez.

BRADLEY SHOULD RESIGN! WILLIS REED, DAVE DEBAUCHEE AND NATE BOWMAN TOO! AND THAT NASTY LITTLE SMECKALAH RED! I HATE A MAN WITH A RED SMECKALAH!!!

SHIRLEY ABRAHAMSON SHOULD RESIGN! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE BETTY FRIEDAN! AND SHE MADE ME BURN MY BRA IN 1968!!!!! THAT"S WHY I ALWAYS TRIPPING OVER MY TITS!!!!!!!

Until they do? The story's not "closed." And neither are my legs. Well they are a little crusty and they do stick together but technically they are not closed like the subway two days before a hurricane.

When Bradley dies, take a guess at the headline? ("Couldn't prevent God's Chokehold.") I used to give the best chokeholds. That was another reason why I always got into studio 54. Plus the photos I had of Ian Schraeger and Brook Shields when she was ten years old.

Bradley gets to look UNPROFESSIONAL! How he could be a senator for so long and never press his suit I will never understand.

Prosser just has to keep on doing his job. (Which he seems to love.) Almost as much as he love chokeholds on his chicken.

Abrahamson and Kloppenhoppen both seem to have the same kind of "bad hair days." Maybe, they can write a book on how they tame their hair? I use Dippity Doo myself. Or cum. Whichever I can get the most of at one time.

Those two women blew a wad of credibility. Maybe, we should take bets on how long they servive their terms? I hate it when you blow a wad. That's what a good chokehold is for.

When Seuter left the Supreme Cout, I didn't see anyone shedding tears. Or learning how to spell his name that Pansy.

And, yes. We will always have KELO. That's the name of my pet gecko. I trained him to spelunk me. It is grand. Much like my canyon.

Please stop staring at my twat

"Well I will just back up my beach stuff and we can go back to the room and talk."
"Sounds good Gail."
"Just one thing Matt."
"What's that Gail?"
"Please stop staring at my twat."

The Wacky World of Carol Herman

Carol_Herman said...

Winds are fierce. Trees get uprooted. And, it pays to stay indoors. I like to stay indoors. In my little chair that they strap me too. With the built in potty.

Mother Nature isn't to be fooled with! At least we can try to foretell what happens. Especailly when they make that fake butter. I hate that when they put that my toast. I remember when I was dating Marlon Brando and he only used real butter for anal like in that movie. The copied that from my life.

Once, I think, New York got hit by Hurricane Carol. I think it was hurricane Carol Channing. You see she didn't have bladder control and would flood the front rows of the Minskoff theater with her pee.

Then? I think there was a Hugo. You know when I was a young girl I gave Victor Huge a hummer. He said he used me as an inspiration for a character. He kept making me ring this bell. I wonder why.

The "evacuation" just means idiots get into the cars and start driving. Making everything worse. I hate these new fangled motorcars. I wish we could all have those chinks pulling in those ricksaws.

Oh, yeah. Stores should board up their windows. (Replacing windows is expensive.) That's why I put plywood over my computer.

And, anyone planning a big wedding? Well, there goes "that" deposit. And, all those plans. My first three weddings were very big. The next four were smaller. I had to keep moving since my husbands all seemed to die mysteriously. Bad luck don't you know. I wonder why that nice RH Hardin won't answer my emails. I know he is single.

Then? What if it veers west? And, then just roils the water? Wait a minute. The Atlantic is on the east side of New York. Whatever.

Is it better without weather reports? I have to ask AL Roker the next time I run into him at the bathhouse with Sam Champion. The good news is that hospitals have backup generators. But I have lots of batteries for my little friend.

I should be fine.

Hurricaine? Shmeracaine!

This hurricane bullshit is way over the top. They shutting down the fucking subway! At noon. The day before anything is supposed to happen. That is gonna fuck up my business like you won't believe. Nobody is gonna come out. What a fuckin mess.

Nobody believes that there really is gonna be a problem. This ain't NOLA for crying outloud. What's a little fuckin water?

The people in the neighborhood don't give a shit. Mainly because the shop owners live above the stores so they will be open no matter what. In fact if the power goes out....well ice cream will be real cheap!

The only problem is the little old Italian ladies went into Good Food and bought out all the fresh Mozzarella and tomatoes. What the fuck! No caprese salad for lunch! I can't take it!

THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Duckling Episode on Louie is great.

You should check the finale of Louie on FX this weekend.

It is an hour long story recreating his trip with the USO to Iraq and Afghanistan. He ends up taking along a duckling as you can see in the video I posted below.

It is a great episode and really seems to show how the guys are doing in the combat zone. I think you really will enjoy it.

Highly recommended.

Louis C.K. 'Louie' - Duckling Diplomacy [Closed Caption]

Our choices are limited

I have to be careful in blogging as I haven't put up all of my programs yet. I have to get a really strong virus protection thingy because I steal photos from all over the internets and they often have viruses attached. The wife is always yelling at me and this is the second computer I crashed in the last two months.

