Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. Maybe we should broaden the search a little. In fact we need to cheat. What the fuck I am the fuckin’ Devil after all. FORCAS! GET OVER HERE!
Forcas: Yes my Dread Lord. What can I do Sire?
Lucifer: I think we have to fuck around with the dead chute again because we aren’t getting any quality scumbags lately. I mean there hasn’t been a dead Congressman for weeks. So why not have the maintenance department screw around with the slides so we can divert some people down here.
Forcas: Well we can try that Sire but won’t the Big Guy get mad if we steal some of the people who are supposed to get to heaven
Lucifer: Well maybe. But what the fuck is he gonna do about? I mean we are already in hell?
Forcas: Well he could make you watch Bloggingheads for a whole month again.
Lucifer: Shit that would suck. Especially if they have that horsefaced red headed twat on it again. I have demons from the firey pits of hell who are better looking for crying out loud. Watching that made Oedipus pluck out his peepers again. But let’s chance it.
Forcas:(gets the maintenance crew to screw with the ramp) It is done My Lord. Let’s see what happens.
Hideki Irabu (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) Ah So….what the fucky…. Me no luckie….where am I?
Lucifer: Hey look Forcas? We got a Yankee. Well a chinky one but still a Yankee! We haven’t got one since Carl Mays.
Hideki Irabu: Oh no this big mistake. Me no belong in hell. No way.
Lucifer: This is no mistake you fat pussy toad. You belong here in hell. The way you pitched in the 1998 season is reason enough.
Hideki Irabu: No no you all wong Mr Devil San. I just bring take out. They expect me back. Mr. Steinbrenner wants to yell at me and Billy Martin and Bob Lemon. It is what he gets to do in Heaven. God made him the managing general partner. So who gets the Miso soup?
Lucifer: Shit I can never catch a break. Forcas bring me Ted Williams headless body. I have to piss in the hole where his head used to be. That always makes me feel better.
Forcas: Right away sire.
Hideki Irabu: Wait….who pay me…..five dolla….you pay you devils
Lucifer: Crap. Give him the money Forcas. I don’t want to have to watch Bob Wright and Michele Goldberg again. Some things can even get me sick.
7 comments:
Ohhhh. This'd be the #2?
So, #3 will be....
Wonder if Trooper York knows that Michelle Goldberg lives in Brooklyn, and calls herself "cosmopolitan" because she does?
In my wicked imagination, she gains twenty pounds and spends every Saturday morning shopping at Lee Lee's Valise where Trooper York is left to treat her as a valued customer.
Think of the tales!
She might shop at the store you know.
I have a lot of very liberal types shopping here.
We don't get involved in politics.
All are welcome.
And she might learn something. Just sayn'
All I have to say is that the "Daily Breast" got implants so their sweetest journalists could suckle without ending up with...*blink*... BUCK teeth!
ha ha
Not laughing at you, Michelle.
Merely watching how well your boss and current mentor, Tina Brown, morphs from Buck to Doe.
Is AJ Burnett next?
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