Tales of Amy's Garden

Bigwig: Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Sir?
Bigwig: I'd like to talk with you.
Hyzenthlay: Yes Sir.
Bigwig: I just wanted to know what is going on at the old warren. We don’t want any surprises. Did they make the big move? Did they leave the crazy lady’s garden?
Hyzenthlay: No sir they did not move. In fact she has been saying that she might stay right where she is at the old warren.
Bigwig: Really. She made such a big stink about moving and how expensive it is and everything. And she changes her mind just like that?
Hyzenthlay: Yes sir. She changes her mind more than she changes her skirt made of the Victorian Venetian Blinds. You do know that all of her dresses made from old venetian blinds. She had a lot of them and didn’t want to pack them all up. Along with the cases of peroxide on the porch. The photo’s she takes with her broken lenses of flowers and dogs urinating. And the hundreds of Paul Masson bottles she like to throw into the yard. She said it was too expensive to pack.
Bigwig: That’s crazy. Why doesn’t she do what everyone else does and hire some Mexicans? They are all lined up there at the Home Depot. I mean I know you don’t want some Frito Bandito fingering your panties but they can pack up the empty bottles and all those out of focus photos of fat white people protesting.
Hyzenthlay: I don’t know sir. I overheard her telling the farmer that lives with her that it was just too much to pack and too expensive. I mean you know she is very cheap and tries to get everyone who visits her to give her money. She keeps telling them about her amazing portal or something. I don’t know what that is but it sounds kind of dirty.
Bigwig: Really. I know what you mean. I remember how she used to fight with the farmer man when they split a pizza back when we lived in the warren. Not splitting a pie. A slice. And half a beer. Who does that?
Hyzenthlay: I don’t know but she has been fighting with everyone here on the farm. The self-involved crow stopped inviting everyone to his nest long enough to get in a big fight with her. They were screeching back in forth so loud it sounded like the time badger had sex with the noisy blue jay.
Bigwig: So I guess it is a false alarm and we can go back and visit anytime we want.
Hyzenthlay: It looks that way sir. Plus there is plenty of room now. A lot of the animals have moved on. The cockroaches are gone and the ghost is haunting other places. The senile house cat that wears the diaper is only around once in a blue moon. The Brazilian parrot that never shuts up hasn’t been seen for months now. There are some new animals that pop by but they seem much meaner and nasty. Lots of yelling and screaming and noise when the lady throws one of her empty Riunte Bottles at them. It takes some getting used to.
Bigwig: Well that doesn’t sound like much fun. Everyone is very happy at the new garden. We even all went on vacation to the Hampton’s. How cool was that?
Hyzenthlay: That sounds great. The only moisture we get is the spittle from that old mutt who likes to eat road kill. Otherwise it is very dry here.
Bigwig: Well I will leave you to it. I expect a full report of what is going on here. Carry on Hyzenthlay.
Hyzenthlay: Yes sir. Will you be coming back again soon sir...
Bigwig: Perhaps. Just be careful. The lady’s garden sounds like it is much more dangerous these days.