So I have a lot of time on my hands especially since I am supposed to be resting. But I can't sit still and have to find something to do to occupy my time. I hit on the idea of self-publishing.
Now it is no surprise to anyone that I want to grow up to be a writer. I have always enjoyed writing even though Sixty assures me that I have the grammar and spelling abilities of a retarded meth addict. Which is true as far as it goes. I just have ideas that are bursting to get out so I vomit them onto the blog and I don't care if I get them on your shoes.
I decided to investigate how to go about it. You can self publish on Kindle for free and get 70% of the sales price. It costs you nothing and you get an nice return. Now pricing is a consideration but I think if you post it at $.99 you will get a bunch of people buying it. I mean I buy .99 books all the time. I just put in a key word in the search like "Mafia" or "Westerns" and up pop books by authors who I have never heard of so I take a shot. Some of them are great and I buy more of their stuff and some if sucks and I don't. It can be the titles that get me to buy it as I did with "Custer at the Alamo" and "Thor vs. Captain America." So why not take a shot?
I have several series that I have been working on that I have never published. "Joey Gallo's Lament." "Doc Holiday Must Die." "The Curious Elf and the Tumescent Dwarf." "The Yankee Clipper Died for your Sins." And several more. But they are not really ready to go yet. So I thought I might start off with a collection of some of my posts that are in my continuing series. I mean people sort of like them. I can just edit them a little and throw them up against the wall to see if they stick.
I just need some help from youse guys. What series should I start with. The choices are as follows:
"Laura Bush's Diary."
"Remembrance of Things Pabst."
"The Summer of Boo Boo."
"Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend."
I will put up a poll. But give me some advice. I would appreciate your feedback.
80 comments:
Laura Bush's Diary potentially has the broadest appeal. Retarded lefties (I know, I know, redundant) will be attracted because on the surface it looks like another flavor of BDS. Plus...sex sells...and there's plenty of it in that series. Who wouldn't want an in depth probe of Joey Heatherton? Or Laura for that matter? She is hot. I'm not much of a fiction reader though (give me an altas any day or a history book), so feel free to ignore me.
I have never spoken ill of your grammar - I am certain she was a fine woman.
Your spelling, however, makes Titus look intelligent. Sure, Crack would be tickled pink if his spelling was as good as yours, but he's a slave, so you have to make allowances.
I don't have an opinion about which title you should start with, all I ask is that you send it to me to review before you hit the publish button. I'll offer you the same deal I gave the beautiful Leslyn - I'll proofread it for free, and if you send me a copy of the finished work, any version you prefer, we'll call it even.
Now shut up and watch a football game. The Jets are playing - you know, the good team from Joisey.
One more thing - you wrote "grow up and be a writer" - you can't do both, meathead.
I don't really have an opinion, but probably Laura Bush's Diary if I had to pick.
Just remember--being a writer will fuck up your heart.
LBD is my choice among those 4, but since your effort costs me nothing what I'd really like to see is a revised and expanded Tales of Amy's Garden for a broader readership.
Sort of a Vanity Fair for our times, featuring Becky Dull.
You got a deal Sixty.
I thought that everyone would say "Laura Bush" but I am leaning towards "Remembrance" because that might be easier to put out without photo's.
The photo's are a big part of the posts and I don't know the legalities of publishing them. I know that you can more of less publish them on your blog with impunity but I don't know if that would work on a published work.
The Curious Elf and the Tumescent Dwarf is an intriguing title. I could see the story following that title having elements of both comedy and horror in it. And if my reaction is anything to go by I'm sure there'd be buyers of such a grabber of a title. Although personally I'd shorten the title to simply The Tumescent Dwarf. Promises more horror.
I should have gone into the movie making racket as an impossibly obnoxious kibbitzer.
Impossibly obnoxious kibitzer = the producer, right?
Well, at least according to most directors, those egomaniacal shits.
