When I was listening to the Gospel today it was one of our old favorites. It was the one where Jesus’ buddy Lazarus croaks and he waits a couple of days and then goes and knocks on the tomb and says “Hey not so fast buddy.” The homily was all about how we have to get ready for eternal life if we believe and about heaven and all that stuff. Recently I had a discussion with someone very close to me about heaven. They said “What if what we believe isn’t true and there is nothing after we die?” I had to give my view of what heaven would be like. You see I think Heaven would be like a big bar. Everybody would be sitting around and drinking and laughing and telling stories and singing and having fun. Babe Ruth, Billy Martin, Nixon, Janis, Joe and Norma Jean, George Washington and Dolly Madison would all be sipping cocktails and having a grand old time. And they would be doing all the stuff they love to do best. New people would be coming in to join the party every day. I mean Liz Taylor would walk in, bat her violet eyes, look everyone over and then take the Babe by the hand with a couple of martini’s and go off to find their own private cloud.
Jesus would be the bartender and his old man would be in the office adding up all the receipts. Oh and when he needed another bar towel, he would just call for Lazarus.
2 comments:
Nixon, huh? Ya know he might be a great bar companion, probably sitting there silent most of the time but every now and then tossing in a really bitter/vicious/witty line. To which Washington would likely respond, "Now now, Dick, rise above it, rise above it." Not that that would make Washington a party pooper, more a keeper of the peace, cause who would want to act badly and risk upsetting such an august beloved figure. I could go on. No? You're right. One last thought: I see Liz bestowing her favors on Dickie, not the Babe. No reason, I just do.
And here's the match:
Hell is somehow inside heaven. You want to know where I put it? You got a minute, I'll tell you quickly.
In the nail hole in the left hand of the risen body of Jesus is all the room you need to contain all the zillions and billions of people who ever would be in hell because they are so thin and wispy. They don't spoil the party in there either. You can find them in that nail hole and if they want some day, maybe they can come out.
R.F. Capon
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