So I am making lunch yesterday and this Mercedes coupe pulls up and this German douchenozzle couple gets out. I am cutting up the mozzarella and tomatoes for the caprese salad and the women who manages the place goes out to greet them.
Now you really aren't supposed to cook or anything and I wasn't. I was just make sandwiches and salads and stuff and of course I gave her some. She was telling me I should be a caterer because of the presentation.
Anyhoo this Kraut comes in all "Where is my room Mien Goot .....I prepaid for this .....and I prepaid for that." A real nasty attitude you know what I mean. I just shook my head.
I warned everyone. "There's Germans. They are gonna invade Poland. You better watch out."
Sure enough they come to the pool and see us using all the chairs and huff and puff. They take two chairs and walk all the way across the lawn to the water where we like to sit at night. Then they leave and don't bring the fuckin chairs back! Who do they think is gonna clean up after them. When we use a spoon we clean it for crying out loud. Pricks.
Then it happened. Every day at breakfast they set four places at the big table on the porch so we can sit together. So what do these Kraut cocksuckers do? They sit right in our spot. I mean they set up a spot for them but they decided they liked our spot better. SO THEY INVADED OUR SPOT!
So we set up at another table. It wasn't worth it to get into it with them. I mean we were downstairs first but we were having coffee while they were getting ready when they invaded behind our back. We didn't want to harsh our mellow.
But it just goes to show you. You can't trust fuckin Germans!
20 comments:
There's Germans. They are gonna invade Pooland. You better watch out.
Ha Ha Ha Ha- funny one Blogvater!
My son worked 2 summers in Alaska. Their free housing was like a UN. He would constantly complain on the phone,"Fucking Bulgarians." Just like you, Troop.
Anyhoo this Kraut comes in all "Where is my room Mien Goot .....
I bet she had one mien looking visage.
Look at the bright side, Troop. At least you didn't have to drive on an Autobahn to get where you are.
You have never known douchenozzledom, flaming car wreck style, until you have been driving, say, to Düsseldorf, going 120 mph, and closed on by a Deutschnozzle doing 140 in his black Mercedes, perfectly willing to ride 6 inches (enschuldigen Sie mir, d.h. 135 mm) blinking his lights until you can figure a way to get in the right hand lane without becoming a taillight accessory to one of the many large trucks going 75 in the right lane.
One of my cheeriest moments recently was when I was driving on a country road in Holland, happily obeying the 70 km/hr (43 mph) speed limit, along with all the sensible, polite, very good Dutch drivers. Along comes a Deutschnozzle in a black Audi (you can tell b/c of the German plates, subtly different as they are) going about 70 mph, screeching in clouds of blue smoke around the well-spaced, nicey Dutch motorists.
Said Deutschnozzle had to stop at a light on an overpass entrance to the freeway, so I caught up with him. When the light turned, he hung a squealing left onto the onramp, followed by several of us whom he had passed. Two alert Dutch motorcycle cops, riding BMW's in their characteristic yellow slickers, nailed him about 800 meters or so down the freeway, blue lights and dahh-duhh sirens going.
I was passing one of the other drivers I'd been behind earlier on the road, when he turned, and with a big grin gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture, but with a little frisson, remembering it was only another 80 km or so to the German border.
And, nd, your son's all wrong about Bulgarians. Greatest people in the world, as far as I'm concerned. The best man at our wedding was Bulgarian, as are a number of other people I've known in the musical instrument world. It turns out, because of their often very good training and skills, Eastern Europeans are common in my business. While they may grumble about one another, the Bulgarians are almost universally liked and respected. In the Czech language, for example, the expression, "work like a dog," is literally translated, "work like a Bulgarian." That's not because they're dog-like, but because they are known to be the hardest-working people in Europe. They're also interesting, cheerful and intelligent, and the women are cute in the bargain. What's not to like?
the Bulgarians are almost universally liked and respected. In the Czech language, for example, the expression, "work like a dog," is literally translated, "work like a Bulgarian." That's not because they're dog-like, but because they are known to be the hardest-working people in Europe.
Weren't Boris and Natasha Bulgarians?
They're also interesting, cheerful and intelligent, and the women are cute in the bargain. What's not to like?
I agree with this. I once befriended a Bulgarian couple. The husband was a coworker at a research institute in Germany. They made lots of cool food wrapped in grape leaves.
I can't stand it anymore! Is this a hotel or a friend's house? Every day you're making the meals. How does that square with being a paying guest? It doesn't. Eine kleine clarity bitte.
As to Bulgarians...weren't they like the original far eastern colony of Rome? In other words they're basically descended from Italians. In further in other words they're not your basic untermenschen slavs.
Side note: Werner Klemperer (1920-2000) who play Col. Klink had a real-life brother named Walter who is quite an accomplished chemist link. He was a professor at Columbia U. for a time before moving to U. of Illinois were he later retired. I know all of this because I used work with one of his former students.
I think Werner Klemperer practically had an inferiority complex about being the shlock actor son of a world renowned conductor and the brother of a distinguished scientist. I never lost any sleep over it but apparently he did.
Tim said: Along comes a Deutschnozzle...
Good one Tim!
Well you see ricpic this is a bed and breakfast. You only get breakfast served as a meal and you are responsible for the rest yourself.
Most of the other guests just split to the tonier parts of the Hampton's.
We stayed at the house and made our own fun. I made the food and everyone had a great time.
We made friends with the people working in the joint so they didn't stress about me using the kitchen. I made sure I included them and they enjoyed hanging out with us and our friends.
It was a lot of fun.
We made friends with the people working in the joint so they didn't stress about me using the kitchen.
Do they let the Germans use the oven?
Tim, Thanks for the perspective on Bulgarians. I listen to all views on all topics. But, I ALWAYS make up my own mind based on my experience. So..never having dealt w/ a Bulgarian, I now have 2 very different opinions in the back of my head.
What's interesting about the polar views is they include the very specific topic of work ethic. My son has his issues[as we all do] but he's a hard worker. He's also a fairness sheriff and bristles @ coworkers who don't tow the line. That was his big beef. These Bulgarians were educated people doing kitchen work and his perspective was they thought it was beneath them. I find this dichotomy interesting.
What happened was the Kraut saw me making lunch and goes "So we can cook Yah?" and the lady running the place goes "No that is not allowed. He is just cutting things up."
Of course if there were Orthordox Jews there she wouldn't let them cut stuff up.
Obscure current events joke.
Truppenfuehrer: Sounds like that place needs a slogan...how about "Freizeit Macht Frei"?
Yah, das iz not funny. Too zoon...
The Germans went after the brits too.
Does the kitchen sink have a disposal?
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