Marshal
Miller came into the saloon with his gun drawn. Doc sat with his hands on the
table in full view to avoid misunderstandings.
“Had to
happen Jim. He came after me with a pig sticker. You can inquire of the rest of
the congregation. I think they would swear to it. Couldn’t be avoided.”
“Well I reckon
it could have been avoided if you were in some other town Doc. I can’t let you stay here and shoot up the
citizens now can I?”
“Shoot up
the citizens. Not hardly Jim. This poor benighted soul was not a citizen. In
fact he was barely sentient. You might
as well call the rock outside the livery stable a citizen.”
“Maybe Doc
but I couldn’t have you shoot that up either. It scares the women and excites
the horses. Or excites the women and
scares the horses. Either way it makes for a poor ride. Can’t let it happen
again Doc. You need to make tracks. Pronto.”
“Fair enough
Jim. You have always been a gentleman. You will not get any arguments from me.
I will be on my way on the next stage.”
“Tonight
Doc. Get a horse and ride. Or I will be forced to put you in jail and see what
a trial might bring. There are enough people who hate you here and who wouldn’t
mind seeing you wear a different kind of cravat. So you best be on your way.”
Doc stared
at the Marshal and just shook his head. “Well I guess that puts a tear in it.
Gentlemen thank you for the game. I will be seeing you down the line.” Doc
scooped up the pot. Folded the greenbacks and put the coins in one of the
multiple side pockets of his silk vest. Taking his finely brushed old fashioned
beaver hat he straightened his withered shoulders as best he might and walked
into the night.
A small
sickly man with a deadly sting.
Not a
rattler. More like a consumptive asp.
Kill you just as dead. But without the warning rattle.
12 comments:
Liked it, but is Marshall Miller related to "Barney Miller"? And could you have worked the line "He's dead Jim" into the piece?
I like the way you give description but not tediously like many writers. You allow the reader to use their imagination. Hemingway is my favorite writer, so that tells you where I come from
Ernie was too verbose.
In the consumptive asp category, the link back to Inga D's wish list from her "Mary" review on Amazon of Taken By Surprise has been modified, so her full name no longer shows up with the wish list.
It appears as if she may have rewritten her reviews as well.
As for the "finely brushed old fashioned beaver hat", you could pay me to touch that piece of work.
Hell, I'm not going to redo this again... It's supposed to read: couldn't pay!
As in, you couldn't pay me...
Sure MamaM whatever you say.
What I like to do is write it.
Then go back and take three words out of every sentence.
It works for me.
Losing the brush is next!
When minutes matter...
This exchange took an odd direction, as the brush comment was intended to follow the 9:26 response, not the one at 9:27 about sentence reduction, a subject the Doc is familiar with along with nooses around the neck..
Which brings up questions about the Doc's latest response to suggestions of midnight visitations to houses of repute.
One of my history professors told me that the best way to edit my research papers was to simply write them, then go back and take out all the adjectives. Actually, that works great if you're not writing fiction.
Who's your huckleberry?
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