These things always seem to happen to me.

So I am running around with last minute details for our trip. One of them was that we had a huge mound of clothing that we had to bring to the Salvation Army as the wife has gone through her closet and purged a lot of stuff. So I had twelve really big garbage bags full of clothes and shoes to bring. Now the problem with the Salvation Army is that it is a pain in the ass to get them to come and pick up the stuff. You have to call weeks in advance and then you have to wait for them to come pick it up. So I decided to just have our worker drive me right to the Salvation Army store on Atlantic Avenue and I would bring right into the drop off section.

Now the problem with our car is that we just move it from one side of the street to the other to comply with alternate side of the street parking regulations. I mean I don' t think we put a hundred miles on it in the last year. It is so bad that we have to get a boost from Triple A about once a month. Even all the hoses and stuff rotted out because the car wasn't being used. So we decided to let our worker drive it home just to get it a workout while we were away. She has been one of my wife's best friends since they were in the first grade so I am not worried about the car. And as you know I don't know how to drive so I ain't about to do it. So we were going to the store to pick up the clothes and run them over to the Salvation Army.

The other problem with the car was it was kind of filthy. When the wife was driving it regular she would take it to the car wash every week. But since we don't use it, it collects dust and dirt and leaves and what not. So it was going to the car wash to be cleaned and detailed. It was kind of must inside so we opened the window to let in the air and like a jerk I decided to open the sun roof. Now one thing you have to know about Carroll Gardens is that we have a lot of trees. All over the place. Every block has huge trees growing out of the sidewalk providing shade and coverage everywhere. They often stretch out over the avenue like a canopy. You don't really pay attention to it. But you should. Especially if you opened the sunroof.

You see we stopped at a light and wouldn't you know, it was under a tree. And in that tree was a bird. And that bird had an upset stomach or something. Because at that moment he decides to take a dump. Right through the sun roof. On to my head.

Now the wife's friend was laughing her ass off. The crossing guard was peeing her pants. Passersby stopped and pointed. Everyone had a grand old time.

My only solace is that it is supposed to be good luck.

Something I will really need in my sojourn in the land of fruits and nuts.

Why does this shit always happen to me?