"That's it.....enough"

Jerry Langford: Alright, look pal, I gotta tell you... this is a crazy business, but it's not unlike any other business. There are ground rules, and you don't just walk on to a network show without experience. Now I know it's an old, hackneyed expression, but it happens to be the truth. You've got to start at the bottom.
Rupert Pupkin: I know. That's where I am, at the bottom.
Jerry Langford: Well, that's the perfect place to start.
Rupert Pupkin: I know that, but I'm not say... there's gotta be...
Jerry Langford: It looks so simple to the viewer at home, those things that come so easily, that are so relaxed, and looks like it's a matter of just taking another breath. It takes years and years and years of honing that.
(King of Comedy, 2011)

What if they threw a War Dance and nobody came?

Because you know it has a lot flying feathers and sweating injun's and stuff but after a while it gets kind of boring.

Things are not as they seem!

Early to rise, early to bed.
In and between I cooked and cleaned and went out of my head.
Going through life with blinders on, it's tough to see.
I had to get up, get out from under and look for me.
*There's a new girl in town and she's looking good.
*There's a fresh freckled face, in the neighborhoood.
There's a new girl in town, with a brand new style.
She was just passing through,
but if things work out she's gonna stay awhile....ba ba bum bum bummmm

Sometimes the best you can do is hold down the fort.

Sometimes the best you can do is hold down the fort.

That's what Bobby Murcer and Roy White did. In between Mickey and Whitey and Yogi and the later crew with Thurman and Craig and Reggie.....they kept the Yankee fans in the game. They were the stars. They came to play every day and did the best they could. They weren't the greatest Yankees by any stretch of the imagination.

But they were "True Yankees."

Sometimes the best you can do is hold down the fort.

The Slings and Arrows are Flying man!

Duck or you might get caught in the crossfire.

Ghost Story

I just downloaded the latest Harry Dresden Novel from Jim Butcher which is called "Ghost Story" and it is pretty damn good.

I have something to read this weekend. I have been busy downloading some of my old favorites and so far this week I have read Bendigo Shafter, Winds of War, Tros of Samothrace and three Matthew Scudder novels including "When the Sacred Ginmill Closes."

Laura Bush's Diary

So I was hanging around with George the other day watching the TV and waiting for the Real Housewives of New York reunion to come on. I love those nasty bitches yelling and screaming at each other. It reminds me of the old days at Kennebunkport before that bug eyed twat Barbara went senile. I mean she is still a mean and nasty low down bitch but her mind is addled and she doesn’t make any sense. Sort of like Kelly don’t you know?

Anyhoo they break in with a bulletin. And don’t you know it? Amy Winehouse is dead. Oh my God that’s terrible. We are big fans of Amy Winehouse. In fact just last Halloween W dressed up like Amy for the costume party at the club. He got a beehive wig and some pearls and smeared powdered sugar all over his nose. He sang “They tried to get to rehab and I said no, no, no.” He was the hit of the party. Well except for Karl Rove who dressed up like Helen Thomas. Damn that was some scary shit. Especially when he started beating up that Jewish fella with his high heeled shoes.

So we are really sad at the Ranch that Amy is gone. I wouldn’t be right for W to dress up as her next year.

Maybe he can go as Sarah Palin. And his mother can be the dead moose.

Here’s hoping.

Houston we have a problem!

ricpic said...
All the threads at EBL stop at about 1:30 Central Time. So I just posted my brilliant trenchcoat comment to see if it's a blogger-wide problem. But apparently not. Only over at EBL. Strange.

Well there appears to be a problem at the evil blogger lady's site again. No comments are allowed. Unless she is blocking them. Hee.

Welcome to all you refugee's who need to spout off nonsense. Our pop stand is open for business.

Hell needs a New PA Announcer

Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. Maybe we should broaden the search a little. In fact we need to cheat. What the fuck I am the fuckin’ Devil after all. FORCAS! GET OVER HERE!

