Laura Bush's Diary

So I was out shopping with the twins yesterday and I got a call from W on my cell phone. Which is very unusual because he likes his alone time. I mean he spends it watching TV and reading his favorite blogs and posting comments on Boringheads TV. He loves to post over and over again the same liberal bullshit under his sock puppet name of Brendan that drives everyone crazy while he pulls his pud and laughs and laughs. So like I said he likes his alone time.

“Hello Laura” he said. “Yes sweetie what’s the matter. Did they have a debate between that evil blogger lady and the gay brother from Frazier again?” “No, no nothing like that. You have to get home right away. It’s very important. And watch out for birds.” “But the girls and I are shopping.” “I don’t care you get home right now you hear and bring all the girls home if you know what I mean.”

So I got everyone in the convertible and we went on home to the ranch. I actually kind of like when W get’s all forceful and shit like that. I mean usually he is very easy going because he is a very confident guy and he doesn’t give a shit what anybody else has to say. So it was a good sign that he was so forceful today, maybe little Laura was going to get a little sumtin sumtin.

But as we were driving I thought about his message. “Watch out for birds.” What could that mean? Did my old friend Robyn Bryd call again and talk to W. I mean he knew all about my long time friendship with her but I don’t think he knows all of the details. I mean some things are better left in the past ya know. So it was weighing on my mind as we sped along the highway. Jenna has a lead foot you know.

Anyway I got home and went into the study where W was and he jumped up and closed the door. “Thank God you are home honey. I was so worried.” “Worried about what W everything is copasetic.” “Well I was watching the news and I heard the terrible news.” “What news? Did Obama pass the Death Panels thing?” “No I heard a bird flew into the Super Hardon collider and caused a massive accident and I was so worried.” “What are you talking about?” “Quick just take off you shirt so I can be sure that the girls are allright.” He grabbed my shirt and ripped down the middle and my “girls” popped out. I usually have them taped down but I was free and easy cause we were just going to the mall so some majow melons came rolling out. “Thank God they are OK. I don’t think I could go on if something happened to them.” Well I was kinda confused. But then I saw an update on Fox News. “W you idiot. It’s the Large Hadron collider you big dummy.” You see whenever I let W get a titty fuck he always got a massive boner so he liked to call the girls his Super Hardon collider. He pushes them together and bangs little W against them while he shouts out quotations from Dune and his other favorite science fiction movies.He was just a little confused. It was a different Hardon Collider.

“Well I was worried Laura. They said that a bird fell in there and there was a danger that it would create a giant black hole.”

I said “Don’t worry W, there will always be only one Condoleezza Rice.”

Thank God.