Spell check tells me that kibitzer with one b is the correct spelling and who am I to argue? But it looks wrong. Tradition!
TRADITION!
Quick, while Sixty is possessed, someone get a Moil!
Ow...OW...OW!!!
I meant TRADITION!
Too late, my friend.
I don't like the Laura Bush Diary idea. Political stuff is just overwhelming us all right now and many are tired of even thinking about it.
Plus....I do believe you would get some legal blowback from using Laura Bush and her family in such a way. Despite everything, she is rather well liked. I don't think a series similar to the stuff you put here would go over very well with the general public. You want to sell.
I really enjoy your Remembrance of Things Pabst posts. Life as it used to be and how it should still be. People presented in all their glory, foibles, humor and nostalgia. Life in New York before it became what it is now. People can relate to these thoughts. Maybe a collection of short stories. You are a very good and entertaining writer....you should do this no matter which topic(s) you choose.
My husband has some interesting, funny and scary stories from the time he was a Repo man. In his younger days hubby had a rather....ok really really checkered past. I keep encouraging him to do a collection of short stories to just gather his thoughts and if they work out, it could even be rearranged into a short novel.
Here is a link to some writing advice that I thought was good. Of course, you don't want to change your style so much that it isn't YOUR voice anymore.
You're right, DBQ, the political stuff is overwhelmingly depressing right now. And probably for the foreseeable future. Reason I'm piggybacking your comment is I was thinking just that earlier today. Who can stand it anymore?
I don't know what would appeal to others or sell, but I know what I'd like to read.
And that would be a blending of true life stories, yours as well as the stories of others you know, with history, cultural commentary and bits of side goofiness added. (With 60 editing, maybe you could talk Ricpic into contributing some poetry as your House Elf/Dwarf along with Bukowski)
Something that presents a personal view of the "Change of Heart" which the culture and the city where you live has been undergoing, along with the changes and challenges experienced that have effected your family and the businesses you've been involved with in accounting and retail, on Court Street, and with the BBS show. Add to that a chapter on the physical change of heart and life most recently experienced.
The Population:485 book I mentioned earlier, is set up to tell a life story, with each of the chapters centered around one particular individual or situation within the author's community, with his own personal story, opinion and insight woven in. Although he takes major side tracks within the chapter, each one closes out with a return to his main point. Very similar to the style of the blog posts here, as the main post often has a "things are not as they seem, or things are more than they seem" point to make along with what's presented.
A while back (during Inga and BBC days) you'd posted a picture of you and Lisa standing beside a rail with the Statue of Liberty in the background. The picture symbolized a story which started with relatives who arrived in this country with nothing but the skill and fingers with which to sew. It had grown to the point where you and Lisa owned your own clothing store and were being filmed for television, in a show that was supposed to also tell about Brooklyn but didn't. Since then more has transpired in the country and your lives together. Around that picture a story sits, waiting to be told.
Whatever you do, TY, whatever direction you take, blog, book or kindle self publishing using Laura's Diary, your own or a combination, this is what I believe to be true: By the creative act, however, we are able to reach beyond our own death."
R May, The Courage to Create
(As I'm previewing this for edit, I see that DBQ has posted affirmation which parallels. Although I wrote this before I read her comment, it also piggybacks.)
I'd lead off with the Laura Bush stuff. You got other stuff to fall back on if it bombs.
I'm a big book worm and would have gone into publishing or working at a book store, except:
I don't know what the idiot book buying public wants, my taste and theirs differ by 180 degrees.
So take my advice with a half-ton of salt. Good luck though, I think you'll make some money. People will pay for Funny.
In terms of selling stuff, its always:
01) Sex
02) Humor
03) Violence
04) Religion
05) Dogs
07) Politics
Old timey memories is probably a little further down the list.
Sorry I forgot Kids and music.
I would go with "Tyler Perry's White House Of Pain."
Couldn't you use an IRS audit?