Forcas: Yes my Dread Lord. What can I do Sire?
Lucifer: I think we have to fuck around with the dead chute again because we aren’t getting any quality scumbags lately. I mean there hasn’t been a dead Congressman for weeks. So why not have the maintenance department screw around with the slides so we can divert some people down here.
Forcas: Well we can try that Sire but won’t the Big Guy get mad if we steal some of the people who are supposed to get to heaven

Lucifer: Well maybe. But what the fuck is he gonna do about? I mean we are already in hell?

Forcas: Well he could make you watch Bloggingheads for a whole month again.

Lucifer: Shit that would suck. Especially if they have that horsefaced red headed twat on it again. I have demons from the firey pits of hell who are better looking for crying out loud. Watching that made Oedipus pluck out his peepers again. But let’s chance it.

Forcas:(gets the maintenance crew to screw with the ramp) It is done My Lord. Let’s see what happens.

Hideki Irabu (tumbles through the trap door to fall in front of the throne of Lucifer) Ah So….what the fucky…. Me no luckie….where am I?

Lucifer: Hey look Forcas? We got a Yankee. Well a chinky one but still a Yankee! We haven’t got one since Carl Mays.

Hideki Irabu: Oh no this big mistake. Me no belong in hell. No way.

Lucifer: This is no mistake you fat pussy toad. You belong here in hell. The way you pitched in the 1998 season is reason enough.

Hideki Irabu: No no you all wong Mr Devil San. I just bring take out. They expect me back. Mr. Steinbrenner wants to yell at me and Billy Martin and Bob Lemon. It is what he gets to do in Heaven. God made him the managing general partner. So who gets the Miso soup?

Lucifer: Shit I can never catch a break. Forcas bring me Ted Williams headless body. I have to piss in the hole where his head used to be. That always makes me feel better.

Forcas: Right away sire.

Hideki Irabu: Wait….who pay me…..five dolla….you pay you devils

Lucifer: Crap. Give him the money Forcas. I don’t want to have to watch Bob Wright and Michele Goldberg again. Some things can even get me sick.

They say it comes in Threes?

Just sayn'

Farewall fat pussy toad RIP

The time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.

To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears:

Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.

So set, before the echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.

WE AIN"T LIVIN THE GLAMOROUS LIFE

Wrong's What I Do Best

Burning down the house....that's right baby!

Let's Go Crazy

All Night Long it's time to party

Love is a Battlefield (In an elevator)

Faces of Amy

Who is your favorite Amy?

Bandana Amy
Pensive Bikini Amy
Tat's All Amy
Bike Belly Amy
Regular Amy

In honor of her life pick your favorite Amy.

Beat it.

Disco Inferno!

Of course that doesn't mean that I don't have to do the heavy lifting?

Disco Inferno

Everybody should have their own personal car service guy. We gave up our car this year since all we did is move it from side to side for alternate side parking and get tickets and pay insurance and for repairs because we didn't drive it enough. Since I don't drive the wife is the only one who can move it and it is too much of a pain in the ass. So we got rid of the car and don't miss it all.

Now what car service guys like to do is give you their personal number so you can call them direct instead of the car service so they can get all of the dough. Last Thanksgiving we called our usual service and Omar went to Long Island to pick up my mother-in-law and father-in-law to bring to our house in Brooklyn. He was very kind and patient with them so I took his number and I have been using him exclusively ever since. He takes us to the airport or picks us up after the shows at the Javits. When he came to the Hampton's to pick us up he sat on the porch with me relaxing and drinking coffee while we were waiting for the wife. He has become a friend.

So when I need to get something I call him up and he gives me a ride to Home Depot or Lowes or whatever. Here we are loading the grill into the back of his SUV. It fit without a problem and we got it home without a hitch.

Omar is a good guy. I treat him well and he does the right thing. To me that's the secret of life. Treat people with respect and you get it right back.

Disco Inferno

So we were coming home from the airport and decided to go right to Lowes to pick up a new grill.

They had all kinds of gas grills ranging in price from $100 to $1000 but price was not the problem. It was how it would fit inside the house. My backyard is accessible through the house. I don't have a driveway or any way to get to the yard as it is surrounded by other brownstones. So anything I bought had to fit in the front door and make the turns necessary to get it into the yard.

