Laura Bush's Diary

Well it has been a tough couple of weeks let me tell you. No sooner did we get home to Crawford after visiting Poppy and the Pop-eyed twat did we have to turn around and go back. Poppy was really worried because old Barb was devastated. You see one of her bestest friends and most favorite people in all the world had died. Yes Michael Jackson was Barbara Bush’s BFF.

Now I know it is hard to believe but they had a long and complicated relationship. You see Barb had taken some of her grandkids to see Michael when he was touring for the “Off the Wall” album and wrangled back stage passes. And somehow they hit it off like gangbusters. So much so that when Poppy was elected Vice-President, the King of Pop was one of the first overnight visitor’s at the Naval Observatory which is the official residence of the Vice President. They were as thick as thieves along with their great good friend Elizabeth Taylor. They would sit in the sun room playing canasta and bridge with whatever poor soul they could dragoon into hanging with them. And that wasn’t the only games they played.

You see old Barb introduced Michael to her strange obsession with midget wrestlers. They were always underfoot so to speak. A bunch of muscular half naked midgets in Speedos running around the grounds diving in and out of the pools and oiling each other up before they started wrestling. It’s no wonder poor Michael got so confused. You see he really admired Liz Taylor and old Barb. I think in his heart of hearts he really wanted to be a matronly white woman who loved to mess around with oiled up midgets. He began to take on more and more of their mannerism and their lifestyle began to affect his performances. Since he was around so much he saw more than what was good for him. In fact one gin soaked Halloween he happened to open the wrong door and encounter Liz and Barb naked with a brace of midget Mexican wrestlers. It was the direct inspiration for his Thriller video.

You see Michael was a very lonely and strange boy and I am afraid that those two raddled old harridans had a bad influence on him. Liz Taylor was the gold standard for jaded Hollywood perversion and Barb is as you know a piece of work. So more and more Michael tried to emulate the two aging party girls. He bleached his skin to get more and more white. He became frail and sickly like his two bestest friends. And he started hanging around with young kids because midgets scared him. That’s when Barb had to cut him off. She didn’t approve of anything like and that and who could blame her.

This really devastated Michael. He missed all those naked canasta games and the wild Jell-O wrestling matches between Sky Low Low and the Haiti Kid. He kept calling Barb but she just shut him out. I think she feels guilty now. She could have helped him. But she turned her back on him because he got too weird and there was no turning back. She has been crying ever since we got the news. The only solace she has is that Michael finally looked just like her when he died.

I don’t know how we are going to cheer her up. I think I will need a little bit of luck. I will give Spitzer a call. I bet he has his number.