Sunday, September 13, 2009

Laura Bush's Diary


So I was talking on the phone with Nancy Reagan and we were discussing if I should turn over the Traveling First Ladies Underpants to Michelle. You see I have been holding on to them to decide if I want to give them to her. We usually take a vote of all the living first ladies who know about it before we make a decision. You see not every first lady gets possession of them. I wanted to get a consensus of opinion before I passed them on.

Now Betty Ford was all for it. She wanted Michelle to get the Underpants and was vocal in her opinion. Of course she was high when she said it so you have to take it with a grain of salt. I mean after 911 she wanted W to invade Israel. She spends all her time doing meth and posting under her sock puppet name of Cedarford. But she voted aye on Michelle and it still counts.

Nancy had finally decided to vote yes too and she told me in this phone conversation. Michelle had her over to the White House and assured her that Barry would never bad mouth Ronnie again. Which is really all Nancy cared about. Oh and her astrologer told her Uranus was in a black phase rising which she took to mean we should give it to Michelle because her ass was getting bigger each and every day.

That left Hillary and she is totally against it. She hates Michelle and Barry with a passion that is actually funny to see. She thought she was actually going to get to do something as Secretary of State but Barry is passing her jobs out left and right. I mean Mitchell is doing the Middle East and Holbrooke is doing Pakistan and even Bill gets to play patty cake with North Korea. Plus he got a blow job from Lucy Liu 's sister. The only thing left for Hillary is good will tours of Who-gives-a-fuck-a-stan. So she is pissed. She has been lobbying to deny Michelle the sacred underpants. So that leaves it all up to me.

So I hang up with Nancy and I hear W laughing his ass off on the porch. I go out to see what it is all about and I see he is reading the Washington Post. I ask him what’s so funny and he tells me he has been reading the style column by that Robin Givhan bitch. W has suddenly gotten into fashion. I think it is just because he has been watching Project Runway all the time because he thinks Heidi Klum is really hot. Of course German broads always get him excited. Even that Merkel cow gave him a chubbie.

Anyhoo it seems ol’ Robin is dissing Michelle’s fashion choices which is kind of mean. I mean she is very tall and muscular and all so she doesn’t like all that dainty stuff. She has an athlete’s body and that just burns Hillary’s ass too. So I don’t hold her fashion choices against her.

But Hillary doesn’t give up easy. She emailed all of us this photo of Michelle without make-up while she was out jogging. Hillary is bitching that Michelle is the only one with the balls to cut her out of the play. And she means balls literally! She is demanding that they do a sex test before I give over the underpants. I mean is that nice or what?

I hate when these bitch’s fight.

22 comments:

dbp said...

I love this series. They're not comment magnets though, so I just thought I'd let you know that they are getting read and appreciated.

Trooper York said...

Thanks. I think this is too politically incorrect for most to venture a comment.

But it is great to get feedback because I think it is one of the top two series. And the only one of the top two that I will be able to continue.

Penny said...

I know there has been a lot said about Michelle's famous "scowl", so I finally paid some attention to that at Obama's address last week.

YIKES!

Honestly, she needs a little earphone with a repetitive message to "SMILE"!

Either that or get those balls removed.

Surely smiling would be easier.

chickelit said...

And the only one of the top two that I will be able to continue.

??

Trooper York said...

I have to drop the "Watership Down" series, which is the other of my top two.

Trooper York said...

Now the DiMaggio and Monroe series has to move up and take up the slack.

I have been neglecting that one.

ChocolateGodzilla said...

As a concerned American patriot, and God- fearing christian conservative, I am very concerned and distressed about reading the word blowjob in a family blog such as yours, especially on a Sunday, a day that should be instead be spent reading the Bible, searching for words such as begat and know and fornication and breast and prostitute.

Now, back to Ezekiel 23.

chickelit said...

I have to drop the "Watership Down" series, which is the other of my top two.

Litigation? I'd better download the archived ones now before they disappear into the ether.

chickelit said...

Though I have to add that your Tyler Perry series is your most inspired IMO.

Hey would you consider doing a poll on your series, or would that be too populist?

Peter V. Bella said...

What kind of panties are they- old lady type, bikini, or thong? Cotton, silk, or poly?

chickelit said...

What kind of panties are they- old lady type, bikini, or thong?

Hopefully not the pirate eyepatch kind- TMI

blake said...

Awwww. I love Watership Down!

Anonymous said...

I figured this was one of the series that had to go for whatever reason. I'll bet Barbara left the knickers loaded when she passed them on to Hillary.

Penny said...

No more Watership Down?

Would a populist uprising help to change your mind on that, Troop?

Trooper York said...

There is an old Italian superstition that you can't mention the devil or even refer to him because then he might appear.

Even in a meataphor.

We don't want that to happen anymore.

So no more bunnies. Sorry.

ricpic said...

And the magic undies bestow what on the "advantaged" first ladies?

Penny said...

Blogger ricpic said...

"And the magic undies bestow what on the "advantaged" first ladies?"

A wild trip down the bunny trail, I suspect.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Trooper York: There is an old Italian superstition that you can't mention the devil or even refer to him because then he might appear.

I heard that being superstitious brings bad luck.

Trooper York said...

The Traveling First Ladies Underpants are the Talismen that has protected this Republic since the day's of Dolly Madison.

I refer you to previous episodes outlined in "Laura Bush's Diary."

Not all First Ladies are worthy and those that were not have led to calamities for our nation.

I just hope that Michelle measures up.

It is all in Laura's hands.

ricpic said...

Michelle goan rip right thru them undies with her giant schlong.*



*Comment awaiting moderation.

P.S. Was that Michelle subbing for the Williams girl on center court?

Trooper York said...

I don't moderate comments here ricpic.

You can say whatever you want.

chickelit said...

Speak of the devil

The English say, Talk of the Devil, and he's presently at your elbow. --Giovanni Torriano, Piazza Universale, 1666 link