Tom Laughlin is dead.
Absolutely not a fan of his work but he was older than Peter "Redundant" O'Toole.
barely, but yes, he was.
Then again, over the age of 60, does a year here or there matter?
LOL
It does to me, sonny!
yassuh boss!
don't beat me again.
I called you "sonny", not "son" or "boy" or "Toby" or "Crack". Don't make me come up there!
I was thinking more of Cool Hand Luke.
And I won't make the obvious joke...crap. I guess I sorta did.
I'm a fan of Laura bush and the diaries don't offend me.
FWIW.
What nobody likes Joey Gallo?
I assume that some like his wine.
Was he the dead guy with the cigar around the corner there?
"The Curious Elf and the Tumescent Dwarf" would be a bizarre take on Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser if that helps you at all.
It would be two pals wandering around Middle Earth getting into mischief. The Elf is all about helping people and protecting the earth and the Dwarf is all about getting his rocs off.
A self righteous elf and a horny dwarf?
That reminds me of someone.
Yeah I know.
That actually sounds better than the LBD. I'm changing my vote.
"Joey Gallo's Lament" is the tale of a young Catholic school kid and his encounter with gangster in Carroll Gardens in the 1960's.
"Doc Holiday Must Die" is a western in the traditional sense in which John Ford would buy it to make a movie.
Anything with "lament" in the title has to be good. Or dirge.
I think you could tell the hell out of a story like that.
I like the "Remembrance" stuff best. You are a good story teller, and your own story is an interesting one.
If you need illustrations, let me know.
I am with Palladian on that one - your stories of New York years ago are compelling and universal, even for those of us who avoid the concrete jungle like the plague.
I'd lead off with the Laura Bush stuff. You got other stuff to fall back on if it bombs.
Leading off with the Laura Bush stuff would be like Weiner exposing his dick while attempting to gather enough votes for another position.
I'd suggest a different pair of shoes to toss on, but that's just me throwing cold water on the mess because I can't find one of those little bags of sawdust. .
In the previous thread I called for Eli to pitch 5 ints today..
He did
It's only crazy if it doesn't work, right?
Mama, he could publish the LBD under the name Carlos Danger....
LOL, yes! Now that would be worth a shot!
I would skip the blog topics and go with something new for publishing for sale. You have the talent and imagination for it.
I'm just saying that "best" isn't always want the public wants.
The artist and his friends always think his heartfelt novel, song, movie about XYZ was his best work while all the public wanted was a "little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants".
Just sayin' that art doesn't equal sales. Mailer's most heartfelt novel was about a commie from Brooklyn discussing antisemitism and fascism in America. But his publisher wanted the "Naked and the Dead". Score 1 for the publisher.
Great news on the book and on the store, there are ebb and flows to all businesses. I use to have many sleepless nights the first 7 or so years od my business.
As I'm sure you know, Leslyn has learned much about self publishing and would be honored to help you. You have the talent to write as you speak. Your writing makes it even more enjoyable having gotten to know you. I lit a candle for you @ a beautiful church/town, Saint Margherita. I went in there looking for some pizza. Bit $1 euro lights a candle. If it were anymore I would have just said a prayer. Of course, I did both.
I first thought Joey Gallo may be too provincial. Then I had a second cup o' joe and said, even if it is, it it's a 10 million person province. And, I know stupid cheeseheads who have heard of that Eyetalian Joey Gallo.
I lit a margarita at St. Candle's, but that's just how I roll.
I meant, welcome back, Spinozo, hope you had a great time.
My bride apologizes for the kindle version not being available. Shit got crazy before the trip but it should be ready this week. Mea culpa.
Sixty, Thanks! Great to be back. I'll share some stories along the way. I've got a great scatological one but not this early in the morning.
You mean I'm going to have to pay for something I've been getting for free?
