Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The show so far.
It's pretty tough to hear people make fun of some of the stuff in the store and not respond. Not every garment is for everyone. Some styles are acquired tastes but you have to have them if you want to be a full service boutique. Most people have no regard as to what it takes to run a store. But you can't educate them. Like the Mayor of Detroit said about Jesse Jackson: "The only fuckin' thing you ever ran is your mouth."
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Abso-effin-lutely.
At my work, we are nice and then some; nice beyond when it makes any damned sense at all. But I learned how to handle some of them despite these restrictions.
For the woman who comes in annually and tells me how much she hates hates hates the place, how incompetent everyone is, how rude everyone is, etc etc.
"Tell me something. When I go to a store and I feel badly treated and I don't like it at all ...I never ever go back again. So I am puzzled, if we are as bad as all that, why do you bother coming back? I just don't get it."
For those exceptionally rude to my staff, but nice to me.
"I have to work with these folks every day. If you take it out on them, they take it out on me. So you have to decide if you still want to see me, or move over to someone else."
For the verbally abusive.
"I'm sorry, but we cannot meet your needs. By law I am required to wait 30 days for you to find someone else. Let me know where to forward your records."
For the guy who always knows how to run this place better.
"That's very interesting. Here's the CEO's address. It would be great if you could send him a letter outlining what you think should change. They really appreciate getting suggestions like that."
I actually eighty sixed this one woman from the shop. She was abusing the staff and yelling at them and all kind of stuff. My wife tried to reason with her but when she couldn't she turned her over to me.
Now this was the situation. We have the same policy as every other boutique in Brooklyn. No refunds but store credit if you return the garment within seven days with the tags on. Now this beauty asks the girls to cut the tags off because they bother her neck. Not the price tags, but the little tags or labels with the name of the designer and the cleaning instruction. Two weeks later she calls up ans says that they made a hole in the shirt and she wanted her money back. She told my employee that she was going to report us to American Express and that she knew "politicians" and was going to make all kinds of trouble. My girl almost shit a brick. Now I don't know anything about this until my wife dumps the problem in my lap. I call this bitch up and give her a chance to explain herself. She starts out reasonable. I tell her that I would have never let them take the labels out if I knew that was what she asked. Then I asked her where she got off abusing my employees. "I am the only one who can abuse my employees. And don't you forget it. And you are going to rat me out to some politicians. What, Spitzer ain't gonna buy his panites here anymore. (Ok she had me there, who knew)." Anyway, I told her I would refund her money but she was permantly banned from the store. She was not allowed back in and could never shop there again. I was putting her picture next to the cash register like some teenage tennis players father who was banned from the US open. She was 86ed from the store. Sometimes you have to draw the line.
Ha!
Does everyone claim to know someone high up in the gummint?
Not bloody likely.
When they actually know someone high up, you hear it from them higher-ups before they even complain to you. That's how I know they're BSing.
My favorite teacher was a doc from Chicago. He once said that people from his neighborhood either went into law or medicine or joined the mob. We didn't believe him until these old guys started coming in for treatment with lots of people with them, and man did they act like chums with my staff doc.
The doc was old school, teasing and heckling you, and dished it out to women like he did to men, so he got written up all the time for 'harassment'. One woman resident hated him. Absolutely hated him.
Until one day when this young patient screamed at her until she cried. The staff man comes in and takes one look and says What happened? Then he went into the room and closed the door and spoke in a low and barely audible tone (I could hardly hear him even with my head up against the door.)
He said If I ever hear that you said anything ANYTHING negative to my people again, I will end you. I know people. I know people. And you. Will. Be. Gone.
After that the young man was polite as all get out.
I loved that guy for that.
Wow. I am sorry for you guys. Damn, I've got it good. In my line of work I'm a sort of Chauncey Gardiner: a simple gardener who everyone loves and admires. They're always saying things like, "Hey Meade, how come all your plants look so healthy?" and I just say, "Water, Food, and Air... and Guinness." Then they look at me like I'm some sort of genius.
Except for the carpenters. They're always saying stuff like, "Hey Meade, why don't you get a real lawnmower, one with some power?" So I say, "You fuckers, I'm gonna call Trooper York and he will kick your scrawny carpenter asses." They have no idea who the hell I'm talking about so just to be safe they shut up and get back to work.
When they actually know someone high up, you hear it from them higher-ups before they even complain to you.
It helps to be able to make friends easily with people high up on the food chain.
And the politician at the top, he wants to be your friend. He wants your vote. And even if he, personally, doesn't, he pays his staff to care.
We actually did that once or twice here. Ran into some low-level bureaucrat who didn't want to do her job, so a few calls to the Congressman later, and whaddayaknow, even the wheels of a gov't bureaucracy can be greased.
Then you call back and thank whoever helped you, maybe a thank you of flowers or whatever. Just in case you need another favor....
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