I picked up the booklet on the grill I liked and the first thing I saw was the assembly instructions.
Trooper don't play that. The only thing I can assemble is a sandwich. So I call the Lowes dude over and he tells me they have a bunch of pre-assembled ones outside in the 100 degree heat. We found one that should fit through the door and we were good to go.

Disco Inferno!

So I have been grilling every night with this gas grill that I have about ten years. But what I did wrong was put lava rocks in the body of the grill. So it got really hot and grease accumulated at the bottom of the grill. Well last night it burned through the bottom of the grill and hot burning grease fell on top of the propane tank and started to burn merrily. Not a good thing.

Now I was actually paying attention which is strange but I ran and brushed off the burning stuff turned off the tank and unhooked it. I pushed to grill to the middle of the yard and let it burn off which took about a half hour. Luckily no hamburgers or hot dogs were damaged.

So we went to Lowes to get a new grill today. Did you know that most of them are unassembled? WTF?

Luckily they had some assemble ones so I got one and put it in the back of the car service car and brought it home.

"Years from now, when you talk about this, and you will, be kind."

The Crack Emcee got remarried.

(She's got dough)

Hey let's go to the Titty Bar!

They serve much more than just milk. Just sayn'

"I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating."

That's why I love lassoing my Dust Bunny's!

Oh and one more thing.

Stop staring at my tits.

Commenter Memories Number 95- The Blogger Lady slums it this summer

The blogger lady is slumming it this summer and eating a lot of fried food.

I think Meade is having a good influence on her.

Commenter Memories Number 94- Palladian and hd finally meet.

They are both "Game of Thrones" reenactors.

It's great when people of different political opinions can get together and enjoy something together.

Commenter Mermories Number 93 - ND Spinelli loves his tube steak!

I mean he goes around on other blogs and pontificates about it. And other food groups.

I just gave the link because the blogger lady complains if you don't link back to her enough. Just sayin'

Did any of these actors read the new book?

Cause if they did I don't know if they will want to continue.

Especially Queen Cersi. I don't think she is gonna wanna do what happens to her in "A Dance with Dragons."

I won't spoil it for you but I guess they don't look that far a head.

Winters Coming?

SO WHEN IS IT GONNA GET HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so freaking hot here. The temps are in the 90's and of course one of our air conditioners broke so we are all sweating. It is gonna cost a bundle to fix but I have to do it or I will never sell anything.

What a mess.

The Killer Angels

Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: Tell me something, Buster. What do you think of Negroes?
Pvt. Buster Kilrain: Well, if you mean the race, I don't really know. This is not a thing to be ashamed of. The thing is, you cannot judge a race. Any man who judges by the group is a pea-wit. You take men one at a time.
Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: To me, there was never any difference.
Pvt. Buster Kilrain: None at all?
Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: None at all. Of course, I haven't known that many freed men, but those I knew in Bangor, Portland, you look in the eye, there was a man. There was a "divine spark," as my mother used to call it. That is all there is to it. Races are men. "What a piece of work is man. How infinite in faculties, in form and moving. How express and admirable. In action, how like an angel."
Pvt. Buster Kilrain: Well, if he's an angel, all right then. But he damn well must be a killer angel. Colonel, darling, you're a lovely man. I see a great vast difference between us, yet I admire you, lad. You're an idealist, praise be. The truth is, Colonel, there is no "divine spark." There's many a man alive no more of value than a dead dog. Believe me. When you've seen them hang each other the way I have back in the Old Country. Equality? What I'm fighting for is the right to prove I'm a better man than many of them. Where have you seen this "divine spark" in operation, Colonel? Where have you noted this magnificent equality? No two things on earth are equal or have an equal chance. Not a leaf, not a tree. There's many a man worse than me, and some better, but I don't think race or country matters a damn. What matters, Colonel, is justice. Which is why I'm here. I'll be treated as I deserve. Not as my father deserved. I'm Kilrain, and I damn all gentlemen. There is only one aristocracy, and that is right here. (taps his temple) And that's why we've got to win this war. Why someday you might even see a black fella be President!
Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: You have to stop drinking on duty Buster.
Pvt. Buster Kilrain: Sorry Colonel Darling but I needed a taste.

I don't understand Colonel West.