And you call yourself a catholic ;)
Your poll should have the option "try something different."
two pals wandering around Middle Earth getting into mischief. The Elf is all about helping people and protecting the earth and the Dwarf is all about getting his rocs off.
There would be a big fan base in the "Fantasy/Sci Fi" community for these. I would be interested in reading something like this. Realize that that base is quite often younger people so you may need to be a bit more subtle.....but they are very loyal. Have you ever read any Andre Norton fantasy and parallel universe concepts. Or even more likely to fit that genre is Piers Anthony the Xanth series. Highly entertaining and funny. The Harry Dresden series is also very good example this type of magic/fantasy writing. A wizard who is a detective in Chicago dealing with crime and elves and otherworldly goings on.
Leading off with the Laura Bush stuff would be like Weiner exposing his dick while attempting to gather enough votes for another position.
I agree with MammaM. You only get one chance to make a first impression and I don't think this is a winning strategy.
I am with Palladian on that one - your stories of New York years ago are compelling and universal, even for those of us who avoid the concrete jungle like the plague.
Sixty and Palladian agree with ME! LOL. Even though I would never willingly go to New York, the stories are compelling. The city is a mirror of what has happened and IS happening in the country. The stories even make ME nostalgic for New York and the people are so interesting in your stories. The Joey Gallo story line is also one that I would buy and read.
Answer to the poll is diamonds are a girls best friend.
Why not do a separated at birth series...
You can combine it with DBQ's suggestion, except the two screw up everything they get involved with.
Thing people are forgetting is he can publish what he wants under whatever name(s) he wants.
There are several fairly successful self publishing types that do that--because the audience for a hard boiled detective novel isn't the same one as for a romance novel. Yes, there are guys writing sappy romances. Guys writing sappy romances and also blood and guts thrillers, horror and Sam Spade.
The Remembrance of Things Pabst theme is a good one. Plenty of stories to be written in that theme. It worked for Pete Hamill when he wrote A Drinking Life, why shouldn't it work for you? Plus, you have the added twist of having been the accountant for some joints and dives.
Of course, this means that all of us will have to keep up with the Yorks by writing and publishing our own books.
Tom Brady Must Die is a good title for a book.
Thing people are forgetting is he can publish what he wants under whatever name(s) he wants.
No they're not, at least I'm not. How hard was it to track Oopinga? Or determine that Amazon Mary was also Annie, who has most recently morphed into annieofwi? Choose to be an ass under an assumed name and people will eventually find out the name of the person behind it and form opinions that become part of legacy.
Yes he can publish whatever he wants under whatever name he wants if goofing around with people is the goal. With the kind of talent he has, it seems short term to me. Sort of like what the Nemesis over at TOP does, which boils down to amusing herself at the expense of integrity.
Yes, he could also follow a set-to -sell formula , like Clive Cussler does with his action based (rather than emotion tapping) soap operas for men. We listened to of his books on a recent trip, and improbable events and the high drama created held it together. It too, kept us amused.
If making money is the goal, then find a formula that sells and stick with it.
What I like most about the TY style of writing isn't the formula, it's the humor, insight, fight and heart that comes through underneath. There's even a pace to it.
And these days he sets his own pace.
I once test drove a Pacer. Not a good car.
Finally got the cherry tree on the ground today - it was a real difficult thing - I would saw right were a branch met the trunk and - nothing. The branch just stayed where it was - held up by the branches it was tangled with.
So I would saw another branch - still nothing. Now I have a percentage of the crown of the tree just hanging up in the air. So I would drag them to one side or the other, try to get them to ease on down a bit - nothing.
Eventually I could get them far enough down so that I could saw off the big end of the branch and reduce the mass that was just hanging there.
Kept doing that, working my way around, sawing here, sawing there, hoping that the whole freakin' mess wouldn't just collapse on me, and ultimately I was able to saw enough of the trunk away so that the two remaining large leaders could be cut off near ground level.