I might have to buy a mac or something just for blogging.

Everything is All Right!

Hey everything is great in Brooklyn. There was an earthquake but it wasn't a big deal. I mean you felt it but it was nothing like what happens in the rest of the world.

We are usually off on Tuesdays but we happened to go to the store to get some fabric swatches to work with as the earthquake hit. The racks and the crystal chandeliers shook like crazy. I went out on Court St and everyone was out of their store. All of the old people where sitting on their little rascals outside of the senior citizen center. Everybody was like "Did you feel that?'

Some of those old people hadn't felt the earth move in a long time.

Anyway my computer is still messed up but I am working on it. Posting off an Ipad is a pain in the balls.

Be back posting full speed soon.

Becky on WNTW at Lee Lee's Valise

So they just finished airing the season premiere of What Not to Wear that they shot at Lee Lee's Valise. Becky the assistant to Cheryl Burke from Dancing With the Stars was featured and we were shop day one.

Now we hate to be shop day one as they usually use the narrative that they can't find anything. But we were lucky and Stacy and Clinton were kind enough to say nice things about our clothes. Clinton even said that he loved the print of our "New Melissa in the Military Leopard Print."

I don't know if I had previously mentioned the incident that happened while they were filming. It seems that Jo Jo McCarthy who is the stylist to Cheryl trimmed Cheryl's extensions in our back room and left the hair on the floor. The wife came back and saw it and read them the riot act! Cheryl started to shake like a tuning fork! Jo Jo was scrambling to clean everything up. What we didn't realize was that Jo Jo is Jenny Mc Carthy's sister! So Lee Lee managed to terrorize two Hollywood types for the price of one.

All in all it was a good episode for us.

At one point Becky starts to break down. You see her go off camera as she is weeping but what you don't see is the wife went to hug her and comfort her. That's what we do. She calmed down and bought a lot of stuff. All in all it was another win-win.

Reality Show Murder!

Russell Armstrong the husband of reality show whore Taylor Armstrong hanged himself yesterday.

She murdered him as sure as if she kicked the chair from out beneath his legs.

I don't know if you saw the first season of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" but it was about the glitz and glamour and money of a bunch of rich bitch's in Beverly Hills. Like all reality shows it set up some fake conflicts such as a big fight between Camille Grammer (wife of Frazier's Kelsey) and Kyle Richards (sister of much more famous ex child star Kim Richards). They fought all season about some bullshit about what one said about the other and back and forth and the usual high school bullshit that is the staple fodder for so many of these shows. A side show was the fights between Taylor Armstrong and Kim Richards where Tyler would bully the shit out of poor broken drunken Kim who wasn't really strong enough to fight back effectively. It was tough to watch especially when her sister Kyle took the blowfish lipped cunts (Taylor) side.

Taylor tried to keep up with the Jones on this show which she could not do in reality. I mean Adrienne Maloof owns the Palms fuckin' casino for crying out loud and Camille Grammer had five houses and five nannies as she got to squander Kelsey's TV millions as long as he didn't have to fuck her. I mean the dude moved to New York to get a continent between them and to play a gay dude. On stage I mean. Or I guess. Or something.

Taylor spent $50,000 on her four year old daughters birthday party. Every one of the other bimbos said that was crazy and way over the top. Now we find out that they are being sued for spending their clients money on personal expenses and that they are just about broke.

When you saw this poor Mook on TV you could see that he was physically sick that he had to film this shit. Every party they were at he just stood around and wanted to leave early. All the other bitches made fun of him and said how sorry they felt for Tyler. I mean the guy just didn't want to be part of it! But he did it because his wife forced him too!

Now this season's story line is all about how he is a no good abusive husband and how Taylor's marriage problems should make everyone feel sorry for her. Her nasty behavior toward Kim and her all around douchebaggery led to some bad comments on the blogs and a big time negative reaction from the fans. So she seems to have contrived the storyline that she is a victim so everyone should be sorry for her. When if you watched the show you can see that she is a bully and a cunt.

I don't know how they will handle this. Will they still show the marriage therapy sessions on TV. Will she come off as a victim or a shrew? Will Russell look like a bully or a lost soul? A guy who lost everything. His business. His family. His daughter. His life.

Reality TV killed this poor bastard.

It is kinda scary.

I Dream of Jeanie, E True Hollywood Story

The set of “I Dream of Jeannie” was a crazy place. Those astronauts were hard living guys. The fear of flying out into space on a rocket made by parts from the lowest bidder was enough to make anyone have a few drinks. Gus Grissom was always plastered and chasing the astronaut groupies. Scott Carpenter was always banging secretaries on the Golf Course. But Anthony Nelson had a case of the blue balls big time. Even though Jeannie was always wearing hot little outfits and calling him master she would never let him get it in. Now that was strange. I mean when I heard she was a girl who spent her time in the bottle I thought it was like Hollywood child stars and law professors from mediocre Midwestern colleges. You know they would always be drunk and goers. But Jeanie wasn’t like that. Tony was really frustrated. Until Jeanie’s little sister came to town.