"Why are so angry about an obscure Florida Congresswoman?"
"Well it is because she is no lady."
"Well I am not a lady soldier boy....I'am a Tramp."
"That's too much information Dr. Smith."

When a man cups his balls

When a man cups his balls
It's an act of prayer,
Like the comfort of walls --
Just knowing they're there.
(ricpic, July 20, 2011)

Oh Hell.

Oh Hell

Jane, with the good genes,
Aged well...
It's unfair, it's not right,
But truth to tell...
The lucky sperm club member
Wins at the start
And wins at the end...
Oh hell.

(ricpic, July 20,2011)

The Man in the Moon

The Yankees have had a traumatic four days.

Actually five days.

That terrible crash with Thurman Munson.

To go through all that agony,

And then today,

You and I along with the rest of the team

Flew to Canton for the services,

And the family...

Very upset.

You know, it might,

It might sound a little corny.

But we have the most beautiful full moon tonight.

And the crowd,

Enjoying whatever is going on right now.

They say it might sound corny,

But to me it's like some kind of a,

Like an omen.

Both the moon and Thurman Munson,

Both ascending up into heaven.

I just can't get it out of my mind.

I just saw the full moon,

And it just reminded me of Thurman Munson,

And that's it.

Pull a String a Puppet Moves

each man must realize
that it can all disappear very
quickly:
the cat, the woman, the job,
the front tire,
the bed, the walls, the
room; all our necessities
including love,
rest on foundations of sand -
and any given cause,
no matter how unrelated:
the death of a boy in Hong Kong
or a blizzard in Omaha ...
can serve as your undoing.
all your chinaware crashing to the
kitchen floor, your girl will enter
and you'll be standing, drunk,
in the center of it and she'll ask:
my god, what's the matter?
and you'll answer: I don't know,
I don't know ...

Goading the Muse

this man used to be an
interesting writer,
he was able to say brisk and
refreshing things.
at the time
I suggested to the editors and
the critics that he was one to
be watched
and also that he had hardly yet been
noticed
and that he certainly should now be
noticed.
this writer used some of my
remarks as blurbs for his
books, which I didn't
mind.
all of his publications were little
chapbooks, 16 to 32
pages,
mimeographed.
they came out at a
rapid rate,
perhaps three or four a
year.
the problem was that each
chapbook seemed a little weaker
than the one that preceded
it
but he continued to use my old
blurbs.
my wife noticed the change
in his writing
too.
'what's happened to his
writing?' she asked me.
'he's doing too much of it, he's
pushing it out, forcing it.'
'this stuff is bad, you ought to
tell him to stop using your
blurbs.'
'I can't do that, I just wish he
wouldn't publish so much.'
'well, you publish all the
time too.'
'with me,' I told her, 'it's
different.'

yesterday I received another of his
little chapbooks
with his delicate dedication scrawled
on the title page.
this latest effort was totally
flat.
the words just fell off the
page,
dead on
arrival.

where had he gone?

too much ambition?
too much just doing it for the sake
of doing it?
just not waiting for the words to
pile up inside and then
explode of their own
volition?

I decided then I should take a whole week
off,
be on the safe side,
just shut the computer down,
forget the whole damned silly
business
for awhile.

as I said, that was
yesterday.

Be Kind

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is.

Are you Drinking?

washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
out again
I write from the bed
as I did last
year.
will see the doctor,
Monday.
"yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
aches and my back
hurts."
"are you drinking?" he will ask.
"are you getting your
exercise, your
vitamins?"
I think that I am just ill
with life, the same stale yet
fluctuating
factors.
even at the track
I watch the horses run by
and it seems
meaningless.
I leave early after buying tickets on the
remaining races.
"taking off?" asks the motel
clerk.
"yes, it's boring,"
I tell him.
"If you think it's boring
out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
back here."
so here I am
propped up against my pillows
again
just an old guy
just an old writer
with a yellow
notebook.
something is
walking across the
floor
toward
me.
oh, it's just
my cat
this
time.