I made a huge notch cut - maybe 75% of the way through what remained of the trunk, and started my relief cut on the far side, watching the crown for any movement.
What do you know - before I expected it to be free, the thing fell over, brushing the powerlines on the way down - the trunk was rotten in the middle and the son of a gun just flomped over. Bam.
About then two neighbors showed up, wanted to know if they could help - well, as a matter of fact, you could, ABOUT 5 MINUTES AGO!!!
But all's well, and so on, and no one died. Tree is down. Many of the branches have been dragged around the back, the logs can be sawed at my convenience and who knows, there might still be enough sound wood to make a bowl or two.
Oh yeah, turns out this thing is not even on my property - I mentioned that to one neighbor, he said that I had done a good deed and will spend less time in purgatory. Well alrighty - I have no idea whether that means more or less time with my family, but I'll let you know when I find out.
I loved Amy's Garden, but you will hit your stride with any of these ideas. You can write.
Any book Troop writes will be a crime against humanity.
No, wait, grammar. I meant grammar. And spelling. Possibly Tori Spelling.
That said, my vote is for RotP, too. I find LBD nichey and even though I like it, I barely know who you're talking about.
I like your elf/dwarf thing. A big fan of Fafhrd & the Gray Mouser. I hasten to point out that Middle Earth is jealously guarded intellectual property. Newhon may not be. The Cthulhu mythos are open.
I agree blake.
It will not be directly Middle Earth.
Just my own rip-off like everyone else does it.
I had a similar idea, but I was going to set it in modern day Los Angeles.
And who'd be the one casting their solitary vote for The Summer of BooBoo???
Is that you, Cody Jarret? After a session of OKCupit?
Low is the word for the comment numbers on that bear party: 3, 1, 21, 0, 4, 23, 24, 3, 3, 24, 3, 5, 2, 8, 4, 7... The groups over 20 probably formed around the panty waving.
Not me, Mama. I didn't vote in the poll. I said what I thought here in the thread.
I believe in secret ballots, but it wasn't me either. My guess would be Troop himself. He writes the stuff.
My guess would be Troop himself. He writes the stuff.
With that as a possibility, it would be a shame to let the BooBoo go unkissed.
Beats blogging (some is dropping...)
EVI, Wow..Annie is falling quicker than her boobs.
Whoa. That's some special drop right there. Not unexpected, though.
The comments on her blog are mostly "I agree, but in a different way than the other commenters agree."
Boring stuff.
From 47th to 95th - she is sinking like her beloved Obama.
Yes, but edging ahead of Climate Audit and Political Outcast.
There's still some interesting comments that come up over at TOP, although the overall tone is not as lively (apart from drama) as it was before the Purge of the Stooges. When moderation is on, the dynamic that does exist is flattened even further.
Troop, more advice.
Never listen to co-workers or friends on what to publish or how to invest your money.
If they knew anything, they wouldn't be your friends or co-workers, they'd be living in Beverly Hills and too busy/rich to know someone like you.
Listening to Gumbos like us? You might as well go to Bernie Madoff for stock investment advice.
Advice is different from encouragement and opinion. Here and out there, as many opinions as people will emerge. Even professional advice givers will have different takes on how to proceed. That's why it's all about heart and heart lies!
A reporter asked Frank Gilbreth Sr. why he wanted to save time and what he used his spare time for…This is what Frank Gilbreth Sr. said in reply to the reporter’s question: “For work, if you love that best…For education, for beauty, for art, for pleasure…For mumblety-peg, if that’s where your heart lies.”
Can't decided if vomiting ideas on the shoes of Gumbos and asking for feedback involves courage or foolishness; maybe a bit of both.
I just want to say that I love your writing, which is a worthless testimonial since I can barely read, but one of the first things I noticed when I first came here was how great it flowed and delivered the punch line. "Why not take a shot." Yea, why not? I'd buy it, and I represent the illiterate market, which is very big now here in California.
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