You see she was a pig.

(Sidney Sheldon, I Dream of Jeanie, E True Hollywood Story)

Rocky and Bullwinkle, The E True Hollywood Story

It wasn’t easy being a closeted gay moose in Hollywood in the 1960’s. The studio was afraid of the backlash from Christan groups and the Catholic church if they found out that a beloved cartoon character was gay. It wasn’t that hard for Bullwinkle to cover it up. Rocky was a well known swordsman and his exploits with cartoon chicks in public was legendary. Rocky once had a three way with Bette Rubble and Penelope Pittstop backstage at a Rolling Stones concert that they are still talking about. Even Keith Richards thought it was a little much. So Bullwinkle could lay low. He would have a few dates with Natasha every other month. She had the same problem as she was a big time lesbian. So they would be each other’s beards and have high profile dates in public so the press could take their photos. Bullwinkle would save his true self for the parties that Rock Hudson and Tab Hunter would throw up in the Hollywood Hills. Nobody even questioned that he had lived with Wally Cox for ten years. It was a more innocent time.

(Jay Ward and Alex Anderson, Rocky and Bullwinkle, E True Hollywood Story)

Marilyn's Diary

I remember those days when I lived in the Munster Family mansion like it was yesterday. We were living in Southern California and it was always warm and sunny.

Of course Grandpa couldn't come out in the sun as he would turn into a pillar of salt. He couldn't even walk his rare clumbers or pinch a loaf in peace until the sun went down. But he didn't need much exercise since he never ate much. You see he was supposed to suck blood and he would have gotten fat but he always sort of forgot what he was supposed to suck. He would spend all of his time in the bus station and just forget what he was supposed to be doing there. Of course his real name is George Michael. He always ended up sucking but it was seldom blood. So to speak. But at least he stayed fabulous.

Aunt Lily didn't like to lay out too much because she would just get greener and greener as she tanned. And in Transylvania they looked down on the really green witches. They liked the mulatto's. You see most of them tried to straighten their hair and pass as at least a "high-greenie" but Lily was a pure blooded Transylvania girl. She used to frizz out her hair and dance the bat dance on that music show back home called "Lack of Soul Train." But here in LA she was trying to pass. So she never went to the pool.

Of course Little Eddie never went outside the little pervert. He spent all his time drilling holes in the wall so he could watch me go to the bathroom and beat his meat. He was a sicko.

So that left only me and my Uncle Herman. We would swim and splash each other as happy as a couple of otters. Of course Uncle Herman was seven feet tall so the deep end was really shallow for him. I would swim right up to him and he would hug me and I would bob up and down in the water. Uncle Herman always swam naked and as I would hold on to him so tightly he would slowly and gentle slip inside my bikini bottom until his enormous horse like appendage would slide into my warm and wet .....err.....we would have some fun.

I miss the pool back at the Munster Mansion.

But most of all I miss my Uncle Herman.

Louie CK and Ricky Gervais in some funny stuff

Poker Scene from Louie Not Safe for Work but funny and profound in its way

This is the Louie clip for the thread below

Louie is a great show

FX Networks - Louie - Full Episodes and Exclusive Video


You have to check out"Louie" on FX if you haven't already. Louis CK is a comic and his sitcom is not a sitcom but a slice of life that is really really well done.

In a recent episode he takes on the vital topic of masturbation and it is some funny stuff. And it will make you think. Not about masturbation but about other stuff.

Even though he is pretty liberal he gives the conservative Christian woman her props. It doesn't take the easy way out or go the way think it will.

Check it out. It is damn good stuff.

The Sign of Peace?

So the gospel this Sunday was about the time this woman comes up to Jesus and asks that he cure her daughter from demons or something like that there. She asks for his help and he basically blows her off a few times until finally he cures her and all's well that end's well.

Anyway Father Chris starts his homily and as he often does it makes it very approachable by talking about sports. You see when he was twelve years old his brother took him to a Met's game and he bugged him all game about going down to the parking lot to get an autograph from the players. Finally his brother relented and they go and wait in the parking lot. But most of the players just blew by the kids and didn't do sign or even acknowledge them in any way. One of them started screaming and berating them and telling them to go home. It was very traumatic for a kid. And it was an example of how you can affect other people deeply by your actions. That you should be humble and not full of yourself. It would take such a small effort by some of the players to make so many kids happy. This was long before the industry of autographs and memorabilia and these were real fans.

Now I love to give Father Chris some crap about being a Met's fan as I keep telling him that God is a Yankee fan. It was a very very rainy Sunday morning and there were very few people in Church. So when I was on line to shake his hand as you leave church I got to tease him for a minute.

I said "Sorry that you didn't get that Choo Choo Coleman autograph that you wanted there Father. That's a shame."

He looks around and sees that nobody is near us and says "It was Jerry Grote that Rat Bastard. I will never forgive him."

Some how if the good Father ever runs into the former Met's catcher I don't think he is gonna give him the Sign of Peace.

Just sayn'