A Radio with Guts

it was on the 2nd floor on Coronado Street
I used to get drunk
and throw the radio through the window
while it was playing, and, of course,
it would break the glass in the window
and the radio would sit there on the roof
still playing
and I'd tell my woman,
"Ah, what a marvelous radio!"
the next morning I'd take the window
off the hinges
and carry it down the street
to the glass man
who would put in another pane.
I kept throwing that radio through the window
each time I got drunk
and it would sit there on the roof
still playing-
a magic radio
a radio with guts,
and each morning I'd take the window
back to the glass man.
I don't remember how it ended exactly
though I do remember
we finally moved out.
there was a woman downstairs who worked in
the garden in her bathing suit,
she really dug with that trowel
and she put her behind up in the air
and I used to sit in the window
and watch the sun shine all over that thing
while the music played.

Commenter Mermories Number 92 - What is Jason (the commenter) gonna do with a pussy?

Just sayn'

Commenter Memories Number 91 ND Spinelli has a date.

Nd is the one on the right.

Laura Bush's Diary

So I was away with the girls when we got the news that Betty Ford had croaked. You would think the old bitch would be well preserved in alcohol with all the tequila she used to drink but she finally gave up the ghost. I was invited to go to the funeral with all the other first ladies but I was with the twins, as they had some medical issues and I couldn’t leave them. Plus I didn’t want to get into it again with Michelle about the First Ladies Traveling Underpants so I decided to send W instead.

Now the girls are fine. In fact it is Barb who had the problem. We were getting her legs spread surgically since that’s the only way she is gonna spread them. I mean I have to get her married for crying out loud. Jenna isn’t giving me any grandchildren so I want to increase the odds that I can have a little grand baby before I get senile. So we are in Vegas at “American Restoration” so Rick can sand blast Barb’s twat open. The freakin’ thing is fused shut like Jimmy Carters pocketbook. Man is that fucker cheap. He made Roslyn take Greyhound to the funeral.

Anyhoo W likes all that funeral shit anyways. He is much more social than I am. Don’t get me wrong. I love to hang with our friends but a little of Nancy Reagan goes a long way. She is always whipping out her astrology chart and telling about the time she gave Robert Montgomery a rusty trombone. Seriously enough. I do miss Hillary. We love to do shots as we lounge around in our bras and panties and mock all of the men in our life. It takes me back to the days when Joey and Anita and Robyn and I were all working in the peep shows on 42^nd Street and we used to sit around the apartment shooting the shit. But she hung out with W at the service and they had a grand all time. They had to pass the time while they waited for the show to start so they started telling jokes to each other. Since Michelle was sitting right there they couldn’t tell the whole joke so they just told each other the punch lines. You know. “When the shift changes at the carwash.” “20 if you spread them real thin.””You put Velcro on the ceiling.” “Two dollars for you and two dollars for your son when he stops smoking.” They had a good laugh.

Michelle was bitchy as usual. She refused to talk to anyone and answered everyone in grunts and one word answers while she flexed her arms. I mean it’s like she is the Hulk or something. What the fuck? You ain’t gonna get the First Lady’s Traveling Underpants if you are gonna act like that. I mean Edith Wilson didn’t get them and was actually the fuckin’ President for awhile there. You need to get along with people if you want them to do nice things for you.

That’s what W specializes in. Getting along with people. He has a lot more patience than me. He would joke with Hillary and listen to Nancy babble and even had a good word or two to say to Michelle. He sorta smoothed everything over so the First Ladies could get along. He told me it was a bad episode of the Golden Girls.

I still haven’t decided if I am going to pass on the First Ladies Traveling Underpants to Michelle or not. You know I said I was gonna listen to the other girls to agree. Now Roslyn doesn’t know about it since Betty Ford refused to give it to her since she hated her southern fried ass. Strangely enough Betty was the only one who wanted to give it to Michelle. Hillary hates her ass and Nancy goes both ways. I mean so does Hillary but that’s not what I mean. Sometimes Nancy says let have it and sometimes she says no. It all depends on what her astrologer says. He is some black crack head musician out in Oakland who pretends to hate cults but who really spends all his time working as Madame Cleo and telling fortunes. Right now she is against it. I would ask that bug eyed twat of a Mother in Law because I will never do anything she would want me to do. So right now its looks bad for Michelle.

I wonder if Todd Palin will wear them?